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realisticdreams
member
My mom passed.
realisticdreams
member
Just before midnight Friday. She went home with my father (she refused to come here) around 4pm on Thursday. It's surreal. I was able to take the girls and my grandparents to see her sunday when they moved her out of ICU. She was in OK spirits (completely no emotions though) and recognized us all. I am glad that's my last image of her. Monday morning she started to go down hill and finally was able to get out on that Thursday. She couldn't speak after Wednesday. The last thing she said to me was something that i've been replaying over and over again, I don't know what she said. How long is it going to haunt me that I don't know her last words to me.
In the few days prior she told me to make sure I took care of the girls. and when I was upset she told me, "it will be ok, either way."
I was already this angry hateful person before, because of my childhood and the girls and now this. I feel like I'll never find the simple joy in anyone, ever again. I'm afraid to even talk to anyone because really, most people are petty and have experience nothing close to what I have, to what Peyton & Morgan have. I've lost what little bit remained of my filter.
FML.
DD1(4):VSD & PFO (Closed!), Prenatal stroke, Mild CP, Delayed pyloric opening/reflux, Brachycephaly & Plagiocephaly, Sacral lipoma, Tethered spinal cord, Compound heterozygous MTHFR, Neurogenic bladder, Urinary retention & dyssynergia, incomplete emptying, enlarged Bladder with Poor Muscle Tone, EDS-Type 3. Mito-Disorder has been mentioned
DD2(2.5): Late term premie due to PTL, low fluid & IUGR, Reflux, delayed visual maturation, compound heteroygous MTHFR, PFAPA, Bilateral kidney reflux, Transient hypogammaglobulinemia, EDS-Type 3
http://justthetipblogg.blogspot.com, The Neglected Blog.
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Re: My mom passed.
I feel this way all the time. That noone could possibly offer me words of comfort or even begin to grasp the tip of what my experiences and feelings have been.
I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss.
I am sorry you are going through this and my condolences to your family.
As far as her "last words" go, I am not sure you need to put any stake in them. I think it it rare that someone would know if what they said would be the last time they talked to a person. Also, if the cancer had moved to her brain, then you really cannot take what she said too much to heart. As someone who has been there, mindful communication is impossible at the end stages of brain cancer and you really can't let it affect you.
Hugs....
((hugs)) Keeping you in my prayers. It's ok to go through all these emotions and not have a filter for a while. That's healthier than acting like Susie Sunshine. Use your blog or a journal and just blast it out there. (I prefer a journal so I don't have to deal with fallout from people.)
Hang in there, lady.
I'm sorry for your loss, and so sorry for the turmoil that it's brought to your life as you've had to deal with your mom dying.
I'd try to concentrate on your last image more than the last words, since that sounds like it was comforting for you. And I hope this doesn't sound flip, but it's possible that if you try to let up on replaying the words, your brain will put them together. Maybe you'll process things through a dream/dreams at some point in a way that will either help you, or help you let it go.
I know in the years since my grandparents have died, I've had dreams every so often that were comforting/reassuring.
Anger is part of the process. Anger that is easily compounded because you, and your girls, are already dealing with so much. That's okay. Just remember that you need to take care of yourself, even more so than usual; and find a safe outlet for that anger so it doesn't fester.
We're here!
DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
It sounds like you may be beating yourself up for the way you are feeling right now. Don't. No matter the circumstances, it is hard to lose someone who has been so vital in shaping who you are. And, with the extra challenges you've faced with your 2 girls, you have every right to feel whatever you are feeling right now.
As another poster mentioned, it is okay not to have a filter for a while.
Hugs to you and your family.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Give yourself time. You've been through a lot. You have a lot of feelings right now that you are 100% allowed to feel - this is a journey, not a short one either. Try to give yourself a break.
And people in general don't know what to say during times like this - never mind with surrounding circumstances. Sometimes they say the stupidist sh!t and sometimes nothing - both can be equally hurtful.
Just hang on, one day at a time.
I'm sorry for your loss
Bronx Zoo: Summer 2013
To read my blog, click on the giraffe pic below!
DS 09/2008
I'm so sorry for your loss.
{{hugs}} to you and your family.