Oh no, the book thing...

EvenAngelsFall · August 2012

Cranang:

As the mother to be opens the gifts, she'd start with the "book card." "Oh, this is from Mary. Look, The Cat in the Hat!!" Thank you so much" Next. "Oh this is from Annie. Oh, Goodnight Moon! How sweet!" Next "Oh this is from Cranang" Cranang then feels uncomfortable that there's no book to show off.

Thats not how it work at all.

When this practice is done, there's usually a books shelf or some other *wishing well* type set up where guests place the book. It stays separate from their gift. No one keeps track or knows who participated or who did not.

SingleMom31 · August 2012

EvenAngelsFall:
Cranang:

As the mother to be opens the gifts, she'd start with the "book card." "Oh, this is from Mary. Look, The Cat in the Hat!!" Thank you so much" Next. "Oh this is from Annie. Oh, Goodnight Moon! How sweet!" Next "Oh this is from Cranang" Cranang then feels uncomfortable that there's no book to show off.
Thats not how it work at all.
When this practice is done, there's usually a books shelf or some other *wishing well* type set up where guests place the book. It stays separate from their gift. No one keeps track or knows who participated or who did not.

Wow... I didn't mean to cause such controversy.

I'm a little perplexed... If people are putting them on a bookshelf instead of leaving them attached to their "main gift," how are they acting like cards at all? And how do you know who which gift is from?

EvenAngelsFall · August 2012

SingleMom31:
EvenAngelsFall:
Cranang:

As the mother to be opens the gifts, she'd start with the "book card." "Oh, this is from Mary. Look, The Cat in the Hat!!" Thank you so much" Next. "Oh this is from Annie. Oh, Goodnight Moon! How sweet!" Next "Oh this is from Cranang" Cranang then feels uncomfortable that there's no book to show off.
Thats not how it work at all.
When this practice is done, there's usually a books shelf or some other *wishing well* type set up where guests place the book. It stays separate from their gift. No one keeps track or knows who participated or who did not.
Wow... I didn't mean to cause such controversy.
I'm a little perplexed... If people are putting them on a bookshelf instead of leaving them attached to their "main gift," how are they acting like cards at all? And how do you know who which gift is from?

You don't always. Same with a Wishing Well. (FTR around here the book is not instead if a card, it's more like a Wishing Well.)

Some people write a note in the book, but that can cause issues if the Mom to be receives duplicates, so other people just attach a little note or buy a cute book mark they write on.

morethancottoncandy · August 2012

EvenAngelsFall:
SingleMom31:
EvenAngelsFall:
Cranang:

As the mother to be opens the gifts, she'd start with the "book card." "Oh, this is from Mary. Look, The Cat in the Hat!!" Thank you so much" Next. "Oh this is from Annie. Oh, Goodnight Moon! How sweet!" Next "Oh this is from Cranang" Cranang then feels uncomfortable that there's no book to show off.
Thats not how it work at all.
When this practice is done, there's usually a books shelf or some other *wishing well* type set up where guests place the book. It stays separate from their gift. No one keeps track or knows who participated or who did not.
Wow... I didn't mean to cause such controversy.
I'm a little perplexed... If people are putting them on a bookshelf instead of leaving them attached to their "main gift," how are they acting like cards at all? And how do you know who which gift is from?
You don't always. Same with a Wishing Well. (FTR around here the book is not instead if a card, it's more like a Wishing Well.)
Some people write a note in the book, but that can cause issues if the Mom to be receives duplicates, so other people just attach a little note or buy a cute book mark they write on.

So, not a gift + a book instead of a card, but a gift + book + card or book mark. FFS, when does the greed end?

EvenAngelsFall · August 2012

Again, it's a book, not a semester of college.

If you're so hard up you can't spring it, no one judges you, but it's really not a big deal around here. Done all the time.

Liz4444 · August 2012

SmileyGirl18:
Liz4444:
SmileyGirl18:
MandJS:
SmileyGirl18:

Cranang:
I have more pride than to bring a cheap-a$$ book that probably isn't worth the paper it's printed on. If this is supposed to be a keepsake, which seems to be the point, guests are going to feel inclined to get a nicer book.  And frankly I think it's shocking to suggest that someone bring a used gift.  Who in their right mind would take a host up on that offer?

Then that is on you, not the request.  You can get adorable Dr. Suess paperback books for under $5 at Target, same price as a card.  I don't find Dr. Suess cheap-a$$ at all.  All Golden books are also under $5.  Are they not worth the paper they are printed on?

Again, this isn't the gift.  It is just a cute extra, like a card, but more useful.  I think that is where we don't see eye to eye. 

 

Actually, I think the part where you and cranang don't see eye to eye is on the part about why you bother with the request anyway. ESPECIALLY in your circumstances, where you mentioned that all your friends do it, anyway. At least... that's where my issue lies. If I want to get someone a cute extra, I will. I don't need to be advised that this would be a cute extra thing to do. I just do it because I want to. 

Because it is fun, nothing more than that.  My whole shower theme is books and it is a fun way to celebrate the theme. 

Couldn't you also say it is rude to have games and make everyone participate?  What if I don't like making babies out of pieces of chewing gum? Or I find it offensive that I can't say the word baby without everyone yelling saying that I lose my clothespin?  The difference is that if you don't participate in a game, it is much more obvious that the card/book you choose to bring.  At the end of the day, games are fun too.  Again, I don't understand the negative passion around this. 

How is my spending extra money on you fun for me?
:::Banging head against desk::: No one is telling you spend any more on a book than you would on a card.  I gave you example of books that are same price as cards.
We are going around in circles and neither of us is going to change the other's mind.  To each their own. 

::keeps banging Smiley's head against the desk:: It isn't "common practice" in my circle of friends to give people used or crappy gifts. The fact that you are telling people a the options that are available for purchasing a book that yiu are ok with comes across even more gimme, gimme, gimme.

Liz4444 · August 2012

EvenAngelsFall:
Again, it's a book, not a semester of college.If you're so hard up you can't spring it, no one judges you, but it's really not a big deal around here. Done all the time.nbsp;

It's not about the cost, it's about telling people how to spend their money. The mindset of, oh, it's just an extra few bucks, they can swing it to give me more is really just assy.

EvenAngelsFall · August 2012

I don't get the constant back and forth over this issues, I really don't.

If it's not commonplace in your region, great. Don't do it. If it is, yay, and as long as your guests are down, who cares what internet strangers from other regions think...?

You know what else is the norm where I am from...? Having showers in catering halls with full meals. I have never been to a baby shower at someone's house with just cake or finger sandwiches. But you don't see me going after people from regions that do that, claiming "you want your guests to bring you a nice gift and all you offer are finger sandwiches....?"

Things differ by regions. Big deal. It doesn't need to be a debate every time.

morethancottoncandy · August 2012

EvenAngelsFall:
Again, it's a book, not a semester of college.
If you're so hard up you can't spring it, no one judges you, but it's really not a big deal around here. Done all the time.

It's not a question of being hard up. You (at least I hope) wouldn't say to a guest, oh, instead of a card I don't care about, you can bring me a book in addition to the gift you are going to buy.

The argument that "it's really not a big deal around here" doesn't mean anything to me other than you live in an area with a high concentration of ill-bred, ill-mannered people who just don't know any better. Not exactly something to brag about, IMO.

EvenAngelsFall · August 2012

morethancottoncandy:

It's not a question of being hard up. You (at least I hope) wouldn't say to a guest, oh, instead of a card I don't care about, you can bring me a book in addition to the gift you are going to buy.
The argument that "it's really not a big deal around here" doesn't mean anything to me other than you live in an area with a high concentration of ill-bred, ill-mannered people who just don't know any better. Not exactly something to brag about, IMO.

I am sure the entire NY Metropolitan area would beg to differ.

Though by your logic, you live in a low income, backwoods area where people live pay check to check, yet like to sit back and judge their friends behind their backs. Your call.

Actually we live in a region where people don't nickel and dime their friends gifts, and judge people for trying to actually have a little fun and celebrate a new baby.

setower05 · August 2012

I guess I'm a little thrown now, too. I thought the book goes on the gift like a card. If there is no card, how would the MTB know who the gifts are from if the books are somewhere separate? I'm not sure what a wishing well table is, so when the whole post started I was under the impression that the debate was whether or not it was acceptable to ask guests to bring books instead of cards. I still think however something is done or whatever is done up to the comfort level and preference of the hostess and (primarily) the MTB, though.

FWIW, diapers are the most expensive "extra" thing I was ever given the option of bringing to a shower. I've never been to a shower where I was given the choice to bring something that made me feel pressured or offended.

Liz4444 · August 2012

EvenAngelsFall:
morethancottoncandy:

It's not a question of being hard up.  You (at least I hope) wouldn't say to a guest, oh, instead of a card I don't care about, you can bring me a book in addition to the gift you are going to buy.  
The argument that "it's really not a big deal around here" doesn't mean anything to me other than you live in an area with a high concentration of ill-bred, ill-mannered people who just don't know any better.  Not exactly something to brag about, IMO.
I am sure the entire NY Metropolitan area would beg to differ.
Though by your logic, you live in a low income, backwoods area where people live pay check to check, yet like to sit back and judge their friends behind their backs. Your call.
Actually we live in a region where people don't nickel and dime their friends gifts, and judge people for trying to actually have a little fun and celebrate a new baby.

I live in the NY metro area, so there goes that argument.

EvenAngelsFall · August 2012

Liz4444:
EvenAngelsFall:
morethancottoncandy:

It's not a question of being hard up. You (at least I hope) wouldn't say to a guest, oh, instead of a card I don't care about, you can bring me a book in addition to the gift you are going to buy.
The argument that "it's really not a big deal around here" doesn't mean anything to me other than you live in an area with a high concentration of ill-bred, ill-mannered people who just don't know any better. Not exactly something to brag about, IMO.

I am sure the entire NY Metropolitan area would beg to differ.
Though by your logic, you live in a low income, backwoods area where people live pay check to check, yet like to sit back and judge their friends behind their backs. Your call.
Actually we live in a region where people don't nickel and dime their friends gifts, and judge people for trying to actually have a little fun and celebrate a new baby.

I live in the NY metro area, so there goes that argument.

Dont't know what to tell you other than clearly we roll in different circles.

morethancottoncandy · August 2012

EvenAngelsFall:
morethancottoncandy:

It's not a question of being hard up. You (at least I hope) wouldn't say to a guest, oh, instead of a card I don't care about, you can bring me a book in addition to the gift you are going to buy.
The argument that "it's really not a big deal around here" doesn't mean anything to me other than you live in an area with a high concentration of ill-bred, ill-mannered people who just don't know any better. Not exactly something to brag about, IMO.

I am sure the entire NY Metropolitan area would beg to differ.
Though by your logic, you live in a low income, backwoods area where people live pay check to check, yet like to sit back and judge their friends behind their backs. Your call.
Actually we live in a region where people don't nickel and dime their friends gifts, and judge people for trying to actually have a little fun and celebrate a new baby.

I find it difficult to believe that you socialize with ::::gasp:::: "the entire NY Metropolitan area." And Miami Beach is pretty far from being backwoods. I've never been invited to a shower where it was instructed, on an invitation no less, on how generous to be with my gift. The people I socialize with just don't need that type of instruction.

EvenAngelsFall · August 2012

morethancottoncandy:

I find it difficult to believe that you socialize with ::::gasp:::: "the entire NY Metropolitan area." And Miami Beach is pretty far from being backwoods. I've never been invited to a shower where it was instructed, on an invitation no less, on how generous to be with my gift. The people I socialize with just don't need that type of instruction.

Le sigh. Yet another reading comprehension fail...

Hey genius, I was implying that he entire NY Metropolitan area would disagree that they are ill-bred and ill-mannered. But if you feel you fall in line with that, I won't challenge you.

Liz4444 · August 2012

EvenAngelsFall:
Liz4444:
EvenAngelsFall:
morethancottoncandy:

It's not a question of being hard up.  You (at least I hope) wouldn't say to a guest, oh, instead of a card I don't care about, you can bring me a book in addition to the gift you are going to buy.  
The argument that "it's really not a big deal around here" doesn't mean anything to me other than you live in an area with a high concentration of ill-bred, ill-mannered people who just don't know any better.  Not exactly something to brag about, IMO.
 
I am sure the entire NY Metropolitan area would beg to differ.
Though by your logic, you live in a low income, backwoods area where people live pay check to check, yet like to sit back and judge their friends behind their backs. Your call.
Actually we live in a region where people don't nickel and dime their friends gifts, and judge people for trying to actually have a little fun and celebrate a new baby.
 

I live in the NY metro area, so there goes that argument.
 
Dont't know what to tell you other than clearly we roll in different circles. 

Clearly

Cranang · August 2012

EvenAngelsFall:

I don't get the constant back and forth over this issues, I really don't.

If it's not commonplace in your region, great. Don't do it. If it is, yay, and as long as your guests are down, who cares what internet strangers from other regions think...?

You know what else is the norm where I am from...? Having showers in catering halls with full meals. I have never been to a baby shower at someone's house with just cake or finger sandwiches. But you don't see me going after people from regions that do that, claiming "you want your guests to bring you a nice gift and all you offer are finger sandwiches....?"

Things differ by regions. Big deal. It doesn't need to be a debate every time.

Then what are you doing?

EvenAngelsFall · August 2012

In my entire 9 months of pregnancy & 7 months of my son's life, this the first time I've ever stated my opinion on the matter, unlike some people on here who feel the need to debate the concept evvvvvvery siiiiiingle time it comes up.

Soap&Cider · August 2012

MandJS:
Tell her you're worried about duplicates, and once it's inscribed, it can't be returned. HOWEVER, suggest she buy one nice kids book and use it as something for all the guests to sign when they arrive, instead.
ETA: Or just send her over here to ask for wording or advice.

I love the idea to have everyone sign the book when they arrive!

BallSox · August 2012

morethancottoncandy · August 2012

EvenAngelsFall:
morethancottoncandy:

I find it difficult to believe that you socialize with ::::gasp:::: "the entire NY Metropolitan area." And Miami Beach is pretty far from being backwoods. I've never been invited to a shower where it was instructed, on an invitation no less, on how generous to be with my gift. The people I socialize with just don't need that type of instruction.

Le sigh. Yet another reading comprehension fail...
Hey genius, I was implying that he entire NY Metropolitan area would disagree that they are ill-bred and ill-mannered. But if you feel you fall in line with that, I won't challenge you.

I love that you came back and edited this to try and make it more insulting. You are wasting your time though. You can try and make it seem like your crowd does this just to be generous, but if it has to be requested on an invite, that just isn't so. Requesting an extra gift on an invitation is rude, regardless of whether its frowned upon in your society or not. It simply means that they don't know any better. Again, not something to brag about.

Cranang · August 2012

Cranang:
EvenAngelsFall:

I don't get the constant back and forth over this issues, I really don't.

If it's not commonplace in your region, great. Don't do it. If it is, yay, and as long as your guests are down, who cares what internet strangers from other regions think...?

You know what else is the norm where I am from...? Having showers in catering halls with full meals. I have never been to a baby shower at someone's house with just cake or finger sandwiches. But you don't see me going after people from regions that do that, claiming "you want your guests to bring you a nice gift and all you offer are finger sandwiches....?"

Things differ by regions. Big deal. It doesn't need to be a debate every time.

Then what are you doing?

I guess I need to ask again.

Don't play all high and mighty when you're doing the same damned thing. Is it supposed to be better because this is the first thread you have participated in?

TrudyCampbell · August 2012

SmileyGirl18:
pamiva1:
I probably have the minority opinion, but I think you risk hurting your friend's feelings more than the guests by asking her to do it differently. She's probably been researching shower ideas and is excited to have come up with a plan. I really dont think it's a big deal to ask people to bring a book. The dollar store sells lots of books, and if they don't want to bring one, they don't have to!

Agreed. This is very common in my social circle and duplicates have never been an issue. People who want to participate will, and those who don't wont. We are doing this at my shower and insert in the invite was very clear that it didn't need to be an expensive book and didn't even need to be new.

I agree and don't think it's a big deal at all.

theseaword · August 2012

I'm not responding to this either way,as I've argued it before and know that neither camp will change their minds. I will say I was offended by the poster who said a used book was a crappy gift. Wow. That is rude! I've given and received many used books in my time. Good to know that I've been giving crappy gifts and my friends are cheapskates, though.

phq2011 · August 2012

TwilightMV:
I'm not responding to this either way,as I've argued it before and know that neither camp will change their minds. I will say I was offended by the poster who said a used book was a crappy gift. Wow. That is rude! I've given and received many used books in my time. Good to know that I've been giving crappy gifts and my friends are cheapskates, though.

I think it is more that getting a used book as a gift is rude. It is different when you pick it up and say "Hey, this is really cute, I will pick it up for M." vs. "Wow, I really don't want to pay full price for a book because I already bought a gift, so I am going to get a used book." In that case, it isn't about being cheap, it is the simple of fact being asked to spend more money.

Liz4444 · August 2012

TwilightMV:
I'm not responding to this either way,as I've argued it before and know that neither camp will change their minds. nbsp;I will say I was offended by the poster who said a used book was a crappy gift. Wow. That is rude! I've given and received many used books in my time. Good to know that I've been giving crappy gifts and my friends are cheapskates, though.

I said used or crappy book. If I give someone something of mine that I have used, I just give it to them, I don't wrap a bow on it and say 'here's a gift'. I would never give anyone a gift that they couldn't return. Then again, I don't buy used things for myself so I'm not going to do that for someone else.
You would think people around here would appreciate that considering they are always complaining about not being able to return the stuff they got that they don't NEED.
And, if you were so offended by misreading my post, it might be time to get off the Internet because you are going to read a lot worse around here.

Cranang · August 2012

Liz4444:
TwilightMV:
I'm not responding to this either way,as I've argued it before and know that neither camp will change their minds. nbsp;I will say I was offended by the poster who said a used book was a crappy gift. Wow. That is rude! I've given and received many used books in my time. Good to know that I've been giving crappy gifts and my friends are cheapskates, though.
I said used or crappy book. If I give someone something of mine that I have used, I just give it to them, I don't wrap a bow on it and say 'here's a gift'. I would never give anyone a gift that they couldn't return. Then again, I don't buy used things for myself so I'm not going to do that for someone else. You would think people around here would appreciate that considering they are always complaining about not being able to return the stuff they got that they don't NEED. And, if you were so offended by misreading my post, it might be time to get off the Internet because you are going to read a lot worse around here.

My BFF had a baby 3 months after me. I have given her all of Sabrina's old stuff, as she's growing out of them about the time Madeline is growing into them. I have never once wrapped it up. Who gives used "gifts?" I give things away all the time, but I certainly wouldn't give it as an actual gift. That's just weird.

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