What's the most ridiculous "advice" someone has given you?

mrsrichey11 · August 2012

I just need to get this out, because frankly, I am p!ssed off right now. My co-worker (who is a man that thinks he knows the solution to everything, who is not married nor has a girlfriend or children for that matter) somehow found out that hubby and I are starting fertility treatments. Not sure how he found out since I have not told anyone at work, but he knows, so nothing I can do about that now.

He came up to me and said, "So, I heard about your situation and you should just not worry about it. Don't take your temp and those predictor test things because all you will do is obsess about it. Once you stop worrying, it will just happen." Oh, really? So, the fact that I do not produce eggs on my own is because I worry about it and am apparently trying too hard? Gee. Thanks. I should have done that all along!

Lol. I just needed to get that out. Anyone else have any ridiculous "advice" given to you from someone who has no idea what they're talking about?

Ms H13 · August 2012

Oh my gosh, extremely obnoxious - I hope you ripped him a new one.

We are only 'out' to a very small circle, so haven't gotten much advice, although all of it has been useless - stay positive, it will happen, ect.

jekomo · August 2012

My favorite:

"You have to get prenatal vitamins at Wal-Mart. They worked for like, three of my friends."

Yep. Why didn't I think of that?

alpCRNA · August 2012

We were very open about TTC in the beginning and got the, "just relax and it will happen" and "it will happen when you least expect it" comments all of the time. Now that we have resumed our journey, we are not really telling anyone. Those comments and the constant asking about whether or not I'm pregnant get really annoying.

jujubee25 · August 2012

alpCRNA:
We were very open about TTC in the beginning and got the, "just relax and it will happen" and "it will happen when you least expect it" comments all of the time. Now that we have resumed our journey, we are not really telling anyone. Those comments and the constant asking about whether or not I'm pregnant get really annoying.

That's why we haven't really been very open about TTC. I would love to share more with family and friends, especially now that we're seeing an RE and may need some more support as we go through procedures, but I'm already getting some well-intentioned "helpful advice" from the few who are in the know.

My mom is the worst, even though she means well. She had no trouble getting pregnant with me or my siblings, and so she keeps trying to give me some tips. You know, how I should relax, maybe go on vacation, that sort of thing. And hey, maybe my uterus is tipped like hers was, so I should try other positions! So not only is she implying the IF is all my fault because I'm too stressed out or having the wrong kind of sex, she's giving me mental pictures that I really, seriously, do not want! Ick!

sarah_e87 · August 2012

After my lap where they removed one of my tubes, I had a friend (who doesn't have kids, never been pregnant) tell me (and this is a direct copy and paste from FB because it was just too good to not save),

"Sarah, this was very brave of you indeed. I have a suggestion actually. I know it's going to sound gross, but I've heard that it's worked for other women who were having difficulties getting pregnant. It's called a colonic. It's only given by massage therapists who are licensed and certified. Not a colonoscopy.(sorry I can't spell that) ; while I was in school there was a woman who came and spoke to us about them. Now, they are a little uncomfortable, but they don't hurt. Ant the woman who was speaking about them experienced infertility as well. Her doctor told her there was no hope for her. So she gave up, took an interest in massage therapy, and she discovered the colonic. She had one, and I think she started getting them on a regular basis, and honestly ended up pregnant. She was a bit older, in her 40s but it worked for her. My advice would be to try it. she recommended it to other women who were trying to get pregnant as well. I hope this can help, and I honestly had no idea you were going through this. Again I know its sounds strange, but I would try it. I've personally had one, and it was a little uncomfortable, but you feel great afterwards. I hope this can help, and sorry if I told you too much info. Let me know if you have any questions!?"

Really? A colonic is going to make me regrow a tube, make my ovaries produce mature eggs, and fix my thyroid?!?!? Yeah, not a chance.

Ms H13 · August 2012

sarah_e87:

After my lap where they removed one of my tubes, I had a friend (who doesn't have kids, never been pregnant) tell me (and this is a direct copy and paste from FB because it was just too good to not save),

"Sarah, this was very brave of you indeed. I have a suggestion actually. I know it's going to sound gross, but I've heard that it's worked for other women who were having difficulties getting pregnant. It's called a colonic. It's only given by massage therapists who are licensed and certified. Not a colonoscopy.(sorry I can't spell that) ; while I was in school there was a woman who came and spoke to us about them. Now, they are a little uncomfortable, but they don't hurt. Ant the woman who was speaking about them experienced infertility as well. Her doctor told her there was no hope for her. So she gave up, took an interest in massage therapy, and she discovered the colonic. She had one, and I think she started getting them on a regular basis, and honestly ended up pregnant. She was a bit older, in her 40s but it worked for her. My advice would be to try it. she recommended it to other women who were trying to get pregnant as well. I hope this can help, and I honestly had no idea you were going through this. Again I know its sounds strange, but I would try it. I've personally had one, and it was a little uncomfortable, but you feel great afterwards. I hope this can help, and sorry if I told you too much info. Let me know if you have any questions!?"

Really? A colonic is going to make me regrow a tube, make my ovaries produce mature eggs, and fix my thyroid?!?!? Yeah, not a chance.

Wow. Sounds like a bad infomercial.

pulga131 · August 2012

jekomo:
My favorite:
"You have to get prenatal vitamins at Wal-Mart. They worked for like, three of my friends."
Yep. Why didn't I think of that?

Oh. Guess the target brand isn't as good huh. Maybe I should switch

mrsrichey11 · August 2012

jekomo:
My favorite:
"You have to get prenatal vitamins at Wal-Mart. They worked for like, three of my friends."
Yep. Why didn't I think of that?

Well, shoot. I get mine from Target! I'M DOING IT ALL WRONG! hahaha

mrsrichey11 · August 2012

sarah_e87:
After my lap where they removed one of my tubes, I had a friend (who doesn't have kids, never been pregnant) tell me (and this is a direct copy and paste from FB because it was just too good to not save),

"Sarah, this was very brave of you indeed. I have a suggestion actually. I know it's going to sound gross, but I've heard that it's worked for other women who were having difficulties getting pregnant. It's called a colonic. It's only given by massage therapists who are licensed and certified. Not a colonoscopy.(sorry I can't spell that) ; while I was in school there was a woman who came and spoke to us about them. Now, they are a little uncomfortable, but they don't hurt. Ant the woman who was speaking about them experienced infertility as well. Her doctor told her there was no hope for her. So she gave up, took an interest in massage therapy, and she discovered the colonic. She had one, and I think she started getting them on a regular basis, and honestly ended up pregnant. She was a bit older, in her 40s but it worked for her. My advice would be to try it. she recommended it to other women who were trying to get pregnant as well. I hope this can help, and I honestly had no idea you were going through this. Again I know its sounds strange, but I would try it. I've personally had one, and it was a little uncomfortable, but you feel great afterwards. I hope this can help, and sorry if I told you too much info. Let me know if you have any questions!?"

Really? A colonic is going to make me regrow a tube, make my ovaries produce mature eggs, and fix my thyroid?!?!? Yeah, not a chance.

Oh my lanta. Seriously? I'm sure she meant well...but...seriously?

mrsrichey11 · August 2012

Ms H13:
Oh my gosh, extremely obnoxious - I hope you ripped him a new one.

We are only 'out' to a very small circle, so haven't gotten much advice, although all of it has been useless - stay positive, it will happen, ect.

I always think of snarky come-backs like an hour after the fact. (also, I see you're in the TC...I live right outside Minneapolis =]

sundowner85 · August 2012

If he ever brings it up again I hope you tell him where he can stick his advice. That would really make me angry to know that somehow he "knew" when you say he shouldn't have known. That would really bother me trying to figure out how he knew.

I have gotten this "advice" anytime I've brought it up to friends or close coworkers: just relax and it will happen, I'm sure you'll be next, just stop trying, it must be because you're so stressed out, etc. Even if the person means well, it still sucks because it's so easy for them to say when they have all gotten pregnant so easily, so I've just stopped talking about it at all. Thankfully no one brings it up, so I don't deal with it anymore. It sucks because there are a few coworker friends who I used to rely on to talk about personal stuff with (same for them with sharing things with me) and I just don't feel like I can talk to them anymore.

Thankfully my very best friend has been great, she just says "you will be a mom one day" and I think that is appropriate.

jwoods2011 · August 2012

sometimes the advice just wants to make me laugh - sometimes cry.

I had a lady who I use to babysit for (has 6 kids), tell me that i'm ungodly for trying to get pregnant with fertility meds and procedures.

says that i'm selfish because I haven't considered adoption blah blah blah - I was mad enough to spit.

I live in Sudan - i'm not muslim = i cannot adopt.

and secondly what is it any of her business how I become preggo - I have no idea how she knew I had to do treatments.

anyways she's pregnant now with her 7th child.

oh and of course the whole - relax, stop thinking about it and it will happen thing - yep because thats going to make me ovulate on my own, give me enough progesterone to sustain a pregnancy, and make my husbands count higher and good swimmers.

Ms H13 · August 2012

mrsrichey11:
Ms H13:

Oh my gosh, extremely obnoxious - I hope you ripped him a new one.

We are only 'out' to a very small circle, so haven't gotten much advice, although all of it has been useless - stay positive, it will happen, ect.

I always think of snarky come-backs like an hour after the fact. (also, I see you're in the TC...I live right outside Minneapolis =]

Yay for MN peeps!

pulga131 · August 2012

gennyu:
jekomo:

My favorite:

"You have to get prenatal vitamins at Wal-Mart. They worked for like, three of my friends."

Yep. Why didn't I think of that?

LOL! I think we all know that the Wal-Mart crowd is hyper-fertile, so I will chalk this one up to correlation

Haha good point!

mrsrichey11 · August 2012

gennyu:
jekomo:

My favorite:

"You have to get prenatal vitamins at Wal-Mart. They worked for like, three of my friends."

Yep. Why didn't I think of that?

LOL! I think we all know that the Wal-Mart crowd is hyper-fertile, so I will chalk this one up to correlation

bahaha THIS! Also, there is proof at peopleofwalmart.com

YWIA.

LaineyPaney · August 2012

One of my faves: "Relax."

...yeah....relaxation has been known to cause pregnancy, right?

Durham1008 · August 2012

keelyd:

That's super obnoxious.

I think the worst has to be from my mom -- not necessarily in terms of it being any worse than other "advice" I've received, but b/c she keeps basically telling me it's in my head (b/c I "stress" or have a "timeline", her words).

After I told her it was looking like IVF would be our only real option, she asked if I had "seen the news this morning. There were like 40 couples who tried for years to get pregnant, then they read 50 Shades of Grey". Duh! Why didn't I think that?! Of course reading poorly written, porn lit will make my ovaries work on their own and increase MH's count and motility. It's so simple!

Geez I wish I had known this before. I wouldn't have wasted so much money on meds if I had known all I had to do was buy that stupid Twilight fanfiction book.

katib77 · August 2012

Weirdest advice we've ever gotten was from an 80 year old man at a bowling alley to my husband. He said "Let it soak". Huh? Let what soak? We didn't probe further but we're thinking he means don't get up to pee but two years later we still laugh over that one.

But this weekend I did have someone at work say "Still no baby?" because everyone at work knows about our IF and I had said something around her months ago when she was about to pop out her second kid in less than three years I've been trying and working with her. She gave me the "stop trying" response after I said "Yep, still no baby. We have to wait until January to afford more treatment." So I joked "Stop Trying? I'm pretty darn sure if we stopped having sex it REALLY wouldn't happen."

But she pushed on (not getting the hint), that "no, you know. Stop trying."

So I said "No, I don't understand. To me 'stop trying' means stop having sex. If you mean stop having hope, I have no idea how to stop that. We only have 4% chance of getting PG on our own, and while we no longer put pressure on ourselves, we still try. And If I try that, more IUIs, and finally IVF and still no baby and accept that we have no hope after five years - - maybe then according to you - it will some how magically happen. But until then, I don't think having a little hope is keeping us from getting PG." And promptly walked off before she could say more. Pisses me off. I understand if people (who know NOTHING) about IF say it once. But after you correct them if they continue that's when I feel like making them feel stupid.

arbutusbride · August 2012

My friend, the doctor, kept telling me that "Oh, now that you have moved to Portland, it will happen for you. Something about this city makes people get pregnant." I just took it with a grain of salt since they "struggled" for about 9 months and got pregnant. After 4 years, it ain't happening on its own, regardless of where I live.

I kept getting the "adopt then you'll get pregnant" advice and "it will happen when you least expect it." Ughh.

sarah_e87 · August 2012

katib77:

Weirdest advice we've ever gotten was from an 80 year old man at a bowling alley to my husband. He said "Let it soak". Huh? Let what soak? We didn't probe further but we're thinking he means don't get up to pee but two years later we still laugh over that one.

That's a new one...Um. I'm with you on laughing about that one.

Jzyla · August 2012

katib77:
So I said "No, I don't understand. To me 'stop trying' means stop having sex. If you mean stop having hope, I have no idea how to stop that. We only have 4% chance of getting PG on our own, and while we no longer put pressure on ourselves, we still try. And If I try that, more IUIs, and finally IVF and still no baby and accept that we have no hope after five years - - maybe then according to you - it will some how magically happen. But until then, I don't think having a little hope is keeping us from getting PG." And promptly walked off before she could say more. Pisses me off. I understand if people (who know NOTHING) about IF say it once. But after you correct them if they continue that's when I feel like making them feel stupid.

When I read this I wanted to say "Hell ya! Sing it sister!" Stick out tongue You are totally justified in "educating" her. Hopefully she spreads the word not to give stupid unsolicited advice about something you know nothing about! It's better to say nothing.

Not that many people know in our circle, but my Mom does. She's been pretty supportive, but often just chooses the wrong words. When she found out, she was trying to be philosophical and said "God only gives people babies when they need them." Oh... ok... so I guess I don't 'need' a baby as much as the 15 year old who is pregnant on our block. Maybe I should 'need' one more?

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