Giving girl items to a boy.

wychets · July 2012

So one of my good friends is currently pregnant (34 weeks) and I have been giving items such as white onesies, white socks, etc. Well yesterday I gave her DD's Bumbo which is purple and DD's playmat which is pink and green. We paid full price for both items and DD only used them maybe 2-3 months. I understand people say purple & pink are for girls..blah, blah! But honestly I didn't think she would care..when I gave her the items she begins to shout and say "why would you give me girl things when you know I am having a boy??" Then her next comment was "Are you saying he is going to be gay" WTF?? I was speechless. Like I mentioned earlier we paid $40 bucks for the Bumbo & $25 for the playmat, I just thought there was no point in her wasting money for items that she won't use for long, and DD's are still basically new. I was so hurt by this. Would you be offended if someone gave you items like this? I would understand if I gave her a bunch of girl clothes or something but this was just out of line! Thoughts?

GibsonGirl620 · July 2012

Two things-

She is probably very hormonal. We've all been there. That doesn't mean she should talk the way she did, but I'm sure she's a little emotional and anxious.

I would have asked her about the items first. That way, she could have politely declined if she didn't want them. Some people (and their DH's!) are more particular about gender stereotypes than others. It was nice of you to offer, but I wouldn't be offended if she didn't take them.

caitie2002 · July 2012

Yeah her comment was out of line. She could have been waaaaaaaaaay more polite about it! I probably would have played it off like my husband wouldn't allow a boy to play with pink and purple (he won't). I personally don't care! My cousin's little boy has a pink pack and play and had pink swaddling blankets and pink who knows what else (her sister has 2 girls). He is 10 months old and all boy so far! lol

To answer your question, no I would not have been offended! I haven't turned down a hand me down yet!

FWIW I think they do make bumbo covers; she could make it any color she wants.

wychets · July 2012

I understand. I did ask her ahead of time, but I did not mention the colors (maybe I assumed she knew) that was my fault for thinking that. I am not offended she didn't take them, I am just shocked at the way she responded, we have been friends for 19yrs!! Plus when she was early on she asked "If you have anything you can't use anymore or do not want I will take it" Maybe your right could be hormones:()

wychets · July 2012

caitie2002:

Yeah her comment was out of line. She could have been waaaaaaaaaay more polite about it! I probably would have played it off like my husband wouldn't allow a boy to play with pink and purple (he won't). I personally don't care! My cousin's little boy has a pink pack and play and had pink swaddling blankets and pink who knows what else (her sister has 2 girls). He is 10 months old and all boy so far! lol

To answer your question, no I would not have been offended! I haven't turned down a hand me down yet!

FWIW I think they do make bumbo covers; she could make it any color she wants.

Yes they do make Bumbo covers, which is what I thought she would use. I totally understand the (boy/girl colors) but honestly a Bumbo is expensive and not used very long...She is a single Mommy and I was just trying to be nice. I don't think sitting in a purple Bumbo will make him any less of a boy lol. If DH and I ttc again and it's a boy he will also be using that Bumbo, Playmat, and Our Pink and Black pack N play:)

lageorgiapaperie · July 2012

Yikes!

Her behavior was definitely out of line. She could have politely declined or taken the items and just not used them.

If it were me I probably would have taken the Bumbo but not the playmat.

wychets · July 2012

lageorgiapaperie:

Yikes!

Her behavior was definitely out of line. She could have politely declined or taken the items and just not used them.

If it were me I probably would have taken the Bumbo but not the playmat.

Haha and I would not be offended at all. Heck we have been friends for 19yrs!!! Trust me not taking something would have not pissed me off, but her comment did! People have given me plenty of hand me downs that I do not like, and I just do not use them.

wychets · July 2012

SuperDeDuper:

While I agree with a lot of what PP said, I must point out that even when I was pregnant and hormonal I would have never said crap like that. People use "oh, I'm hormonal and pregnant" as an excuse for being azzholes. I think being hormonal only highlights what's already there to begin with. ::steps off soapbox::

To answer your question: I would NEVER have been as rude as your friend was. I would have sincerely thanked you for being so thoughtful. I have several hand-me-downs my sister gave me from my nephew and I have no issue using them for my girl. I might be a little more hesitant to use really girly things for a boy, but, depending on the circumstance, I'd either politely explain myself to the gift-giver while still saying thank you for being so thoughtful -or- I'd simply say thanks and perhaps re-gift it to someone else who could use it.

wychets:
..when I gave her the items she begins to shout and say "why would you give me girl things when you know I am having a boy??" Then her next comment was "Are you saying he is going to be gay" WTF??

Your friend's a real peach, eh?

I totally agree. I am assuming it has to be the hormones because she never acts this way. I would never go out and buy a pink playmat for a little boy, so I would think she would understand we already had it and used it for our daughter. We only used them for about 2-3 months before DD learned how to wiggle out the Bumbo and Roll off the playmat. Baby items are expensive imo, but if she wants to go out and buy them in "boy colors" that's totally up to her.

iluvmylab · July 2012

She sounds b!tchy and ungrateful. My son has lots of pink and purple hand me downs from my niece and I could care less.

wychets · July 2012

iluvmylab:
She sounds b!tchy and ungrateful. My son has lots of pink and purple hand me downs from my niece and I could care less.

I think it was very ungrateful of her! She really wanted a Bumbo *here you go* just put a cover over it if the purple bothers you soooo much!

meg_2006 · July 2012

Some people are just super-sensitive about gender stereotypes. We didn't find out the gender of our baby and in preparation most of the things I bought were for boys. Luckily, we had a boy but I would still use it all if I had a girl. Most of the gear I buy, I buy neutral or boy-versions so a girl can still use it if I have one later. So I really don't have much to worry about. But...I do let my son jump in my sister's pink Jenny Jump-up and have no qualms about it! I would've taken the playmat, since it stays in your house and is only for a few months. The Bumbo, I'd look for a cover for it- since you use it for a while and often in public.

She could've just said "Thanks, but we're going to keep our eye out for something a little more boy-friendly." But she does have pregnancy hormones raging through her right now!

OurJellybean · July 2012

If my next lo is a boy he's going to have all sorts of punk abs purple things haha. We but her "boy" colored stuff all the time too. Kinda silly but it's her money

wychets · July 2012

I agree. The playmat stays inside so no one would see it, but if they did who cares? I would have taken both item happily lol

wychets · July 2012

anastasiacarmen:

I have a boy and I for sure would have taken the bumbo! You can buy bumbo covers you like $12! The bumbo my mom got me was an ugly puke green color (she said it was the only boy color they had that the store) so she sent along a gray cover for it. A good friend of mine got a pink bumbo for her son with the gray cover as well bc the store she went to only have pink or purple!

As for the play mat I would have to see the pattern on it to see if I thought I would like it for my son. I love pink and I love green and I think the colors could work for a boy (DHs fav color is pink so we aren't afraid of colors around here) but I would just have to see if that pattern was "too girly" for a boy.

Even if I didn't like the play mat or other "girl" things you offered for free I would not have gotten mad at anyone (I was mostly a crier while pregnant bc I felt loving feelings that overwhelmed me). I would have either lied and said someone already got me one of them, said no thanks its not my style/theme, or I just don't like that for a boy but thank you so much if you have anything else you are willing to give up please let me know!

Maybe you friend is hormonal and freak out bc of that but for sure I think she way over reacted. Explain to her that you didn't mean anything buy it and just thought she might like them to save some money.

LOL thanks!! I think she is just out of whack right now, she usually is very nice. I think that's why I was hurt, I totally taken off guard.

BTW this is the playmat we have except the blue is green, it totally is a girl playmat... But I wouldn't care because they only use it for so long:)

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Bright-Starts-Petals-Friends-Activity-Gym/13911229

LadyMadrid08 · July 2012

Haven't read all the comments, but I think even if she is hormonal and doesn't want her boy playing with/having things that are considered girly she could have conveyed this in a much politer manner. Her flipping out and (worst of all imo) asking if you wanted her child to be gay were completely unwarranted. Hormones are no excuse--sorry.

Reading this I thought if that happened to me I would've asked her to return any other hand-me-downs I gave her and told her I wouldn't try to foist my girly stuff on her again. But sometimes I overreact...still, I think she's being ungrateful and you shouldn't offer more things to her in the future. JMO.

ETA: And I know she's your friend, but I really don't think you have any apologizing to do in this situation like some PPs have suggested. She was the one who was out of line.

lintscreen · July 2012

I think your friend is a jerk. If she feels that way, I'd take the stuff back and let her buy her own.

DS had tons of pink hand-me downs (playmat, swing, bassinet, etc) since his cousin and my good friends have all girls. I never cared. Beats having to buy the items yourself.

Fianschneid · July 2012

In general, I wouldn't assume someone wanted my used baby stuff unless they told me that they did. Her reason may seem silly but if she wants her baby to have his own stuff, that's okay.

In the future, I'd email her (or other friends) of items you're ready to part with and ask if she wants any before assuming she does.

ETA: I read your response after I replied. Sorry, I see that you did this.

alainasmom121 · July 2012

My DD has a blue bumbo...I bought it blue because it was the only color they had at the store and I didnt want to wait. Ive had a lot of friends who are very picky with items for there first LO, she will understand that you were just being helpfull a little later.

wychets · July 2012

alainasmom121:
My DD has a blue bumbo...I bought it blue because it was the only color they had at the store and I didnt want to wait. Ive had a lot of friends who are very picky with items for there first LO, she will understand that you were just being helpfull a little later.

I think so too!

Nwlywed07 · July 2012

I agree...probably just hormones. I try and give pregnant women the benefit of the doubt because we've all been there!

I had a parent (I was a teacher) offer me their bumbo seat. She warned me that it was purple but I really didn't care. I didn't want to have to spend the money to buy something that I wasn't even sure he would like. I still have it...stashed in the back of the closet for the next time.

Some families are more particular about gender specific items though. Maybe hers is just one of them. Don't take it too personal.

wendyll64 · July 2012

SuperDeDuper:
While I agree with a lot of what PP said, I must point out that even when I was pregnant and hormonal I would have never said crap like that. People use "oh, I'm hormonal and pregnant" as an excuse for being azzholes. I think being hormonal only highlights what's already there to begin with. ::steps off soapbox::

To answer your question: I would NEVER have been as rude as your friend was. I would have sincerely thanked you for being so thoughtful. I have several hand-me-downs my sister gave me from my nephew and I have no issue using them for my girl. I might be a little more hesitant to use really girly things for a boy, but, depending on the circumstance, I'd either politely explain myself to the gift-giver while still saying thank you for being so thoughtful -or- I'd simply say thanks and perhaps re-gift it to someone else who could use it.

wychets:
..when I gave her the items she begins to shout and say "why would you give me girl things when you know I am having a boy??" Then her next comment was "Are you saying he is going to be gay" WTF??

Your friend's a real peach, eh?

This. If she's going to act this way, she doesn't deserve it. At this age, color is more for mom and dad than the baby. LO has a ton of pink, purple, teal, lime stuff- it doesn't make him any less of a boy. These gender stereotypes are just as bad as the morons that insist their girls wear/have nothing but pink. I want to expose him to all colors- I'm not going to limit his imagination by restricting his world to baby blue.

wychets · July 2012

wendyll64:
SuperDeDuper:

While I agree with a lot of what PP said, I must point out that even when I was pregnant and hormonal I would have never said crap like that. People use "oh, I'm hormonal and pregnant" as an excuse for being azzholes. I think being hormonal only highlights what's already there to begin with. ::steps off soapbox::

To answer your question: I would NEVER have been as rude as your friend was. I would have sincerely thanked you for being so thoughtful. I have several hand-me-downs my sister gave me from my nephew and I have no issue using them for my girl. I might be a little more hesitant to use really girly things for a boy, but, depending on the circumstance, I'd either politely explain myself to the gift-giver while still saying thank you for being so thoughtful -or- I'd simply say thanks and perhaps re-gift it to someone else who could use it.

wychets:
..when I gave her the items she begins to shout and say "why would you give me girl things when you know I am having a boy??" Then her next comment was "Are you saying he is going to be gay" WTF??

Your friend's a real peach, eh?

This. If she's going to act this way, she doesn't deserve it. At this age, color is more for mom and dad than the baby. LO has a ton of pink, purple, teal, lime stuff- it doesn't make him any less of a boy. These gender stereotypes are just as bad as the morons that insist their girls wear/have nothing but pink. I want to expose him to all colors- I'm not going to limit his imagination by restricting his world to baby blue.

I totally agree:)

brewcitybride · July 2012

She sounds classless and tacky. Honest opinon. My friends would never react this way, and if they did, they would not be my friends. You don't get a pass on politeness and how to be a decent human being just because you are hormonal.

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