Cry it out at 22 months? Or give in to DS's every wish at bed?

Mishelle62 · August 2012

Long story short, our 22 month old son no longer goes to bed without a fight. "read book" is his #1 way to get us to stay in his room longer and longer than usual. If I read to him for an hour, its still not enough. This happens with naps and bed time. Tonight is the 8th night in a row and tonight, I've had enough.

He's crying and I type this, watching him on the monitor, hes standing in his crib yelling mommy. is this going to traumatize him or is it ok to let him cry to sleep? I honestly dont know what else do to. We bought a new night light, he has the starty sky one..help?! TIA!

Kitiara5512 · August 2012

CIO. Start slowly, and go in after 5-10 minutes, do not pick him up, just a hug, I love you, its time for night night. That is the softy method but we did it that way and he was fine.

synchrosally · August 2012

I typed out a really long response and the bump ate it.

Basically straight CIO never worked for our son. We had to do a more gradual method. Here is a detailed description on my blog.

https://synchrosally.blogspot.ca/2012/05/sleep-training-take-one-million.html

(Ignore any current posts about DS being a holy terror at bedtime. Summer has really messed with his sleep).

[Deleted User] · August 2012

If you didn't already have a bedtime routine established, this is a really great time to do it. At a time OTHER than bedtime, you & DH need to decide what you want to do with LO, and then do that. Tell LO what it will be, then do it, and put him to bed.

Honestly, you are not helping the kid at all by asking "how high" when he says jump. This will set your relationship for life. While it's fine to do things that your kid wants, you also need to have some sort of standards for yourself. There has to be a balance, and buying LO a different nightlight because the one you got isn't good enough is really a pattern that you'll want to just stop now.

As for the actual crying to go to sleep, that's your call & comfort level. I'd read up on the actual method of CIO, because it's not all just shutting the door & saying "good luck sucker" until they fall asleep. That might be damaging.

Mishelle62 · August 2012

sofamonkey:

If you didn't already have a bedtime routine established, this is a really great time to do it. At a time OTHER than bedtime, you & DH need to decide what you want to do with LO, and then do that. Tell LO what it will be, then do it, and put him to bed.

Honestly, you are not helping the kid at all by asking "how high" when he says jump. This will set your relationship for life. While it's fine to do things that your kid wants, you also need to have some sort of standards for yourself. There has to be a balance, and buying LO a different nightlight because the one you got isn't good enough is really a pattern that you'll want to just stop now.

As for the actual crying to go to sleep, that's your call & comfort level. I'd read up on the actual method of CIO, because it's not all just shutting the door & saying "good luck sucker" until they fall asleep. That might be damaging.

I agree to so much in this, thank you. DH is more likely to JUMP and high, as soon as DS tells him to. I feel like the bad guy, but I know I'm right when i say that doing whatever he wants is only hurting the situation. As far as the CIO, the past two nights I've gone in every 10-15 mins, given him his teddy bear that he throws out of the crib, I tell him im not picking him up and that he needs to lay down and go to sleep. I actually just did that and luckily, it worked. Hes asleep. I do need to read more about the methods though. I pray that this is just a phase.

SoDoMojo · August 2012

Kitiara5512:
CIO. Start slowly, and go in after 5-10 minutes, do not pick him up, just a hug, I love you, its time for night night. That is the softy method but we did it that way and he was fine.

This is what I do when DS is fighting it.

I have only ever read him 2 books before bed (one of them is the exact same bedtime book every night). He usually goes down just fine but if not I just go and shoosh him, tell him night night and leave.

We also sleep trained around 6 months so it's easier for me to just let him deal cuz I know he can do it on his own.

nanabanana06 · August 2012

Compared to most moms on here I am the wicked witch of the west when it comes to bedtime. DD will cry when we leave. We just leave her be. We found going in just made her cry more and longer. So I put her in and leave. Unless I hear something concerning or she has cried longer than 20 to 30 minutes I do not go in there. It works for us, I was the same way as a kid. She then sleeps for 12 hours. We don't wake up till like 10 to 10:30 at our house.

ShellShockedMama · August 2012

We did sleep lady shuffle and modified CIO otherwise he'd still be sleeping in my bed. DS has always been a bad sleeper but the sleep methods have helped to get him out of my bed for 80% of his sleeping.

kcisthebombdotcom · August 2012

Another idea besides CIO--a picture chart for bedtime. Get actual pictures (or drawing it out works for some kids too) of all the steps of his bedtime routine and go through his schedule with him as you go through the motions. With regards to books, give him two books for bedtime. Let him choose. When the reading activity is all done, you could make the last picture of the picture chart an actual picture of him you take while he's sleeping so he knows that it's time to lie down and go to bed.
There's a good sample of one on this blog:

https://iowastatefairchallenge.blogspot.com/2011/01/toddler-bedtimes.html

Wufroggy79 · August 2012

I would say it needs to be in the middle of you two questions. Not CIO but not giving into what he wants either. I think a balance inbetween will probably be the smoothest route.

nosoup4u · August 2012

We always have clear endings for bedtime books - we read x amount, and then I remind them "this is the last book" a few times while reading the last one.

Have you tried "I'm going to the bathroom, and will be back in a minute"? Go out, check back on him every few minutes until he's asleep. I think the "No Cry Sleep" book for Toddlers/Kids has more details for that strategy.

Maybe practicing your bedtime routine during the day would help, too? Go through the motions, and then tell him "now mommy leaves and you go to sleep". He might be old enough for that to work.

Snapdragon750 · August 2012

I vote CIO, and no, this will not traumatize him, but here's a suggestion to minimize YOUR trauma:

Decide how long you think your bedtime routine should be (say a half hour), and set a timer. Introduce the timer to your son, and tell him that when it goes off, it's bedtime. No more stories; just good night, a kiss, and lights out, and you're not coming back in. Then go about your regular routine, but when the timer goes off, kiss, good night, then bedtime. Then stick to it and don't come back in whether he cries or not. Do that even if the timer goes off in the middle of a story. You'll finish it the next night.

This can work better than just straight "I'm not coming back in and this time I mean it!" because the timer signals a different routine. He's never experienced this timer before, and he might be more likely to accept its authority than yours.