Sibling age gap: is 2 vs 3 yrs apart

valeivegas · August 2012

DS is now 18 mos & we're starting to think of trying for #2 soon. I got pg really fast w/ DS (I practice NFP so am aware of my peak times), but who knows if it will be that quick w/ the next one. I'm just questioning if we should start now, and the kids would be about 2.5 years apart, or wait until DS would be 3 when the baby is born. A few of my friends have said having a newborn when the first child is 2 yrs old was easier, than if they were 3, since they though 3 was a more difficult age.

Any insight on what you ladies think about 2 vs 3 yr age gap? Did you feel 2 was easier than 3?

I think having 3 kids would be great, but I also have no idea what it's like to have two! Taking that into account, I'm 32 now, so I think if we would only want two maybe we should wait another year. I don't know if I want to have kids after 35 due to the increased risks.. I'm obviously confused. lol

tokenhoser · August 2012

We're starting TTC when they'd be 2 years apart as that's the minimum I'd be okay with. If it takes a while, that's okay too. I'd start now if you'd be happy with 2.5 years and give yourself more wiggle room. If you aim for 3 years, you need to decide how you feel about 3.5 or 4 years (which for us is a bit too far apart).

magnoliablossom00 · August 2012

Ours will be 18 months apart, but two school grades. To me, I guess because I'm a teacher, school grade distance really mattered to me. I am 3 grades apart from my brother and so we didn't have any years together in middle school and only 1 year together in high school. I wanted my kids to be able to remember going to school together, practice together, etc in those later years.

My mom always said she enjoyed the 3 year age gap between me and my brother. Obviously, we are having ours closer in age, which isn't a choice for everyone. I think 2-2.5 years apart would be great for your family! I certainly wouldn't wait any longer TTC if you *think* you might want another later on. We both knew we only wanted 2, so we figured we'd space them close so they could grow up together. GL!

mrsseguin · August 2012

My kids are 25 months apart. DH and I have found it very difficult. We are on the fence about #3. If we have a 3rd, we would do a 3+ age gap. I think we'd be able to handle it better.

momofmanyinthemitten · August 2012

Age was a timing issue for me as well. I'm 31 and we're hoping to have 3 more. #2 is slated to arrive right after LO turns 2, but she is a super-easy-to-care-for toddler, so maybe our timing would be different if she was more difficult.

AlexKate45 · August 2012

Our DS is also 18mos. We are in the same boat and decided we will start trying for #2 in Oct. We also got pregnant right away with #1. So if that happens again, DS will be 2.5 years old at the youngest. We are hoping for a 2.5-3 year gap because hopefully DS will be able to communicate (with words) his feelings, etc. about a sibling and not get as frustrated. I'm also hoping he will be able to keep himself somewhat entertained while I am BFing #2, etc.

We don't want to wait too long either because I am 32.5 and for us, going from no to one child was an adjustment. I don't want to be too far from the infant stage that I forget what it was like!

Edit: for clarity.

ncbelle · August 2012

I don't think there's any magic time - C&E are about 27 months apart and that's been a good gap for us - but I think it would have been fine to have them further apart as well. 3 has been "harder" than 2 in some ways but easier in others.

I wouldn't worry too much about your age either - it's not like something magic changes in you when you hit 35. If you are in good health, being pregnant at 34 isn't going to be any different than it will be at 36

valeivegas · August 2012

AlexKate45:

We don't want to wait too long either because I am 32.5 and for us, going from no to one child was an adjustment. I don't want to be too far from the infant stage that I forget what it was like!

Having DS was also a major adjustment for us (having a baby is for anyone, for he was a difficult baby). That's why I'm also thinking - let's get the diaper, sleepless nights, etc over with.

Thanks everyone for all of the insight! I know it's a very personal decision - & there is no 'right' decision.

LMBecky11 · August 2012

I really wanted to start TTC when my LO turned a year old. Unfortunately, due to my weight, and having a very hard time loosing any after LO was born, my blood pressure is high and I felt it was safer to wait until I get my weight and bp under control first. (Before I got preg the first time I was at about this same weight, had high blood pressure, and had symptoms of PCOS. I lost 30 pounds from Jan-July of 2010 and the bp and PCOS leveled out and I got pregnant in August 2010.) So I guess I say that to say I had really hoped to have children who were within 2 years of each other. My sister and I were 18 months apart and I loved it. We are still very close. I don't have experience parenting children that close in age, but I think having siblings that close in age is very rewarding.

GL on what you decide!

Mommy2CB · August 2012

If we get pg this cycle we will have about a 21/22 month age gap or so. For us we wanted them close together so they could "grown up" together and go through the same things together. We will see what happens, it took us 2 months TTC last time..

I think everyone is going to have different opinions on this and it really matters what you and hubby think, as well as the temperament of LO #1. Our DS is a very "easy" baby so the thought of having 2 close together doesn't scare us

GL with your decision and happy TTC!

etude de la vie · August 2012

IMO the closer the gap the easier it is on the sibling but the harder it is on you!

Mine are 16 months apart and in many ways it was like having twins....they just don't know life without the other! There is NO jealousy but many things are very difficult on me (getting two toddler to corporate, going out of the house with two toddlers who are still learning how to follow direction...)

An older child is more self sufficient and can help, even if it's "get mommy a diaper!" but they also know and understand when you can't hold them, read them that book, or see you snuggling with your newborn and have that look in their eyes like a sad puppy dog. when we were going through that newborn phase Dd was happy playing in her play kitchen while I nursed the baby asleep but now she would be at my heels asking me to rock her on the rocking chair or why am I nursing at all, and touching the baby the entire time.

In my situation i want to wait and then have 2 more very closely spaced together. It was very difficult but seeing how close my two kids are and going through many developmental stages together is the best.

Elocin · August 2012

DD will be 21 months when this baby is born. I'll be 38 when this baby is born, we didn't want to wait any longer due to my age. It did take us over 3 years to get PG with DD, so we were shocked when we got PG almost immediately. I am under no delusions that this will be easy, but I think any age difference between any siblings is going to present it's own set of challenges.

ElatedMom2B · August 2012

Obviously, I can't speak for those who chose 2 years apart, however, my girls are 3 years apart - both July!! I love it - DD#1 was old enough to understand what was going on and was very helpful the first year of DD#2's life and still is. It has been great not having to deal with two in diapers, two that rely solely on us to make sure they're eating, DD#1 could communicate with us so we didn't have to play the guessing game with 2 kids. Three years actually was a magic number for us. My brother and I were 4 years apart and the same with DH and his sister. We knew we didn't want them that far apart as we wanted them to be able to be closer together in school, however, we didn't want to take the gamble on the potty training, communication skills, etc. to go with a 2 year gap. It really has worked great for us. Oh, and I was 32 when DD#1 was born and 35 with DD#2. As one pp said, there really is no perfect age and it can be really tough to time it. Either way, good luck and have fun TTC. Wink LOL

BrittanyMc · August 2012

My kids are 3 years 3 months apart, its perfect! Ds was potty trained and independent by the time Dd was born. And now they are best friends, Ds calls her his sister beans and loves to play with her.

drpayne · August 2012

Not speaking from experience, as we are just now expecting #2...

Ours will be 22 mo. apart. We use NFP, too. I'm 33. I didn't want to assume I'd get pregnant as quickly this time (DS was a honeymoon baby) but I did. We were open to conceiving but not actively trying. We'd just decided to start trying and found out 3 days later I was already pregnant I think there are +'s and -'s to every age difference out there. I imagine it's harder in the beginning when they are close in age. DS wears me out... so the thought of 2 toddlers is daunting BUT I think having them pretty close in age will be awesome later. When it comes down to it, we won't know any different and neither will they. I get overwhelmed thinking about it but I remind myself that people do this all of the time. I also remind myself that DS has 6 months of maturing to do before #2 arrives. If I was younger, maybe be I'd be more inclined to spread them out a little but I doubt it. Honestly, I was a little scared that if I waited and then had trouble getting pregnant, I'd kick myself for postponing it. (And now we're like "Holy crap, we're fertile. How many kids are going to have?? Indifferent ") Lol.

hoping4sticky · August 2012

Realistically, there is not a huge difference in the grand scheme of things between 2.5 and 3. So far, 19 months has not been bad at all for us, but every gap has pros and cons. DD was not jealous at all, she still takes long naps, and loves 'baby'. But having a child that cannot communicate and can't be 'trusted' (I can't trust that she will stand by the car while I get DS out of his seat) does make things tougher.

I wouldn't stress it too much.

Jen&Len · August 2012

DS and DD are 21 months apart, but will be 1 grade apart in school because their birthdays fall on either side of our kindergarten cutoff. I love that I will only have to shuttle the kids to separate schools in the morning for a total of 3 school years from preschool through the end of HS.

I think when they are younger, they don't remember life as the only child, so the transition to having someone else come into the house is easier, although this is probably also temperament dependent. For me, 3 was much more difficult than two in term of disciplining. A lot more back talking, whining, sneakiness and tantrums. But 2 was more difficult in terms of DS being able to do things himself. DS was 21 months when DD was born, so we still had to help dress him and he was still in a high chair and crib, etc. At 3, DS was much more self sufficient.

I think the first year is hard either way (sorry), but I love the age gap that I have. It's also easier to get all the baby stuff over with all at once. Hopefully, if all goes well, we'll be diaper-less by the Fall/winter! I am really excited about that!

FusionLMT · August 2012

we took the plunge and had these two 18 months apart. They are both easy kids so it hasn't been too bad. As PPs have said, no matter what you do it will be fine, and that will be your new normal. We want at least one more and possibly two and I will be shooting for ~2 years apart or less. My main thing is I do NOT want to be hugely pregnant in the summer again.

valeivegas · August 2012

Thanks so much for all of the input! drpayne - I feel the exact way - I am a little worried if I wait, and it takes a long time to get pg.. but who knows what will happen?

I was talking about it again last night w/ DH since we would really start actively trying next month, and he's totally ready. I appreciate all the input on personal experience growing up w/ siblings. My brother is 7 years younger than me which feels like another decade almost - we're still not close & were not close growing up at all. I think it would be good to have them close in age; the cost of two daycares is scary though!

RunningGal900 · August 2012

I wanted my kids to be no more two years apart, but due to other circumstances had to wait to TTC until they would be 23 months. I got pg quickly, but unfortunately lost the baby. They would have been al out exactly 2 years apart. I'm hopeful that I get pregnant relatively quickly with a healthy pregnancy because 3 years was more than I wanted (I realize that I'm a ways off from that). I wish we'd started sooner to be honest. Imthink it's just a matter of if you are ok with a larger gap.

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Sibling age gap: is 2 vs 3 yrs apart

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