Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
giraffe2112
member
Re: VBAC or Elective cesarean
RCS does have higher risk for mom than a VBAC does. But a failed VBAC is riskier than a planned RCS. The risk of uterine rupture, while higher for VBAC than regular vaginal birth, is still very low. The risk of poor outcome due to rupture is even lower--meaning that even when rupture happens usually mom and baby are still ok.
However, it's a really personal decision and no one can or should tell you what you should do. For me, I knew I had to at least try VBAC because I would always wonder what if. I have so many what ifs from my first birth and I don't want to feel that way again. I feel like I'm fully prepared and ready for either outcome.
I would suggest talking to your provider about it, doing a lot of research on pros/cons of both options and attending an ICAN meeting if possible.
As pp said, we can't make the call for you!
I can tell you that I personally chose a VBAC because it is overall the safer option. I can see that since you know a person personally who had a rupture, it might be scarier for you. But her rupture does not increase YOUR chances of that happening. The risk is still very small. And as pp said, a negative outcome with a rupture is even smaller.
For me, the much quicker recovery and the ease of picking up/taking care of my first child after the VBAC were also big factors.
To be sure, I was nervous leading up to my VBAC but as it was going on, all of the statistics and fear went out the window and I was definitely just in the moment:-)
And of course no one would say you are less of a mother for a RCS, not sure what pp meant by that! It doesn't sound like that is an issue for you. You have a good head on your shoulders and can make a competent call for yourself with the help of your doctor. Do what is best for you in the long run. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and enjoy whatever delivery you choose!
I see on the Csection board a lot that women are made to feel guilty if they do not try for a VBAC, or do nto want to try for a VBAC. I did not mean anyone on here did that I just know a lot of women who have dealt with negative comments from other women b/c they chose RCS over VBAC.
I think isn't something someone can tell you to do. It's something you have to decide for your self.
I had a CS with my first do to an infection. My OB discussed the pro's and cons's of a VB and RCS when I had baby #2. I was so scared of the cons I chose a RCS..for me at the time I thought it was the best decision. Now here I am TTC #3 and wondering if I should talk to my OB about a VB... But I've heard I don't get that choice now...But on the other hand we live further from our hospital so maybe a RCS is what we'll choose.
I wish you luck in any choice you make.. just think of what is best for you and your family.
Got it. I hang on that board too (because I have had a c/s:-) and I haven't noticed any guilt on the board, which is why I was confused. I always thought it was pretty supportive of RCS. If people ask which way to go, I will give my VBAC experience, but I never saw anyone state that one was right and one was wrong. There must have been some threads I missed where people were a little harsh. I admittedly am not over there that often.
IRL, people are going to give you grief for either. People tried to make me feel terrible and selfish for having a VBAC- all people who probably didn't read one scientific study. I think the right statement might be, "You are a good mother regardless of which path you choose". I think maybe because you chose RCS, you might feel people are judging you for that. But I assure you, the judgement will come with either decision. Which is why you have to make the one that is right for you and just ignore people who disagree with you. They aren't the ones having your baby:-)
All this. I went into my pregnancy knowing I wanted a VBAC, because I hated my c/s. My recovery took over a year and I didn't want to do that again. But, I can see how someone with an easy c/s experience might favor an RCS. And if you've heard a bad VBAC story, then that complicates your emotions. But the facts are still the same, both are reasonable alternatives.
Good luck with your decision!