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Single Parents
I need HELP ASAP
I need some legal help or most of all some kind of support. I am 7 months pregnant my child is due in Oct. The father of the baby has been pretty much out of the picture since he found out about it.
Let me give you some history about us. We were together for 5 years. Last year he told me that he got some else pregnant two days AFTER his son was born. I forgave him and stood by him. Since then things have been very hard for us. Well when i got pregnant he kept telling me to get an abortion. I couldnt do it so i decided to keep the baby w/ out his support.
Well he started to come around acting like he cared but he never showed up to any appts and would MIA on me for weeks! He would call on the random. Well i found out yesterday that he got married to the women he cheated on me with. He never told me this. They got married in march and we have talked since he got married but NOT once did he say anything about the marriage. When i finally confronted him about it he said he did it because he did not want to get deported.
My issue is what can i do to keep him out of my childs life. My main reason for it is because i DO NOT TRUST HIM at all because of all the lies he has told me and MOST of all i DO NOT TRUST this women that he married and cheated on me with. I am beyond terrified of what she will do to my child since she does not like me. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT ARE MY RIGHTS
He will NOT be in the birth of my child i have changed my number and i am avoiding him at all cost. help me please!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I need HELP ASAP
If he is not dangerous, I'm afraid there is little you can do (even then, it's hard). You knew he was a cheater before you got knocked up by him, and now you're surprised and say he can't be trusted. You made this bed, now you have to lay in it.
I learned the hard way that no matter what you do the father has rights to see his child. I eventually came to see that it is best for my son to know and have a relationship with his father. Since the first week we broke up and probably before, my ex had my son around "the other woman". It was horrifying and unbearable at first but I guess time kills the pain.
That being said, do not put him on the birth certificate and do not give your child the fathers last name. If he wants to see the child he will have to fight it in court. He has no rights until there is a paternity test and the court allows visitation. And you of course will be entitled to child support.
You could get him to sign away his parental rights. Not sure if that is something he would want to do or not.
If he does request a paternity test and visitation you can fight it in court if he has a history of drugs or abuse or something like that, that would make him an unfit parent. But you would need proof of arrests, convictions, drug tests, etc. Same goes for the girlfriend. The only way you can prevent your child from being around them is if you can prove they have a history of child abuse, drugs, or something along those lines. Otherwise you just have to make the best of it. Sorry. I know how you feel.
If BD wants to be involved in DS's life, he has a right to be. Your DS will seriously resent you if you try to keep BD out of his life. I know several people who have done this, and the end result is the kid grows up, reconnects with BD, has an awesome relationship with him, and a less than ideal relationship with BM because she kept BD away from him.
If you are doing everything in your power to keep BD away from DS and he takes you to court, a judge will frown on you for doing that. Typically, judges favor the parent who is most willing to promote the relationship between the child and other parent.
And this. Whether or not you like it, BD is the father to your DS. DS is half you and half BD. Also, take into consideration that not only is BD his dad, but your DS has a brother through BD too. You should not try to keep him from his sibling if they want a relationship.
In regards to what I would do in the current situation. Give DS your last name. If you don't want to put BD on the BC, then don't. But, if BD wants to see DS, you should let him. Don't be a b!tch and let the first time DS meets his BD be when it is COed. Get an attorney now. Document all the bad/questionable things BD does.
Best of luck to you. This is a long, hard road, but know that, ultimately, when a BD wants to be in their LO's life, they have a right to be, and the majority of the time, it's what is best for the child.
You kind of lost me?? Who does he have a son with and who did he get pregnant? And how were you involved in this?
If you have another kid with him it seems like a no brainer that you would want both of the kids to know their father.
Edit: I reread your post and it looks like he had a kid with someone and got someone else pg before you started dating?
Anyhow, regardless I would just stick with the plan of not allowing access to the child unless he files in court. He sounds like a jerk and I don't see any reason why you need to give him anything for free. If he wants to see his kid he should be paying child support.
Ummm, NO. What the eff?! This is his freaking CHILD, he has a right to see him because he is his SON. He could end up getting 50/50 custody and not have to pay OP a dime. You don't see any reason she should give him anything for free? DS isn't a pawn, he's a child. What is wrong with you dmndsr4eva??? If he wants to see his kid he should be paying child support? That's not how it works, the two are COMPLETELY UNRELATED. Completely. Unrelated. A father can be months behind on CS and still see their LO every single visit. Or, a BD can have visiting rights terminated and still have to pay CS.
OP, I hope things work out for you. I hope you and BD can be amicable for your DS's sake, and that you won't use your son as a pawn. Be the bigger person and put your LO first.
Actually no they are not completely unrelated. When paternity is determined then the court views BOTH parents as financially responsible. Yes, if for some reason he is unable to pay the court ordered child support he will still get visitation, but the court order will be in place and he will be responsible.
And with a newborn baby the odds of him getting 50/50 are pretty slim I would imagine.
If he does want rights, make him fight for it. EDIT: and accept now that he HAS a right to be in your child's life. The majority of the women on the board know how hard that is.
Stupid mistakes women make according to womenslaw.org
"Not allowing the bd to see their child before paternity is established." You know who the father is. Always take the high road. It's a screwed up prejudice, but the mom who denies visitation looks worse than the dad who doesn't pay child support.
In my case, he was denying paternity, and demanding to see a child that he said wasn't his is tantamount to harassment. But, that's a rare exception, and I was operating through my attorney.