hot topics

MelissaMiso · August 2012

Okay, May Mommas, we need to get this board really hopping again. A great friend of mine is an Oct 2012 mommy and they have some of the greatest topic/debate/discussion on that BMB. I admit I infiltrate that board sometimes and add my 2 cents but I would love to see some more discussions going on here. They have some great weekly threads like WTF Wednesdays and they also have someone occasionally posting a newsworthy topic or article that sparks lively discussions. So...

Let's get some hot topics started on this board. Anyone read any interesting articles or hear of any interesting topics lately?

stoneycakes · August 2012

Okay...I have one for FTMs. Now that you've had your baby, has it confirmed or changed the way that you previously felt about abortion?

I used to be unwaveringly pro-choice. Now I have all kinds of mixed emotions about it.

MelissaMiso · August 2012

Great question, stoneycakes. I was, and still am, unwaveringly pro-choice. I had always viewed it as I would only opt for one myself if there was a severe birth defect such as anencephaly and would want to have the option if, god forbid, I was raped (I don't know if I would or wouldn't in this case). I am also a huge women's rights advocate and believe that everyone has the ability to choose for themselves. Even having had my baby, I still feel this way. I didn't feel that she was more than a bundle of cells until I was a few months into the pregnancy.

tjkdlhb · August 2012

stoneycakes:

Okay...I have one for FTMs. Now that you've had your baby, has it confirmed or changed the way that you previously felt about abortion?

I used to be unwaveringly pro-choice. Now I have all kinds of mixed emotions about it.

I was always pro-choice... but looking at my LO I couldn't imagine choosing not to have her. I've debated this in my head since having her and I don't know if I've changed my mind...everyone has different circumstances and LO was definitely a planned baby and very much wanted baby... but it tears my heart out to think that the choice could be made to do that to something so sweet. That being said...working with some kids who were obviously not wanted is heartbreaking as well... so I don't know...

ETA clarify: Debated in my head about whether I was pro-choice or not...right now I'm in the undecided camp...

stoneycakes · August 2012

"I didn't feel that she was more than a bundle of cells until I was a few months into the pregnancy."

Yeah, I totally understand that. That's exactly how I used to feel until I actually got pregnant. Then I suddenly felt like I had so much more than a bundle of cells inside me. I suppose I am still technically pro-choice, especially in special cases like the ones you mentioned, but I just don't feel as confident in it as I used to. Now it feels like a much more grave decision.

PotomacSt · August 2012

I've always been pro-life and think that abortion is wrong, but I don't believe it should be illegal... especially because our country lacks a safety net and basic health care for those who need it. I know that outlawing abortion would just lead to women getting unsafe abortions, babies born affected by drugs and alcohol, and more abused and abandoned children.... and no one wants that, either. I wish our country spent half as much energy working on solving the issues that cause unintended pregnancy as we do bickering back and forth about pro-choice/life.

But I think having my daughter served to reinforce my my belief that life begins at conception. I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks, 1 day, had a doctor's appointment the next week and saw her heartbeat. It was incredible. Even before she had a heartbeat, that 'bundle of cells' was a unique combination of DNA that has never occurred before and never will again, and although her body may not have been formed yet, it was already written in those cells what color eyes she would have, how tall she would be, and which one of us she would look like. She was already a unique person unlike anyone else. That amazes me. I'm still in awe of the whole process.

My husband is adopted, and it also amazes (horrifies) me that if his teenage bio mother had done things differently and gotten an abortion, he wouldn't be here... and I can't imagine life without him or our daughter.

elviebird · August 2012

I was, and still am, pro-choice, although even in the circumstance of rape I'm not sure what I would choose for myself. Although I cannot imagine my life without DD and I love her more than my own life, I would not have "missed" it if I never had her... Does that make sense? Since I would have never known her, there would be no regret. I loved her from the beginning but if the conception had not been by my choice, I don't know that I would have felt the same way.

Chelsey68 · August 2012

I am pro choice and I was before I ever had any kids. I believe every woman has a choice of weather or not they want to carry a baby.

DrRx · August 2012

I'm still pro-choice and always will be. I think that every woman has a right to decide what they want to do. I really don't think that unless you are faced with having to make the decision you really know what you would do.

I agree with a PP who thinks that rather than fighting about whether or not it should be illegal, those resources could be better spent at preventing unintended pregnancies.

I always thought of them as a bundle of cells until they became a fetus. However, with our IVF, we actually have a pic of the embryo when they were blastocysts--about to "hatch" right before we did the transfer. There was the clump of cells that become the placenta and the clump of cells that become the baby. We consider that Adalyn's first baby pic, even though we're not sure which of the 2 she is.

We have 6 other frozen embryos that we hope to transfer, but it is very possible that none of them will survive the thaw and/or "stick" when we do an FET. However, if we are fortunate enough to have another child, it is so weird to think that although they may be 2 or 3 years apart in age they were actually conceived on the same day!

bellelamb · August 2012

I am pro-choice legally but morally pro-life at least for my self. I did a lot of soul searching with my first when I got pregnant in college by a man who I didn't want in my life. Now my 8 year old son is the best decision I ever made.

stemms8810 · August 2012

I have always been pro-choice and still am after having both my kids. Like others have said, there are unforseen circumstances that can happen and therefore it's not my place to judge. I can't even imagine being in that position. I do not agree, however, with abortion as a form of birth control. So I am pro-choice but I guess it depends on the circumstance if that makes sense.

alicia334 · August 2012

I am pro-choice always, I believe a women has a right to choose, I was pregnant with my DD1 at 17 and never thought for a second to abortion, But I will never judge anyone else who does. Until you walk in their shoes you can't judge. I agree with PP about rape and etc, I don't know what I would do. I think women who choose it live with the guilt forever and its the hardest decision they have to make, However I am against them using it as a form of BC but again it is not my place to judge..

Divashrink1982 · August 2012

I am and have always been pro-life, and my pregnancy has only reinforced that decision. My husband and I learned at my 19 week anatomy scan that our son had a fairly minor birth defect (bilateral clubfoot) but the doctors (as well as DH and I) were concerned that it could have been related to something much more serious (Down's, Trisomy 13, Trisomy 18, etc.). I did elect to have an amnio. We had decided to continue the pregnancy regardless of the outcome of the amnio but wanted to know what we were dealing with so that if our son would need any type of special services, we could get them lined up ahead of time. The amnio came back with normal results - but it did make me think a lot about what I believed and why I believe it. I believe that life begins at conception. Period. While I will absolutely admit that DS didn't look like a "baby" at my 6 week ultrasound, I could see his heart beating that early. And by the 12 week ultrasound, he absolutely looked like a baby to me.

The best way that I can explain my position about "choice" is that I believe that women should have a right to choose, but I believe that right is to choose whether or not to conceive (i.e., having the choice to have sex). If that right is taken away from a woman (rape, etc.), that is different. Circumstances where the mother's life is in danger are also different.

With all of that being said, I also believe that prevention is the best way to go, and I also believe that if there was more support (and perhaps less stigma) for parents, especially young parents, that would be more helpful than screaming at women who are already in a very difficult situation.

Pdxmom73 · August 2012

I have 3 children and had one m/c. I am and always will be pro-choice. I believe that no one else should make that choice for you. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and therefore their own choices. Until faced with the situation, I think it is impossible to say what we might do. I don't believe that I would choose abortion if I were faced with conception from a rape, etc but that doesn't mean that someone shouldn't or wouldn't. We all handle things differently.

With all that said, I was a single mother for the first 8 yrs of my oldest son's life and he has autism. Even if I could have found out ahead of time that he was autistic, abortion probably would not have been my choice. Can I say for sure....no. I was not able to find out and therefore am not sure what I might have done if I had known how hard life was going to be for him to cope with. I will tell you that I can not imagine a single day of the last 17 yrs without him.

mrsbecky07 · August 2012

Pregnancy and childbirth absolutely reinforced my pro-choice feelings. I don't think any woman should have to go through that if they don't want to for whatever reason.

huskymomma94 · August 2012

bellelamb:

I am pro-choice legally but morally pro-life at least for my self. I did a lot of soul searching with my first when I got pregnant in college by a man who I didn't want in my life. Now my 8 year old son is the best decision I ever made.

This. I am technically pro-choice, and believe that it should always be a womans choice, but my choice is to be pro-life.

kcamargo · August 2012

Divashrink1982:
I am and have always been pro-life, and my pregnancy has only reinforced that decision. My husband and I learned at my 19 week anatomy scan that our son had a fairly minor birth defect (bilateral clubfoot) but the doctors (as well as DH and I) were concerned that it could have been related to something much more serious (Down's, Trisomy 13, Trisomy 18, etc.). I did elect to have an amnio. We had decided to continue the pregnancy regardless of the outcome of the amnio but wanted to know what we were dealing with so that if our son would need any type of special services, we could get them lined up ahead of time. The amnio came back with normal results - but it did make me think a lot about what I believed and why I believe it. I believe that life begins at conception. Period. While I will absolutely admit that DS didn't look like a "baby" at my 6 week ultrasound, I could see his heart beating that early. And by the 12 week ultrasound, he absolutely looked like a baby to me.
The best way that I can explain my position about "choice" is that I believe that women should have a right to choose, but I believe that right is to choose whether or not to conceive (i.e., having the choice to have sex). If that right is taken away from a woman (rape, etc.), that is different. Circumstances where the mother's life is in danger are also different.
With all of that being said, I also believe that prevention is the best way to go, and I also believe that if there was more support (and perhaps less stigma) for parents, especially young parents, that would be more helpful than screaming at women who are already in a very difficult situation.

This.

Heather2256 · August 2012

I've also always been pro-life & believe that life begins at conception. Now I'm not about to judge any woman who does get an abortion unless she's the type (which there's probably some out there) that's like, 'oh having a baby will interfere with me partying' or some stupid bull crap like that.

Nicolewinsbingo · August 2012

PotomacSt:
I've always been pro-life and think that abortion is wrong, but I don't believe it should be illegal... especially because our country lacks a safety net and basic health care for those who need it. I know that outlawing abortion would just lead to women getting unsafe abortions, babies born affected by drugs and alcohol, and more abused and abandoned children.... and no one wants that, either. I wish our country spent half as much energy working on solving the issues that cause unintended pregnancy as we do bickering back and forth about pro-choice/life.
But I think having my daughter served to reinforce my my belief that life begins at conception. I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks, 1 day, had a doctor's appointment the next week and saw her heartbeat. It was incredible. Even before she had a heartbeat, that 'bundle of cells' was a unique combination of DNA that has never occurred before and never will again, and although her body may not have been formed yet, it was already written in those cells what color eyes she would have, how tall she would be, and which one of us she would look like. She was already a unique person unlike anyone else. That amazes me. I'm still in awe of the whole process.
My husband is adopted, and it also amazes (horrifies) me that if his teenage bio mother had done things differently and gotten an abortion, he wouldn't be here... and I can't imagine life without him or our daughter.

I think your way of thinking about this is beautiful.

Being pregnant strongly reinforced my pro-life feelings. I used to be pro-choice, but changed several years back. I remember being about 18 weeks pregnant and just wondering how in the world someone could want to "un-do" what was happening inside of them. I had an ultrasound at 9.5 weeks, and a 3D ultrasound at 13 weeks, and he absolutely looked like a baby to me at both. At the first one, he was kicking and waving his arms like crazy! And at the 3D one he was covering his little face with his hand, we could see it so clearly. When I started feeling him move at 16 weeks it became even more real to me. My heart just ached at the thought that someone could feel those little kicks, or hear that tiny heart beating, and want to be done with it!

MelissaMiso · August 2012

Though I don't agree with using abortion as a repeated form of birth control, I honestly have never met a single woman who has done this. (I've also worked in the social service field for years so you would think that I would have.) I'm sure there are rare cases of women doing this, I'm betting that it really isn't commonplace by any means. Abortion is not a pleasant experience physically and emotionally, so I am kind of thinking that some wacky people on the extremes of pro-life may inject this argument to strengthen their point of view.

jennyelf · August 2012

mrsbecky07:
Pregnancy and childbirth absolutely reinforced my pro-choice feelings. I don't think any woman should have to go through that if they don't want to for whatever reason.

This for me too. I had an textbook easy pregnancy, labor, and delivery and a pretty easy going baby, and even with that, I still very strongly believe that this is something that a person should go through only if they really want to. Birth control can fail, rape exists, birth defects exist, medical complications to pregnancy exist, circumstances change. Forcing a woman to give up control of their body is no better than forcing a person to give up an organ (even a renewable one like the liver).

Jess & Drew · August 2012

bellelamb:

I am pro-choice legally but morally pro-life at least for my self. I did a lot of soul searching with my first when I got pregnant in college by a man who I didn't want in my life. Now my 8 year old son is the best decision I ever made.

This is my view. I don't agree with abortion, and it is not the route for me, but I do recognize that it is an option for other people. I just HATE HATE HATE when it is used as a form of birth control. I remember so many girls in highschool saying that they wouldn't use protection because it didn't feel the same, didn't want to gain weight, etc, and their back-up plan was just to abort of they got pregnant. That mindset just makes me sick. In the end, my views didn't change per se after my pregnancy, but rather I was more steadfast in my views (especially for myself)

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