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June 2011 Moms
hepcats
member
And now I remember why I don't come on here much anymore...
hepcats
member
I don't see anything wrong with sharing your opinions. I don't see anything wrong with educating each other. However, there is no need to make personal attacks on one another. It is definitely best to keep them RF to at least age 2. However, until I saw the video from youtube about 3 months back, I fully intended to turn Martin at 1. Just because someone doesn't know doesn't make them stupid, it makes them uninformed.
I'm sad to see that the way we choose to get through to one another is by being rude and making personal attacks.
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Re: And now I remember why I don't come on here much anymore...
I originally turned DS1 forward facing at a year...I didn't even find out about the new regulations until he was 18 months and then we flipped him back around. We will keep DS2 rear facing.
I was flammed on the toddler boards because DS1 was forward facing and I didn't know about the recomendation. So I've been there and it sucks. People also need to remeber that it is a recomendation, not a law. I mean some car seat inspectors don't have a clue about the recomendation. With kids its the recomendations seem to change so quickly. I mean with DS1 swaddeling was recomended to prevent SIDS and I've heard recently that you shouldn't swaddle a baby because it increases the risk of SIDS because they sleep to deeply.
I felt like I had wipelash learning about all the new recomendations just between DS1 and DS2...and they are only 21 months apart!
I agree, but I don't think this warranted an additional thread.
I realize I may be flamed for saying that, because Hepcats is probably the most popular person on this board and she can do no wrong. No offense, Hep, you're awesome...but we've all seen people get flamed for creating another post that keeps the drama going. Yet there is often a double standard on this board, and what is flameworthy for one person will get
for someone else...
HAHA good point. I considered posting this on the OP but thought it might get lost.
@Melissa: Heck no! Valid point.
@kattyleigh: I can't see how anyone would take your post that way.
Agreed. To announce that this is why you aren't on the board much anymore is unnecessary, in my opinion.
I disagree. People often mention that the board has gotten slow, she has just given one reason why.
I understand the RF car seat argument, and agree it is safer. But the carseat crusade on this board is driving me nuts. Even if no June moms were rude in the other post, there is no need for more than one person to point out to OP that ff is unsafe. She only needs to hear it once, repeating it over and over will only make people feel attacked.
June Bugs Blog
Hepcats...quit being a bish and go away.
Totally agree with the bolded. I think a majority agree it?s safer?but every time I hear did you see the youtube video I roll my eyes, its been posted, re-posted, linked, bolded, liked etc etc etc.
**Siggy Challenge What You're Looking Forward to Most after Baby Arrives**
That is a rarity on our board...as far as I notice. And that was really just two people bashing eachother...no one else really chimed into that nonsense.
Part of me thought the original post was intended to stir up drama...as anyone who comes on our board knows how many times that topic has been hashed and rehashed.
Every single time it gets mentioned at least one poster pops up saying they haven't seen it and asks for the link. Not everyone reads here all day every day. OP obviously hadn't seen the barrage of posts about this or she wouldn't have posted what she did.
So one person can inform her and we can move on, does everyone really need to get I involved. The video is stickied to the top of the board, she can be referred there.
June Bugs Blog
That's just it. I don't think everyone has. There is always someone who hasn't every single time the subject comes up. I don't think linking it hurts at all. Especially if it spreads awareness.
I think it would have been fine if all people did was post the link but people had to get personal and attack her parenting. That's just wrong. I'm all for informing people but not personally attacking people. That post got out of hand.
I thought the same thing when I saw the original subject line and then opened her post. Because was it not too long ago that this exact same discussion took place (with a far more favorable outcome)?
Anyway, it definitely got way out of hand but again, this is not the norm for the board. Even when there are disagreements, they are hashed out rationally, not personal attacks on each other's parenting choices, etc. A lot of immaturity was displaced in that post.
I felt this same way, but I didn't say it because I didn't want to stir the pot. I am glad I wasn't the only one. If you frequent this board then you should know how we all feel on the car seat issue.
I disagree the statement that everyone has seen the video. In fact there was a new thread this weekend from someone asking for the link b/c they had NOT seen it.
I didn't read the whole thread but I don?t see where anyone was rude to her and I don't see anything wrong with several people posting the same advice. They all feel that way so be it. Since when do you not post something b/c you agree what someone else?s post that just happened to post before you.
Lastly, someone who knows what the safety recommendations are and just decides to ignore them (there is nowhere the OP states they did not know) does deserve a side eye/stink eye, whatever you call it.
I'm sorry to have seen the whole situation escalate the way it did, but wanted to say I'm really glad you are going to RF a while longer. That little girl of yours is too stinking cute to take any chances with (as I am sure you know)!
peace,
katharine
Book-Kitten blog
Thank you! Due to the fact that it is a recommendation and not a requirement AND the fact that I had not seen the video or even knew that there was a video, I was going to make that decision. After watching the video, I now understand the impact and we changed our minds.
There are plenty other instances where people choose to ignore "recommendations" but no other topic seems to induce the fury as much as the carseat. What about those moms who put their babies to sleep on their stomach, even though it's clearly "recommended" to put them to sleep on their back? That one is potentially as life-threatening, but a few people on this board did it anyway. If someone is following the law, knows the recommendations, and is deciding to do something else, that's really their decision to make and their consequences to deal with. I find the "carseat posse" a little much.
You hit the nail on the head! This is the point I was trying to make in the carseat drama post.
Well FWIW I feel the same way about people who put their kids to sleep on their stomach or use bumpers. But when it boils down to it I really have stopped caring what people do with thier kids b/c I have seen too many times people will do what is easy and convenient instead of what is safe.
While I agree with the top part, I actually disagree with the bold part. If you make an informed decision that is your choice, once you have heard both sides or an argument and made your choice, there is nothing I can say or do to change your mind, so why say anything? This is not just about car seat safety. Example, If you choose not to vaccinate, not my cup of tea, but if you know the risks and decide that's what you want to do, go right ahead.
I'm sorry if I am to direct for some people, that's just who I am. The OP wasn't asking a question about RF vs FF, she made a statement which was based off of decision that was made by using one (out of date) source. People (including me) pointed it out, and she got nasty.
As I said in the last post, I was in my car (with all of my children) last year when my car was totaled, has DD2 and DS3 not been RFing, the very well could have been internally decapitated. When you've had a personal experience with something (similar to the tanning an melanoma post below) you tend to feel a little stronger about the topic.
I don't believe that ignorance is bliss.
I think your memory is gilded a little
There were similar posts like this about bumpers when we were registering, putting babies in their bellies when they were newborns, putting carseats on grocery carts when they were infants...MOST people keep it civil and just post a barrage of advice. MOST people take it well and move on.
She did not get nasty until you said "If ONE LINK from a pediatrician makes your decision about any parenting choice for you, then I'm scared for your LO." Up until you said that she was respectful and thanked you for informing her. I would get nasty if somebody said something like that to me too! Your comment was out of line. Like I said before, if you have your own opinion please share it respectfully, not in a way that is bashing someones parenting. I'm not here to start drama, but I'm not going to sit here and let you blame the OP for getting nasty when you did it first.
In the end, you both got nasty and were out of line. Leave it at that and move on.
Which is why I said. I really am starting to care less about what others do with their kid b/c they will more often take the easy way out than the right way. I said that somewhere on here this morning but can't remember if it is this post...gee I am getting old.
That's what started all the BS. We get your viewpoint, MamaBear. No need to rehash it in this post. Move on.
So I am not allowed to be concerned for a child? If you see a parent abuse a child, are you not scared for them? If you see a child wondering around an airport with no parent in sight, are you not concerned for their safety? This was not child abuse, or abandonment, but ignorance and mistakes kill people (and I guess I have a soft spot for children). I said IF one link made her decision then it concerned me greatly. Information is knowledge and knowledge is power, excuse me for being cheesy but it's the only way I know how to say it.
I am by no means perfect but I do my best to be informed, I'm sorry if I hold parents to a higher standard. Our children are the most precious thing in the world (IMO of course).
But you didn't say it concern you greatly. You said you were scared for her LO, which is just over dramatic and mean. And then you explained to her what her job as a parent is.
She knows. Trust me, she knows what her job is. And she wants the best for her daughter. If you had chosen your words differently, it would have been received differently. And maybe you weren't trying to be mean, but it came across that way to a lot of people.
Yes you can be concerned, but I guess I will repeat myself since you must have missed it the first couple times I said it... "if you have your own opinion please share it respectfully, not in a way that is bashing someones parenting." My whole point was no need for the rude comments.
This is continuing to get out of line, so I will repeat this again as well. "In the end, you both got nasty and were out of line. Leave it at that and move on."
I feel the same way... I'm not accusing OP of not researching her parenting decisions however, in real life I know too many people who aren't their own advocates and don't do their own research beyond what their pedi suggests. I think parents should make informed decisions and as long as they have done their research I respect what decisions they make even if it's not what I would do. However- OP said herself that she made the decision based on a handout at her 12 month appointment and I'm sure was very excited about being given the ok to forward face so she didn't think to further investigate but hopefully in the future she will. I blame this largely on pediatricians too- they need to be up to date because we should be able to trust what they say but unfortunetaly they aren't and we have to be our own advocate. The whole issue is that OP posted a link for where she got her info and even the updates on that link said to rear face so it appeared she hadn't made an informed decision. The issue isn't FF or RF but the issue of making informed decisions. It is hard to stay up to date on info and this doesn't make OP a bad parent but I do think we all need to make an effort to be as informed as possible. However, I'm OCD about researching things and can't understand making a decision based on one source... but I know there are decisions I've made that would be different than the majority on this board but I am prepared to defend my choices with my reasoning behind it because I have spent time weighing my options. Does that make the choice right for everyone? No- but if it's right for my family that's fine.
Now everyone who is accusing mamabear of attacking the OP is attacking her. Maybe she could have worded it differently and let it go but she did have a very valid point.... Don't make decisions based on 1 piece of info (and maybe OP didn't but her comments implied she did.) If she had other sources she could have just said it wasn't that one source and I'm sure mamabear would have let it go but instead OP got defensive and it spiraled from there.