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Maryland Babies
Let's talk about brothers and sisters...
I'm an only child. While I know some people think that parents who have only one child are "selfish" or whatever else, growing up it would be an understatement to say that I never wanted anything else. To this day I am incredibly close to my parents on a day-to-day, constant basis in a way that I wonder if I could have had with siblings. I had an amazing childhood full of wonderful friends and the undivided love and attention of my parents.
So while I don't have to tell you that this second baby was very much a planned thing - while we desperately wanted this child and I know, in my most logical heart (if that's a thing 
that Maddox loves babies to death and will adore his little brother or sister...I have a little more "mommy guilt" than the average bear going into this. Because I know what being an only child can be at it's absolute best - and I know that we've made a conscious decision to go another route.
So...let's talk about brothers and sisters. If you have them, what do they mean to you? If you have more than one child, what do your children mean to each other? If you already have more than one, what things did you do to ease the transition? Like I said, my rational self can think through all of this - but never having had a brother or sister personally I can only be so convincing in my own head. 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Let's talk about brothers and sisters...
I have a sister and 2 kids so I think I can answer this
My sister means the world to me as do my niece and nephew. It's so nice to have them around and for B and C to have close friends like they do. My sister and I were so close growing up. We had a little bit of a separation when we were teenagers but we still talked and were friends.
My kids are still young but I know that they love each other and while they do good apart, they do ask about the other constantly. They may beat each other up and he sits on her from time to time but they love to play and laugh about things. They share a room and do really well.
B was almost 18 months when C was born so he really didn't care about her that much. DH was home for a month so he took B out a lot to do things. When he went back to work, it was fine because B was fine playing by himself. Just make sure to spend time with him just the two of you.
Like you, I'm an only child but we're different in how we feel about having an only child ourselves. I have always said, I will do everything in my power to have at least two kids. While being an only child has it's advantages and I was super close to my parents as well, I just so badly want B to have a brother or a sister. I want her to have that perma-playmate and to (hopefully) have that sibling bond I really feel I missed out on. I listen to DH talk and laugh about stories of childhood with his brother and sister and sometimes I feel so sad that I never got that. Or, some of my friends will just call their sister and go out to dinner, and I would love that. Lastly, with the hell I went through with both my parents' illnesses and deaths I SO wish I had a sibling to help me through it. DH and family were phenomenal but there were so many times I wished I had that certain someone by my side as well.
So, I know this isn't really what you asked but I just thought I'd give you this only child's thoughts on it. Either way, your heart will just expand for all the love you feel for both of them. I feel like I know you well enough to know neither will ever be cheated the love they'd get if they were only children.
Someone's getting a little brother!
I have two sisters, and we were all in a row - my mom had three under 3. It was so much fun growing up that way! I always had someone to play with growing up, and now as adults we are all best friends. In fact, I wanted more siblings! This played a big part in our decision to have kids close together.
And while my kids are still young, they already mean the world to each other. London and Chloe are little best friends, even though they fight over toys a lot. They love to play together and alwys ask about the other if they are not around. For instance, if I take London shopping, she'll ask where Chloe is and say "I wonder what Chloe's doing. Do you think she's playing with Daddy?" and "I miss Chloe." They can be so cute and sweet and loving to each other, giving hugs and kisses, and sometimes they hold hands on car rides. i have all three carseat in a row, and Chloe sits in the middle and she'll hold hands with both London and Adriana.
Now it's not always hugs and rainbows, for sure, but underneath all the toy snatching and fighting over who gets to hug mommy, they really love each other.
Tips for a smoother transition: If you're BFing, I sometimes read stories to London while I was BFing Chloe. Or I would sit on the floor to be on L's level while she was playing, so she felt like she had more of my attention. We did things like roll balls back and forth (I use my feet) too. (Now, with #3, the other two play together while I BF so I don't have to work as hard to entertain them.)
Since newborns sleep so much, you can pay enough attention to the older child(ren) so that they get used to them being around. I luckily didn't have any jealousy issues with either addition to the family, but I made sure to pay attention to the kids while the baby was napping, even if it meant putting off housework.
My sister is my BFF. I love her to bits and could not imagine my life without her. We had our tiffs as kids and teenagers but overall we got along well as kids and as adults we are very close. I can talk to her about family stuff that only she would understand. Friends in my life have come and gone but she will always be here. We are both close with our parents in our own ways though our parents arent involved in our day to day lives as much as I know your parents are.
I desperately want Caelan to have a sibling. I cannot imagine having him be an only child. I think we would all be missing out on so much that is so familiar to DH and I since we have siblings.
BFP#1: 01/10, M/C 6w
BFP#2: 06/10, M/C 5w
BFP#3: 09/10, DS born June 1, 2011
BFP#4: 07/12, M/C 5w3d
BFP#5: 12/12, EDD 08/18/13
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It's perfectly normal to feel this way when pregnant with #2. I had such feelings of guilt when I was pregnant with Claire. I felt like I was robbing Aiden of something and that he would hate me. I was so worried he would hate her, hate me, regress, etc. etc.
Aiden has exceeded my expectations in how he handles Claire. He LOVES her so much, it is breathtaking. When he first met her he said "that's my baby" and that tone hasn't changed at all. He is always looking out for her, making her laugh, loving on her, playing with her, etc. He entertains her while I shower, lets me know when she's getting into trouble, reads to her, picks out her clothes, etc. And she worships the ground he walks on. When I tell her it's time to wake Aiden up (since she's up way earlier than him) she squeals and kicks her legs and crawls at full speed to his room. He's actually sad to go to school in the fall because he's worried about his Clairey.
Their relationship is something so special and I am so thankful they have each other.
miscarriage on 11/26/09 at 5w6d
miscarriage on 11/26/09 at 5w6d
I have two brothers. My brother A and I are 13 months apart and my younger brother and I are 8 years apart. The parts that I remember when growing up, A and I fought a lot, and we still till this day have off and on relationship. I actually wish we were closer. My younger brother J and I are close, but with the 8 year age difference it's hard for him to relate to me. He's 24 now and still likes to go out and party, etc.
When I found out that baby#2 was a girl I was so happy for Annabelle. Both DH and I never had a sister and so I hope that they will grow to be close and be best friends. A's still very young, but she always ask how C is doing, can she help, can she hold her, etc. I love watching them grow.
Every Saturday morning I take A to the grocery store with me, while DH stays home with C. It's our bonding time. She loves to go shopping with me. Heck, I think she would go everyday if I let her. I look forward to them growing up together.
I'm going to remove my sister from the equation because she is just BSC. lol.
I love having brothers. I love being the youngest of 4 (okay so we won't completely remove her. ha.) I love being close in age to my brothers. I love having a shared growing up experience. There is something about having people who have the same parents as you, who had the same childhood as you (more or less) that is just so special and something that you can't explain really beyond that. (at least i can't.) We have a bond that comes from blood, yes, but also from the shared knowledge of our parents (ohhhh Mom is going to killlllll youuuuuu), from the shared experiences of being dragged on hikes, on long ass car rides, on family vacations, on errands, and so on. To me roots are really really important, and my brothers and I have the same roots. Sometimes it's weird to think about how well I know them. I know what is going to tick them off, what they are going to say, how they are going to react, and so on. It's rare for one of them to really surprise me, both in good or bad ways.
My parents were exceptionally good parents and I really wouldn't say that i didn't have their undivided attention. Their kids had their undivided attention and I was part of that. (they were also fanatical for the most part in terms of being equal.) But like they wouldn't just go to my brother's swim meet for the day or weekend and leave me behind with a babysitter. I had to go too and cheer for him and whatever else. at the time I hated it ha but it was just another way for the family to be together. The venues weren't what was important. The family was. We had dinner together every single tonight and 3 meals a day together on weekends, and I mean right up through the day I graduated high school, no matter how many activities we were in or what. Dinner was planned accordingly.
I see my nieces - who are 18 months apart - and they have a shared bond that is fascinating to see as it develops, because it is something so unique to them. I think actually the hardest part of having multiple kids is that YOU no longer have your kid's undivided attention. My nieces adore my brother and SIL and they are a really close family. But their bond is exclusive of their parents, its just between them, and i think to a certain extent that is hard for my brother and SIL bc sometimes the girls DONT want them around, they want to cuddle in bed together and whisper.
Anyway, I loved having siblings and I cannot wait to give Will a sibling (I mean I can wait, haha, but he will definitely have siblings if all goes well). I can't wait for him to develop a relationship with the next child and to be a brother.
I have a sister and 2 step sisters-who are each 10 years older then my sister and I. So growing up it was really my sister, mom and I. My sister is about 3 years younger and she means the world to me, it's hard to even explain. Growing up, especially as teenagers, we had our fights (some nasty ones too, but really a small TH with 2 teenage girls, that's expected), but we have always been extremely close. I've never been embarassed or annoyed to have her around, once I went to college she came to visit a lot. We know each others friends, some of her friends I consider pseudo-friends/little sisters. She is like a little sister to my husbands brothers, and my IL's love her as well. She animal/house sits for us when we go out of town. We text and email while at work all the time about gossip, or email links of stuff to each other (blogs, stuff we want to buy), etc. DH and I even decided and discussed with her that if something were to happen to us, we would like her to be the guardian to our kids. DH has two older brothers, but out of all of our siblings, my sister is the one that we totally trust to raise our kids in the way we would want. She of course knows that she would have the full support and help of my parents and IL's. There is truly no one I would trust more. And when we go out or just hang out together we always end up laughing hysterically at some silly memory or just because. There was a time when she was in HS that she was pretty reckless and just the thought of something happening to her made/makes me sick to my stomach.
My DH is the youngest of 3 boys (his brothers are twins) and they are all extrememly close too. I can't really speak to exactly how my DH feels about them, but we both spend more time with our siblings then we probably do with other friends. DH and his brothers have all these inside jokes and act ridiculously silly and immature when they are together for 3 guys over 30
My one BIL just had a son a few weeks ago and he has two middle names, my DH's middle name and the other brothers middle name, they like each other that much (the same brother also has a few tatoo's and has my DH and his other brothers initials incorporated into a tatoo). It also helps that my BIL's see my sister as a little sister to them and both of their wives (my SIL's) are really nice people. All of us are so close I really can say that I can't imagine not having them around.
I also have to say that we, DH and I and our siblings, are REALLY close to our parents. I text/talk to my mom almost daily, same with DH. I usually text/email with the IL's once a week or so. We usually see both sides on the weekends, sometimes during the week. So I think even not being a only child family you can have that incredible closeness, it really depends more on the family dynamic than the number of members.
I have 1 younger sister and to be honest, her and I are not close. Although I am older, I get crazy about her relationship with my mom (which is way closer than my mom and I will ever be). I have worked so hard to get to where I am today and all on my own. My sister is a headcase and has been in trouble with the law. I don't understand where I went wrong. Like, why did I get the short end of the stick for how much love I should get?
Tha being said, and even though it may not be part of the OP, I would love to have a sibling for DS. We will start TTC next summer though. No rush
I feel this way too. I am an only child and while it sure has its advantages, it got a little lonely at times for me. Especially when my parents were divorcing (not like I am saying you guys will ever get a divorce, I'm just mentioning it). I also feel a lot of dread and anxiety over the thought of my parents growing old and needing care, and that falling solely on my shoulders.
I too felt guilt when I was pregnant with B. But honestly seeing the two of them play and interact is the best thing ever. I can't explain how much it makes my heart almost burst. I am so glad we had two and we have the age gap that we do, even if it was a little tough at first.
I have two sisters and they mean the world to me. I talk to both of them almost every day. I am the middle child and we are all 2.5 years apart. Growing up I wanted to be just like my older sister but played with my younger sister the most.
After high school I had a closer relationship with my older sister since my younger sister wasn't a very fun teenager.
Now that we are all adults we get along great and even though we live across the country from one another, Arizona, Virginia and Vermont, we still manage to see each other at least a few times a year together the three of us. Since Kieran was born we really have made the extra effort and it has brought us closer together.
I have a sister who is almost 3 years older than me. Of course, growing up, we definitely had our battles, but she is by far my best friend and we are very close. We've lived in different states for a handful of years now, but we do our best to keep in a schedule of visiting, calling, skyping, etc.
Through my husband, I have fortunately gained 3 brother in laws and 3 sister in laws. I'm the baby of the "8" kids with the oldest being 6 years ahead of me - and we are all very close to eachother and we spend so much time together. I know it's not quite the same, but my SIL are such close friends of mine that I hate to distinguish them by "in-law".
My DH was an only child until he was about 9. Then, he got 3 step-sisters, 2 step-brothers and 2 younger half sisters. (His mom and dad both had new babies with their new spouses). He went from being the center of attention to being ignored. So he is not really a fan of more than one. On the other hand, he is pretty close to his younger sister and and they have a great relationship. I don't think he realizes that DD may never have that.
I REALLY want another, but I also know that we won't be able to afford our current daycare situation, which causes me all kinds of anxiety just thinking about it.
I have 3 older half-sisters - two from my dad's first marriage and 1 from my mom's. I grew up with C (my mom's daughter), but I can't say we have a particularly close relationship - we're very different and 6 years apart. My other 2 sisters and I have a really large age gap (I think 8 and 12 years). I am trying to make an effort to be closer to them, or at least the one, because she has a daughter that is 1 year older than my DD. I kind of miss having a close sibling relationship. C and I were closer when we were younger, but she went to college and then we grew apart.
I wanted two babies, I pushed DH (not really hard) to have a second. And the night we brought home Lucy, I spent most of it crying because I was sure that I had ruined Emily's life. Happily, that has been proven to be very wrong. Emily loves her sister and Lucy just lights up when she sees Emily.
I have one older sister and we are best friends. My parents worked quite a bit when we were young and we lived out in the boonies - Jarrettsville at the time, so my sister and I depended on each other quite a bit. Yes, we had out fights but that's normal kid stuff.
DH also has one sister and she's BSC. She's the reason that he didn't really want to have a second child because of the heartache that she's caused him and his parents and she was more than willing to pull me into it all too. But thankfully, she lives on the otherside of the world (literally) and my sister lives close by, so he sees my relationship with my sister and that convinced him that it didn't have to be like what he experienced.
Siblings don't always turn out hunky-dory but I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure Emily and Lucy have the type of relationship that my sister and I do opposed to DH and his sister.
I felt the same way, but you do love them the same and M1 absolutely adores M2... I'd type more but I only have one hand...
And i have never heard this crazy notion before...what is the rationale?
hile I know some people think that parents who have only one child are "selfish" or whatever else,
I am going through phases of mommy guilt also. Just when we're hanging out at home in the evenings, I see that our whole night revolves around DD until she goes to bed, and I think to myself how we're going to be sharing our time with another LO soon and is DD1 going to resent us or her little sister? The logical part of me knows that everything will work out just fine, and I love hearing stories of how older brothers/sisters adore their younger ones because it keeps me thinking logically and knowing that everything will be just fine.
I have one sister and am a second child. DD2 will have one sister and be a second child. I worry that I can't possibly love another child like I love DD1, but then I think how silly that is because I never, ever felt less loved than my sister. My parents did a great job making sure of that and I know DH and I will too.
My sister means a great deal to me. She and my mom are the first people (besides DH, and sometimes even before him) who I want to call when I'm excited about something. She's 2.75 years older than me and it was a good age difference because we had our own friends while growing up but still could hang out together and do some of the same things.
When do these feelings of mommy guilt end, btw? Is it once your second child is born, once the two LOs start interacting, or did it just kind of fade away over time?
What a great read this was. I wish I could write a long response to each reply. Since I can't do that I'll just thank you all for sharing so much. I know nothing is going to take this guilt away in full - but it is nice to read first hand stories.
Mella, Remy, you both mentioned something that I actually haven't thought much about during this pregnancy - the worries of being an only child with aging parents. I realized this when my dad was so sick a few years ago but hadn't really thought about it in the context of Maddox and this pregnancy, so thank you for that reminder.
lovelylittleworld
BFP#2 1/12/12 ~ Missed M/C 8w2d
Completely. That's without a doubt the thing I'm looking forward to the most.
lovelylittleworld
BFP#2 1/12/12 ~ Missed M/C 8w2d
This exactly. I know it might seem morbid, but growing up with a chronically ill father and losing him the year after college was horrible - I can't imagine doing it without my sisters (I have 2). It's this overall experience that makes me want to have at least another child. I don't want my DD to feel alone in the world if she doesn't have someone that can relate to her situation.
On a happier note, I enjoyed growing up with my sisters - sharing laughs and having sibling tiffs. I only wish they lived closer now!