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February 2013 Moms
draeray
member
No Paternity Leave for My Husband
draeray
member
I just found out last night that my husband's job doesn't offer ANY Paternity leave. He would have to take vacation or unpaid time off. This really upsets me as it is my first child and I want my husband to be around to bond with me and the baby. I really thought his company would offer him something....
I think all companies should be mandiated to offer Paternity Leave for the father and I think it is awful that some companies can get away with not offering anything at all.
This is truly upsetting to me and now I am not sure what we are going to do when the baby comes. We can't afford for him to take the time unpaid and he will only have maybe 2 weeks of vacation by the time the baby comes. I get 6 weeks paid off and plan on taking 2 weeks of vacation and the other 4 unpaid to get to 12 weeks.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: No Paternity Leave for My Husband
DX: 6/9/2011: Azoo ICSI/IVF only option for biological child
IVF #1: ER - 9/26 * ET - 10/1 * beta#1 10/13 - 140 * beta#2 10/17 - 477 * beta#3 10/20 - 1101
1st u/s at 6w6d - one hb * 2nd u/s at 8w3d - no hb detected 11/10/11 * natural m/c 11/13/11
FET #1 Jan/Feb 2012 - 3 delays - cancelled 2/13
FET #1.2 - May/June 2012 - ET 6/6/* beta#1 6/15 - 95 * beta #2 6/19 - 322 * beta #3 6/22 - 940
7/6 1st u/s @ 7 weeks - one beautiful hb - released from RE
EDD 2/22/2013
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Diagnosed w/ Endo 9/18/09
On continuous BC until April 2010
Make a pregnancy ticker</div
BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence
Paternity leave is very uncommon here in the US. I know of just a couple industries where it's pretty standard (law being one). That said, some men are actually pigeon-holed or looked down upon if they actually use it, which is ridiculous.
I'm sorry your husband won't be able to take as much time as you had hoped. My hubby will be taking the day of the c-section (hopefully a Friday) and the following Monday. He'll then work from home the remainder of that week, and then will go back to work.
My hubs is in construction - he doesn't even get paid time off. If he is off, it's because he's laid off. If he's working when we have this LO, he'll take a few unpaid days to help around the house if he can. If he can't, he can't - that's life!
Where we are fortunate is when he gets laid off (he's a bricklayer and we live in the midwest - winters are not conducive to bricklaying usually). When he is off, he is home with DD and will be home with DD & LO #2 when he/she arrives. He bonded so well with DD when she was first born and he was working 40 hours a week, plus a 3 1/2 hour commute. He bonded just fine. I wouldn't stress about it - your DH will bond well with the baby, it will just take a bit longer.
If you BF, you could always pump for one or two feedings so he can bond over feeding your LO.
My DH doesn't get paternity leave either, he'll have to take vacation or sick time when the baby comes. Luckily, he works for a company with very generous PTO.
The US in general is not very family friendly if you ask me. Maternity and paternity leave policies suck.
Lots of love TBBFF lobosabby!! Always rooting for the TTGP girls
My Chart
Unfortunately the US doesn't seem to value the importance of parents spending time bonding with and caring for their new infant. Maternity leave is a joke, and paternity leave is nearly unheard of. But we will spend billions funding "progress" in other countries.
Ooooh, here's an idea, you could both stop working and live off government assistance if you want to spend time with your child. That seems to be acceptable, but if you want to keep your job you are *** out of luck. You can't have it both ways....choose your career or your family. That's the message, isn't it?
Sorry, I'll get off my soap box now....
This ^. We just always plan for him to have vacation time stocked up. He still only takes about 2 weeks off, though. He goes in late of comes home early if I need him too. Also, sick time can be used for FMLA if your husband has any accrued.
This is exactly how I feel!!
How much do they get (fully paid, not elterngeld which I realize can be used by both parents)? I thought my DH said he only gets 3 or 4 days fully paid for a new baby.
FWIW, I don't think it's common in the US either, but I can't say for sure. Living in Spain when DD was born it was great because DH got 2 weeks of paternity leave fully paid.
I dont know anyone that gets Paternity leave.
I agree!
There was a lady in my LaMaze class that had her husband deployed. I felt bad for her because her mom came to the classes with her and took the place of her husband during the delivery. Everyone else had their SO with them except for her!
My husband took the day my son was born off and one day after that, and that was it. Even if he had paid paternity leave, he wouldn't have wanted to have been gone from work.
I'm not judging, nor saying I wish he would've spent more time with us (he came to the hospital and slept every night) I guess I'm just surprised your DHs will take weeks off, because mine sure won't! Maybe I'm married to a workaholic.
You work for an awesome company! (And have worked at awesome companies!) Most companies don't even give any paid time off for the mother, let alone the father. I don't get any paid time and neither does my husband, but I've requested that once I used up all my vacation/sick time and unpaid parental leave that he take one week off to get some one-on-one time to bond with the baby.
I knew paternity leave wasn't super common, but I didn't realize just how so until this post. That makes me sad - our country is horrible when it comes to working and making a family.
My h works for a government contractor and gets 3 weeks of pat leave. Of course when our son was born his work load didn't allow him to be gone that long so he was working from home for most of it, but at least he was there. We're super lucky. Hopefully your husband can take a week of his vacation, I know one week is much more common.
growing a foosa
DH just started at a new job 3 weeks ago. He will have about a week and a half of vacation time, he will use 5 days and then take a week of half-days. If he can talk his boss/company into approving unpaid time off, it would be a blessing. But he probably won't even get that.
Oh, and he is working on his Master's degree so he will have to go to classes and do work no matter what.
Ditto. DH took 2 weeks vacation with DS and will be for #2 here also.
DS1: Quinn - 10.22.10 and DS2: Cole - 01.18.13
Right ovary removed 09.04.2012 via vertical laparotomy
Essure implant placed on remaining tube 06.13.2013; successful followup scan 09.30.2013
Why would the company pay for paternity to leave? Maternity leave is for the mother to recover from giving birth. The father has nothing to recover from (except adjusting to sleep).
Why doesnt he use vacation time? My husband is planning on using 1 week of his vacation time.
You are lucky you even get paid maternity leave. I won't be paid a dime, and will have to cover my insurance costs out of pocket until I start receiving a check again. Fortunately we are pretty good at saving money so we are covered for the 6 weeks I will be taking off, and DH will be able to take off 2 weeks, but we are both doing it on our own dime.
I agree with PP who said that maternity/paternity leave here in the US is a JOKE.
There are a select few states who allow Paternity Leave also called bonding period (someone adopting is also allowed this) and they are:
California, Washington, and New Jersey -- and the District of Columbia
H gets 6 weeks at 65%, just like 85% of the mothers on maternity leave. Thanks to PFL I get a total of 12 week at 65%. PFL does not have to be taken consecutively and can be spread out. H took 1 week PTO and 1 week PFL when Z was first born. He then spread out the remaining 5 weeks over the next 5 months. SO he would take off every second week of the month. His company does not cover him for FMLA, because they do not have more than 50 employees and this was the agreement they came to. That way they didn't have to find someone to replace him since he wasn't taking a big lump of days. H loved it this way and will be doing the s
ameThere are a select few states who allow Paternity Leave also called bonding period (someone adopting is also allowed this) and they are:
California, Washington, and New Jersey -- and the District of Columbia
H gets 6 weeks at 65%, just like 85% of the mothers on maternity leave. Thanks to PFL I get a total of 12 week at 65%. PFL does not have to be taken consecutively and can be spread out. H took 1 week PTO and 1 week PFL when Z was first born. He then spread out the remaining 5 weeks over the next 5 months. SO he would take off every second week of the month. His company does not cover him for FMLA, because they do not have more than 50 employees and this was the agreement they came to. That way they didn't have to find someone to replace him since he wasn't taking a big lump of days. H loved it this way and will be doing the same
There are a select few states who allow Paternity Leave also called bonding period (someone adopting is also allowed this) and they are:
California, Washington, and New Jersey -- and the District of Columbia
H gets 6 weeks at 65%, just like 85% of the mothers on maternity leave. Thanks to PFL I get a total of 12 week at 65%. PFL does not have to be taken consecutively and can be spread out. H took 1 week PTO and 1 week PFL when Z was first born. He then spread out the remaining 5 weeks over the next 5 months. SO he would take off every second week of the month. His company does not cover him for FMLA, because they do not have more than 50 employees and this was the agreement they came to. That way they didn't have to find someone to replace him since he wasn't taking a big lump of days. H loved it this way and will be doing the same
thisThere are a select few states who allow Paternity Leave also called bonding period (someone adopting is also allowed this) and they are:
California, Washington, and New Jersey -- and the District of Columbia
H gets 6 weeks at 65%, just like 85% of the mothers on maternity leave. Thanks to PFL I get a total of 12 week at 65%. PFL does not have to be taken consecutively and can be spread out. H took 1 week PTO and 1 week PFL when Z was first born. He then spread out the remaining 5 weeks over the next 5 months. SO he would take off every second week of the month. His company does not cover him for FMLA, because they do not have more than 50 employees and this was the agreement they came to. That way they didn't have to find someone to replace him since he wasn't taking a big lump of days. H loved it this way and will be doing the same with
this one.There are a select few states who allow Paternity Leave also called bonding period (someone adopting is also allowed this) and they are:
California, Washington, and New Jersey -- and the District of Columbia
H gets 6 weeks at 65%, just like 85% of the mothers on maternity leave. Thanks to PFL I get a total of 12 week at 65%. PFL does not have to be taken consecutively and can be spread out. H took 1 week PTO and 1 week PFL when Z was first born. He then spread out the remaining 5 weeks over the next 5 months. SO he would take off every second week of the month. His company does not cover him for FMLA, because they do not have more than 50 employees and this was the agreement they came to. That way they didn't have to find someone to replace him since he wasn't taking a big lump of days. H loved it this way and will be doing the same this
There are a select few states who allow Paternity Leave also called bonding period (someone adopting is also allowed this) and they are:
California, Washington, and New Jersey -- and the District of Columbia
H gets 6 weeks at 65%, just like 85% of the mothers on maternity leave. Thanks to PFL I get a total of 12 week at 65%. PFL does not have to be taken consecutively and can be spread out. H took 1 week PTO and 1 week PFL when Z was first born. He then spread out the remaining 5 weeks over the next 5 months. SO he would take off every second week of the month. His company does not cover him for FMLA, because they do not have more than 50 employees and this was the agreement they came to. That way they didn't have to find someone to replace him since he wasn't taking a big lump of days. H loved it this way and will be doing the same this
goThe Blog
My husband can take up to 16 weeks off, with full pay. It comes out of his leave, which is like sick leave. He can accrue it, however, and has saved up tons over the past 6 years he's been at his job. I think he's only taking off 4-6 weeks as long as me and baby are healthy.
Technically, a man has to be granted leave under FMLA (if your company has enough employees to have to comply), but whether (and how much) he gets paid depends on the company. I know a lot of places that only give you a percentage of your pay while you're out. Most companies have a rule too that requires a minimum amount of time worked before FMLA or short-term disability can be used.
First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013
BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014