Child Spacing

Unem · July 2012

Do you and your SO have an idea of how you want to space your children?

I've heard many different opinions on this and I'm curious to know what others think.

Do you think there is any merit to the notion that children close in age remain friends for life? Some people swear that having kids back to back creates a special bond between them.

I'd like to space the first two out by about three years. I don't think I could handle a newborn and potty training a 2 yr old at the same time. As far as bonding goes, I think the personality of the children will have more to do with how close they are than their age difference.

3monkeysmama · July 2012

All three of ours will be 3 1/2 years apart. It was awesome because I will never have two in diapers, and the one before has been doing big kid stuff by the time the baby arrived (or arrives with this one!) My oldest guy was in preschool when my younger guy was born, and doing his own thing, so jealousy was not an issue, as he was done being a babyand on to being a big boy. I am hoping for the same now that my younger guy will be starting preschool in September. Three is a good age to be a "helper" to mom and dad too. They can get diapers, and wipes, and "help" with baths (mostly entertain baby while you bathe them!) My boys are best buddies. They fight, but they love each other so much!

jamie7751 · July 2012

My daughter turns 3 August 7 and the baby will be here September 19 - I think it's perfect. She understands baby sister is coming and she's a huge help - so far anyway!

BPer · July 2012

Originally, we had planned on having ours close in age, like 2 under 2. Now, after being pregnant, and planning on breastfeeding for a year (hopefully), I feel like I'll want my body back for a little while before getting pregnant again, even if that sounds a bit selfish. But who knows, I may change my mind again.

mrs.kapow · July 2012

I don't think spacing is any guarantee for future friendship. My brother and I are 3 yrs apart and my sister and I are 6 yrs. We all get along and my sister and I are very close.

I think it has to do with their personalities and how your family is as a unit, personally.

That said, I wanted closer to 3 years between kids and MH wanted 2. Thanks to a bit of a pill slip up, he won.

calliope753 · July 2012

We're debating a 2-4 year spacing between our kids, but really only time will tell. As far as closeness is concerned, I'm sure being close in age helps, but I'm close with all my siblings regardless of age. My brother and I are 4 years apart, my sister and I are 11 years apart, and my other brother and I are 14 years apart. Aside from DH, my sister is my best friend.

I hope this helps!

cmumama · July 2012

My 2 are further apart then I originally wanted b/c of a m/c in between (and then it took almost a year to get pregnant again). They will be almost 3 years apart. DS1 won't be potty trained before DS2 gets here though...he's just not ready. If we have a 3rd, we will start trying when DS2 is around 8 months old.

redneckmomma25 · July 2012

I'd like 2 before I'm 30. I will be 27 in October so I think we will wait til LO is a year or so an start trying again. Who knows. My sister and I are 12.5 years apart and my brother is 15 years older than me. None of us are close includin my brother and sister who are the closest. I don't suggest the huge gap that my sister and I have.

jocymama · July 2012

I thought we would want #1 and #2 closer together but things happen and it didn't work out that way. DD#1 will be 4 about 2 weeks after my EDD, I like the age gap so far. I think we want the next one to come a little closer in age to DD#2, maybe 3 years apart instead of 4? I don't know we will see.

I think having children closer in age increases the chances that your children will be and will remain really close but I agree with Unem that it ultimately will be the personalities of the children that will determine if they remain close through the years.

SpartyMom2B · July 2012

My sis and I are 4 years apart and good friends. MH and his bro are 3 years apart and have no relationship outside of their DNA.

JessicaxLynn87 · July 2012

My sister and I are 3 years a part, and then I have a 13-year difference between me and the youngest sister. Obviously, I am much closer to my middle sister. We were best friends growing up, and still are today. I would like for a 3 year difference with my babies. DH and I decided we would try the summer before this LO turns 2. So, we will see how it plays out!

mchupie · July 2012

I know this sounds very Duggarish, but we're letting it happen naturally until we decide we don't want kids anymore (that will be after 3-4, not 20). So I never used birth control or did anything to prevent after DD was born. They will be 21 months apart. We plan on doing the same in the future unless we feel differently after this baby is born.

mrsjenni · July 2012

I do think it's important to have your kids close in age and I actually think 2 years is ideal.

My first two are 22 months apart and my second two will be about 27 months apart (I m/c'd between the two). So the spacing between all 3 of my kids is just over 4 years (DS turned 4 last week and I will have this one in less than 7 weeks, at the latest.)

MarisaKathleen · July 2012

mrs.kapow:

I don't think spacing is any guarantee for future friendship. My brother and I are 3 yrs apart and my sister and I are 6 yrs. We all get along and my sister and I are very close.

I think it has to do with their personalities and how your family is as a unit, personally.

My older siblings are all 13 months apart. My sisters are best friends but no one was close with our oldest brother. I'm 17 and 18 years younger and my sisters and 10 years younger than my brother. We're all really close, and that's due to how we were raised.

I'd like our kids to be around 4 years apart. I admire anyone who wants to have their kids really close together, but I know that's not for us and our lifestyle. It took us roughly 4 years to have this one, so I would assume we'd start trying in around 2 years and hope for the best!

hmp1 · July 2012

My sister is the oldest and I'm the youngest, 13 years apart and we are the closest of the siblings as adults. We weren't close at all until I went away to college though. My brother is 3 years older and we were close growing up but I think I am closer with his wife than him now. My parents wanted the kids 5 years apart so we weren't in college at the same time (they paid for all of us). They had 3 kids, each 5 years apart, and I was the happy accident 3 years later.

We decided to have the first two kids about 2 years apart. It didn't take as long to TTC this time so they will be 22 months apart. I am very excited about the close age gap. We plan on having them share a room for a while once the new baby is a toddler.

We are both 33 and want to have the easy option for a 3rd so I didn't want to wait too long for the second. If we have the 3rd, we will probably start TTC when DS1 is in pre-k so the new baby won't start daycare until until DS is in K (we really don't want to pay for 3 in ft daycare).

MrsRidge2005 · July 2012

We wanted DD and the new baby to be about four years apart due to daycare costing as well as future costs like car, college, etc. If I could have afforded closer together I might have done it. DD will be five when this one is born so the space is longer than I hoped but we had issues getting pregnant this time and I learned sometimes you can't plan everything.

I am an only child but both my parents have younger siblings that are about 2 years apart from them and they can't stand them. I really think closeness has so many variables and it really does have to do with personality. I wouldn't make a decision about when to have kids assuming they'll be best friends down the road.

BarefootContessa · July 2012

We are considering a 3-4 year span between children. It may be shorter for our third. We will just have to feel it out.

thebanich · July 2012

We were shooting for 2-3 years apart but the universe had other plans. (Taking antibiotics really does interfere with birth control!!) These two will be 17 months apart. I'm nervous about how things will go.

My older brother and I were 18 months apart and were best friends growing up. Younger brother was 3ish years younger and we fought like cats and dogs until he was 20.

miss50 · July 2012

My step daughters will be 19 and 16 when LO is born. I am not sure if we have another child. DH and are both only children, so we aren't against LO growing up the same.

We'll just see how well I become accustomed to being a mom. I'm just now getting the wife role under wraps! I still mess this up pretty often.

VineyardMel · July 2012

I'll be 40 in January so we'll be trying again next spring. I'm all for 2u2, but will admittedly freak out if we somehow end up with twins and have 3u2.

bonjourbelle05 · July 2012

My sister and I are less than 2 years apart and we are not close...in fact we argue/butt heads quite a bit. We were very competitive growing up because we were so close in age and went through a lot of things around the same time. Now she is pregnant (due 2 weeks after me) and I really hoped it would be a bonding experience for us, but it has been more negative than positive....she doesn't ever want to even talk to me about any of it and it's been really frustrating.

If we have another (we may not) we would like them to be approx. 4 years apart.

gingerfamily · July 2012

There's a possibility that you could be handeling a nb and potty training a 3 year old. Not all kids pt at 2.

Our kids will be 2.5 years apart which is perfect for us. We're not having any more.

sweetiebird726 · July 2012

DH and I talked about trying for #2 the summer before this LO turns 2, so June in 2 years. We would like somewhere between 2 and 3 years between each one, but we also are considering up to 4 years between the 1st and 2nd if I'm still trying to find a job in a school district in 2 years.

My sister and I are 22 months apart, and we are fairly close but nothing out of the ordinary. Same with my brother, who is 5 years younger than me. DH and his youngest brother are the closest out of all 4 of them, and DH is 9 years older.

I think it has more to do with the personalities of the kids than anything else. Growing up, my siblings and I played together ALL the time, but as adults we aren't really in each other's pockets anymore. DH and his brother are closer now than they ever were, and he was closer with his other brother growing up since they were 3 years apart.

We are going to do what is right for our family, although I agree that having children closer together may be beneficial for their relationship. I definitely want to be done having kids by the time I'm 35, and since I'm 27 now I figure I'm on track. We aren't sure about having a 3rd, so I may be done by the time I'm 30.

Manx4 · July 2012

Ours are going to be 18 months apart. We only want two and we wanted them close together. Mission accomplished.

damabo80 · July 2012

Toddlers are a handful. Personally, if I had a choice in the matter, I'd want them either super close together, or about 4 years apart.

lzmac11 · July 2012

We have tried to make a decision on this one but it seems to go back and forth. DH is an only child and I have 3 siblings. 2 of my siblings are step siblings but the 4 of us are really close. My sister (real) and I are 23 months apart. I am the oldest and my step brother is 6 months younger than I am, he calls every day! My step sister is 6 years younger than I am and we still have an awesome relationship.

We have decided that we are going to probably next spring (depending on cash flow) and if not then it will be the spring after. We have decided though that I am not going back onto a BC method so it might be sooner.

numb3rMel · July 2012

We really like the idea of having children close together so we're not preventing after this one. I do think its personality over age that helps the relationship between siblings but for H and I we can't imagine sending one off to K and starting back over at the beginning. Doesn't mean that won't happen but its not something we'd intentional put off the 2nd to achieve.

monica92603 · July 2012

Ours will be 2 years apart. If we should decide to go for a third (I'm almost 38 now so not sure), it won't be for another 3+ years. I'm not worried about being an older mom as much as I'm worried my body will blow up lol.

mscheevus · July 2012

DH and I want different spacing. I think four years is good, especially between twins and another baby (which could turn into two babies. My biggest fear) My husband likes the whole 2u2 or 3u2 thing. That's just NMS. I couldn't deal with an age gap of less than 2.5. I think we're done after this so this isn't really an issue.

hmp1 · July 2012

mrsh0606:
There's a possibility that you could be handeling a nb and potty training a 3 year old. Not all kids pt at 2.

Our kids will be 2.5 years apart which is perfect for us. We're not having any more.

This. We will not be potty training DS1 while DS2 is a newborn.

hunter91011 · July 2012

Me and my older sister are 3 years apart, and we are great friends. DH and his brother are only 15 months apart, and while they were great friends growing up, they aren't that close now. I don't think the spacing had that much to do with it. We have a trip to Australia planned in June of 2014, and if I'm going all the way to Australia, I really want to dive the great barrier reef. That being said, we are planning on me not getting pregnant again until we get back from Australia, which would make the kids about 2.5 years apart, if I got pregnant quickly again.

Krista123105 · July 2012

Our boys will be 2 years and 8 months apart (3 years apart in school), which I think will be great. DS is old enough to want to help, but they'll still be close enough in age that they'll play with each other. My brother and I are 3 years apart and it always worked well for us...we were close enough in age to be close, but far apart enough to not compete with each other.

LyndseylovesHugh · July 2012

We are going to start actively trying for #2 when this LO is 1.5 or 2, and would would be fine if we got pregnant before the 1.5 age mark. I think my age has something to do with this though. I am 31 and having my first kid, and while I know that is not old by any means, if we decide to have a third I don't want to be in my late 30s.

DerpityDog · July 2012

Ideally a 2-4 year age difference is the sweet spot, IMO. Of course there are many other factors to consider and some planning you have to let go of (unless you're really fertile!).

jenndub · July 2012

My DD and DS are 20 months apart. They are best friends and I really love the spacing. They entertain each other most of the time and are always having "adventures" together in our backyard. After DD2 gets here we will probably start trying for the next one when she's about 10 or 11 months. I would love for her to have a little playmate.

melody921 · July 2012

We said after DS was born that we wanted our kids 2-3 years apart. They'll be right in the middle of that. I felt that was as close as we could have them without having two tiny babies at once. I hope they'll be friends, but I don't think in the long run it always has to do with the number of years between them. My brother is five years younger and while growing up we were never in the same schools or social circles, we got along and are very close as grownups. We plan to just have two kids, so I'll see how our spacing works for us as they grow.

mlf625 · July 2012

We wanted to space them closely. We hadn't intended on just 17 months between the first two (were thinking more like 2 years) but now, I LOVE it. They're so close. Much closer than I ever was with my siblings who are 4 and 8 years younger than me - we're very close now but as kids didn't have as much in common.

We'll end up with 3 in just under 4 years and DONE. I'm really happy and excited about how it all turned out. I don't want to drag out the baby years, I have a lot more fun with the kids the bigger they get and the more we can do. It will be awesome to be all done with bottles in a year, diapers a year after that, and move onto doing fun things together as a family.

senorita04 · July 2012

My girls are going to be 6 years apart. We didn't plan for this age gap, it just kind of happened that way. I had originally wanted them much closer in age; about three years. So far, DD1 is adjusting well to the idea of having a sister. She seems to understand it and talks about her a lot. But, I'm still worried that she is going to be in for a rude awakening come September. We're just going to have to wait and see.

I have 3 siblings. An older brother, who is almost 3 years older; A younger brother who is 18 months younger than me, and a twin sister. My younger brother is autistic among other things, so it has interfered with us having a "normal" relationship. My sister, my older brother and I growing up were really close. Now I would say we are close but it's nothing out of the ordinary. My sister and I are about as close as you can get. She is my absolute best friend. I would do anything for her. It may sound really cheesy, but I feel so blessed to have her in my life.

bosha711 · July 2012

Our will be 21 months apart, which is a little bit closer than we had originally planned, but hopefully it will work out for the best.

I don't think proximity in age really determines closeness b/w siblings.

My sisters are 6 & 8 yrs older than me. I my sister who who is 6 yrs old than me is my BFF. She is not very close to our other sister who is just 2 yrs older than her.

Teresa and Family · July 2012

My two will be 25 months apart. This is pretty much what we wanted. I don't think I could do 2u2

Cheetara2 · July 2012

I don't know if having them close together will make a difference. My sister and I are 6 years apart and we've never really been close. We have a better relationship now that we're older, but still not very close. I'm 30, so I'd prefer to not wait too long. Our intention was to have one already and around this time we'd have #2, but we had some IF issues. So our plan is about 2-3 years apart, hopefully we won't have issues in the future. We might also just have 2 instead of 3, we'll see how the future plays out.

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