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3rd Trimester
Mrshelmick
member
About the baby registry post last night.
Mrshelmick
member
Wow, I did not think I was going to start a war between people about being appreciative or unappreciative. Woke up this morning and checked the bump, expecting a couple of replies from people understanding some frustration. Wow. I figured I would just start a new one so no one had to read all the mess going on there. So, I do appreciate everything everyone here has done for me, and purchased for me. I am not really a returner, I don't like to return things people have bought as gifts for me, its just not how I was raised. I was just a little bothered that people ask where you're registered, and don't seem to purchase from it anyways. I'm a FTM, so when they ask me what I need, IDK what I need, I've never had a baby. So I was kind of hoping they would buy me things they found essential when they had babies. That's why I was, not really upset, but a little bummed that I didn't get more off my registry, because I STILL don't know what I need. On a side note, I don't really have any furniture on my registry, My husband and I purchased all nursery furniture, and bedding and such ourselves. So the things on my registry are baby essentials, like, diapers, and bottles and such. I understand how people walk into a store and get distracted by the cute little clothes, ALL of us do that, they are so adorable. I was just kind of hoping for a few more essentials, a few less clothes. Sorry for starting a riot! HAHA.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: About the baby registry post last night.
You shouldn't have to explain yourself. You have the right to your opinion
I think some hormonal ladies just love to fight on here. They can be quite snarky for no reason.
However on a more positive note, I don't think its bad to return things. You're better off getting something useful. The gifts given to you were to help you with the $$$ of the baby. They are things people thought you may need or want. If you don't like the items, or simply wont use them - return them, it defeats the purpose.
Agreed!
And like we told you in the other thread, most women aren't greedy, self-serving twits. People can spend their money on your ANY EFFING WAY THEY WANT TO. You have no right, at all, to complain about it.
Then maybe the STMs realized you need more bibs and clothes than wipe warmers, pretty pacifiers, soothies, and car seat covers...
Yeah, and you get to tell people how they should spend THEIR money.
And no, I didn't think that at all when I received a gift that wasn't from my registry. I had planned on purchasing everything on the registry myself, so what I did get off there was just gravy. A gift is a gift. The only reason you're calling us "moral police" is because we made you feel badly...as you should.
At one point a baby shower had a purpose. It was where women came together to help a new mom get the things they actually need for when the baby is born. Women brought hand me downs and stuff like that. The purpose is STILL to help the mom. Not to load a bunch of junk on her that she has to figure out what to do with before the baby is born. I would feel so rude if I brought a gift to ANYONE that they couldn't use. But to give a very pregnant lady something that won't help them in the slightest, making her responsible for taking care of my junk because I didn't feel like giving the time and energy to find something appropriate - well... I'm just going to stay home if I care that little. That's just my perspective when I GO to a baby shower.
Yes people can spend their money however they please. That doesn't make it less rude to give a completely inappropriate gift.
FFS, this.
So because you didn't register for it, it's unusable and inappropriate? This has got to be one of the more idiotic posts I've seen.
How are clothes and towels inappropriate?
I just think its funny that everyone jumps to say "well of course people will buy cute outfits." We didn't get a ton of clothes, but we remedied that easily with two days of garage sales. We got 4 blankets, one handmade by a friend, one handmade by MIL, and they were awesome. We got two bibs. All these things that people are normally swamped with and others defend, we didn't really get. But we did get a big ticket item that we really have little use and no space for, and returning is not an option (long story, I heard my half sister tell my parents about the odd sale she got it at, and it's something I literally cannot find anywhere so I can't just take it to Walmart). Sometimes gifts that are given are akin to giving a new mom in Siberia a bunch of 6 month size bathing suits when she's having a baby in July. Nobody (at least me) is saying "how dare you spend your money?" but rather, sometimes it's just "oh... really? Okay..."
blog! thescenery.net
You expressed a frustration about people asking what you need, directing them to your registry (which is appropriate), and then being frustrated when people who asked what you need instead get you things you don't. You said you're grateful for what they did get you, but why did they even ask? I get that, plenty of us get that.
You're fine. Let the offended keep on riding the sanctimony pony...
Smiley, you are cracking me up today!
I was reading this post at first thinking "YES! someone understands." Then I came across this bomb and realized it was the dumbest post ever. Well played.
I mean, no baby has ever needed a quilt or a onesie. It's not like they're complaining that women showed up bearing gifts of dildos and whiskey. (Even then, moms should be grateful, because those might end up coming in handy!)
Thanks! I posted a new board to stay out of the drama, unfortunately, it just follows you around some times!
Amen! They drive me crazy!
She vented about people asking what she still needs, referring them to her registry, and still ending up with lots of thing that yes she can probably use, but still missing lots of things she needs...when people asked HER what SHE needs.
How is everyone missing this?
ROTFLMAO.
Follows you around? No. Lot of the women who disagreed with you are not Baby Shower regulars.
Clue in. If you are getting similar responses from different people on a variety of boards and you don't like those responses...it's you, not them.
There is really no way to turn your nose up at a gift without being a brat. Sorry the truth hurts. Pay for the crap your kid needs yourself.
How are you missing the rest of her drivel where she goes on about not actually knowing what her baby needs and counting on her guests to just give her what they think she needs? Or the rest of her responses?
This. I received almost nothing from my registry, but got lots of clothes, books, toys, and blankets that LO will certainly like better than burp cloths and car seat mirrors (both of which I bought myself when I finished up my registry last week). You can't help but sound ungrateful when you call someone's gift (gift!!) inappropriate or useless. Unless the blankets and towels came pre-shrunk or soiled, they're just inconvenient for you, not inappropriate.
Consider your guests. Are many of them mothers, aunts, grandmothers, etc? They know what kinds of clothes and blankets their babies, nieces and nephews, and grandchildren like. I would have never registered for some of the toys I received, but once I realized that the gift-giver was a new grandmother, I found myself even more appreciative than ever, and grateful that LO will have something special that I had no idea about.
You're entitled to your feelings, but if you're irritated that so many people went off-registry, it does sound like your expectations were that people would provide the essentials for your baby.
And how are YOU missing that people are complaining about receiving GIFTS? Your kid is 6 and s/he asks you for [insert awesome toy of the year], and you end up getting him something else. When the kid sits and whines and complains that s/he didn't get what s/he wanted, are you going to tell him that it's OK to complain about it? Because sitting here whining about not getting what you wanted is the EXACT same thing. Ungrateful brattiness. Better be careful...
See Smiley...you and I aren't so different afterall. (MandJS, or anyone, quote my Christmas example for her!)
I had one of the most serious Come to Jesus moments of my life when I was 8, and I complained about getting a book from my grandma on Christmas. My mom dressed me down and let me know that there is no situation where complaining about a gift is appropriate. Turns out that the book from Grandma was her favorite book growing up, and she wanted to share it with me. Very humbling. And I was 8...
I am a FTM and didn't have a baby shower at all. I would have been very thankful for clothes and towels because they are needed and useful. I am not going to complain about not having a shower because it is our baby and we should buy the baby items.
We have received some clothes as gifts and it made me really happy to receive them, just one more thing we don't have to buy that we were expecting to buy for ourselves.
I never made a registry but if I did, I wouldn't expect people to buy from it, it would just be there if they wanted to use it for ideas.
Most of the drivel is from everyone else who blew up that original thread, not so much the OP... I'm a FTM. I also had STMs help me flesh out my registry and then I had people emailing and calling asking what I needed for weeks leading up to the shower. I gave my registry info, explained why I chose what brands/items when asked... emphasis on "when asked"... so I understand her frustration over coming away from her shower having expected maybe more items from her actual registry, given that she was asked. She was also very clear in saying that she is still grateful for what she did receive. Aaaaand scene.
I'm probably also biased since I didn't want to have a shower in the first place. People like to say it's not about the gifts and instead about celebrating the new baby, but I have yet to go to a shower of any kind where the guests aren't trapped for at least an hour watching the bride or mom-to-be open a slew of gifts.. any time 25-50% of an event is gift-opening, I'd say it has very little to do with the celebration for celebration's sake. But that's a whole different tangent...
DING! DING! DING!
This is a person who gets it.
I think everyone is getting me confused with the other person that's been posting. The drama isn't towards me, its towards another poster that is posting on my board! I have posted 3 times, the two original board posts, and then that one about the drama following me, and its not even my drama, its someone elses!
All of this. I never post on the baby shower board, but your post irritated me to no end. The OP and all of the people defending her sound like spoiled brats. In case you still don't realize: You don't have the right to dictate how other people spend their money. It is your responsibility to provide for your child, not anyone else's. A baby shower is a gift, not an entitlement. You should be grateful for any and every gift you receive, instead of complaining about it like a selfish twit.
I get and appreciate what you're trying to say here, but I think there's a reasonably clear difference between registries for new babies and all the shat your kid wants for Christmas.. or their birthday or whatever else. I'm also folding my hand as this is not a hill I'm willing to die on, or even my hill at all, and I'm ok being lumped in with OP if that's what being on this side of the argument gets me. I had my showers, sent my thank you cards, and unceremoniously returned everything I didn't need or want to get what we could actually use. I didn't post about it on the bump and I suppose that's the lesson for OP to be learned here.
I did not complain about anything that I received as gifts! I AM grateful for everything everyone purchased for me. I complained about the fact that we create these registries so people can see what we NEED, then they ask us what we need still so we refer them to our registries. Then they don't purchase off of them, not that I won't use everything they get me. For example, I really can't stand monkeys, they are on EVERYTHING baby related. I got several things with monkeys on them, they are still hanging in the closet, and I will still clothes my baby in them.
One thought about people buying clothes....clothes are something you need. With my first child I used the clothes we received more than any other gift. You mentioned that your registry had diapers and bottles on it, but I think those are more about personal preference and your baby. We received a couple of boxes of diapers and didn't like either brand. Same with bottles. Both ended up not being used. The clothes were used the most out of everything. We didn't need to buy any outfits for my child for almost a year.
I remember last time thinking that we received way too many clothes and not enough essential stuff, but once my child was here I realized that not much of the stuff I thought I needed was actually essential. The closet full of clothes was actually really nice to have. I did return clothes I knew we wouldn't use and exchanged them for basics like packs of onesies. I think most people would rather you have something you want/need than have wasted their money on something you didn't use.
My most treasured baby shower gift is one that I did not register for.
My Aunt bought a recordable book on nursery rhymes and had every woman in my family read a page. So my grandmother, mother, sister, aunts, cousins... all recorded themselves reading Baby a nursery rhyme... most thoughtful gift ever!
Saying that you appreciate something and then complaining about it are two contradictory messages. It's like if someone starts off with "No offense, but..." and then continues to insult the person they're talking too. Is it now excused because they said, "No offense"? No, it's not. They're being rude and simply saying that you're not being rude doesn't suddenly make it okay. Same with complaining about the gifts but then saying that the gifts are appreciated.
Also, you're actually right about baby showers. The term comes from them being thrown to "shower" the MTB with gifts. No one should expect to be given gifts, but if I were invited to a shower, I would consider buying a gift for the guest of honor something that I should do. That's why people shouldn't throw their own showers. But, as you said, that's a different tangent.
Smiley you make my day!!
That is such an awesome gift!