Thought I was pregnant, devastated that I'm not

LKD87 · July 2012

My husband and I been TTC for a few months now and this time we REALLY thought we had. My period is NEVER late, but it didn't show up last Monday when it was supposed to. With each day we got more and more excited. Took a test when it was 2 days late and got a BFN, figured no big deal I just tested too early probably, decided I would wait a week. My boobs were hurting, I was really tired, felt a little queasy. Then on Saturday I started bleeding (what would have been 5 days late). Thought at first it might be IB, but it picked up by the end of the night in the amount of bleeding I was having.

I feel silly for being this upset, but I'm fighting tears constantly and find myself being jealous of pregnant women and new moms, both friends and total strangers. I hate feeling like this. The other thing that gets to me is that it doesn't seem to bother my DH at all. I'm completely heartbroken and he is so impassive about it. Going through this TTC emotional roller coaster is becoming really hard on me and very lonesome because I don't know anyone who is/has had difficulty TTC. Everyone I know has gotten pregnant within 2 months of trying or by a total fluke when they weren't even trying.

andy71781 · July 2012

LKD87:
My husband and I been TTC for a few months now and this time we REALLY thought we had. My period is NEVER late, but it didn't show up last Monday when it was supposed to. With each day we got more and more excited. Took a test when it was 2 days late and got a BFN, figured no big deal I just tested too early probably, decided I would wait a week. My boobs were hurting, I was really tired, felt a little queasy. Then on Saturday I started bleeding (what would have been 5 days late). Thought at first it might be IB, but it picked up by the end of the night in the amount of bleeding I was having.
I feel silly for being this upset, but I'm fighting tears constantly and find myself being jealous of pregnant women and new moms, both friends and total strangers. I hate feeling like this. The other thing that gets to me is that it doesn't seem to bother my DH at all. I'm completely heartbroken and he is so impassive about it. Going through this TTC emotional roller coaster is becoming really hard on me and very lonesome because I don't know anyone who is/has had difficulty TTC. Everyone I know has gotten pregnant within 2 months of trying or by a total fluke when they weren't even trying.

This was me 10 months ago. I understand how you feel. Please know, however, that you are still very early in this process of getting pregnant. Getting this upset at 2-3 months in is not healthy or productive.

chickstee · July 2012

If you spend some time lurking here you'll see a lot of ladies that have spent well over "a few months" TTC and still haven't got pregnant. It's not uncommon. Just because your DH isn't getting upset doesn't mean he doesn't care. Only trying for a few months isn't a long amount of time. Are you charting? You might not even be having sex in your fertile window.

I'm sorry you are feeling so lonely in this, but just know that you're not alone. Getting pregnant within 2 months like everyone you know is very lucky and not common.

jenaw84 · July 2012

TTC can cause you to have all kinds of feelings through excitement and disappointment. Are you charting/temping to keep up with your cycles? After 8 cycles I can say that it still sucks when another one passes us by, you just have to do what you can to get through it with your H. Just because he doesn't get all emotional doesn't mean it's not getting to him too, some guys just don't show much emotion. H doesn't show a lot, but I appreciate it because he helps me on my bad days when he's strong enough for both of us.

NickiChick · July 2012

I noticed you are using The Bump to track ovulation. My advice is to ditch that and check out fertility friend and order some wondfo opk's. I know it's rough at the beginning, but you have to remind yourself that it can take a healthy couple up to a year to conceive. Good Luck.

LnR70707 · July 2012

Anything under 6 months is really no time at all, even though it doesn't feel like it when you are at that point. As for your DH, I think it is pretty normal for it not to hit them as hard, particularly this soon into trying. My DH was always supportive, but wasn't noticeably upset until after my 1st surgery and we'd started medicated cycles after over a year of trying.

NickiChick · July 2012

One more tip...Try to pick up a new hobby to take your mind off TTC. When I noticed myself getting stressed about it, I started teaching myself how to sew. I know it might sound weird, but it really helped.

sugarmamma · July 2012

NickiChick:
One more tip...Try to pick up a new hobby to take your mind off TTC. When I noticed myself getting stressed about it, I started teaching myself how to sew. I know it might sound weird, but it really helped.

This. I find when I'm busy I'm a lot less stressed.

When in doubt, start cleaning like a mad woman. Lol

af1274 · July 2012

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I've definitely had those feelings as well, and it seems that during the start of a new cycle, it's the worst. It's also so tough seeing other people get pregnant easily or without even trying when it's something you want so badly.

Although your DH might seem impassive, I'm sure he's feeling the same way you are, he just isn't expressing it. My DH is similar. I would try talking it out with him.

Also, just because you haven't been trying as long as other people here, doesn't mean it shouldn't hurt when CD1 comes around. Someone always has it harder or has always struggled longer. I live with chronic pain every single day, but I wouldn't tell someone with body aches that they aren't allowed to complain about them to me because I have them all the time. It's okay to take the time to be upset and discouraged as long as you can pick yourself up again and keep trying.

Good luck. Hopefully this is your cycle.

sccalla · July 2012

The emotions that come when a cycle passes without a pregnancy can be a lot to handle. It's okay to be mad or sad or frustrated even if you haven't been TTC for a long time. I hope you are able to find some comfort in knowing that lots of other women are riding the same roller coaster.

KdgTeacher · July 2012

af1274:

Also, just because you haven't been trying as long as other people here, doesn't mean it shouldn't hurt when CD1 comes around. Someone always has it harder or has always struggled longer. I live with chronic pain every single day, but I wouldn't tell someone with body aches that they aren't allowed to complain about them to me because I have them all the time. It's okay to take the time to be upset and discouraged as long as you can pick yourself up again and keep trying.

Good luck. Hopefully this is your cycle.

sccalla:
The emotions that come when a cycle passes without a pregnancy can be a lot to handle. It's okay to be mad or sad or frustrated even if you haven't been TTC for a long time. I hope you are able to find some comfort in knowing that lots of other women are riding the same roller coaster.

Yes, but fighting back tears when seeing people out in public after TTC for 1-3 months? Come on--that's a bit over the top.

PrimRoseMama · July 2012

It's still early for you yet. Yes, it stinks to not get what you want right away, but impatience (a couple months does not constitute "struggling" or "having trouble" FYI) is not a fertility issue. Feeling jealous of others' pregnancies so early on is not healthy. Try to find a new hobby & as much as I hate to say this, relax. Getting this worked up every time CD1 comes around will give you anxiety fits & make you miserable. It is not abnormal for it to take a full year with no issues & perfect timing.

Chin up, drink a glass of wine (or stronger spirits if you prefer) & have some chocolate. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but the sun will rise tomorrow.

sccalla · July 2012

KdgTeacher:
af1274:

Also, just because you haven't been trying as long as other people here, doesn't mean it shouldn't hurt when CD1 comes around. Someone always has it harder or has always struggled longer. I live with chronic pain every single day, but I wouldn't tell someone with body aches that they aren't allowed to complain about them to me because I have them all the time. It's okay to take the time to be upset and discouraged as long as you can pick yourself up again and keep trying.

Good luck. Hopefully this is your cycle.

sccalla:
The emotions that come when a cycle passes without a pregnancy can be a lot to handle. It's okay to be mad or sad or frustrated even if you haven't been TTC for a long time. I hope you are able to find some comfort in knowing that lots of other women are riding the same roller coaster.

Yes, but fighting back tears when seeing people out in public after TTC for 1-3 months? Come on--that's a bit over the top.

Would it be my reaction? Probably not, but I figure everyone has their own way of dealing with things. Being able to take ownership of those feelings and to know that it's not wrong to be upset is a worthwhile process. I don't feel like it is my place to judge OP's feelings but I do feel like I can offer her kindness and encouragement.

[Deleted User] · July 2012

sccalla:
KdgTeacher:
af1274:

Also, just because you haven't been trying as long as other people here, doesn't mean it shouldn't hurt when CD1 comes around. Someone always has it harder or has always struggled longer. I live with chronic pain every single day, but I wouldn't tell someone with body aches that they aren't allowed to complain about them to me because I have them all the time. It's okay to take the time to be upset and discouraged as long as you can pick yourself up again and keep trying.

Good luck. Hopefully this is your cycle.

sccalla:
The emotions that come when a cycle passes without a pregnancy can be a lot to handle. It's okay to be mad or sad or frustrated even if you haven't been TTC for a long time. I hope you are able to find some comfort in knowing that lots of other women are riding the same roller coaster.

Yes, but fighting back tears when seeing people out in public after TTC for 1-3 months? Come on--that's a bit over the top.

Would it be my reaction? Probably not, but I figure everyone has their own way of dealing with things. Being able to take ownership of those feelings and to know that it's not wrong to be upset is a worthwhile process. I don't feel like it is my place to judge OP's feelings but I do feel like I can offer her kindness and encouragement.

The thing I try to remember when I am having a strong reaction to CD1 is that not only are you illegitimately disappointed, but a lot of women (myself absolutely included) are so emotional around AF its like a double whammy.

That being said, I am a big believer that you have to find your own joy in other's as well as your own life. The only part of this post that I would be concerned with is the part about it already being hard to be around other women who are PG. That is where I think a new coping strategy might need to be employed.

BellaLux · July 2012

LKD87:

My husband and I been TTC for a few months now and this time we REALLY thought we had. My period is NEVER late, but it didn't show up last Monday when it was supposed to. With each day we got more and more excited. Took a test when it was 2 days late and got a BFN, figured no big deal I just tested too early probably, decided I would wait a week. My boobs were hurting, I was really tired, felt a little queasy. Then on Saturday I started bleeding (what would have been 5 days late). Thought at first it might be IB, but it picked up by the end of the night in the amount of bleeding I was having.

I feel silly for being this upset, but I'm fighting tears constantly and find myself being jealous of pregnant women and new moms, both friends and total strangers. I hate feeling like this. The other thing that gets to me is that it doesn't seem to bother my DH at all. I'm completely heartbroken and he is so impassive about it. Going through this TTC emotional roller coaster is becoming really hard on me and very lonesome because I don't know anyone who is/has had difficulty TTC. Everyone I know has gotten pregnant within 2 months of trying or by a total fluke when they weren't even trying.

You are not having difficulty TTC, well within the normal range so all hope is not loss:-) As pp stated, you may just be mising your FW, so if you are not already doing so, charting/temping/using OPKs will help a lot! Good luck!

CutieBean79 · July 2012

I would definitely recommend you read the book "The Impatient Woman's Guide to Getting Pregnant". It is an easy read and will hopefully make you feel empowered and normal. GL

LKD87 · July 2012

Well maybe "difficulty" was a poor choice of wording. I meant difficult time in comparison to individuals I know IRL. Like I said before, everyone I know has gotten pregnant in 2 months or less. I'm not by any means saying I am worried I have some sort of fertility issue. Haven't even considered seeing a specialist or anything like that yet. I realize it is far too early for that. I really just needed a place to vent my disappointment because this was the first time in the 6 months we've been trying (not 1-3 as someone else wrote) that AF didn't show up right on time. I have actually handled it okay when she shows up on time. Have I been let down when she arrives - yes, crying about it - no. Which is probably why I felt silly this time, but also why I got on here because I don't know anyone IRL who had to try for more than a couple months to get pregnant. I do realize that is not the norm (at least from lurking on the boards and looking at other sites). I also realize that 6 months is a drop in the bucket in comparison to other women on this site, that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when you find out you aren't pregnant.

As for the "fighting tears" comment, I meant I was fighting tears constantly yesterday. I was having a rough day yesterday, not everyday. I didn't word it like that, my mistake. I can totally see where that got misconstrued, oops!

Thank you to those that had kind words and were respectful of how I was feeling.

Baby Dust to All!!!

ShawndraElizabeth · July 2012

LKD87:
Well maybe "difficulty" was a poor choice of wording. I meant difficult time in comparison to individuals I know IRL. Like I said before, everyone I know has gotten pregnant in 2 months or less. I'm not by any means saying I am worried I have some sort of fertility issue. Haven't even considered seeing a specialist or anything like that yet. I realize it is far too early for that. I really just needed a place to vent my disappointment because this was the first time in the 6 months we've been trying (not 1-3 as someone else wrote) that AF didn't show up right on time. I have actually handled it okay when she shows up on time. Have I been let down when she arrives - yes, crying about it - no. Which is probably why I felt silly this time, but also why I got on here because I don't know anyone IRL who had to try for more than a couple months to get pregnant. I do realize that is not the norm (at least from lurking on the boards and looking at other sites). I also realize that 6 months is a drop in the bucket in comparison to other women on this site, that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when you find out you aren't pregnant.
As for the "fighting tears" comment, I meant I was fighting tears constantly yesterday. I was having a rough day yesterday, not everyday. I didn't word it like that, my mistake. I can totally see where that got misconstrued, oops!
Thank you to those that had kind words and were respectful of how I was feeling.
Baby Dust to All!!!

If you aren't charting, I would highly suggest that you try it out, because then you will know when you are truly late (instead of maybe just having ovulated later than usual, which would cause a late period). It could prevent this type of disappointment in the future.

Good luck!

KLG5585 · August 2012

I just wanted to say that I totally understand how your feeling. I actually starting looking at the message boards because I was having similiar feelings. We have been TTC for three months now, got my period this monday and today someone I work with found out she was pregnant, I sat in my office and cried for about an hour. I wasnt sure if I was being selfish and overreacting but it was my response none the less. I think your feelings are completely normal and appropriate. Anyway just wanted to know you are not alone. Good Luck!

btsrc5 · August 2012

I too would recommend charting with FF, temping and using OPKs. I understand being upset and disappointed, but maybe charting will help deal with some of the emotions because you will know for sure when you are officially "late" (instead of just ovulating later thus pushing your expected AF back some)

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