Etiquette Question

b2b999 · June 2012

Okay I have an etiquette question. I am having a shower thrown for me by my bff, which I am very grateful for and excited about. My shower is scheduled for 36 weeks 5 days. I am nesting like a fiend and just want a few of my basic MUST HAVES before then, but when I mentioned to her that I was going shopping at thrift stores and yard sales she got angry at me and told me I had to wait until after my shower to do that because otherwise people won't have anything to get me.

I have been to a lot of showers and find that for the most part people give clothes, toys, books, blankets - so those things I'm not buying. But the bigger items that I know I definitely want if I find at amazing discounts I'm picking up. Am I wrong to do this? I'm not going to be able to do all this thrifting and yard saling for long after the shower. I appreciate the shower but feel that the primary responsibility to pay for things for my baby falls on me and my DH - and I don't want to run out and have to buy things at full price in the last couple of weeks before the baby arrives just so my registry stays full up until then.

My next obsession is bottles - I feel an overwhelming compulsion to go and get some bottles so that I have them. We want to use a very specific bottle and while I am sure that we might get some at the shower but I feel this overwhelming need to have at least a few of the small ones on hand just in case. It would be purchasing brand new items though, and I know my bff is going to freak.

I really am grateful for the shower and all the work she's putting in to it. There are still tons of things on my registry that I'm not purchasing...should I get bottles? Just a few? or wait? Should I stop picking up thrift and yard sale finds? What is the proper thing to do in this situation?

Cranang · June 2012

You should get whatever you feel like getting. DO NOT count on shower gifts--it sounds like you're being very smart. If you get some duplicates, you can take them back, etc. Don't let your friend sway you. I'm sure she's awesome, but she's dead wrong on this one.

cwm11985 · June 2012

Go ahead and buy what you want! You have every right- and it will probably make you feel so much better to go ahead and get those things set up now, rather than later. People will have plenty left to get for you- everyone loves to buy the cute stuff like clothes and blankets anyways

cutebride73 · June 2012

I agree that you should buy what you want and take back anything you get as a duplicate. Waiting for your shower - since it is being held pretty late - would make me nervous too. That being said, if you buy something for yourself you can always mark it as purchased on your registry so someone else doesn't buy it for you.

morethancottoncandy · June 2012

I agree with both the PP's. As for the bottles, I wouldn't go crazy getting a bunch, a few is fine. IMO, bottles and diapers are hard to buy before baby, because you never know which one is going to work. Obviously you need a few on hand though!

esthergreenwood14 · June 2012

I also agree with PPs about getting stuff in advance. You can always take duplicate items back or take things off your registry.

I BFd but did go back to work. Introducing the bottle was really tough for us. DD fought and fought us on it. We tried 3 different brands. You may not want to stock up until you know what works.

Liz4444 · June 2012

Buy what you want and take it off of your registry. If you get doubles, you can always return for credit. When it comes to bottles, diapers, pacis, etc, you never know what the baby is going to like so it's not a bad thing to have a few different brands.

I found that with the big things, stroller, car seat, high chair, people will tell you that they want to buy it for you so you will know ahead of time.

jeffsjayme · June 2012

I'd stop talking to your friend about what you're buying - isn't her business, especially if she'll make a stink about it. She might see it as a sign that you aren't really grateful for the shower or that the shower is unnecessary/unwanted.

ryry1977 · June 2012

With the shower that late, I would be buying things as well. I love garage sales and you can get great things from them! As for the bottles you can always keep your receipts and return them if you get a lot of them (which I doubt). I would buy what you want and just return things from the shower it you have to. Don't let your BFF know

sesigs · June 2012

Buy whatever you want! Especially bigger items and to make sure you don't get the same items at your shower just don't put them on your registry. The truth is most people will probably buy things the week of the shower so if you find things early just take them off. Your friend just needs to take a deep breath! If you end up with duplicates that is fine! The shower will go great. I think you are being smart about getting what you need rather than relying on shower gifts!

rhubarb123 · June 2012

You probably know your friends/family best and know the type of gifts they normally give so go with your instinct. My family (for the most part) do not buy expensive items (cribs, dressers, gliders, travel systems, etc) which is fine...I just got them myself. I was surprised I got a breast pump, PNP and a highchair! LOL If I were you I would go ahead and get what you need at second hand stores, mom's to mom's sales, etc. and just not tell everyone (including the hostess). Then if someone gets you those items you can either take the new items back or keep them and donate the used ones you purchased.

As for the bottles...I didn't use them, but I would think you could never have too many (sort of like burp cloths). Go ahead and get some...if you get too many of the same size return or exchange.

Sherbet Lemon · June 2012

Buy the big items that you need for the baby's first few weeks, but wait on the other big items so if people do want to go in on a gift, they can. DD is almost 2 months old and we still don't have a stroller (we'll be buying it this weekend). Between the Baby Bjorn and the carseat, we just haven't needed the stroller much. A high chair is another fairly large item that can be left until later for sure.

ashtonblair123 · June 2012

Put what you want on your registry and buy what you think you should. I know my family gets kind of mad when I buy stuff for the baby ("You're taking all the good gifts!") but we just don't have the income to go out and get everything we need in the last month. I shop sales, clearance, and yard sales.

If you find a good deal, buy it. Return any duplicates to get the stuff they didn't get you.

misspunky · June 2012

I've been doing the same thing. I don't expect anyone to pay for our baby's things, and my MIL made a snide comment that no one would have anything to buy us if we kept it up and that it was stupid of us. Um..who cares?? I would rather leave the little things to people if they really want to buy off our registry than to assume that we'll be gifted with all the big items. Buy what YOU want to buy, especially if it's a good deal! I can't pass those up either..

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