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Frustrated with TTC

magoy23magoy23
in Infertility
My husband and I have been TTC since January of 2010. We started with clomid, upgraded to multiple IUIs and finally one round of IVF which failed. The doctors and specialist can't find anything wrong or unusual about us and is just chalking it up to "unexplained infertility". It seems like everyone around us is either pregnant and/or on child 2, 3, or 4 .... It's like we can't escape. It was okay to deal with when others I didn't see as often were pregnant but now that my SIL is expecting her first in September of this year, it seems so real. I actually love my in-laws and spending time with them but now I cringe at the fact knowing it will be all baby talk (especially since it will be the first grandchild for my DHs parents). I try and stay positive but with all this frustration I just feel tired and alone some days. I have so many unanswered questions about this whole wild ride of infertility and the big one is 'why me' and 'why is this not working when I'm doing everything right'? I am a religious person and believe in God but sometimes I even question his purpose and is this the path I am supposed to be on. It's so hard to choke down the reality of it all and after reading through some of these posts .... I realize I'm definitely not alone. I actually just finished a book called The Conception Chronicles (which I highly recommend) that has also helped me feel not so alone and gave me a few laughs in a tough situation. Hope to find some comfort here when I need it most.
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Re: Frustrated with TTC

  • lalee73lalee73 member

    So sorry you have to be here!  IF is so hard to deal with but the ladies on this board are wonderfully supportive.  

    Good luck with everything. 

    Me 38, DB 38. Unexplained infertility. TTC 3 years. 3 failed IUI's. IVF #1 5-20. 3 embies transferred day 3. First beta 5-31. BFN. IVF#2 ER 7-31. 3 embies transferred day 3. Beta 1=144. beta #2=527. beta#3 3027. US: 1 perfect heartbeat at 156!
    BabyFruit Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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  • DoublePortionDoublePortion member
    ((hugs)) IF can be so isolating! I think we all question why this is happening to us. Why not the crackhead who continues to use during pregnancy or the woman who doesn't take care of the kids she already has? Assuming you are Christian, though I could be wrong, just remember..."He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous." IF is not a punishment from God and that's a hard thing to understand sometimes! Best wishes that you won't walk this road much longer!!

    ***signature & ticker warning***

    Me: 30 ~ Stage IV Endo ~ AMH .38 ~ AFC 8
    AMH .97 as of 4/2012! ~ AMH 1.63 as of 4/2013!?!
    Him: 29 ~ perfect swimmers
    Laparotomy w/partial oophorectomy 8/2009 to remove cysts/endo.
    Stopped BCP 4/2010.
    Multiple clomid rounds from 11/2010 to 6/2011. ~ All BFN
    IUI w/clomid 7/2011. IUI w/clomid & injectables 11/2011 & 1/2012. ~ All BFN
    IVF:EPP 5/2012 ~ (4R, 3M, 2F w/ICSI). Both embryos txfrd. ~ BFN
    BCP to manage endo from 10/2012 to 12/2012.
    FET w/donor embryos #1: 10/2013 Cancelled
    FET w/donor embryos #1.2: 11/2013     ~ ET of 2 beautiful blasts on 11/27.
    Beta 1: 503(12dp5dt) Beta 2: 1035(14dpt) Beta 3: 3001(16dpt)     Beta 4: 8503(19dpt)
    Twins with an EDD of 8/15/14! Team Purple
    G&B born 6/30/14 at 33w3d via emergency c/s.

    If you're wondering about my avatar...it's a fried pickle chip shaped like a fetus!

    image

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  • liz4pawsliz4paws member

    Welcome to the board. But I am sorry that you have to be here. You are definitely are not alone. Many of us feel the same way about watching loved ones expand their families while we struggle with even one baby. It's so incredibly hard. *Big Hugs*

    You mentioned that you were religious, and a book that helped me with the "Why is God doing this to me?" aspect is called Hannah's Hope. I know it may not be for everyone since it is based on Christian philosophy, but I found it incredibly inspiring, uplifting, and helped me remain faithful throughout what has proven itself to be the most difficult time of my life.  You will find plenty of support here, and I hope you get your BFP soon.

    ************ Signature/Ticker Warning ************
     Me (32) DH (36) - Finding our way to baby #1
     Me: POF/DOR - AMH <0.16, heterozygous c677t MTHFR, insulin resistant and gluten intolerant
     DH: Severe MFI

     12/2/11 - IUI #1- BFN 
    8/1/12 - IVF #1 - Zero response from max stims (600iu intramuscularly)
    My ovaries are just for decoration

     12/6/12 - Adopted five embryos that had been frozen for over ten years!
     2/11/13 - DEmbryo FET #1 Thawed four, sadly two didn't survive. Transferred two beautiful blasts. 
     2/16/13 - First BFP of my life @ 6dp5dt! EDD 10/30/13
     3/27/13 - After beta and u/s hell, no heartbeat ever detected. D&C at 9w1d.

    6/5/13 - Adopted four new embryos that had been frozen for seven years!      
    9/12/13 - DEmbryo FET #2. Thawed and transferred two beautiful blasts
    9/17/13 - BFP @ 5dp6dt! EDD 05/31/14
     9/29/13 - m/c @ 5w1d. :(

    11/19/13 - DEmbryo FET #3. Thawed and transferred one blast from each batch. Wow!
     11/23/13 - BFP @ 4dp6dt! EDD 8/7/13
    Beta #1 @ 13dp6dt - 522  Beta #2 @ 16dp6dt - 1373 
    6w5d ultrasound showed one perfect baby with a beautiful heartbeat of 134bpm!

    Snowflake baby is a girl! 
    Our beautiful Snowflake girl arrived on July 22, 2014!   
     My embryo adoption blog: Wishing on a Snowflake
      
        image      image 
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  • magoy23magoy23
    I often (and I mean very often) wonder the same about people who continue to have more children and can't even take care of them or just having them for more government money.  It's so sad when there are millions of people TTC who are ready, willing, and able to give their children the best life imaginable.  Thanks for the support as it is much needed! 
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  • Jenny935Jenny935 member
    This board is the best. People here get it. Best of luck to you!
    Married 6/08, TTC 7/09
    MC w/ D&C 3/11 ~ 9.5 weeks
    CP/MC 1/12 ~ 5 weeks
    2 IUI's w/ BFN
    IVF 6/12 ~ 8R, 0F ~ Rescue ISCI gave us 3dt of 2 (6 cell, 9+ cell)
    DS born ~ 3/3/13
    IVF 6/14 ~ Operation Sibling ~ 10R, 5F ~ 5dt of 1 Blast
    Beta 1: 1600+, Beta 2: 4588
    Everyone Welcome!
    image image
    Pregnancy Ticker image

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  • pbj1975pbj1975
    I understand how you feel...asking "why me?" I am trying to let go of that question, as hard as it is. IF is horrible, there's no escaping that. I can't believe how much I have changed as a person. I have a lot more anger and sadness. And jealousy. I was never a jealous person. But I'm also finding I have more inner strength and courage than I realized. You are not alone, there are people that understand you. This board has helped so much. I wish you much luck on this roller coaster ride. 
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  • Rorr2Rorr2 member
    I could have written the same post. I think many of us here could, so you are not alone. It's hard when our IRL friends all have kids or are getting pregnant so easily. The boards are a great source of support. 
    Me-39, DH 36 Married May 2010 TTC since June 2010 Un-monitored clomid cycles 1/11-3/11 Began seeing RE March 2011 4/11-6/11 Femera +IUI =BFN 7/11-8/11 Femera +trigger shot +IUI =BFN Laparoscopy/Hysteroscopy on 9/8/11 Surprise natural BFP! on 9/30/2011 M/C at 8 weeks D&C on 11/3/11 2nd M/C on 12/25- natural Feb-June Follistim + IUI= BFN IVF #1- Start Stimms- 8/3 ER- 8/18 5R 4M 3F ET- All 3 on 8/21 =BFN IVF #2- Start Stimms- 11/5 ER- 11/19 9R 8M 8F ET- 11/22 3 8 cell embies. BFP HPT! 12/4 Beta #1- 12/6 976! Ultrasound on 12/21- Twins! BabyFruit Ticker Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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  • magoy23magoy23
    It's a hard question to let go but I know I should do the same thing.  I, too, have changed as a person - anger, sadness, tension, envy - I try and not let it get the best of me but so far, it has.  I just feel so defeated most days.  One of my very close girlfriends had her baby girl yesterday and I am so happy for them but so sad for myself and my DH.  I do find that I have more strength to carry on than I first thought but my husband has truly been my rock and support.  Without my DH I probably would not have made it this far.  I thought I would just die after my first failed IVF but the healing process has done its job and while it will always be a sore spot, I am ready to move on to another journey for motherhood.  Thanks for all the support and well wishes so far.  We are all in this together and I'm sure we can all use the support through these rough times.  Best of luck to all on the road to motherhood.  
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