the word "unfair" (rant)

tubbsy32 · July 2012

So I decided that I hate the word "unfair". We had a terrible conflict with my husband's family soon after losing Jacob and the turmoil has continued. Anyway, just yesterday MIL's husband told my husband that we have been treating her unfairly and from now on he hopes that we treat her more fairly. Besides the fact that we have done nothing to her....this is what I wanted to say to him....

Unfair, you want to know what's unfair?!?! Unfair is that our baby died! Unfair is that everytime I look at a pregnant woman rather than seeing the beauty of life, I think her baby could die. Unfair is the way that the 2 of them have treated us since Jacob died. Unfair is that Jacob was diagnosed with Down Syndrome. Unfair is that all appointments after the diagnosis were "great" and he still died! Unfair is answering my 3 yo about when we will have a baby and why our baby died. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Life is unfair! (I'll just stop there, I think you get the point)

Ok, rant over. Thanks for listening. I guess that word just pressed my buttons. Anyone else?

AmyG2b · July 2012

Yep, you aren't alone! I have at least one bitter, "why me" moment every day...ugh. Hugs.

lmielocl1 · July 2012

(((Hugs))) I am so sorry! I experienced a very similar situation with my parents (I wrote about it in my blog - https://lmielocl1-lesliejourney.blogspot.com/ last week.) I had the worst visit with them and on the night before they were to leave, my dad asked me why I was treating them the way I was and basically told me I would regret the way I was treating them. It was not fun to hear and I kept my cool, got up from the table and all I could say is that I am angry! I am so angry at them. We have not spoken in a week and honestly I am not 100% sure when I will be able to talk to them. I hope for my almost 2 year DS that we will be able to improve our relationship but it going to take a long time, if it can be repaired.

Please talk as much as you need. We are here to listen any time! And please know that you are not alone. Thinking of you!

- Leslie

~ Mommy to Aaron, 21 months and our sweet angel, Ethan James, born sleeping at 18w on 6/15/12.

weddedwife · July 2012

I've never liked this term. Part of it is that I just don't get why people think that life is supposed to be fair? Are we all blessed with equally good looks, big brains and good genes? Nope. You get what you get. Things, both good and bad, just happen. Crappy things happen to good people, and vice versa. This is life.

So to me, fair or unfair is irrelevant. I hate when people use those terms to complain. Is it "unfair" that my baby died while other babies lived? No, because exactly who would it be "fair" to have that happen to? Mean people? Drug addicts? I still wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. There are so many other appropriate terms I could use to describe situations: sad, tragic, unfortunate, awful. Unfair is never a term I use.

dandywarhol · July 2012

I'll admit to frequently using the term unfair. I know life isn't fair but in so many parts of our lives we strive to be fair. When I say or feel that it isn't fair that other women are pregnant and I'm not it isn't because I wish any of them to experience a loss but more of a feeling of sadness that any of us have to feel a loss. I know logically it would be unrealistic that every pregnancy would result in a live birth.

I think the concept of unfair also stems from the frustration and angst of why this sh*t keeps happening to me. I know I have had a blessed and privileged life. I try to do my best to help others have good lives. I know that giving to others shouldn't be done just for the purpose of getting something back.

sloannmark · July 2012

AMEN!

MeggM1 · July 2012

Preach, sister. We are the last people in the world that need to hear about what is "unfair" to others. I cringe when people talk to me about what they found unfair the week I was in the hospital - it's just horrible and it's pretty much permanently severed some of my relationships with my husband's family because I think so little of them for complaining to me about my behavior or what they missed out on the week I was in the hospital after having had an emergency, early c-section and giving birth to twins who were in two seperate NICUs and one of which didn't make it. I am hard pressed to think of how that situation was more "unfair" for them than for me.

So yeah, totally on your team on this one!

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