Birthday Party Related - Is this rude?

kw0710 · August 2012

I'm second guessing what we've done here! Our LO is turning 2 today and instead of a party we thought we would take her to a fun place for dinner and just keep it low key. We invited a few couples that we are close with that also have children around the age of 2. We didn't send out formal invites and the idea isn't really that it's a "party" just a dinner. As I look at the menu and entrees are $15-$20 each, I feel terrible that people will be buying their dinner and (even though I requested no gifts) most likely bringing gifts.

Would love to hear thoughts? I wouldn't think twice about this if it were a friend's kid's birthday dinner, and I haven't in similiar scenarios in the past - maybe I'm overthinking.

EvenAngelsFall · August 2012

Unless it was discussed prior, as a guest I would assume the host family was picking up the tab.

aeh72 · August 2012

If it were me, I'd probably pay for everyone's dinner since you invited them out to celebrate your daughter's birthday. If you threw the party at home, you'd pay for everything for that, right? Kind of the same thing, in my mind.

setower05 · August 2012

This. If it's not feasible for you to swing the tab, I would go back to a small party at home with snacks and cake and ice cream.

EastCoastBride · August 2012

Yea, I'd probably be picking up the tab. This IS still a party - regardless of the location.

pearlymerly7 · August 2012

I'd probably pay for their meals or have a small party at home like someone else said. I'd be taken aback if I was a guest and the cheapest entree available was $15 and I was expected to pay, but I rarely spend that much on myself in a restaraunt. Having said that, I also do not accept invitations to meals unless I'm willing to pick up my own tab. I don't like to assume anything. But, if you have a family of three with both M & F eating a $20 meal (we'll go middle of the road here) and DS or DD eating a $5 or $6 meal, they're spending probably over $50 once you add in drinks (and that's just soda, no alcohol), tip, and tax. Whereas, if they were going to a b-day party they might spend, I don't know, somewhere between $10 and $20 on a gift. So anyway, I don't know if I'd straight out call it rude, but I'd definitely be thinking, "this is odd...and I don't know how I feel about it." I do have to ask though, how much fun is this going to be for a two-year-old? I mean, I understand wanting to do something low-key. Kids' parties are outrageous these days, just wondering though.

kw0710 · August 2012

Ouch I guess it kind of spiraled out of control. We had 80 people to her first birthday party and spent quite a bit of money on food, drinks, etc. We were fine with this.

But that is why we were more low key this year (plus I am 7 weeks from my due date). My friends started asking about parties and gifts and I just politely said "We are only having a small family party this year but we are taking LO to the ***** Restaurant if you want to meet us there." I think they would be expecting to pay their own but I just feel bad.

My DH just mentioned buying drinks and appetizers for the table. That makes me feel a bit better about the situation.

pearlymerly7 · August 2012

I wasn't trying to be rude or anything. I just thought it sounded like more fun for adults than a kid is all. But who knows, I don't know you're kid. It might be perfect for them. If you're not going to pick up everyone's tab, it would be nice to at least order appetizers. Although, and I don't know how you can do this, people might like to know they'll be expected to pay for their entrees. Of course, like I said, I don't think they should accept the invite if they're not willing to pick up the tab if the host doesn't offer. I was just trying to think through the whole thing so that you hopefully don't end up in an awkward situation. Good luck.

kw0710 · August 2012

pearlymerly7:
I wasn't trying to be rude or anything. I just thought it sounded like more fun for adults than a kid is all. But who knows, I don't know you're kid. It might be perfect for them. If you're not going to pick up everyone's tab, it would be nice to at least order appetizers. Although, and I don't know how you can do this, people might like to know they'll be expected to pay for their entrees. Of course, like I said, I don't think they should accept the invite if they're not willing to pick up the tab if the host doesn't offer. I was just trying to think through the whole thing so that you hopefully don't end up in an awkward situation. Good luck.

Oh not at all! You were super helpful. Thank you!!

pearlymerly7 · August 2012

Good, I'm glad! Happy birthday to your little one too! Sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now.

Liz4444 · August 2012

I would assume the host is paying. We are doing the same type of thing for Li's first birthday, just family at a restaurant for brunch, we will be picking up the tab for everyone.

BLuvsE · August 2012

kw0710:

Ouch I guess it kind of spiraled out of control. We had 80 people to her first birthday party and spent quite a bit of money on food, drinks, etc. We were fine with this.

But that is why we were more low key this year (plus I am 7 weeks from my due date). My friends started asking about parties and gifts and I just politely said "We are only having a small family party this year but we are taking LO to the ***** Restaurant if you want to meet us there." I think they would be expecting to pay their own but I just feel bad.

My DH just mentioned buying drinks and appetizers for the table. That makes me feel a bit better about the situation.

If someone told me they were going to a restaurant and I could meet them there, I would definitely not expect them to be paying for my dinner. I think you're fine - especially if you order apps and drinks...and possibly bring a cake.

You didn't say "LO's b-day party is at ____" You said "We're going and you can come too!" That's hardly an offer to buy dinner. In fact, in my circle of friends, someone would probably offer to pick up the birthday girl's dinner and possibly her parents, too.

It's crazy to think that because someone said they were going out and you could come too that you can expect them to pay. Not how that works.

dufferoo · August 2012

kw0710:

My friends started asking about parties and gifts and I just politely said "We are only having a small family party this year but we are taking LO to the ***** Restaurant if you want to meet us there." I think they would be expecting to pay their own but I just feel bad.

If that's truly truly truly how you said it, then I think you are off the hook. The key phrase being "if you want to meet us there." But if there is any doubt whatsoever about how you worded it or that these people might not be expecting to pay their own way, I think you just gotta foot the bill to avoid looking like that guy. Lesson learned. It's unfortunately an expensive way to learn a lesson, but next year, just do a small family thing and don't try to celebrate with all your friends!

pamiva1 · August 2012

BLuvsE:
kw0710:

Ouch I guess it kind of spiraled out of control. We had 80 people to her first birthday party and spent quite a bit of money on food, drinks, etc. We were fine with this.

But that is why we were more low key this year (plus I am 7 weeks from my due date). My friends started asking about parties and gifts and I just politely said "We are only having a small family party this year but we are taking LO to the ***** Restaurant if you want to meet us there." I think they would be expecting to pay their own but I just feel bad.

My DH just mentioned buying drinks and appetizers for the table. That makes me feel a bit better about the situation.

If someone told me they were going to a restaurant and I could meet them there, I would definitely not expect them to be paying for my dinner. I think you're fine - especially if you order apps and drinks...and possibly bring a cake.

You didn't say "LO's b-day party is at ____" You said "We're going and you can come too!" That's hardly an offer to buy dinner. In fact, in my circle of friends, someone would probably offer to pick up the birthday girl's dinner and possibly her parents, too.

It's crazy to think that because someone said they were going out and you could come too that you can expect them to pay. Not how that works.

I agree with this! If one of my friends asked my family to "meet them" out for dinner to celebrate a birthday, I'd never expect that they were paying. I think buying appatizers is more than generous

kw0710 · August 2012

Thank you all! It turned out well. I talked to the girls before dinner began and told them we were buying desserts and appetizers and they even tried to argue that. So I think I "over-worried" as usual

PurpleDrewbie5 · August 2012

Liz4444:
I would assume the host is paying. We are doing the same type of thing for Li's first birthday, just family at a restaurant for brunch, we will be picking up the tab for everyone.

Yes this. I would expect the host to be paying as well. I also think ordering appetizers and drinks for the table would be really confusing to the guest when their checks came. Even though you asked for no gifts with meals as high as $15-20 a plate a couple could end up paying $40ish and I would never spend that on a kids birthday present.

Nicolewinsbingo · August 2012

pamiva1:
BLuvsE:
kw0710:

Ouch I guess it kind of spiraled out of control. We had 80 people to her first birthday party and spent quite a bit of money on food, drinks, etc. We were fine with this.

But that is why we were more low key this year (plus I am 7 weeks from my due date). My friends started asking about parties and gifts and I just politely said "We are only having a small family party this year but we are taking LO to the ***** Restaurant if you want to meet us there." I think they would be expecting to pay their own but I just feel bad.

My DH just mentioned buying drinks and appetizers for the table. That makes me feel a bit better about the situation.

If someone told me they were going to a restaurant and I could meet them there, I would definitely not expect them to be paying for my dinner. I think you're fine - especially if you order apps and drinks...and possibly bring a cake.

You didn't say "LO's b-day party is at ____" You said "We're going and you can come too!" That's hardly an offer to buy dinner. In fact, in my circle of friends, someone would probably offer to pick up the birthday girl's dinner and possibly her parents, too.

It's crazy to think that because someone said they were going out and you could come too that you can expect them to pay. Not how that works.

I agree with this! If one of my friends asked my family to "meet them" out for dinner to celebrate a birthday, I'd never expect that they were paying. I think buying appatizers is more than generous

This.

If I was invited out to celebrate an adult friend's party, I would not assume they were footing the bill. Even if they directly said "You are invited to celebrate Christopher's 30th birthday at XYZ restaurant!" I would definitely expect to pay my own way. I guess if I was mailed invites for a child's birthday party, or like a graduation celebration, a shower, or a baptism or something I would probably think the host was footing the bill, but a verbal invite to a bday party is not the same to me.

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