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December 2012 Moms
MIL Vent!
First off, I really do love my MIL. However, today I took DD to a family party. While I was out our sink got a clog and SFIL and MIL came over to fix it. Well, apparently I do not keep the house to MIL's standards.
I got home and DH told me that MIL said that I have until the end of the week to clean the house or I need to get a job. Um, I am a SAHM and go to college online. I am pissed. I have been living here for 10 months and have been trying to get DH to pick up the downstairs (he has severe OCD and I cannot touch some of his things since they need a "clean" home) and organize it so I can really clean it. Also, a lot of the things that are dirty in the house I've barely been able to make a dent into.
For instance, DH has been in this house for 2-3 years and it has never been dusted or vacuumed. I have been trying to go through and do these things all the time. They never owned a mop. So I've been trying to mop every inch monthly. The house has looked about the same as it did when I moved in, give or take a few toddler messes. Is it eat off the floor clean? No. It's livable though and we have made some improvements.
I just do not get why she is doing this crap. Apparently she also wants to come in and reorganize and "baby proof". Um, thanks lady. Your totally stepping on my toes. I have been working with DH to make this whole house more like a house and not like a giant bachelor pad. We have been making some progress, it's just difficult working with a guy who doesn't do well with change (once again OCD). It's just so aggravating.
She even used the line "Well, I did those things and more when I was pregnant". I've been on limited activity from day 1. It's just not the thing I wanted to come home to. Plus DH is pissed off, and doesn't understand why I'm so upset. ugh!
/end vent
This discussion has been closed.
Re: MIL Vent!
This is not a MIL problem
This is a huge husband problem.
Labor Buddy to Blowfish11
Pfft. Just roll your eyes and ignore her. She isn't your mother and you're a grown adult. Completely out of line to tell you you have till the end of the week or you have to get a job...besides, why is it YOUR job to clean the house? You both live there, it should be his responsibility too, especially since he's the one who is particular about everything...
I've never heard of OCD and messy, I've only known a couple of people with OCD and they were all super obsessively clean and organized...I couldn't imagine how frustrating it must be for you!
Good luck...I don't really have much advice since I'd personally just tell her to never speak to me like I was her 12 year old child again, and to mind her own business, which isn't always the best approach in some families...
Labor Buddy to Blowfish11
DH isn't like super clean/organized OCD. More like the world is made of germs and is out to get him OCD. He won't even let me touch him unless I'm deemed "clean". It's difficult to handle, but once you get used to it it's fine.
This. He needs to get some help for his OCD (my DH also has OCD, and the help has done wonders!), either in the form of counseling, meds, or preferably, both.
Your MIL can f-off. It's absolutely none of her business, end of story.
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No, we own the house (well DH does). She is just kinda controlling still. Also, DH was furious with her. I'm mad at both of them. It's making me feel like this is all my fault. I haven't even touched a lot of the rooms, because of DH. So it's just a huge mess.
You need to ignore the MIL and focus on the actual problem at hand. Your husband. Is he seeing a counselor? He needs to. You're going to have two kids soon he needs to get his sh?t together.
How is he OCD but never cleans ever since he Bought the house? I don't understand this.
Labor Buddy to Blowfish11
Trust me. Me either! However, you would notice it hardcore if you were around him. For instance, if I go out I have to put on a whole new outfit. When I come home I have to wash my hands, change into my "indoor clothes", and put my purse in designated area. If I don't then I don't get to sit in my chair. If you touch DH's stuff (more so his desk or chair) he has to sanitize everything. He clean "his" things. Just not everything else. Think Sheldon from Big Bang Theory. That reminds me of DH.
Well, you have more patience than me bc I couldn't live like that.
He needs to be in therapy, you didn't say if he was.
Don't make your kids live like that-- what are they going to do, change their outfits 100 times a day because they're inside/outside all day long?
Labor Buddy to Blowfish11
Yeah, I've been working with him a little. I keep trying to get him to go to my psychologist. He is fascinated with my DH. It's just difficult to get him to agree to go in. He's a very stubborn 24 year old guy, he doesn't think he needs the help or doesn't believe in it. We have gotten him over some of it, or found better ways of handling it. I think having the new baby will help. He will realize that he needs to change a little more. Currently, DD has indoor and outdoor outfits picked out each day. It's redic.
This!
If he can't adapt, that's not really your problem. Do what you can, and tell them to F off.
Avery - 8.2.07 | Asher - 5.12.10 | Audrey - 11.28.12
Odds are if your DD didnt force him to change, the new baby won't either.
You got hard sell this. Stop giving in to his ridiculous b?llsh?t. Tell him you're willing to get him help and youre willing to work hard in that aspect but you won't indulge him any longer in his OCD habits. They are stifling your life.
Can you really see spending your ENTIRE life the way it is right now? What will this do to your kids mental health?
Labor Buddy to Blowfish11
This....
My DH has OCD in a thought manifestation way. He takes Paxil which is approved for OCD. All it took was going to a therapist once, and meeting with her when we go back to KC. I don't want to go in to all of the details, but he made the decision to go on medications to improve our lives. Try to approach it from that angle.
It's not a MIL problem, although her "ultimatum" is very strange.
married bio
good luck!!!
i hope you are able to get your DH into therapy and get help for his OCD issues.
as for your MIL, I'd kindly tell her to STFU, or she's not invited over to my house again. wow, i'd flip if my MIL said that to me, clean your own house lady!!!
I'm just curious...what would happen if you cleaned it up when he wasn't home?? OFC he'd be mad, but would he get over it, or mess it back up again so its how he likes it?
This post has my blood pressure up.
1. MIL cannot dictate how you all live your lives
2. I bet she's a huge cause of his OCD
3. He needs therapy, like years ago. He needs to go NOW.
4. PP is right- kids WILL tease DD and LO when they get older for being different. Change needs to happen now.
5. I am so sorry you are going through all of this. While I love Sheldon, I don't think I could live with him.
6. Good Luck!
If its not her house, it's not her problem. Your dh needs to stand up for you and explain to her that there are for more important things than a spotless house.
She has absolutely no right to make comments about your home or what you need to do. In the future I would call a plumber.
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Agreed. Yeah, it's terrible thing for your MIL to say, and I totally understand the frustration.
But to the REAL issue is that your husband should be behaving like a responsible adult and attempting to get the house up to a standard level of cleanliness because he cares about his family's well being. it is most certainly not your exclusive job to keep the house clean!
I would tell him to put his MIL in her place, and then both of you need to get together and agree on a plan for getting the house to where you want it - which I take is nothing unreasonable. There are lots of good, short, fun books and websites out there that help you figure out a plan of attack.
I am personally a "recovering slob" - grew up in a large family where the expected level of cleanliness was pretty low, so while I knew how to clean, I was fine living with a LOT of mess. It's taken me years of living with an (also somewhat OCD) husband (who, incidentally can also be quite a slob) to get on track. I had to work to build habits to clean regularly to a higher standard. I started with the kitchen, then the bathrooms, and am now working to stay on top of laundry and bedrooms. It can be done! Good luck.
Oh one more thing - can you get together some cash to hire a cleaning service to come out a couple of times and help you get a head start?
Your house, your rules. DH needs to convey that pronto.
I know you are upset that the MIL called you out for being a bit of a slob but it also sounds like you are unhappy with the state of your home as well. You both need to create a house cleaning schedule that is realistically doable for both of you. Start by figuring out a place for DH stuff, decide who does what and pencil it in to be done each week.
this.