Intro :-/
Hello ladies,
I've been lurking for a couple weeks now, and finally got the guts to make my intro. I'm Carissa. Here because I lost my first daughter, Patricia Catherine (named after my grandmothers), at 22w6d, August 2nd. We found out at what was supposed to be an anatomy scan that she no longer had a heartbeat.
Upon her birth, we found she had a very tight nuchal cord x2..so her passing is deemed a presumed cord accident. I have 3 step children from my husbands first marriage, who are 16,15, and 11, so they are older, but at times I struggle to be around them.
I'm having alot of guilt and feeling like I didn't protect my daughter well enough in my womb, even though deep down I know I couldn't have done anything. Her stillbirth was 17 hours, but uncomplicated, so the doctor told us that 3 months is more than ok with him to try again. Right now DH and I feel like in 3 months we will try again, but we will see if that changes when November comes around. Her due date was Nov. 30th, so we will still have that milestone to cross.
I'm sorry that all of us are here, but glad that we are not alone.
PGAL and PAL welcomed.
Step Mommy to I (16), A(15) and O (12), Mommy to Patricia Catherine, our baby angel.
Re: Intro :-/
BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
Too beautiful for this earth
BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter Patricia. Guilt is a horrible thing that many of us struggle with. You love your daughter and would've done anything to protect and save her. The feeling that your body betrayed you is a difficult feeling to handle and overcome.
I'm glad that you have found us but hate to welcome you here considering the circumstances.
BFP #2 - Sylvie V. Q. born and died on 10.28.11 at 21w.
BFP #3 - Evie V. Q. Fetal demise @ 16w. DC 7.8.12
BFP #4 - Beatrix V. Q. Born 6.2.13 at 23w6d.
My blog My chart
Carissa, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Patricia Catherine. You found an amazing group of women who are very supportive. I fight the guilt daily, although I have been told nothing I did caused our loss.
Be gentle with yourself and I hope you find peace and comfort during this time.
-Shawnna
*ticker warning*
I am so sorry for the loss of your Patricia Catherine. We lost our Patricia Kirsten, named for her great grandmothers, in March of this year. I think many of us can relate to your guilt, but are you are right in that you could not have done anything. Milestones and due dates are hard, but you will often hear from the ladies on this board that the lead-up to the day is often worse than the day itself. We are here when you need to vent or share whatever you are thinking or feeling with no judgement. I am so sorry to welcome you.
((((Hugs))) Patricia Catherine is a beautiful name! I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our little boy at 18w to a cord accident as well and found out at a routine appointment he no longer had a heartbeat as well.
I have struggled with guilt too. I was under a lot of stress at the time and feel like I caused him to be too active and get caught up in his cord. My dr has assured me there is nothing I could have done to cause it but it is hard not to believe that I did. I can relate to how you are feeling!
Thinking of you and Patricia!
***Siggy Warning***
I am so very sorry for you loss of your daughter, Patricia. I hope you find comfort and support here. Big Hugs!