Question

Mrkyrain · July 2012

I am seeking opinions. How do you all feel when graduated IFV are still active on this board and comment on posts? Recently, I wonder if it's still okay for me to post. Sometimes I change what I am writing at the last moment because I don't want to be that person that is like "keep the faith, it happened for me so it will happen for you". I remember how hurtful those posts were. I remember thinking it may never happen for me so STFU. I guess I am asking because this still feels like home to me but it should mostly be a safe haven for you all. I don't ever want to be the one messing with that. TIA for sharing how you feel.

Edwina.McDunnough · July 2012

I always envisioned IFVers never really leaving the board completely. If someone wants to move on and not keep in touch (which is totally fine), they should stick to IF. It's why I don't get it when people who never really posted want to call IFV home; it's not for the transient. How do you really know if the board is a good fit if you've never participated.

M we all know you and we know your history. You'd never be "that" person because you know that while good things can and do happen, they are also elusive for no reason at all. You're right that what happens with one person doesn't mean squat for another and those kinds of empty platitude/blind faith/unlikely miracle posts aren't really helpful to people facing serious challenges, but genuine support, encouragement, and sympathy go beyond that.

vanessagorc · July 2012

i'm still here too, M.

PAIF is not really suitable for a vet, with the current dynamic...so i never made that my home. I do hope everyone has success, but i'm keenly aware that it will never be the case for all. I'm also aware that a lot of this is luck...not bc some turtle walked by me, or some type of weird blessing thing happened.

delino · July 2012

I know I just intro'd yesterday, but there are a few reasons that I did. 1) I see this baord as I do TTCAL 6+...a more tight knit group of woman that isn't gonna spew puppies and rainbows all over the board. 2) This is a group of women who have been through the ringer and only others that have been through the same/similar truly get it. Just because you're pregnant or have your rainbow baby, doesn't mean you don't need us and we don't need you.That's my 2 cents.

reb259 · July 2012

Ok...so I hope I don't get flamed for this...

When I lurk on PAIF, I don't even know 3/4 of the people on there and since I only really post to IFV, if you are someone who posted to IF and got KU'ed on your first round of clomid and TI or even your first IVF, I still won't know you. That being said I think there is a group of tried and true women you have moved over to PAIF who really are the backbone of IFV and if not for them we would not have this board. I think the fact that there is a IFV check in is a way to continue that support system that has been developed here.

I always welcome the support of graduated IFV'ers and agreeing with E, I think that is what is so special about this board. For me even if you did respond to one of my posts with a "keep the faith, it happened for me so it will happen for you", I would be ok with it because I know you fought the same fight I am fighting, you just won a little sooner and that is ok. I am not sure I would be ok with it coming from someone who just joined the board...but that is me.

For me one of the hardest things is a newbie to IVF posting about how they are getting negative HPT, saying they are out, that it didnt work and then 2 days later they are posting that they are KU'ed. Those for me are always a punch in the gut.

So after 3 paragraphs of rambling...yes in my opinion you are always welcome to post here as are the other ladies who worked so hard to get this board created. I am not sure what I would do without it!!

crt0323 · July 2012

I did an intro here a few days ago. I've been posting on IF for a while and lurking here as well. Sometimes the IF board seems really quiet and going into IVF #2, I need all of the support I can get. I also want to lend my support and advice from my experience to everyone and anyone it may help. Thank you for having me here! Smile

rockpaperlove · July 2012

Unlike IF...IFV is a permanent sacred home. Not a "rental" home that is temporary. If I ever get my lasting BFP, I see myself lurking and occasionally posting on PAIF, but "home is where the heart is" on IFV. No one gets it quite like IFV ladies do after numerous heart wrenching failed IVF cycles.

illinigal · July 2012

reb259:
Ok...so I hope I don't get flamed for this...

When I lurk on PAIF, I don't even know 3/4 of the people on there and since I only really post to IFV, if you are someone who posted to IF and got KU'ed on your first round of clomid and TI or even your first IVF, I still won't know you. That being said I think there is a group of tried and true women you have moved over to PAIF who really are the backbone of IFV and if not for them we would not have this board. I think the fact that there is a IFV check in is a way to continue that support system that has been developed here.

I always welcome the support of graduated IFV'ers and agreeing with E, I think that is what is so special about this board. For me even if you did respond to one of my posts with a "keep the faith, it happened for me so it will happen for you", I would be ok with it because I know you fought the same fight I am fighting, you just won a little sooner and that is ok. I am not sure I would be ok with it coming from someone who just joined the board...but that is me.

For me one of the hardest things is a newbie to IVF posting about how they are getting negative HPT, saying they are out, that it didnt work and then 2 days later they are posting that they are KU'ed. Those for me are always a punch in the gut.

So after 3 paragraphs of rambling...yes in my opinion you are always welcome to post here as are the other ladies who worked so hard to get this board created. I am not sure what I would do without it!!

Agreed. Well said.

mtlaurel · July 2012

I like hearing from IFV grads - not only for encouragement, but also for informative discussions. There's a lot of wisdom from the collective years of tx among IFV and its grads that I truly appreciate.

AmCheri · July 2012

rockpaperlove:
Unlike IF...IFV is a permanent sacred home. Not a "rental" home that is temporary. If I ever get my lasting BFP, I see myself lurking and occasionally posting on PAIF, but "home is where the heart is" on IFV. No one gets it quite like IFV ladies do after numerous heart wrenching failed IVF cycles.

This! Part of being able to call it home is the stability the board offers. I hope to continue seeing regular posts on IFV from all of the women who have graduated from the long, painful search to start a family.

jillychris · July 2012

rockpaperlove:
Unlike IF...IFV is a permanent sacred home. Not a "rental" home that is temporary. If I ever get my lasting BFP, I see myself lurking and occasionally posting on PAIF, but "home is where the heart is" on IFV. No one gets it quite like IFV ladies do after numerous heart wrenching failed IVF cycles.

I completely agree. Though I've only been on this board for 9 months, it truly does feel like home. It's where I know people, and the one place where I can understand and appreciate feelings and emotions, and know that others understand where I am coming from. I post my pg related on paif, obviously, but if you asked me where home is, its definitely here!!

Mrs.McIrish · July 2012

I think the other ladies have it covered. The IFV experience is just different from other so-called infertiles. I really can't stomach going on the other boards anymore because they have no clue and assume they will eventually get KU'd. I don't believe that fairy tale anymore. When an IFVer gets PG, it is just different for me and I have no problems reading their posts. It would be sad for them to just disappear bc they are KU'd.

PrettyAccountant · July 2012

rockpaperlove:
Unlike IF...IFV is a permanent sacred home. Not a "rental" home that is temporary. If I ever get my lasting BFP, I see myself lurking and occasionally posting on PAIF, but "home is where the heart is" on IFV. No one gets it quite like IFV ladies do after numerous heart wrenching failed IVF cycles.

I couldn't have said it better, I pray to G-d I get another BFP and this time get to take my baby home and I would still be part of IFV. PAIF is very hard. There are women on there that got their BFP with Clomid and TI on their first try and call themselves interfiles all the while being 4 weeks pregnant and announcing their registry, facebook posts, having decorated their nursery already AND telling everybody about their struggle to get knocked up. Talk about being from different worlds.

Aegis2005 · July 2012

I think this board will always feel like home to me. I can't imagine not being around to support the members, regardless of where they are in their journey - and what kind of support they need.

Mrkyrain · July 2012

Awww....you ladies made me cry. I'm so glad I get to stay because I don't know what I would do...

joules12 · July 2012

You ladies are AMAZING! I loved reading through your thoughtful, well-articulated responses here. Obviously I'm a newbie over here on IFV -- but, I already feel so much more "at home" than I have in a looong time over on IF. While I'm certainly not happy that I've gotten to the point that coming over here feels right, I AM beyond happy that doing so has brought me into a community made up of ladies such as yourselves.

mm29 · July 2012

Edwina.McDunnough:
I always envisioned IFVers never really leaving the board completely. If someone wants to move on and not keep in touch (which is totally fine), they should stick to IF. It's why I don't get it when people who never really posted want to call IFV home; it's not for the transient. How do you really know if the board is a good fit if you've never participated.
M we all know you and we know your history. You'd never be "that" person because you know that while good things can and do happen, they are also elusive for no reason at all. You're right that what happens with one person doesn't mean squat for another and those kinds of empty platitude/blind faith/unlikely miracle posts aren't really helpful to people facing serious challenges, but genuine support, encouragement, and sympathy go beyond that.

This! I love it when our Vets stick around. I think we should have a IFV pregnancy check in on our board

LaLe09 · July 2012

I love seeing those who have had success stick around. It continues to give me hope that it can happen even after multiple failed cycles. The IF board makes me feel like it will never happen for me, which is why I don't like to be there. I just don't feel a connection there.

naybird · July 2012

I'm glad to still be able to call this board home, and so thankful that the ladies here will still have us ladies who have gotten pregnant and have babies.

Even though I do have my baby, I will forever be scarred by my IF battle. And I will always want to support, comfort and cheer on the ladies still struggling.

The PAIF board was very frustrating at times. There are women there who don't truly get it. And there's not much activity going on over at SAIF either.

So I'm very grateful to still be welcomed here.

Delta04 · July 2012

I like it when IFV grads come back to post. I haven't been able to post much because of a new job but this is still my home. I have developed a bond and fondness for the ladies who have struggled next to me. I would hate for it to end because they were blessed with a BFP. Their support and understanding means more than anything...they just get it.

blueberries8 · July 2012

I personally really like it when IFVers who are pregnant or now have children post. It gives continuity to the community (which I really appreciate as someone who has go back and forth between IF/IFV and PAIF) and honestly, I think it makes those of us who have been stuck here for the long-haul feel not abandoned. So that's my opinion - I really like it and I find it very encouraging. It is TOTALLY different than someone with no connection to the community coming by to let us know how they were successful and giving us advice on how to be like them.

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