Apparently DH let LO self soothe

Heather2256 · June 2012

LO will be 3 weeks old on Wednesday. At her almost 1-week check up, the nurse practitioner said to let her self soothe. I of course found out later that babies this young can't. And this was after we had tried & it didn't work.

Well apparently this morning while I was sleeping, DH let her. I told him babies this young can't. He was just like, "Well, I checked her like 3 times & nothing was wrong with her. So I went out & smoked & when I came back she was asleep."

Thoughts?

lvflowers · June 2012

Great! I have three kids and my last 2 are twins. If they can self soothe let them! Not always will they do this. My dd2 self soothes all the time. At night she wakes up sometimes but doesn't cry, we let her fall back to sleep, she is now 9 weeks though. If they are not crying or screaming for food, I usually do not pick them up. I have 3 under 2 so it's impossible to get to all of them.

Heather2256 · June 2012

Well she was crying but he couldn't find anything wrong with her.

mamathompson7 · June 2012

Why are husbands so big on this? I think that if they are not crying then it is fine to let them lay there and try to fall asleep, but I wouldn't leave them crying....

Nericole · June 2012

Some may say there's nothing wrong with this, since she fell asleep just fine. But YOU do not want your baby to self soothe, and your husband should respect that. It was selfish of him to do something like that, especially (I assume) since you've discussed not doing it.

Eric and I aren't going to allow our baby to self soothe, babies this young cry because they need you, not because they're manipulating you. They're not yet at that stage. :P She was probably hungry or wet, and I would give my husband a big fat whoopin (on his sweet tushy) if I heard he did that.

Heather2256 · June 2012

He said he has checked her diaper a couple times & I guess she wasn't hungry. We didn't really discuss not doing it, but I thought he figured it didn't work since it didn't when we had tried it. It almost surprises me that her crying didn't wake me up. I must have been in a serious deep sleep (I'm normally a light sleeper!).

Jinnifah · June 2012

At night if DS doesn't seem to need anything, and I've tried soothing him myself, I'll sometimes lay him down swaddled in his craddle and he'll often self-soothe in 10mins. Longer than that and i'll pick him up again.

DrRx · June 2012

The baby could've just been scared or lonely. At this age, if a baby is crying, you've got to pick them up, imo. They are too young to self-soothe. It's sad to me when parents let newborns cry themselves to sleep, especially just so they can go smoke a cigarette.

gervaisj6 · June 2012

Our DD has done it since 3 weeks. She does it after she eats and is full. We hold her. And she has a pacifier, and makes this humming sound as she goes to sleep. It is a sweet, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm sound. Self soothing, but a different type.

k8edgerton · June 2012

When you say "self soothe" you are saying cry it out? I'm confused...?

pithikaki · June 2012

DrRx:
The baby could've just been scared or lonely. At this age, if a baby is crying, you've got to pick them up, imo. They are too young to self-soothe. It's sad to me when parents let newborns cry themselves to sleep, especially just so they can go smoke a cigarette.

This for me. Not saying you should be, but if it were me I would be very annoyed! We go through the motions: feed, change, comfort, paci - in different orders and however many times we need to, until LO falls asleep or becomes content. It's always one or a combination of those things (sometimes multiple times!) and it does the trick.

Heather2256 · June 2012

k8edgerton:
When you say "self soothe" you are saying cry it out? I'm confused...?

Yes, this is what I mean.

bellelamb · June 2012

I don't believe in CIO this young but if lo is just fussing not crying I'll leave him for a bit to see if he'll calm him self down. I have three kids 2u2 so I can't always make everyone happy but I wouldn't let lo cry himself to sleep if I could possibly help it. At this age lo cry because they need something not just for something to do.

FyreFlyeRush · June 2012

CIO at any age is traumatic for the child. That is a very old school of thought. There are times when it happens an cant be prevented. However, for the most part, all it accomplishes is teaching the child they cant depend on their care taker when they need them.

While every parent has to choose for themselves, I recommend looking it up and researching it thoroughly. It's far better to try to soothe them. Obviously, if you're driving, you can't. Or, of you're not there, there isn't a lot you can do to stop it from happening. And, of you've become so frustrated, you're in danger of having a melt down, you should ALWAYS put te bay in the crib and walk away.

However, if you're operating on instinct, what does your gut say to do? Pick the baby up and love them? Then that's what you should do. Babies who are comforted when crying learn to trust their care taker, creating a much stronger bond.

JennyJensing · June 2012

Some people are very judgey about this. What on Earth would a 3 week old be scared of? Lonely? I'm sure this is an unpopular opinion, but I think you are giving your kids too much credit. I'm almost positive that every pediatrician would tell you that sometimes babies cry bc they are tired or for no reason at all!

After making sure she was clean, fed and safe last night, I put my LO down in her crib and she cried for 5 minutes fighting sleep before she was knocked out for 4 hours. The crying was a tired, faint cry, not the loud hungry cry. I don't see anything wrong with it.

That being said, if LO was consistently crying for 10 minutes or more, I couldn't let it go on, but we haven't had to cross that bridge yet.

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