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Military Families
baby showers
Hi everyone, just wondering how you all are doing or did your baby showers? I posted it on a more general forum and will post it on the one designated for baby showers but thought here would be a good idea too. I'm in a bind because I live far away from my family and anyone who would be throwing me a shower. In order to have one I would need to let them know when my husband and I would be able to come back into town.
There in lies the problem. We don't know when we'll be able to make it into town because hes already taking leave for a wedding in a few months. (my due date is at the end of Jan) His unit frowns down on taking leave more than once in a fiscal year or something like that. Do you think I should ask him to put in for leave again anyways? I could try going home alone at a later time, closer to my due date, and having a shower. I dont want to do this because I would need to drive back if I get many gifts and I would feel uncomfortable driving 13+ hours by myself, very pregnant and high risk. suggestions anyone?
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Re: baby showers
We are about 13-14 hours away by car. I dunno if he can get a pass. I will ask!
Has anyone offered to throw you a shower?
Baby showers are a gift, not a right. If no one offers, or you can't make it work with your schedule, you may not get to have one. It's one of the less desirable things about living far from family and friends you grew up with.
This. If no one offers to throw you one I wouldn't bother trying to schedule around one. Just schedule to see your family when you can.
But to answer your question, my mom is throwing me one when I go home for Thanksgiving. She also offered to throw me one here when she comes in December (for all my local friends and coworkers) but I'm not holding my breath on that one.
Can you go to your shower without your husband? I have been to a lot of showers and only once was the dad there. We live in another state as well and instead of trying to coordinate with my H I let the hosts pick a weekend that worked best for them and for me and I am going there by myself.
ETA: I see you dont want to drive by yourself, but would you feel comfortable flying? I have had one out of town shower already and have one more, flying to both. I was able to fit most things from the first shower into a a second suitcase, and the things that I could not I took back to Babies R Us, returned them onto a gift card and then just re-bought them right then and there from their registry stand and had them shipped to my house. It was a very easy process.
I read some of your follow up to this question when you asked on your BMB. Here's the deal:
If someone wants to throw you a shower, they will call and say, "I'd love to throw you a baby shower! Any idea when you'll be in town?"
If you can't or won't travel alone (which I understand given the complications with your pregnancy that you mentioned in other posts) and YH can't go, you may not get a shower. Although, if it's really their policy that he can take leave only once in a fiscal year, you're in luck because the fiscal year ends on 30 September and begins on 1 October. So if the wedding is before 1 October, he can apply for leave after that for your theoretical shower.
This is all entirely irrelevant until someone OFFERS to throw you a shower. Calling up someone and saying, "Hey- you probably want to throw me a shower, so I wanted to let you know that I'll be in town on this weekend...." is worse than throwing your own shower, IMO, and throwing your own shower is one of the tackiest things you can do.
I looked at your post on the other board and at the replies you got there. If you post on the baby shower board, be careful how you word things. They usually criticize anything that sounds gift-grabby or like you're throwing your own shower. (Not that you are - I'm just saying to be careful how you word things if you don't want drama.)
You are still pretty early on. Don't stress about a shower. If the subject comes up with family or friends, you could mention it, but don't worry about it yet.
If you do have a nice big shower back home, maybe someone else could come visit you afterwards and bring the gifts to you? That way, you could fly by yourself without having to worry about your husband taking leave. It's not like you need 90% of baby shower gifts right away. Invite them for the holidays and do something nice for them in exchange for them bringing the gifts.
You can also ship the smaller things - get some medium-sized moving boxes at the hardware store, and ship them parcel post. A 25-lb box of that size costs about $25 to ship, which is cheaper (or about the same) as an airline baggage fee.
But really...don't worry about it yet.
ETA: Since you asked in your original post - I had a couple of small showers with my local friends, and some of my far-away friends were kind enough to send us stuff. Then moved home while DH deployed (DS was 1 month old) and had a shower there. When DH returned, I left all of the stuff DS had outgrown at my parents' house and shipped everything else back to where we live.
thanx ladies! your suggestions and replies were helpful and much appreciated. I have changed my mind about posting this question on the forum designated for baby showers. I cant seem to explain my predicament correctly and when I try to clarify myself I dig a bigger hole. But I'll try once more to make 2 points a little bit clearer.
One is that i was going to throw my own shower. I accidentally implied this. Not the case. I have spoken with my family and know that someone will throw one if i can make it back. Its just that it wont be a surprise. I will have a hand in picking the time since it'll be based around when I can travel there.
Two is that this is being done for gifts. Its not. Of course gifts would be a plus and its something to factor in if I do in fact get to have a shower. I don't feel entitled to anything though. My family is sort of poor and I just want to celebrate with them. I could care less whether or not I have gifts.
All of you that mentioned that its very early to worry about this are all very right. Its just stress spilling over from other things and what not. So thanx again ladies! i really appreciated it