Re-intro: Another Loss

dandywarhol · July 2012

Hi. I guess I get to re-introduce myself here. I lost another baby yesterday. I was supposed to be 16w4d but apparently the baby died last Wed. at 16w. My OB thinks it was most likely due to some type of chromosomal abnormality.

This is now my 3rd loss. The first was a blighted ovum discovered at 12w. My second was the loss of my daughter at 21w due to a placental abruption. Now this.

I'm heartbroken and at a loss for words. It feels so unreal. I've been through all the pain of a loss before which makes me wonder if and how this loss might feel similar or different.

I know it is still raw and I haven't truly accepted the loss yet but there is a part of me that says, "You survived the loss of Sylvie, you can get through this." Maybe that is just a coping mechanism.

I hate to be back here.

Heatherhah · July 2012

I have no words all i can say is I am so so sorry!! Hugs to you! Thinking of you always!!

foxxy1 · July 2012

I'm so, so sorry for your losses - all of them. Did you name your last baby?

I just wish this pain on no one. *HUGS*

dandywarhol · July 2012

foxxy1:
I'm so, so sorry for your losses - all of them. Did you name your last baby?

I just wish this pain on no one. *HUGS*

We haven't named the baby. We were supposed to find out the sex today so we didn't know what we were having. DH and I have been discussing naming it but DH is a bit reluctant, I think as a way to protect himself from this loss.

weddedwife · July 2012

Dandy, I'm so very sorry. I saw your post on PgAL.

FWIW, we were team green last time when we lost Nathaniel. That was the worst way ever to find out we were having a much wanted boy. It was also an awful, awful way to choose a name for a baby. But I'm really glad we did. It took us a week to name him. I think we too were trying to protect ourselves but then we realized you can't protect yourself from this pain.

Sending lots and lots of love your way. I'm so sorry.

jbranden12 · July 2012

I am sorry. This is so awful.

lrichmond86 · July 2012

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I hate seeing you back here, but we are all here for whatever you need! T&P for you and DH today.

pottermommy · July 2012

I am so sorry sweety. I saw your post on FB and on PGAL. I wanted to tell you how much I hate you are going through this again.

It isn't a coping mechanism I did it with both M/C after Kamryn. And with my mother's death 4 months after Kam, I lived through Kamryn I can live through this.

It becomes a mantra it is like telling yourself you have survived the fire once, you have been beaten and broken and burned and yet you stand and you will continue to stand. It is your will power to live and to love that you are seeing.

Huge hugs it is unbearalby hard to lose after having already lost the world. I wish I could show you my soul to show you how I understand but my heartfelt thoughts and prayers are really all I have to offer.

Lots of love.

Bayberry12 · July 2012

I am so sorry for your losses. It sucks to be here, but you are right, you can get through this.

Mrs Nice · July 2012

I am so sorry for your losses. It really isn't fair. Will you get to see your LO once s/he is born? DH and I were team green and didn't have a name picked out. As soon as I saw him I knew his name was Ian. Maybe you will just know too. Much love and hugs to you!

krysiahamaty · July 2012

There are no words.... I am so very, very sorry. HUGE hugs.

AmyG2b · July 2012

I saw this on pgal, and again I'm so sorry. My heart breaks for you.

Petunia844 · July 2012

I just have no words...I wish there was something, anything I could say that would help. I'm so very sorry... Just big hugs, you are in my thoughts.

figgs0831 · July 2012

I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish I had something more comforting to say. ((huge hugs))

Carolee · July 2012

You've been in my thoughts constantly today. I hate that you're back here too. Giant (((HUGS))). I'm so sorry.

tubbsy32 · July 2012

I am so sorry.

dandywarhol · July 2012

Thanks, everyone. It is just so surreal. I'm feeling a lot of guilt because I hadn't really bonded with this baby as a self-preservation attempt after Sylvie. We had barely told people about the pregnancy, in fact most people found out on Friday. All we have of this little one are 2 u/s pictures and one belly self-portrait that I took on Friday.

Plus since I wasn't conscious during the "birth" in some ways it doesn't feel like it even happened. There was no spotting, no really pain. I just went to sleep and woke up without a baby in me.