Natural birth fail/encouragement also

laoch101 · June 2012

Maybe I shouldn't post this here. I don't want to discourage anyone. I'm still sad and jealous that other women are successful at their natural births. Mine ended in a cesarean after months of trying to prepare. And I broke down and asked for pain meds.

I thought I was ok but just read someone's birth story and it hit me again. I'm do blessed to have my daughter . I need to get over this.

Be strong ladies. I pray you all are able to have your beautiful, wonderful, natural births!

MrsSmithinOR · June 2012

Hugs to you, and congrats on your little one

sschwege · June 2012

I'm sorry things did not go as planned. Please know that it is not about success or failure. We all prepare for this, but at the end of the day so much of it is not in our hands. It's like a marathoner who trains and practices, is fully prepared and on the day of the race sprains her ankle around the first turn. That person did not fail, circumstances just happened beyond her control and her plans had to change.

You need to give yourself time to mourn and know that it's OK to be disappointed and sad. You spent so much time preparing and envisioning this day and it's only natural to be upset that things did not turn out the way you hoped. How you feel is how you feel, and don't let anyone try to talk you into feeling differently.

Sending thoughts and hugs your way.

sschwege · June 2012

And by the way, this is exactly the right place to post this. The girls understand on here far better than most people would

We are here for you if you just need to talk.

judahsmommy1 · June 2012

Congratulations on your new baby! I'm sorry the birth didn't go as you had hoped. I prepared for a med-free birth my first time around and wound up using both an epidural and Pitocin. The tools are there for a reason and can definitely be used appropriately. It doesn't make it any less disappointing, however, when you had hoped not to need them.

Jcrab · June 2012

Hugs sweetie! It is perfectly normal to be disappointed things didn't go the way you hoped and worked towards. My DS needed a C/S and it took until my next pregnancy for me to process that feeling like a lack of getting to "birth" my son was traumatic for me. I had just focused on being happy to have my DS until being forced to process his delivery. Every pregnancy and delivery is different, hopefully you can have a VBAC if you choose to have another child. I just had a HBAC and it was very healing and empowering to me. If you have a local ICAN chapter that could be very helpful. Let yourself feel and process everything you are going through, not everyone understands but it is normal. Hugs!

laoch101 · June 2012

Thank you so much! I needed that. I think I'll try and write my birth story tomorrow and let it all out. Baby blues hit me tonight.ive been doing ok and letting myself process. We do want another one so I am hopefully for the next time. She was 10lbs 7oz, so she wasn't tiny by any means.

Thank you

catsinawindow · June 2012

laoch101:

Maybe I shouldn't post this here. I don't want to discourage anyone. I'm still sad and jealous that other women are successful at their natural births. Mine ended in a cesarean after months of trying to prepare. And I broke down and asked for pain meds.

I thought I was ok but just read someone's birth story and it hit me again. I'm do blessed to have my daughter . I need to get over this.

Be strong ladies. I pray you all are able to have your beautiful, wonderful, natural births!

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. Hugs to you about your birth experience. Your daughter and her birth are two completely separate things. You can both mourn your birth and rejoyce in your daughter at the same time.

There are many women here who (for various reasons) didn't have the birth experience they were envisioning (me included). Some have gone on to subsequently have successful natural births.

I don't want to speak for the whole group, but IME, you can feel free to post here. Many other boards "don't get it," but the ladies on this board do. Sometimes I've put a "warning" in the post title when I'm talking about negative birth experiences so that moms who are only reading positive stories can avoid the post.

couliegirl · June 2012

Congrats on your baby girl.

I'm very sorry that your experience wasn't what you wanted it to be. I really wanted to go med free, intervention free too, and while I was able to deliver vaginally with out assistance, I had about every intervention under the sun before that.It was really stressfull and upsetting as it was happening. It took me a couple of weeks to stop thinking about it constantly and to separate my feelings about my birth experience from my feelings about my son. Until I could separate those two things, I felt even sadder when I thought about L&D because i have such a perfect little boy who took right to the breast and has been a great little baby. It made me feel guilty about being sad.

Its only been 25 days at this point, but some of the sadness is fading. It really helps me to actually mourn the loss of my NB and to work through it. It also helps a ton to know that there are other women with similar experiences. I also think you posted this on the right board. I hope you can find some peace with your experience.

kdjudd · June 2012

You didn't fail at anything, hun. If you have a healthy and strong baby that is all that matters. It doesn't matter how your baby came into this world, what matters is that you did what you thought was best for you and your daughter. Sometimes it is best to go natural and other times it is best to get interventions.

LaurelBee · June 2012

You are not a failure. You are an educated woman who made choices that ulimately brought a healthy baby into the world. It is ok to feel upset that things didn't go as you wished and still be completely in love with your sweet girl. I think writing your birth story is a good idea- hopefully it'll help you shed the guilt/failure feelings you have now and replace them with pride. You delivered your baby and no one can take that away from you. Hugs mama

goldene · June 2012

kdjudd:
You didn't fail at anything, hun. If you have a healthy and strong baby that is all that matters. It doesn't matter how your baby came into this world, what matters is that you did what you thought was best for you and your daughter. Sometimes it is best to go natural and other times it is best to get interventions.

I appreciate that you are trying to be supportive, but after I had a cesarean, the words that hurt the most were "if the baby's healthy, nothing else matters." Frankly I think this trivializes the mom's feelings.

I think of it like this: if the baby is NOT healthy nothing else matters.

If baby was sick, you wouldn't be worried or thinking about your birth, you'd be taking care of your baby. It's because you were blessed with a healthy baby that you have the space to start thinking about this momentous experience you just had. And that's healthy and normal. You have all the room in the world to grieve the loss of the experience you wish you had. You'll get through this, but don't be afraid to feel your feelings.

couliegirl · June 2012

goldene:

kdjudd:
You didn't fail at anything, hun. If you have a healthy and strong baby that is all that matters. It doesn't matter how your baby came into this world, what matters is that you did what you thought was best for you and your daughter. Sometimes it is best to go natural and other times it is best to get interventions.

I appreciate that you are trying to be supportive, but after I had a cesarean, the words that hurt the most were "if the baby's healthy, nothing else matters." Frankly I think this trivializes the mom's feelings.

I think of it like this: if the baby is NOT healthy nothing else matters.

If baby was sick, you wouldn't be worried or thinking about your birth, you'd be taking care of your baby. It's because you were blessed with a healthy baby that you have the space to start thinking about this momentous experience you just had. And that's healthy and normal. You have all the room in the world to grieve the loss of the experience you wish you had. You'll get through this, but don't be afraid to feel your feelings.

Yes That is the statement that really hurt me at first. It made me feel like I shouldn't have the feelings I had/have.

catsinawindow · June 2012

goldene:

kdjudd:
You didn't fail at anything, hun. If you have a healthy and strong baby that is all that matters. It doesn't matter how your baby came into this world, what matters is that you did what you thought was best for you and your daughter. Sometimes it is best to go natural and other times it is best to get interventions.

I appreciate that you are trying to be supportive, but after I had a cesarean, the words that hurt the most were "if the baby's healthy, nothing else matters." Frankly I think this trivializes the mom's feelings.

I think of it like this: if the baby is NOT healthy nothing else matters.

If baby was sick, you wouldn't be worried or thinking about your birth, you'd be taking care of your baby. It's because you were blessed with a healthy baby that you have the space to start thinking about this momentous experience you just had. And that's healthy and normal. You have all the room in the world to grieve the loss of the experience you wish you had. You'll get through this, but don't be afraid to feel your feelings.

Yes perfectly put. I also agree that kdjudd wasn't meaning any harm. It's hard to understand why those words hurt unless you've been there.

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