Lesbian couple considering pregnancy

Rebeckbec · August 2012

I was wondering if anyone would be willing to share their stories with me. I just got married and now my wife and I are considering whether to have children or not. I know we both want children but we are unsure of how to go about the process. We live in upstate NY and have been told of a fertility place that is LGBT friendly so I was wondering if there was anyone that lives in NY and how they went about doing things. Thanks ;-)

hlke · August 2012

Welcome to the board! Most people post during the East Coast workday, so you'll get more answers tomorrow, but here's some of the basics.

Go ahead and read the FAQ posted at the top of the board. It has some great basics on "how to get started". I think the books are mentioned in those posts somewhere, but there are two lesbian pregnancy and birth books, "The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy" by Rachel Pepper and "The New Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy, and Birth" by Stephanie Brill. I like the Brill book better, others like Pepper better, so I say get both. The Brill book is out of print, so try your local library or interlibrary loan.

I also like this website https://itsconceivablenow.com/. It discusses both pregnancy and non-pregnancy options for starting your family, including the full range of adoption options. I think it's always good to know what all the options are.

Laws are different in every state, so at some point in the process you'll need to talk to an LGBT family lawyer. If you choose pregnancy, the non-carrying parent will likely want a second parent adoption. Luckily New York offers this option to same sex couples, and I think will also allow the non-carrying parent on the birth certificate.

Finally, this board is a wonderful community to learn tons about the many different ways LGBT people become parents. I hope you like it and stick around!

Rebeckbec · August 2012

Thank you so much for your help. I will definitely look into the two books ;-) Can you tell me what TTC stands for? Hope to talk again.

ball.and.chain · August 2012

TTC = Trying to Conceive. I think there is an acronym glossary somewhere, maybe linked in the newbie/FAQ section? But feel free to ask when you don't understand something. We don't bite (at least not on this board).

Hlke gave good advice. I think the newbie link has a lot of people's stories, so it's worth checking out to see all the different ways people have made families. A lot of people (myself included) also have detailed signatures that will give you an idea. My wife and I have been trying for over a year and no success yet -- I'm carrying, and we're using frozen donor sperm from a cryobank. It's been a long, hard year but hopefully it will be worth it in the end.

Welcome and good luck!

Rebeckbec · August 2012

Thank you so much for your response. I wish you and your wife the best of luck with having your family!

JGY · August 2012

Hi and welcome to the board!

I'm pretty new here as well.

The PP (previous posters') suggestions are really good ones. I would second those. My wife and I went about it without reading any books first, I did read a lot online and asked questions of friends who had gone through the process of TTC. Looking back, I wish I had taken the time on the front end to read more.

We've been incredibly lucky, and are cooking along on this pregnancy. But I will tell you that in our experience if you choose to work with medical professionals, no matter how wonderful they are, be prepared to always be a vocal advocate for yourself and each other. Read up, learn as much as you can, start charting, and really get to know your cycles.

Good luck! I look forward to reading more about your journey as you two progress down the path.

JGY

Rebeckbec · August 2012

Thank you for writing ;-) Is this your first pregnancy? I am definitely interested in how things go for you as well! I think right now we just want to get information and then next summer start the process after meeting with doctors. We've been together for nearly 7 years and we do go back and forth on whether we want to have children or not. We really enjoy our time together and sometimes feel we want to keep it that way. But on the other side we're both in our 30s and love children. So at least meeting with doctors will give us a better idea of what things will look like for us.

Susie110709 · August 2012

Rebeckbec:
We've been together for nearly 7 years and we do go back and forth on whether we want to have children or not. We really enjoy our time together and sometimes feel we want to keep it that way. But on the other side we're both in our 30s and love children.

My hub and I had our little guy in March. We had started ttc and it happened prerty quickly. He didn't feel ready yet and thought we'd be giving up things we enjoy doing (hiking, backpacking, running, alone time). Yeah, we don't have much alone time anymore but he is a happy edition to everything else. It's truly an amazing feeling to see this sweet little man grow and change everyday. Goodluck to you and your wife in your journey!

Rebeckbec · August 2012

Thanks for sharing ;-) I bet you have such a good time with a four month old! I love babies!

singh13077 · August 2012

Hi

My partner and I are expecting twins in a few weeks. we went to cny fertility- is that the place u heard about? they are very nice there.

Rebeckbec · August 2012

Yes. Did you go to Rochester or Syracuse? If you don't mind me asking ;-) I know the Syracuse area better but I now live closer to Rochester so I'm not sure which one I would rather go to.

I am so excited for you! I hope your pregnancy has gone well. I would definitely be interested in hearing more if you would like to share!

ietcetera · August 2012

Hi all! This is my first post here (English is not my native language, but I'll try...)

Me (30yo) and my girlfriend (33yo) are engaged (and hope to get married as soon as the law will change here in Finland, we only have civil partnership here).

We have tried to get pregnant starting from fall 2011 (3 cycles) and now started again on monday Aug 15th. We have a donor (married w/kids) and we've been trying only at home w/"turkey baster" last fall but without any results.

But now (on monday + 2 days) we did IUI at home (my GF, who is gonna be the mommy, is a nurse so we got some good tool to do that and some advice from her work).

Here in Finland you can't buy sperm from bank to home, you can only order sperm online to some clinic who is willing to help female couples... and that is so expensive here. And we also have a law that the child has a right to know the donor (ordered sperm) when she/he is 18.

So that's why we are doing this at home. And our donor is anonymys, so we don't even know his name etc. And he will not be any part of our future family.

It was so nice to find forum that is also for LGBT parents

If you wanna read more about our journey, we have a blog in Finnish/English: sateenkaariperheeksi.wordpress.com

Good luck to all of you who are TTC!!!
And as I told my GF "Think fertile thoughts and dont stress"!

Rebeckbec · August 2012

I am so glad you posted. I wish you the best of luck and hope you have fun on here. People are so kind and really want to know your story.

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