When is it ok to begin trying again?

ILoveRedVino · August 2012

I'm not ready, so let me start by saying that. Just over a week ago, we lost our baby boy at 20 weeks. Physically, and mentally, I am not ready... obviously.

But, when did you find yourself ready again? I'm just curious how other people handled this. Due to timing, we're technically considered a late miscarriage (though only 1 day off from a stillborn), so I think that makes a difference too.

TIA

posvane · August 2012

I'm so, so sorry.

We lost out 1st at 8 weeks and wanted to try again right away. Our second loss was a CP and again, we wanted to try again right away.

I don't know what I would do in your shoes. We all hope that no one has to make those decisions. I think you will know when the time is right though. Your body has a lot of adjusting to do right now. But, you will know.

Take one day at a time. And, again, I'm so very sorry.

larivierek · August 2012

I'm very very sorry for your loss.

I did not lose my baby that late and don't have the physical issues you are probably dealing with. That said, we were ready to try again as soon as we go the ok from our doctor. Even though we are still afraid, our desire to have another baby outweighs the fear (most days!). We also felt a need to remain close through intimacy and we are religiously opposed to bc. So...that makes a difference to us.

This is a very personal decision; I encourage you to heed your doctor's advice for TTA, and to take as much time as you can to recover emotionally. It is tempting to try again asap, but it is not always very healthy to do so.

In the mean time, I hope you find the support you need here and in other places. Again, I'm so sorry to read of your loss. ((hugs!!))

Bayberry12 · August 2012

My daughter was stillborn at full term 4 months ago, and my MFM Dr. recommended waiting 3 to 6 cycles. Emotionally, somedays I want to be pregnant again right now, and some days I think there is no way I could handle it. Some people will say you know you are ready when the desire to have a baby is greater than the fear of loosing one.

I'm sorry I can't give you better advise, this is a whole new journey for me and I'm still figuring things out as I go along.

posvane · August 2012

Bayberry12:
My daughter was stillborn at full term 4 months ago, and my MFM Dr. recommended waiting 3 to 6 cycles. Emotionally, somedays I want to be pregnant again right now, and some days I think there is no way I could handle it. Some people will say you know you are ready when the desire to have a baby is greater than the fear of loosing one.
I'm sorry I can't give you better advise, this is a whole new journey for me and I'm still figuring things out as I go along.

"Some people will say you know you are ready when the desire to have a baby is greater than the fear of loosing one."

Wow, this hits home so much. I keep reading it over and over.

Laurakat81 · August 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I think its different for everyone and honestly I think you'll just know that you're ready when you finally are. After our first loss we were ready before we had the green light from the doctor...we still followed doctors orders of course. With our second we needed a lot longer to heal and weren't ready for 6 months. And with our third...at first I thought I'd never try again, I truly thought I was done, it was too hard to keep losing babies. After a couple months I actually did feel ready again but we knew at that point we'd need fertility treatments and I was actually quitting my job...so money was going to be super tight so we decided to wait. In the end we waited 6 months that time too.

sloannmark · August 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss.

As PP's have said, evryone's timing will be different. At some point you may just "know." It might be when you have more happy days than sad days (and although it's hard to imagine, those days will come).

BritsyB8 · August 2012

First, I am so sorry for your loss. Both of my losses were much earlier, so I don't know what I would do in your position, but I agree with previous posters. I would think that you should wait until you feel emotionally ready (as long as the dr. is ok with that, of course). Sending hugs.

HoolahZinger · August 2012

I am so very sorry for your loss. As PPs have said, you should definitely go by what you doctor says. That being said, even then, it's ultimately up to when you and DH feel reay after that. I hope you find encouragement here and that your time here is short. HUGS

RequiresExalted · August 2012

I'm so so sorry for your loss.

I agree with PP... when to start trying again depends on a combination of your doctor's advice, and when you feel you are emotionally ready. Sometimes the doctor recommended waiting period feels like enough time, but everyone is different. I'd recommend just taking it one step at a time.

*big hugs*

lmielocl1 · August 2012

I am so sorry for your loss of your baby boy! We lost our baby boy at 18w in mid-June. My OB initially said we should wait two cycles but then at my pp appointment 2 weeks after, she saw my emotional state & wanted me to go on BCPs. I politely declined knowing we wanted to TTC again in the future.

I saw my RE about 5 weeks after our loss in July and we came up with a plan to start in mid-September, only if we are emotionally ready.

Both my drs are awesome and actually seemed as concerned with my emotional well being (they did check the physical side as well and everything was ok there.) And even though we were at 18w, which like you mentioned above considered medically a late miscarraige, my RE considered our loss stillborn because we delivered him through induction.

I agree that it is different for everyone, as is the grieving process.

(((Hugs))) to you.

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