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need advice?

lchittlchitt member
in Late Term and Child Loss
My best friend just lost her baby after just a few weeks of life.  Her husband thinks I should drive up and get her out of her room and her funk...I on the other hand have just had my own child this year and feel that it is more than he can understand since he did not carry the baby.  I feel I should give her more than 2 days,,,but several days to morn in her own way and then I'll get her out and about.  She has not answered my calls but I know that she knows she can call if she needs to just talk.  what do you suggest? I am sorry that you are all on this board, I can't imagine the pain but I know seeing your best friend go through it has been absolutely awful!
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Re: need advice?

  • weddedwifeweddedwife member

    There's a few links at the top of this board on how to help that you may want to check out. It's very kind of you to be checking in on your friend and trying to help. If you do go visit, just k ow a couple of things- 1. Your visit isn't going to "snap her out of her funk"; she's not in a bad mood, her child died. She is mourning and will continue to grieve for her child for the rest of her life. This isnt something you "get over", it becomes a part of you and changes you forever. Your friend may never be the same person again, by with your (and others') help she can find a new normal. 2. If you do go visit, DO NOT bring your baby. It's so hard for loss mamas to see others' babies for quite a while. It's not that she's not happy for you, it's just that it's a reminder of what she has lost. Let her come to accept your baby on her own terms, there is plenty of time for that.

    I'm truly sorry for your friend's loss and wish her the best. You might also recommend this board to her? It was of immense support to me after my loss. 

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  • lchittlchitt member
    I'm do glad I already saw things as you explained. Her husband for some reason thinks she should bounce back to caring for the other kids. His words... Funk. I plan to give her a few days and then go visit. I have already made arrangements for my LO. I figured that could be difficult. Thank you for your advice;)
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  • Petunia844Petunia844 member
    imageweddedwife:

    There's a few links at the top of this board on how to help that you may want to check out. It's very kind of you to be checking in on your friend and trying to help. If you do go visit, just k ow a couple of things- 1. Your visit isn't going to "snap her out of her funk"; she's not in a bad mood, her child died. She is mourning and will continue to grieve for her child for the rest of her life. This isnt something you "get over", it becomes a part of you and changes you forever. Your friend may never be the same person again, by with your (and others') help she can find a new normal. 2. If you do go visit, DO NOT bring your baby. It's so hard for loss mamas to see others' babies for quite a while. It's not that she's not happy for you, it's just that it's a reminder of what she has lost. Let her come to accept your baby on her own terms, there is plenty of time for that.

    I'm truly sorry for your friend's loss and wish her the best. You might also recommend this board to her? It was of immense support to me after my loss. 

     

    All this exactly...if my husband called it a funk I would have snapped. 

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