- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
September 2012 Moms
Sage4200
member
MIL has a nursery for baby..should I say something?
Sage4200
member
So MIL has created a nursery in her house for our baby. I keep thinking its a bit odd as obviously we would let her babysit from time to time but I dont ever antiicapte him spending the night as an infant and she has a crib (a very expensive one at that) Do you think I should say something so she doesn't get upset down the road that she bought all this for nothing (I never asked her to buy anything). We only live 10 minutes away so its not like we spend the night. My parents live far so we were planning to have them come visit and spend the night at our place if we ever had a wedding or overnight event.
Im going to see her this weekend and kind of wanted to bring it up but not sure if I should just keep my mouth shut.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: MIL has a nursery for baby..should I say something?
A full nursery? Like crib, changing table, decorations?
If it's just a crib in a spare room, I wouldn't worry about it. If she's recreating what most of us have for our own newborns at home? That's a bit much. I would just ask her why she feels the need for all that.
Carina 12.28.2010 | Aurelia 9.23.12 | Chart - Round 3
Emilia Antoinette
10.03.12 at 41w5d
MIL had a nursery set up in her room. my step daughter had her visitation there when she was a baby and she legit had an entire nursery set up. she left it set up when DS was born (granted it was already there) but changed it to be "boy themed" for DS. we lived 20 mins away. by the time his 1st birthday rolled around and he had never even been to her house, she got the hint and took everything down.
you're call if you want to say something, but DON'T let her use it to guilt trip you down the road . ie "Oh I have this whole room set up for baby and you won't even let me watch him/her overnight, I spent all this money to prepare for the baby to spend time with me" etc etc.
I don't normally get confrontational with my MIL because well she's my MIL. I think DH should deal with his family. Do you visit often? I would love for my ILs to have something set up at thier house since we go over at least once a week, but I would never ask them too. Maybe she's just thinking even during the day the baby will sleep, poop and whatever else so she wanted to have her house prepared.
You also say your parents are going to come if you have a wedding or overnight event, why can't the ILs watch the baby instead? If your parents are busy then it might come in handy to have all that set up at the ILs already.
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
No decorations but Crib, Highchair, Activity Mat, Vibrating Baby Seat, Walker, Car Seat, Bathtub and toys. all in DH's old room. The crib is a Stokke which Ive heard is expensive.
No, this is her first grandchild. Her others sons are not even married
I tend to be non-confrontational, but I would let sleeping dogs lie here. It's definitely odd (I'm feeling smothered on your behalf from all the way across the interwebs!) and would bug me, but if you say something she'll probably be hurt, offended, and it'll cause a fight. This should be as stress-free of a time as possible for you!
Like PP said, don't let her guilt-trip you about it down the road, though. It was her choice, and her choice alone, to do this. Hopefully she's just really excited for the baby and wanted to have a room where you and LO would be comfortable should the baby need to nap while visiting.
Maybe it's a generational thing that they think they need a crib? My MIL mentioned taking DH's crib out of storage to set up in DH's old room (where we stay when we visit for the weekend).
I told her we'll have a PNP and probably a RNP so a crib isn't necessary (let alone one that is close to 30 years old!). She didn't seem to understand.
If it's a full on nursery just for the baby, that's definitely weird. But it's her money she's spending, so not your problem.
That is exactly what I am afraid of.
So you're never going to have dinner there and want to lay baby down for a nap?
I don't see what the big deal is really, it's a room she decorated with her own money. I'm sure she's excited and since she has other kids, I'm sure it'll be used once they settle down & have kids too.
Maybe she got a good deal on the stuff?
I love visiting my IL's because we don't need to bring ANYTHING, they have everything we need. It's nice to just go over, enjoy dinner, relax and then go home. Less to pack!
I wouldnt ever leave his there overnight for the simple reason that there house is 7,000 Square Feet and they dont make a baby monitor with enough range for her to hear him. DH feels the same way. We see them often becasue they live 10 minutes away but its more like at family parties at other peoples houses and we meet for lunch from time to time. If we are in their neighborhood we will call and stop by to say hello for 10-20 minutes but I wouldnt say we go their often
That's more then we have in our entire house for our own LO. What does your H think? I think she's over doing it but thats just my opinion.
Cooper Edward
9.25.12
Id lay him down in a pack and play in the living room but not up in that nursery becasue its too far way from the common areas. THe house is 7,000 Square Feet
He feels the same way I do but he doesnt know how to be tactful so If I ask him to address it he will be mean to her and she will probably think I put him up to it.
Damn, you win! Yeah... I'd LOVE a Stokke, but they are very expensive.
Like I said, I'm also worried about it becoming an issue in the future, but I also feel like if I bring it up now, she'll take that as a warning that we ARE in fact planning to specifically limit their contact with LO (when in reality it's just logistics and time). She tends to read into things too much but not tell us what she's thinking/how she really feels, so it's a bad combination that often leads to misunderstanding. Like I said, IF it is an issue down the road, we'll deal with it then, but I definitely won't get guilted and I know MH won't either. What does YH think about it, and is he good at standing his ground. I think part of why I'm not too concerned is that MH is really good about backing me up when it comes to his parents' occasional irrationality.
Katherine Quinn | 9.16.2012 | 38w4d
Ryan Lanman | 9.12.2014 | 40w
2 Losses | 10/2010 @ 5w | 9/2013 @ 10w4d
Little Sprout Blog
No, I wouldn't say anything. What's the point? What would you even say?
It's nice. She's excited.
My son has his own room at my parents' house. You'd think he lived there by the looks of it. We only go maybe once a month for an overnight visit.
Odds are good that she's simply excited and just wants you to feel that the baby is welcome with them at any time. Being the MIL can be so difficult, especially when it's your first grandbaby and via a son. I imagine she loves you and wants you to feel how supportive & excited she is. Be cautious about reading too much into it as far as what she "expects" from you. If you're wanting to say something just to put yourself at ease, perhaps tell her how lovely the room is and how you can't wait until your little one is old enough to start asking to visit her for special sleepovers. (The day will come when you welcome them!) Phrase it carefully. You don't want to make her feel as though you accusing her of something. You could always approach it by thanking her for going out of her way for your baby and by asking with genuine interest what she's looking forward to as a grandma. It could both uncover how she's feeling and also put your mind at rest in terms of where she's coming from/what her expectations are.
A similar situation in terms of proximity:
My sister lives close (within 1-5 miles) to both her parents and her in-laws. Neither had the space for a "nursery" (not that one was expected at all), so she was always toting the pack and play with her. None of her babies spent the night until they started asking to (around 2 or 3?), BUT when she would go for all day visits, parties, holidays or whatnot, she liked to have a set place for them to nap. At certain ages, setting them in little pillow forts on the bed worked fine, but at other times, the packnplay was helpful. Both sets of grandparents keep a huge number of toys at their homes....they each have a "play room" for the grandbabies.
It's just love and excitement, along with wanting the kids to feel at home with them.
Eww gross, that is strange!!!
My mom set up a "nursery" (aka crib and a few pictures) in her guest room for my brother's daughter, but she provided childcare for my niece 5 days/week.
I would not say anything, and this is why:
1. She is excited and may have gotten carried away. This doesn't necessarily mean that she expects LO to sleep over. But who knows, maybe you will need to take an overnight date with DH and it will get used a few times.
2. She may see it as an investment for your child and all future grandchildren. My mom has a nice crib and my LO will be her second grandchild. I have two more little sisters who will be having children over the next 10 years.
I was thinking of saying, "It thrills me that you are so excited for baby's arrival but by the time he starts asking to spend the night, he will be too big for a crib"
I'm hoping that would open up the dialouge as to what her expectation is.
You make good points..I think I care way too much that she will think Im trying to keep the baby from her when in fact I want her to see him as much as she likes, just not big on overnights until he is a few years old unless she comes to my house.
A. Sounds like she can afford it then.
B. That's what baby monitors are for.
My mom doesnt have a nursery, but there is a dedicated room with a PnP that stays there, and a monitor so we can hear the kids.
Make a pregnancy ticker
I don't know her or the relationship the two of you have but here's my 2 cents.
Seems like she's just excited about a grandbaby. Yes, she may be overdoing it but her house, her call. I agree with PPs that it would be nice to have all of that stuff there if you go for a visit, not necessarily an overnight. You don't have to leave your LO there overnight if you're not comfortable with that.
My MIL did the same for DD1 - even though she asked us first and I told her she didn't need to get anything, she went ahead and did it anyway. She only lives 2 miles from us and I knew there wouldn't be a circumstance where did would be staying there vs. in our own house. I didn't push the issue though and it was her choice to set up the room. It went unused for 3 years, when she finally got the hint and sold everything.
Exactly. Mine are in cribs till 23-24 months.
I'll echo the perspective to just let it be and see how it goes. Long days like Christmas, etc., it may be nice for you to have somewhere to go with the baby.
I'd look into the monitor situation if that's your biggest concern. I'm sure there's something out there considering there are monitors you can hook into your iPhone, etc.
My mom has a pnp, stroller and high chair at her house, along with a ton of toys. They live 6 min away. But they also have carseats in their cars and pick DD up from DC a couple times a week. It's great to not worry about bringing the whole kit and caboodle whenever we go there.
The Stokke does convert into a bed
Meh, I think you're making too big of a deal out of it. She's excited. My mom is setting up full rooms for our kids at their new house. Granted, she's my mom and I do anticipate our kids having sleepovers there or taking naps there if we're out for the day, but still - let grandmas have their excitement, I say.
And not like this is JUST for this baby - she probably figures she'll get to use this nursery again when her other sons eventually marry and have kids.
(read it. you know you want to.)
anderson . september 2008
vivian . february 2010
mabel . august 2012
JMO, but I see absolutely no reason to say anything.
As others have pointed out - she may have other grandchildren in the future and will likely leave this room for them. Sounds to me like she likes to decorate and had fun doing it - she is excited for the new baby.
As far as your reply that the baby won't ask for overnights, I don't see how this applies at all - they nap. A lot. During the day. And will you NEVER stay over night? Do you celebrate holidays with them?
IMO you're overthinking this, and that saying anything besides, "Wow, how cute! This will be so nice to be able to use!" would probably really hurt her feelings. She obviously put time into putting it together. I would LOVE if my MIL had had a room for DS at her house. When we visit, it's always a nightmare (still) getting him to nap on a blowup toddler mattress. We have to take everything we need when we go, as opposed to taking nothing to my parents, who have a great room for him. Choose your battles.
I think it's nice. My parents bought a crib and rocking chair, they already had a high chair and tons of toys. It is very convenient for me to not have to bring anything to their house. It was also an easy date night for us to drop off LO and pick him up (or leave him there overnight) without having to pack up a bunch of stuff. Who cares if it is expensive, sounds like they have a nice house and wanted nice baby furniture instead of a pnp.
We don't live in the same state as my parents anymore and only visit their house about twice a year but they keep it all set up all the time. They have the space, what do I care what they decorate their spare bedrooms with.
My 20mo is still in a crib with no signs of being out anytime soon.