- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
1st Trimester
tinychefjackson
member
Options
**Vent** Is this as tacky as I think it is?
tinychefjackson
member
I recently had the following lovely interaction with a pregnant friend:
She had made it known she wasn't going to read any pregnancy/birth/baby books, as she felt her doctor will magically be able to tell her everything she needs to know. I kept my mouth shut (it's her pregnancy, after all), UNTIL she started talking about how her doctor dated her pregnancy wrong on the ultrasound. I asked what she meant, and she said, "Well, it says 9 weeks on my ultrasound, but I was only 7 weeks pregnant."
**No, she was not charting or tracking her ovulation. This baby was completely unplanned.**
I explained to her that most doctors and books count the two weeks before conception as part of the pregnancy. I then said the ultrasound she showed me (a perfect little jellybean) looked the same as my 9 week u/s, and that a 7-week baby looks like a flickering blob. She snapped back with:
"I live in DC. I have access to the best technology in the country. I appreciate your advice, but you had a baby in OKLAHOMA."
(**seething** Yes, because the private mega-hospital in Oklahoma with the hardwood floors, in-house regional level IV NICU/perinatal center, family suites, and champagne dinner after delivery, was-- in fact-- a barn with a dirt floor. The clean and professional hospital staff were actually the farmhands. How could I forget?)
That visit-- which was when I let her stay the night after she lost power in DC-- was the first time she had talked to me since she texted me about her pregnancy the day she got her BFP, and she didn't talk to me again until she heard I wasn't coming to her shower in September (I guess her mom couldn't discretely accept a "regrets only" declined invite). That started a storm of facebook and text messages.
I was up-front and told her that I was highly insulted by what she said, that not all people from Oklahoma are small-town hicks, and that I was just trying to help her understand that her trusted doctor had it right. I also said it was interesting that she didn't feel the need to talk to me for over 6 weeks until she found out I wasn't going to the shower.
The apologies/excuses abounded. She then said, "If you don't feel like seeing me at my shower, you can send the gift to my house. I really appreciate your friendship."
The chick will not leave me alone, even after I told her I think it's tacky to apologize only when a present is on the line. Blocking her and ending the friendship, which was fairly casual to begin with, seems a bit severe.
Am I right to think her behavior is tacky? I wouldn't expect a gift from anybody, let alone someone I very openly insulted in their own home.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: **Vent** Is this as tacky as I think it is?
Waiting for our Miracle Baby, Carly Marie, Due April 24, 2013!
Right? Thank you! I'm from Tulsa! It's a very artsy-fartsy city surrounded by wealthy suburbs, not a one-stoplight farm town. Even so, the small towns all have pretty much the same medical equipment or give you referrals for "big city" doctors. I'm pretty sure that's how it is, anywhere...
Lawton isn't that bad (removed from the hustle and bustle, but not "podunk")-- and OKC has amazing food choices. I would kill somebody for good BBQ right now, but Virginia just doesn't have it "right."
If you ever find yourself in Tulsa and love Indian food, try Desi Wok (it's Asian fusion). We make sure to go there every time we are home.
Army or AF? We are out here for Navy!
Ummm definitely tacky, on both comments! Ugh! I'm also in Tulsa
Your description of the hospital sounds like the one I had DD in... when my friend moved to Maryland and she went to set up a bank account the lady actually asked her if people in Oklahoma lived in teepees and rode on horses everywhere.... WHAT?!
DS BFP 8.29.2012 EDD 5.11.2013 born sleeping @ 17 weeks 12.1.2012
Hey, Hey! Yes we do!
Try Pierce's Pitt BBQ. Now it's a drive from the beach...it's close to Williamsburg... but it's pretty yum! Also try Frankie's Place for Ribs. It's by the Harris Teeter on Virginia Beach Boulevard. They made a decent sandwich. I was born, raised, and still live in Virginia Beach. 
Waiting for our Miracle Baby, Carly Marie, Due April 24, 2013!
She doesn't sound like a very educated person. Clearly, she doesn't want to admit that she has had some part in your falling out as friends and she is not going to apologize.
My suggestion would be to decide if you can let this pass, forget it, and move on as her friend (accept that she is flawed). If not, follow the other ladies advice and cut her out of your life.
Since you will both be having babies around the same time, you might want to try to salvage the friendship, but ultimately it is up to you.
I personally would block her and write her off, sorry, but she sounds like an ass.
I can see her being one of those pain in the ass moms who thinks her kid does no wrong, who is "Gifted" and deserving of special treatment, and who, in general has no clue that they are raising a tiny narcissist.
Life is too short for self important, tactless people.
Send her an idiots guide to pregnancy or better yet parenting. ha ha
she sounds a delight.
Well, frankly, she just sounds like a *** (can I say that here?)
I wouldn't WANT to be friends with her anymore - consider it a blessing and end the friendship immediately.
Cooper Edward
9.25.12
Wow, do you think she is gift-grabby much? "If you can't make it then just mail the gift"!!!!!
Now... I have issues with my SIL and in this case I would be spiteful and send a VERY nice gift, but for a casual friendship I'd say send a SMALL gift - like a gift card by mail. no reason to pay shipping for someone as tacky as that...
Doesn't sound like she was a good friend to begin with given the attitude she has...
GL - so sorry that you have to worry over something as petty as this...
I lived in Lawton, when I was in high school, my dad was in the Army, stationed at Ft. Sill. I actually loved living there, loved the people and the mountains and Whataburger. I've only been back once to visit, a couple of years ago, to stay with a friend after she had her first baby.
So she won't read any books on the subject, because she thinks her doctor will tell her everything she needs to know, but then DOESN'T believe what the doctor says? My friend told me about a girl she knew who told everyone that she "must've gotten pregnant during her period" because of the way the doctor calculated the EDD. When my friend tried to explain that the 40 weeks is from the date of the last period, she couldn't wrap her brain around that.
As far as the friendship goes, I think I'd cut my losses on this one. Throwing that kind of an insult in your face and then trying to get a gift out of you is awful practice. Maybe you should tell her that in your "hokey" little town they don't have baby gifts like big city folk.
Haha, I will give it a try. Thanks for the suggestion. ;-)
She's very much of the mindset "nobody told our parents what to do." She has also expressed her disapproval of the hospital's requiring her to have an infant car seat to take baby home, as she thinks it is none of their business what she does with her baby. She thinks car seats are unnecessary, as she "turned out fine" (debatable, I know) without one. I fear for the child, honestly.
Tacky, yes. But good on you for being as honest as you were when she finally decided to speak to you again!
That's so inspiring. It seems so easy to just "tell it like it is" but in reality, it's always a lot easier to pretend nothing's the matter and just brush things like that under the rug.
Way to go!
Totally tacky..but I have realized that women tend to get really opiononated When pregnant and some people think they know everything and no matter what advice you have or give, it doesn't matter...I don't know if it's a jealous thing or what...but I have experienced this many times.....,I try to just keep to my self and let them figure things out......
Thanks.
In our journey through the trimester on TB, it will become very evident that I am blunt (not mean, just honest). No, it's not my being brave behind a screen name... I just tell it how it is, and I call bullsh*t when I see it. ;-)
She sounds like a gem! Her actions are INSANELY tacky.
Btw, I'm from the DC area - I hope you don't think all of us are like that!
Not at all. There are classy and trashy people from everywhere. She's from Virginia Beach, which is quite country, actually. Her elitist attitude has come up since she married what she describes as "a very successful film producer and editor" who lets her stay at home and not work. He shoots and edits commercials for non-profits in DC. Something tells me that falls short of an Oscar. Honorable? Yes. Elite? No.
I know not all you fancy big city folks are snotty, just like we country bumpkins have us some K-L-A-S-S. ;-)
hahahahahaaa
******************************
Nov siggy challenge: animals eating Thanksgiving food
Rhys - born 04.17.2013
Harry - born 04.18.2016