Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
clairmeij
member
Re: Not pregnant
It's OK to be sad and it's OK to vent. In some ways it gets easier -- you get more used to seeing the negative tests and you just start expecting them -- and in some ways it gets harder -- every negative test is one cycle closer to maybe-this-will-never-happen. For your sake, I hope you don't have to learn that firsthand. After the last BFN, I lay down on the bed for a minute and realized if I let myself, I would have stayed there all day, staring at the ceiling. Pregnancy announcements from people who haven't been trying long feel like a punch in the gut, even when it's people I am truly happy for. It hurts. And I've only been doing this for a year...some try much longer before they are successful.
You're right that 3 tries is not a lot. Of course you can switch donors at any time -- there's the beauty of using a donor -- but 3 BFNs certainly doesn't mean it's necessary. Nor does it mean that anything's wrong with you. You clearly know this, so I'm just backing you up here. I'm sure your parents are lovely, but if none of them are REs, they probably know less than you do about conception (especially AI) at this point. Trust your instincts and your knowledge, but you can alter your plan at any point. 3 BFNs is the point at which I decided I wanted some basic testing done to reassure myself that I wasn't sinking a lot of time/money/heartache into something that wasn't going to work without intervention. I got b/w done, then had an HSG and an RE consult, then did one more IUI with our midwife practice before switching to the RE completely. Are you seeing an RE already?
I won't say, "It will be your turn soon," because it might not be and I'm not going to lie to you -- but know that lots of people are crossing their fingers for you in the meantime -- and you can vent here whenever you like.
9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
*Everyone welcome*
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this really thoughtful response.
I not only appreciate the support, but also the cameraderie of this board - it helps knowing that there are other people 'like me' out there
Your questions about our method prompted me to figure out how to add a signature - after a couple of glasses of prosecco no less
Thanks!
We have been using an RE. I went in requesting to do things 'as naturally as possible' - which honestly, I regret a little now... He agreed though. His logic was that since I have never shown any signs of reproductive issues, and my family are, well, like rabbits that it made sense to start off 'naturally'. Before the last IUI I had suggested monitoring and medication, and he said that based on the statistics he'd recommend one more try without the meds and monitoring.
I emailed him today letting him know that I started my period, and asked to talk about starting drugs or medication for the next cycle. I didn't think to ask about testing - but I think I'll bring it up when we talk. I need to order more sperm, but I am thinking one or two more tries with this donor, and then I might consider changing. It sounds silly, but we feel pretty attached to this one because he looks as though he could be my partner's brother.
I really appreciate your frankness - I'm not looking for sunshine and roses
It looks like you've had your fair share of these - I hope that turns around for you soon.
I have some regrets about starting out low-intervention (our midwife practice), but that's really how we wanted this to go and in some ways I'm glad I gave it a shot. I am surprised your RE didn't do CD3 b/w and an HSG -- I thought that was standard procedure when starting with an RE. I am pretty sure he would not let you go on meds before doing that first (the idea being that you don't want to waste meds cycles if one or both of your tubes are blocked), so that may be coming your way.
My RE has also said there was no need to medicate right away (she does monitor in any case just to get the timing right)...but then here we are at Cycle 9 just starting Clomid. I'm glad we really tried to do things a bit more naturally but I also know it's time to step up our game. Some people get to that point more quickly than I did.
ETA: REs can also do sperm analysis on your donor sperm before they use the specimen for your IUI. Mine does it routinely, some don't, but they should at least have the capability since they would be doing it for men in straight couples. If you are attached to your donor, it might be worth asking about -- though you should definitely find out how much it costs before you go for it (as far as I can tell, my insurance has been covering it). We were somewhat attached to our first donor and once we were using the RE, we found out that his motile counts were below the cryobank's guaranteed minimum. So we were able to seek (and receive) credits from the cryobank for those vials AND got the information we needed to make us finally switch.
9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
*Everyone welcome*
IVF Oct/Nov 2012
Beta #1 = 77, Beta #2 = 190, Beta #3 = 1044
Cautiously optimistic.
This.
In particular, as lesbian couples, we don't get the benefit of fun, relaxed TTC at first. I'm not discounting infertility among heterosexual couples here - we have very personal experiences in our family - but for most people, it starts off differently than it does for us. We start under pressure; track cycle, use ovulation predictors, buy sperm, pay for the process, wait fifteen months for the each TWW to be over, and (most of the time) start over. It's emotionally exhausting.
ball.and.chain - our RE does an analysis as standard with the thaw, and he considers the numbers to be 'good' so I am hoping that its just a case that the swimmers didn't hit the mark.
Kershnic - our RE spent quite a while talking about Clomid and Femara and the risks of multiples. He mentioned that because of those risks he prefers to try unmedicated first in instances where there is no indication of a problem. From what I gather, he prefers Femara to Clomid.
tdmklm - thank you for the support
I really appreciate the discussion and support - I hate to come accross a whiney, especially when there are so many people so much farther down the road than me, so thank you.
I do think it is harder for lesbian couples, because each try is so high-stakes and dramatic. You can't just BD every other day mid-cycle and hope for the best, and I think that can make the BFNs harder.
We're also on our third cycle, and we both have struggled with some big disappointment at our BFNs, especially C who is carrying. And I'm ready to both steal random babies on the street and have IVF tomorrow I want this so bad. It's okay for it to be hard on your third cycle, and the feelings you are having are totally normal. I also take the first try BFPs hard, and desperately hope that the women on here who have been trying longer than us get pregnant first even though I want it to happen for us so badly. So yeah, it can be hard and make you feel a little crazy. *hugs*, you're not alone.
AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish
IVF #1 - antagonist. Empty follicle syndrome. 1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
IVF #2 - antagonist. Ovulated early. 3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts
Thank you hike - hugs back to you guys.
I hope it happens for you (and the others on this board that are trying) soon.
xo
Awwww...that's the sweetest thing a sort-of stranger on the internet has ever said about me! (Assuming you're including me in that group).
BFPs for EVERYONE!
9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
*Everyone welcome*
Yeah, you all probably know who you are.
AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish
IVF #1 - antagonist. Empty follicle syndrome. 1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
IVF #2 - antagonist. Ovulated early. 3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts