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Blended Families
CFjo2010
member
Final update for today
CFjo2010
member
Ok, so after discovering that XH disconnected his cell phone, his wife's cell phone and finding out that XH's mother's landline is disconnected, my attorney contacted Children's Services as well as the police in TN. After hours of no news, this is what I have:
XH isn't at his home or at his mother's home. XH's mother is claiming she has no idea where he is, but said she would call police if he contacts her. As far as I know, she offered no explanation as to why her phone is now disconnected. XH's wife isn't at work today (yes, I know where she works and they sent a police officer over there as well). Police in TN recommended that my attorney file for an emergency hearing. It's too late to go in tomorrow (in CA you legally have to give 24 hours notice of an Ex Parte hearing, unless it's a DV hearing). My attorney has drafted all the paperwork to file an Ex Parte revoking Xh's visitation, and requesting an Order that all future visits must take place in CA and be supervised. My attorney feels this will be granted due to the documented history of XH's moving without notice and changing numbers in the past, plus what is transpiring right now.
Since the interstate CS action was finally sent to TN, they now have authority to suspend his driver's license for lack of payment of CS, which they did today. Since they were able to suspend his license they were also able to get the make and model of XH's car (assuming they're driving his car and not his wife's). So now all I can do is sit and wait. I still haven't heard from the kids and I'm trying to just breathe. My god this feels like something out of a movie.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Final update for today
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I don't think you are over-reacting at all.
Please update if you hear any more (especially from your babies). Many of us are worried with you! xo
I'm glad you are taking the proper steps through the courts/police so everything is documented and taken care of.
Glad you went with your mommy instinct that something isn't right, despite the other posters who said you were over-reacting.
hopefully XH is just trying to "prove a point" or something stupid like that and the kids aren't in any REAL danger.
please let us know if you hear from your babies, your in my thoughts!
This.
This.
Praying for you and your kids. I also sent you a PM yesterday.
And I don't think you were overreacting at all.
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Just breathe. Chances are they are fine. Just keep telling yourself over and over again that he is just being a giant d*ckface and disconnecting the phones was the only way to make sure you didn't call.
Of course keep doing what you gotta do legal wise but keep doing your best to stay calm.
This. I definately was critical of you in the past but no matter what this is not ok and as a Mom I feel for you right now. Keep up posted.
And totally inappropriate right now but you are really gorgeous!
Thank you. At this point I'll gladly accept any blame people want to hand me as long as it means my kids are ok and XH's just being Summer's Eve and the bag it comes in. I never thoughht I'd be dealing with this right now.
And the bolded totally made me giggle for the first (and only) time today. I was just thinking earlier how gross and disgusting I feel now that my preggo belly officially popped out. So thank you for the compliment and the much needed lightness
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TTC 10/11. IUI 2/12. BFP 3/8/12. 4/26/12 missed mc. RE consult 5/17/12. IVF #1 ER 7/13/12 53R, 41M ICSIed, 32F, 8 5d, 6 6d blasts - all PGD/frozen. PGD results 1 normal M and 1 normal F, 1 maybe M. FET 9/6, transferred 1 F embie. Beta 9/15 BFN. FET#2 planned for 11/2012 put off until 2013. Surprise BFP 11/21/12!! My son was born on 7/24/13!
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
I think you helped create this mess, BUT it is no less a mess and I think it is absolutely horrible of your ExH to cut off contact with your kids.
I can't imagine anything worse for a mother to not know where her kids are, how they are or even if they are ok. For that I truly feel for you and will keep you in my prayers today. I'm actually slightly holding my breath in anticipation of news on this.
I also think that you (and your ex) have shown that you are very reactionary and don't really stop to consider the consequences of your actions.
When your kids are home and safe I urge you to take time out to truly look at yourself and see how you can better approach issues / people in your life.
I really hope you hear something back soon. I'm sure they're just fine and that your X is just using this to hurt you. I'd be going crazy if I were you though. Please keep us updated.
I just read through all your posts and I have got to say, I don't think you are overreacting at all, in any of it. If your XH has a history of DV then I'd want to know exactly what is going on too.. I personally see nothing wrong with documenting what's going over there, if your kids are being hurt consistently even by another child that is considered neglect/abuse, at least in my state, the adults in that situation have to control the situation to make sure that all children in their care are well taken care of and safe, IMO it doesn't seem like that's happening.
I hope you hear something soon, and that your kids are safe and your XH is just trying to get to you. I would be losing my mind if this situation happened with SD...
This. Also, I didn't read where there was DV involved in your initial post. I am VERY sorry it's come to this. I know I came off as snarky yesterday but I truly hope everything is okay for you and your children.
Ok, I;m kinda new here so I just caught up on your posts, and I must say that you are not over reacting at all! I would be flipping out!
You were right to go with your gut, if there is one thing I have learned as a mother, it's to always go with my instincts.
Good luck to you and please keep us posted. I'm sure your kids are fine but my fingers are crossed for you anyway!!!
FWIW, I never thought you were over-reacting, and I'm really sorry this is where you are now. Am praying for you and your kiddos. Let us know what develops.
*HUGS*
Just to give you some perspective for the past ten months I have sent my 2 yo to his dad's with his stupid GF. I have absolutely no rights to know where they go or what they do. Yes, it kills me. But I have come to accept that is just the way it is. Per our court order I should be able to talk to him before bed. It is not uncommon for me to call and get no answer. Do I call CPS or the police? No. I wait until the weekend is over and pick my son up at the designated time.
I go through this every Weds. and every other weekend. Not just two weeks out of the year.
I have no control at all when my son is with his dad. But as other posters have said he is the dad and I wish you could trust him and his decesions. His dad does not tell me anything. If my son comes home with a bruise I get not explanation at all. While it kills me I just have to trust that my son is being cared for.
I understand the stress of your situation. However you said yourself you do not think you XH would kidnap the kids. And since he has this two weeks every year I assume the kids should be assumed safe with him? If in the past he always sends the kids home after the visit I hope you can be assured the same will happen this time.
This whole thing has spiraled into a big mess and I feel that your children are probably going to loose what teeny connection they had with their dad over this.
Is your son across the country with someone who has zero contact with him throughout the year? Does your ex have a documented history of DV against you? Has your son been to therapy for the last 6 years due to the anxiety it causes him to visit his father? Does your Ex have a history of "hiding" when he has your son? Has your Ex moved while your son is with him and refused to disclose the new address? Has your Ex deliberately changed phone numbers while your son is in his care and refused to provide the new phone number? You're trying to compare a weekend visit with the child's father who has continuous contact with 2 children who only see their father for 2 weeks out of the year. Completely different scenarios.
Trust is earned, and my Xh's behavior the last several years has earned him zero respect from me or the Court.
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No update at this time unfortunately. I haven't heard from the kids or XH. My attorney went to Court and filed the paperwork on demand, and we'll deal with the issue about giving notice at the hearing this afternoon. Considering all known phone numbers have been disconnected, there is really no way to give notice of the hearing anyways. My attorney gave the hearing info to TN police and asked them to attempt to give XH notice. They were gracious enough to send us an affidavit verifying that the phone numbers are disconnected and that they were unable to locate XH or the kids yesterday. Hopefully that will be enough to get some sort of Order made today.
So until I leave work to head to the Court hearing, I'm doing a lot of praying and pacing still. Not much sleep last night. The bummer about being pregnant is that I can't take anything to help me sleep. I think the waiting is hardest part. Even though XH has changed numbers and stuff in the past, this is a bit more extreme then his previous behavior. At least before when he pulled this type of thing his mother would at least email or text me and let me know the kids were ok. All I'm getting from out there is static. I'm not sure if the commencement of the interstate CS action pushed him over the edge or what.
Thank you to everyone for the concern and the prayers. This is something I never thought I would be dealing with, and I sincerely hope no one else on this board ever has to go through this.
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I don't think your sitation is the same. This man has a history of domestic violence and he is not allowing contact. EDIT He is not following the CO.
If this causes the children to lose the "teeny connection" they have with their father you can blame only one person, their father.
EDIT I hope this is resolved soon.
Given all you have stated I am surprised he has visits at all. I am sorry you are going through this and I hope all is resolved soon.
Really? Really? First, these are obviously two very different situations comparing this situation to yours is apples and oranges. This situation is actually not about you. Do you call CPS or the police, no, because your situation is completely different, you do not "go through this" every other weekend, that alone should be obvious. It's utterly ridiculous to condescend to someone trying to locate their children who are half way across the country and with the ex'es given history.
This situation is also very obviously different from past situations, do you somehow know better than her attorney how to proceed? Of course she hopes her children will be returned safely just like times before- but this really isn't "like" before and if you look back far enough, this man has a history of domestic violence. That's a pretty good reason to be worried so being proactive about her children's safety isn't something to again be condescending about.
Yeah, you're right this will has the potential to really damange these children'ts relationship with their father and that is not Jo's fault or responsiblity. That's on him and that' incredibly sad for her children and she's not stupid she realizes that.
Way to kick someone while their down.
I have no idea how long he has lived in CA or how many times the kids have gone out to visit him. But if he has a history of returning the kids safely we can hopefully assume the same will happen this time. And I am not the only person who stated this might have been an overreaction.
No. The only thing people were saying was an overreaction was at the beginning of this situation that involved how the kids were doing there while she had contact with them. It has now spiraled into something entirely different and I don't think anyone thinks she is overreacting about the situation as it stands now.
I most certainly do not think you are over reacting now. I thought you interfered with his visitation and interjected yourself into his home and time with his kids. That said, I would be loosing my mind right now. He is an absolute SOB to put you through this.
I also feel really bad for your kid who, no doubt, want to call you.
Im truly very sorry this is happening and I'm praying for you.
You need to try to relax and breath, chances are he is just being a p***k and will return your kids at the end of visitation. However do not let him harm that baby you are carrying.
Again, my thought and prayers are with you.
After all your updates, I also dont' think you overreacted anymore. I'm sorry I was snarky at you yesterday.
I hope the kids are able to contact you soon.
With a history fo DV, he's probably trying to regain control over you by manipulating the one thing he can control, your communication with the children while in his possession. Doesn't matter what set him off just that with this in addition to his history the courts are able to do more than a slap on the wrists.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
The point I was trying to make is that if she or the courts felt he was a threat to the children then the kids wouldn't have been there in the first place. A friend of mine experienced domestic violence in her marriage. Her kids do not see the dad at all anymore and when they did it was only for two hours a week and they exchanged at the police station.
Well the Courts did find him to be a threat and he was only allowed supervised visits until he moved. However, because the Courts feel children need a relationship with the father the Court allowed visitation out of state since he had never physically harmed the children. But with every game he's played, the Court has widdled down his visitation to bare bones at this point (2 weeks during Sumer, 2 weeks alternating Christmas).
Again, you're comparing a visitation schedule for someone who is clearly more local than across the Country, and each State handles these issues differently. No 2 situations are the same, and you should know that by now.
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