What Would IF Do? (Long..sorry)

ksfrye · August 2012

So I've been kinda distant from the board lately because I still healing from IVF#1's BFN, but I'm ready to move on and I need your input. Yesterday, we had our WTF with our RE. He starts off the convo by saying, "I can't believe your not pregnant". That comment made me mad because I can't believe I'm not pregnant either. He said that everything looked "perfect" and that he thought for sure it would have worked. We discussed my egg quality, which he thought was good because we had 10 eggs fertilize, but now he thinks DH might have sperm issues because only 3 made it to blast. I don't know why this wasn't looked into before we started IVF! Also, during our 15 minute conversation, his cell phone rang 3 times and he actually answered it twice!

Finally, when RE's phone stopped ringing, we began talking about our next step options. I have one frostie and our RE said that we have a 50% chance of it surviving the thaw. He also said that if it doesn't survive the thaw, we would still be charged for our FET. I think that's crap! I can see still charging us a portion of it to cover the u/s and thaw, but it's not like we'd be doing the entire FET process. I also asked him what our chances are the FET would work and he told me I'd have a 30% chance. I then asked him what my chance was of getting pregnant with a fresh cycle and he told me 40-50%. During our 1st consult, I asked that same question and he told me 60-70% chance! He freaking lied! DH and I have also caught him in other lies about why he wants me to use heparin, etc. To top the whole thing off, DH and I have been VERY unhappy with his staff. They never return phone calls, send blood requests to the lab and right before stims, they "forgot" to teach me how to mix and inject my meds. DH and I had to watch YouTube videos to learn...no joke!

So here's my questions. This RE and his office are a joke. They are unprofessional, have terrible bedside manner and overall have made this entire experience unpleasant. Since we have a frostie at his office, should we do an FET with him and then if it doesn't work, go to a different RE's office? Or should we save the $1,800, to use towards a fresh cycle with a different RE? We are actually thinking about going back to our 1st RE's office because they offer the IVF Attain program. I'm not sure if anyone has ever heard of it, but it's where they have packaged deals for multiple IVF and FET cycles bundled at a discounted rate. They also have a program that offers up to 70% money back guarantee, if after 3 IVF fresh and 3 FET's are unsuccessful without a "baby home from hospital." The program does this in order to help out couples tight on money to have some left for adoption. This other office is organized, friendly and there's multiple doctors to choose from. The reason we left them was because we heard great things about RE #2. and we weren't clicking with our RE. Initially, we liked our new RE because he's an "out of the box" thinker. But now I'm thinking "out of the box" just meant that he was weird and a little crazy.

Sorry this is so long. So to sum it up.

Q1: Stay with current crazy RE for FET with our 1 little frostie?

Q2: Save the money, leave the frostie and move on to a fresh cycle at another RE's office using the Attain Program?

Thanks for any input you can offer.

CutieGirlLissie · August 2012

From everything you said I wouldn't be happy with your current RE either. I can't tell you either way to leave your fristie or give it another go, thats gonna be a hard decision. But i would at least consult with another RE (or go back to your original one) and tell them everything you just said. See if they think your current RE is crazy too. Maybe then you can go from there and make a decision. GL!

CutieGirlLissie · August 2012

From everything you said I wouldn't be happy with your current RE either. I can't tell you either way to leave your frostie or give it another go, thats gonna be a hard decision. But i would at least consult with another RE (or go back to your original one) and tell them everything you just said. See if they think your current RE is crazy too. Maybe then you can go from there and make a decision. GL!

LaineyPaney · August 2012

Well, I couldn't imagine staying with that doctor....

Mitzi Bishi · August 2012

Don't leave that frostie - take it elsewhere! I don't know what the regulations are in the US on how you transport it or if you have to have someone else do so, but we were able to transport our own across town to a new RE when we weren't happy.

Transporting it and having the ET are the new RE was good for us, because it wasn't charged the same way, so incredibly it ended up saving us money. This probably isn't typical, but I can tell you after 2 failed cycles at our first RE I kind of wish we had switched sooner.

Some of these doctors I think are overworked, which is no excuse for shoddy treatment of patients. Don't put up with it if you're not content. This is too stressful and expensive to not feel confident about.

MandaS08 · August 2012

I would definitely get a second opinion, whether it be from your first RE, or a totally seperate practice.

If I wasn't happy with my RE there is no way i would go through another fresh cycle with them.

As far as your frosty-I think that would depend on what the other RE has to say-you just have to decide is it worth the $1800 risk to see if you can transfer? I personally would probably spend that $ before I did a fresh cycle just to make sure-I would hate feeling like that could be the embie that stuck, and if you're already paying for another cycle, $1800 seems kind of like a drop in the bucket.

EMNTOM · August 2012

I looked into moving my frostie to another clinic. It cost $500 (+$850.00 deposit). Although it is only two hours away from one clinic to another they said if they picked it up on a Monday it wouldn't be at the other clinic until Wednesday. This freaked me out. I don't have the problem that you do with your current RE so it is a little different but we decided to keep the frosties where they are and do the FET two hours away.

I would discuss with the financial dept at the current RE why you would be charged for a full FET if the embryos do not make the thaw (seems as if you would be refunded the cost of the actual transfer).

I would definitely be looking into another clinic!

Regarding the Attain program, you might not be eligible for the same programs you were before your failed IVF. I remember when looking into it before our IVF that some couples would not qualify depending on their success outlook outlined by the doctor.

So I probably would look into another doctor first. Secondly, contact attain and see which programs you qualify for. Then I would discuss with your DH everything - I have faith that you will come to an agreement that works best for you and your DH that you both will feel comfortable with.

GL! IF sucks bad enough, you don't need an incompetent RE adding to your stress.

Mitzi Bishi · August 2012

EMNTOM:
I looked into moving my frostie to another clinic. It cost $500 (+$850.00 deposit). Although it is only two hours away from one clinic to another they said if they picked it up on a Monday it wouldn't be at the other clinic until Wednesday. This freaked me out. I don't have the problem that you do with your current RE so it is a little different but we decided to keep the frosties where they are and do the FET two hours away.

I would discuss with the financial dept at the current RE why you would be charged for a full FET if the embryos do not make the thaw (seems as if you would be refunded the cost of the actual transfer).

I would definitely be looking into another clinic!

I know it sounds daunting to move one, but they put enough liquid nitrogen to last 3 months or so. Our doctor told us we could go to the grocery or bring it in a couple days later if it fit our schedule better. Of course we took it directly, but it was nice to know it would last a long time in the transport container.

Once we arrived they looked at it and gave us a report stating it was perfectly packaged and transported. It was a 4AB quality that thawed and was hatching when transfered.

tayray1 · August 2012

Yikes! I agree with PP that this business is too emotional and expensive to not be happy with your RE..I would get a 2nd opinion and look more into the IVF Attain program to make sure you qualify before leaving your frosty..good luck, its a tough call!

firesiren · August 2012

I would consult a new RE. It almost sounds like we went to the same clinic except I cycle in Indy. This has been the hardest thing in my life and my RE's office made it harder. When you do go to a more professional clinic, you will be glad you did. My new RE made the process so much less stressful. They literally pampered me

As far as your frostie, I'd try what Mitzi said. Can't hurt to ask. Good luck to you.

firesiren · August 2012

I would consult a new RE. It almost sounds like we went to the same clinic except I cycle in Indy. This has been the hardest thing in my life and my RE's office made it harder. When you do go to a more professional clinic, you will be glad you did. My new RE made the process so much less stressful. They literally pampered me

As far as your frostie, I'd try what Mitzi said. Can't hurt to ask. Good luck to you.

ksfrye · August 2012

Thank you all for your responses. I never knew you that you could transfer a frosty! I'm definitely going to check into that and also get a 2nd opinion. You have all confirmed what I was thinking about leaving my current RE and finding another. You ladies are the best!! Thanks again!!!

Mimaloo · August 2012

I just posted yesterday about an RE who answered his cell phone to talk about salad with his wife. Given the fact that IF is such a sensitive subject (especially if you are in talking about a failed cycle), your RE should show a great deal of respect.

A comment like "I can't believe you're not pregnant" is unacceptable.

And the staff "forgot" to teach you about your meds?

I would be running for the hills. If your RE already lied to you and has proven to be an insensitive jerk with an incompetent staff, it sounds more like a money grubbing baby factory. Save your money and find a new RE.

What, may I ask, is the Attain Program?

ksfrye · August 2012

Mimaloo:
I just posted yesterday about an RE who answered his cell phone to talk about salad with his wife. Given the fact that IF is such a sensitive subject (especially if you are in talking about a failed cycle), your RE should show a great deal of respect.
A comment like "I can't believe you're not pregnant" is unacceptable.
And the staff "forgot" to teach you about your meds?
I would be running for the hills. If your RE already lied to you and has proven to be an insensitive jerk with an incompetent staff, it sounds more like a money grubbing baby factory. Save your money and find a new RE.
What, may I ask, is the Attain Program?

I remember reading that and I also commented on your post. When I read your post I thought, is this my same RE? It's sad that more than one RE treats their patients so terribly.

The Attain program is only offered at selected RE offices. It's a program that offers discounted rates on IVF if you purchase multiple cycles in advance. They have different types of packages available. Check it out on their website for more info. https://attainivf.com/

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