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Baby Showers
taylor&derrick
member
]
3 showers!!!!!!
taylor&derrick
member
in Baby Showers
So when I found out I was pregnant I immediatly told my little sister and mom. My sister is the nanny of the baby and immediatly told me that she was throwing my shower and I was super excited that she wanted to be so involved. My parents are seperate and have been since I was 2. So his wife will be throwing me a shower by their house since the 2 families live further away even thow my mom and his wife will be at eachothers shower. Thats not my issue though. My problem is that now my future MIL wants to throw me a shower as well. They do not live that far, all about maybe 45 mins from us. Our families have not been very close matter of fact they never did anything since me and my fiance been together (2 years) . Maybe I am over reacting but I kinda wanted them to have a baby shower together, it also hurts my feeling being that they come camping this way almost every weekend but dont want to compromise with my sister. My sister even offered to have it in the middle so everyone could attend from both sides but hse did not want to have them together. 
I know theres nothing I can probably do but it just hurts my feelings and being that I am going to be 8 months pregnant it just sucks that I will be attending not only 2 but 3!
Is it wrong of me to be complaining? Just to me it seems alot! Would love to hear yall opinions! Thanks 
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This discussion has been closed.
Re: 3 showers!!!!!!
Yup, it's wrong. I mean, you feel what you feel, but you have 3 people who want to throw you a shower including a future MIL who is trying to do something nice...suck it up, be grateful and smile.
I don't know why you think that since they camp in your area that would make them want to throw a shower with your sister?
I would think that because whats the big deal of putting the showers together. Why does everything got to be seperated when it comes to that side of the family. I dont understand it. I am very grateful but I am also very family oriented and at the end of the day all I want is the whole family to be invoved!!! And I never heard of someone having 2 showers I am a FTM! Throwing a shower with my sister doesnt sound that far fetch shes the nanny and the fact of them always coming up here for camping but telling my sister that "its to far away"?
I'm honestly just shocked that you are complaining about the fact that people WANT to throw you a baby shower. Seriously? Amd "I'm sad that I will have to attend 3 showers when I'm 8 months pregnant"??? WTF? Like it's that hard to attend a party in your honor and open gifts for your baby? Boo-freaking-hoo.
And for the record, I had 4 showers when I was pregnant with my daughter. My Mom threw one for her friends, my friends threw one, MIL threw one, and I also had a small work shower. It's not abnormal to have more than one shower. I would way rather attend a small shower where I know most of the people and can socialize, rather than a 150 people shower where I don't know 2/3 of the guests.
Congrats on your 4 showers! Honestly I personally would have liked them to actually want to do something with my family for once! Maybe if you knew the whole story you wouldnt be so rude! Some people would like for their inlaws and family to do something together. Didnt realize that was a huge issue. Your opinion is different then mine... maybe you should learn how to state things without being rude! I wanted mature adult like comments apparently you can not do that! Thanks for your obnoxious remarks
Also next time you want to quote me make sure you quote exactly what was said, thats the point of the quotes. My actual statement was "being that I am going to be 8 months pregnant it just sucks that I will be attending not only 2 but 3!"
You asked for opinions. You got them. Don't attack people for giving opinions. Though I understand you wanting your families to meet, if they are uncomfortable with it over a shower (which is a gift from someone else) it is rude to complain about the shower.
@ morgan2010: Thanks for understanding. Glad someone understands where I am coming from. They never want to do anything with my family! They havent even met before. My future MIL has always been difficult with me everything me and my finace ask her to do she wants the complete opposite. I always been such a family person and I dont want to have seperate everything such as babys birthdays, holidays ect. I am just really trying to pull the family together and shes fighting me on everything.
Oh and btw this is the same woman (my future MIL) who called me selftish because I wanted to finish college! If i quit the fiance and I would be in major bond and plus I think its going to benefit our family. Plus I know that even if I took a break theres a high chance I wont go back. I rather just get it done. So anyways she called me selfish
I dont find that I was attacking I actually feel attack and yes I was asking for opinions but there are ways to say it no need for people to be rude! We are adults we should know how to talk to people.
If you think that my response was rude then you are in for an interesting experience on the bump, dear.
Maybe your "future MIL" doesn't want to deal with your family...did you ever think of that?
You should be grateful that all of these people want to throw you and your "fiance" a baby shower. It will save you a lot of money and help you guys to prepare for this huge life change that is about to happen to you...
I honestly was not complaining sorry if it came off that way and I have tried to make things together with them before and its always an excuse. I really would like for my family and his fmaily to actually do something together A) before baby and
before our wedding.
I have been on the bump and never have I had someone be so rude. Everyone is usually very helpful and if they have a different opinion then mine they state it in a more respectful manner. So again thanks.
Ohhhhkaaayyy. Looks like you've been on the bump for 3 months. I'm sure you have seen some snark in that time? I really wasn't trying to be rude, just being honest. You asked for opinions, I gave mine. You sounded like an entitled 20 year old brat.
If you want your families to meet and hang out, why not plan a BBQ or dinner party? When DH and I got engaged, I planned a happy hour at a nice bar and invited his parents and my parents, it was a nice time and everyone got to chat and get to know each other.
Good luck with your pregnancy.
Honestly NO I havent seen snark. I dont know why your being like this yes I am 20 and I feel like I have more respect for people when I talk to them. What is your problem? If you want to give an opinion Tthats fine I dont have a problem with people disagreeing withme but why not say it nicely. There are ways to say things. AGAIN I TRIED TO INVITE THEM ALL THE TIME TO DO THINGS WITH MY SIDE OF THE FAMILY AND THEY REFUSE!!!!
Good luck with yours too
Please don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like your future MIL is choosing not to interact with your family on purpose and it may be because you are young and not yet married. If you got engaged after you found out you were pregnant, then she may have some resentment towards you and how you might be ruining her son's life. I am not saying you are, but sometimes you have to think of it from a mother's perspective.
You just may have to live with separate functions until after the baby is born and she can begin to visualize the three of you as a family and not just you as the twit her son knocked up.
Again, maybe I am wrong (and I hope so), but you might need to give her some time to come around. 20 is young and for most couples, it's too young to be having a baby and getting married. Unfortunately you will probably have to spend a lot of time "proving yourself'. The best way to do it is to avoid any scenarios where she can label you as immature. Be the bigger person here and let her do this her way for now.
My fiance and I have been engaged before I was pregnant. She also did this to his older brother with his new wife. I personally dont feel that 20 is young for getting married or having a baby. We had a good history with her at first only when my fiance decided that we were going to move closer to my college so it wouldnt be inconveinece to me is when things fell apart. I watched how things unfolded with my future BIL and his now wife and she always feel like we are taking her sons away. His brother will be 30 next week and my fiance is 24. I dont think is has anything to do with me being 20 being that she was 18 when she got pregnant and has been with her childrens dad since then. I tried talking to her and letting her know that this was really important for derrick and I as far as meeting my side of the family. My fiance has also went over to her house after work and try and talk and she called me selfish for the whole finishing college thing, then the whole moving thing, and then she wanted a JR. and so on ... Literally everything we want she fights us on. Then when derrick doesnt talk to her for like a week because he is so upset with her its my fault that hes not talking to her and he keeps telling her its not me its her. She is pushing him away and I really dont want that I want our whole family. I was raised that family is everything and I want my child to see that family is everything.
Thanks for posting so kindly. I really appreciate that.
This is very true for DH and I too. We are a young couple (21 and 23) and my parents are horribly disproving. We were married first and this is a planned pregnancy. Age could be an unfortunate factor here. I can't say your MIL will come around for sure, but it does take time and I understand because I am a huge family person too.
I really dont think thats what it is... We wanted to be married first obviously but we were talking about having a baby and everyone knew that we were talking about it and everyone was very excited for it. It just happened sooner then our wedding. I hope we can go back to how we were in the begining because she was so excited about us getting married and when we told her I was pregnant, everything changed when we moved.
Then her words began being hurtful. I sure do hope she does come along. I want that more than anything.
ITA!! If you want them to be a big family unit, then YOU set up and do something, don't expect them to plan something and then expect them to get together for you...but since you said you tried and it didn't work, maybe you should just let things develop on it's own. Don't stress about multiple showers that are out of your control, enjoy it, and realize everyone is there to celebrate you with the people they want to, you don't have to do anything.
**lurker with an opinion**
Did it occur to you that your MIL is thinking a combined shower away from where they and her family live might be a bit much? And/or that it might be too many people for one shower?
I know many people who have multiple showers simply because to invite all people who may need/want to be invited is way too many people for one shower. And maybe it wouldn't be too far for your future MIL to come to a shower, but maybe she feels like it's a bit much to ask all the people she would like to have at her shower drive all that way. You do realize that the same people will not be at all these showers, right?
Last, I think you have too high expectations for your families coming together. When that works, it's great. But, I would venture to say the majority of the time, in-laws do not just hang out and spend all holidays, events together. Now, your child's birthday parties, etc. will be different. You will plan those and invite everybody. And I'm sure that will not be a problem, but expecting them to get together for everything else may be too much as everybody has their own routines and traditions. And that's okay. You learn to deal and be happy.
You sound like a whiney 20-year-old who has not really had to deal with the realities of real life.
All this. You can't force your IL's to get along. Just the same, you can't force your MIL to behave a certain way towards you.
And I would agree with those who have said that age may be playing a role here. You said she had her children when she was 18, so she should be supportive. Honey, often that logic works exactly the opposite. She knows how difficult it was to be a young mother, what she had to sacrifice for her children, how quickly she had to grow up - and she may very well have hoped for different for her own children. Not because she regrets the experience, but don't we always want our children's lives to be easier than ours was? Marrying young is one thing, being responsible for a child changes your life in ways you cannot understand until it actually happens to you.
Part of being an adult is being able to appreciate different perspectives, regardless of whether you agree with them. Yes, she couldbe BSC, but she could also have a very valid concern.
I agree with this. I have a bit of this type of dynamics in my family. My brother married a woman and I swear the only time my parents had anything to do with her parents (her family) was at the wedding and kid's birthday parties. Otherwise they never socialized - ever. Personally I thought her parents were weird...but that is my opinion. It might end up that way for you as well. Since you are not hosting any of these showers there is not much you can do. Once your LO is born you will then be able to have birhtday parties, Christmas parties, etc. and invite everyone. It will then be their choice to come or not.
You might even have more than these 3 showers. If you work they might also give you one. LOL I had 3 but only one was family (it did include both sides but we had been married for 5 1/2 years so they were used to coming to our parties at the same time). I doubt you'll be that uncomfortable at 8 months. I never felt better than when I was pregnant!
Before coming on the bump, I never heard of people having more than one shower per baby, except in the case of informal work showers.
This one shower for friends, one for the MTB's family, one for the FTB's family, it is all new to me. We just have one with everyone included. Of course, that makes it a PITA for the hostess/es, but that is usually how it is done.
But, you have 3 people that care about you and are excited enough to want to host a shower. I know that want you wanted was a bigger shower where everyone was included, but that is not what you got.
Accept that your MIL has her reasons. You may have issues with her and her reasoning, but she is still celebrating your baby with a shower that she is throwing. Let it be. Maybe she doesn't like your family, maybe her family always throws smaller showers for just their people.
Whatever the case, enjoy your 3 showers and don't get upset that you are not getting the one big one. Everyone attending is still coming out of love for you and the baby and THAT is the only thing that matters.
Here's the thing, in the future, when you are hosting and paying, you can tell everyone, I'm doing 1 birthday party, Thanksgiving, etc. Then, it can be your way and people will either come or they won't. However, when someone else is hosting/paying, they can do it their way, and if they want to throw seperate parties then that's their prerogative.
If you want to try and bring your family together, why don't you have a brunch or a BBQ, not baby related, just a get together, so everyone can get to know eachother.
ETA- I hadn't read any responses when I posted, sorry for repeating other peoples' good advice.
I only had one shower, and I admit I was exhausted and on the day of I really just wanted to stay at home and watch Netflix with no bra on. But that's not the right thing to do. I was 38 weeks, which is a little late, but I can't imagine having to do three of those.
Hopefully the hostesses will ask you about dates for the showers, and when they do just try to give them all separate months, or a wide range of dates, so that way they won't end up close together. I would imagine they will be easier to enjoy if they're separated enough.
This. If you want them to all get together put something together yourself. IMO it's not really that big of a deal if your parents and your IL's don't get along that well.
Three showers is not really that big of a deal either. I mean, you are going to be getting a TON of stuff and your fiance's family would feel more comfortable being around people they know. Since you're not married and they haven't met your family, it doesn't seem odd to me. I am sure you have this picture of one BIG happy family, and that's okay, but you can't expect it over night.
Also, when you're posting, (regardless of your age) if you want people to take you seriously don't post like a teenager. Don't use ALL CAPITAL LETTERS TO TRY TO EMPHASIZE YOUR POINT and don't use fifteen exclamations points to express your excitement!!!!!!!!!!! Space out your paragraphs and use spell check. This is not intended to be snarky or mean but rather to help you get your point across and be taken seriously. I'm 23 but I won't ever be accused of being young simply by my post.
I really do wish you the best of luck. Congratulations on your pregnancy.
If they want to throw you 3 showers, let them throw you three showers. I always say it's okay as long as they won't have the same guests.
Henry Cavill...You're welcome!
BFP #3: EDD 1/10/13 **DS born 12/30/12!!!**
BFP #2: MC 7/2/11 @ 12 weeks
**Missing our February '12 LoveBug**
BFP #1: MMC discovered on 12/6/10
First, the other ladies have valid points as to reasons why she may not want to combine showers: space constraints, costs, a whole group of people she doesn't know, etc. Whatever her reasons, they are what they are.
Second, you're not being realistic about wanting everyone on both sides present on birthdays and holidays. While I get along spectacularly with my in-laws, my husband has a great relationship with my folks, and our families have met and got along fabulously, we still do separate celebrations with each side. It's easier, less hectic, and a lot more intimate that way.
Third, you've been on the bump for 3 months, and haven't run into snark yet?? I'm calling bullshiit on that one. Maybe it wasn't directed at you, but I can't imagine that you haven't encountered snark directed at someone before now. I haven't been snarked at, either, but I've damn sure seen it!
Also, if you don't want 3 showers, you can always politely decline one. But it looks to me like you've got 3 people who really do care about you, maybe not see eye to eye with you, but care at any rate, and are excited about your pregnancy. I say let 'em throw the separate showers, relax and enjoy every second of them, and maybe throw a Meet the Baby party after kiddo arrives, and invite both sides of the family!
I just can't get over someone complaining about being the center of attention at three parties where all you have to do is sit around, let people fawn on you, eat cake and open presents. #FWP
I triple everyone that has stated that you can't make people get along. If they don't want to have a joint shower, they won't.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
Wow! All I have to say is I find it so funny that some of yall are very judgmental and want to call yourselves adults and the fact that all you want to throw at me is my age. Sorry but 20 is not that young and whether you like it or not I am an adult. Theres a difference in trying to be helpful and being a complete ***! No sorry I havent seen snark yet until now, I am not the immature one going to look for it like some of you! When I see someones post that is wanting to vent or to try and get advise I say my opinion with respect to that poster even if I may disagree with them. There is no reason to be rude, obnoxious, and attacking someone over the internet. Yall are supposed to be adults? Yes, I call my sister the "nanny" to my unborn child. I dont see anything wrong with that. My personal preferance. Noone said you had to do that for your child. If yall dont like someones post why comment or make yall selves look like asses. Seems like some of yall just want to completly attack people and are way to literal. I think my wants of having a close family is realistic sorry for those who werent raised that way but is it really necessary to say someone isnt being realistic just because you dont believe the same things I do. I was being a whiny little 20 year old so please try again with something else. Maybe your being a old hag... whos to say! Maybe if yall knew my MIL this post wouldnt be like this, now I know if the background of some information is to long to not even worry about posting a question like this.
For those of you who know how to post a mature disagreement I truely appreciate it.
Thanks for all yalls post. The immature and the mature.
FTFY, and DAMN, it took me awhile. Spell check is your friend, as is using proper grammar.
Just a thought...maybe people wouldn't jump on your age so much if you could properly string a thought together, instead of posting run on rants that are nearly illegible.
Actually, she called her Nanny, not "the nanny". If the OP is Catholic or Southern (or possibly both), Nanny is a term of endearment and another name for a Godmother. Godfather is Parrain.
I could be wrong, but I don't think she was referring to her as the babysitter.
Hey Melle, did you ever wonder what it looked like to give someone too much credit? Here ya go :-D
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
Yeah, that was definitely my point too. If you want to be taken seriously write like an adult.