jmoke7 - tell me about being a single mom by choice

jillianmb · July 2012

Just read your response in the WTA check-in and I am very interested in your story! How did you come to make the decision to be a single mom by choice? How's the journey been so far? What kind of support are your friends/family giving you? So many props to you!

jmoka7 · July 2012

Thank you so much. Well, I've always since I was a child loved children (that's why I'm a teacher). And for some reason I've always wanted to be a mother way more then a wife. I turned 29 two months ago and about maybe 3-4 years ago I really started wanting to become a mother now instead of waiting. My biggest fear in life is never being able to experience mommyhood and my dating life was nonexistent. I didn't want to keep waiting around for the guy in order for me to become a mother the "right" way because I felt like I'd rush into a marriage just so I could get pregnant. So about two years ago I started actively seeking out information to find out what I could do to become a mother sooner. In the process I found out (through forums and talking to people) that there's a lot of SMBC.

I was introduced to a guy who like me didn't want to wait to be married before becoming a parent (well he actually didn't want to get married at all, lol). Our situation was going to be unique because we wanted to co-parent. I wanted my child to have a father they could build a relationship with. We tried 6 home inseminations and one IUI before turning to IVF. When the first IVF didn't work we were shocked (because IVF is suppose to always work right, ugh). The second attempt at IVF resulted in a cancellation and turned into another IUI. The second real next IVF was also a BFN. I switched REs and my third and final IVF was also a BFN. By then I was drained and although the KD (known donor) wanted to try DE IVF, I just couldn't do it anymore. I realized I didn't have a big urge to become a mother through pregnancy and there's so many children that need loving and good foster care homes.

I immediately went to a foster care meeting. About three years before I started TTC I went to a meeting but decided it wasn't the right time in my life. So once my last IVF was a BFN I jumped right it. That was in May. And now God willingly I'll be licensed by the end of Aug. And going through training I realized there are more then I thought there would be of single moms fostering.

As far as friends and family, my friends have all been sooooo supportive. It got hard towards the end when they kept asking if I was pregnant yet, talking about how my baby shower would be, or what would happen if I had multiples since I was doing IVF. My mom has also been super supportive because she's just so ready to be a grandmother. And believe it or not, when I was in high school I use to tell my mom if I'm not married by 35, I was going to go to a sperm bank, lol. My dad and brother don't know about me TTC because I was going to wait until I was pregnant. I'll tell them about fostering once I'm licensed.

Sorry for the long story! If you have any questions I don't mind answering them.

jmoka7 · July 2012

P.S.-Your blog pictures are so cute. The picture with the heart around Russia is my favorite and I LOVE your hair color, lol! GL with your journey! I can't wait to hear how everything went!

jillianmb · July 2012

Wow what a journey! Thanks for sharing. I am excited to follow your story as you move forward.

And thanks for the kind words about the pics! They were fun to take :-)

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