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Attachment Parenting
neener3
member
Disagreeing with my doctor. Vent.
neener3
member
We are firmly entrenched in the 4 month wakeful period. Well, today we had our 5 month well visit, and my doctor and I are NOT on the same page.
I explained his sleeping. Last night asleep at 8:30 - I've tried making it later and he's a mess. Up at 12. Down after some bouncing, up at 1. Down. Up at 1:30. Bounce. Up at 2:07. 2:25. 3:00. Finally give in and nurse. Up at 4. 4:30. 4:45. Continue this mess until 7:30.
She told me that his sleep problems were "due to first time parents", and that second time parents "don't have this problem." When she realized that we bedshare, she switched to "You have to get him into his crib." When I said that he used to sleep in the pack and play in our room but his current sleep issues make that impossible, she still insisted that we need to get him into his own crib, in his own room.
I said that I thought he was too young for cry it out (which is actually me not standing up and saying that I don't believe in it), which she said she agreed with, and then proceeded to tell me that I need to put him in his crib, let him cry for a few minutes, go in, reassure him but don't pick him up, and repeat, until he eventually learns to self soothe. Um. Yeah. No. She saw the refusal on my face and said "Or you could just learn to not sleep until he's two. Your choice."
I came home and cried. I know this will pass, and my husband said it's just one professional's opinion, and we will continue to do what works for us, but I guess I just expected some support from her. Sorry this was so long. Bah.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Disagreeing with my doctor. Vent.
Don't let it bother you. You definitely don't need to let your baby CIO.
What happens if you nurse him when he wakes up at midnight? I'm a little confused as to why you put it off until 3:00. My DD was nursing 2-3 times a night until she was about 10 months old. Basically until she started solids she pretty much only slept in 2-3 hour stretches. Now, on a good night she will wake up around 3:00 or 3:30, so she usually eats once at night at 16 months old. I'm sure my pedi would discourage this, but I've never mentioned it to her
This might not be the kind of advice you're looking for, but I think you should try letting him sleep in the crib, and I would get a white noise machine if you don't have one. I think I had to move my younger DD into her own room around 4-5 months. I slept on a mattress on her floor for a couple of weeks, but she started waking less frequently, so I moved back to my room (I have a video monitor). Both of my kids are very light sleepers, so I have white noise machines in their rooms.
I've never done sleep training with my kids, and they both figured out how to put themselves to sleep around 12 months. It'll get better, but I do think you should try something different. My older DD was fine with bedsharing, but my younger DD does better in her crib. GL!
It's really tough to have a doctor who is not on the same page as you but do not let this get you down. You're doing what feels natural to you and that's a great thing. Following someones advice just because that's the "norm" but goes against your heart isn't the way to go.
I have a high needs 20 month old who doesn't STTN. We bedshared full time until 17 months and now she starts in her toddler bed and ends up with me. I've never CIO or even come close. When she cried I nursed her. Now that she's weaned I cuddle to her when she wakes up. Do I get uninterrupted sleep? Never. But this gentle approach to sleeping is right for us.
Every once in a while I slightly doubt myself. I wonder if DD would sleep better if we did CIO. If we didn't bedshare. But at the end of the day that's not the right approach for us.
I agree with PP - why not just nurse him at midnight?
My kiddo went through stages of sleeping anywhere from 2-5 hours between nursing sessions. Around 9 months she was sleeping 5 hours, nursing, then sleeping 5 hours again. If I nursed her back to sleep, she barely woke and went right back to sleep. = more sleep for everyone.
Around 12 months she started teething, got sick, and i traveled a bit. That all led to her waking every 2 hours. I tried a bunch of things, but nursing still got me the most sleep, so that's what I did until she reached 19 months and then we really started trying to night wean her. Used Dr. Gordon's method, read the ferber book (which is actually very useful, and not all about CIO) and tried the sleep lady shuffle. Nothing worked. I used some of the things I learned in the ferber book and decided that the best thing would be for DH to sleep with her. It took 3 weeks, but she now only wakes up once, calls out or sits up, then goes back to sleep. She sleeps in bed with DH and me, and sometimes in her crib, when she wants too. I know that LO was not ready for the change until 19-20 months, and that's when I pushed it.
I guess my point is, do what you think is best for your family. Mothers intuition and all that.
If there is one thing I have learned about Doctors is if you aren't on the same page about parenting styles you either have to learn to not talk about parenting or find one that is on the same page or more accepting of what you want to do. I think if you find someone that accepts bedsharing etc then they will be more willing to give advice of what worked for them/their wife/other parents in the practice instead of telling you are a first time parent that knows nothing which is not a helpful comment and just rude.
As far as the lack of sleep, I agree with offering a feeding when he first wakes up and seeing if that helps the other issues. DS at around 4 months or so was still eating roughly every 4 hours with at least one feeding at night until almost 6 months before he was sttn. He is a high needs baby and we went through a number of sleeping arrangements until he finally just settled in between us. At 16 months he sttn between us. So it doesn't last forever like your doctor is trying to scare you into believing.
Sorry, I guess I wasn't clear...I offer him to nurse whenever he wakes, and he'll nurse for only a few minutes before falling back to sleep. I've discovered that if I want him to EAT, I have to get out of bed and go to the couch for him to not doze off and not get a full feed.
I don't think you're being mean. I do really want it to work, but I do need to think about his needs too. I actually made an appointment with my o.b this afternoon who I used to work for - she gave me much gentler options, and also reinforced that this will pass, and I'm not failing. I guess I just had a meltdown being made to feel like it was CIO or no sleep, and that I wasn't doing anything right.
Wow I would get a new doctor if mine said that to me! We just had our 4 mo check up and while the nurse asked about sleep patterns, the pedi didn't talk about it to us at all, which I was glad about. I don't need anyone else making me remember how little I'm sleeping!
We're going through the 4 mo wakeful but I always nurse when she wakes up. I know by now that that's what she wants, and if I'm quick enough I can get to her before she really wakes up. She'll nurse anywhere from 10-25 minutes before she's all the way back to sleep again.
FWIW I always nurse in the dark and don't talk to her.
I've felt this way many times
I find that usually when I start to feel like I've done everything wrong and worry that I've screwed up one of my kids, they fall into a better pattern or stop doing whatever was worrying me within a couple of days. I hope things get better soon!
I trust my pedi to be my source of information for medical advice. Nothing more. Thankfully, my pedi agrees...but if she didnt, there would be a whole lot of smile and nod going on.
Oh, and for the record, my third child was my worst sleeper. Blows your doc's FTM theory right out of the water
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
I agree with all of this. My LO just turned a year and if she wakes at night and needs to nurse I will nurse her. She has gotten a lot better at getting herself to sleep at night and after she nurses when she wakes she goes back in her crib awake and falls asleep on her own. I too have not told my pedi, as when she was like 6 months old and I mentioned that she wasn't sleeping through the night she told me she should be and to let her cry until she falls asleep, which I disagree with.
Also, we room shared until my LO was about 7 months old and once she moved to her own room and her own crib we both slept much better. But, that is a choice you have to feel comfortable with yourself. I know I was a wreck about her moving to her own room, but my husband pushed the issue until I consented, and it was much better for both of us. I also have a cd repeating lullabies and usually a fan on in her room. These things help me sleep, so I do them for her too.
GL to you and don't worry too much about if your pedi disagrees with you on some issues. You can always just nod your head and walk out knowing you aren't going to be following her advice.
This. There are a ton of opinions out there. Unless you spend a ton of time researching each doctor's philosophies before picking one, you have to be okay with letting certain things slide. Our pedi wasn't crazy about us bedsharing and mentioned many times we needed to get LO into his own crib. I just thought, "Lady, I respect your opinion but you don't live in our house" and let it go. I was one of those people who didn't plan to bedshare but did it out of desperation and loved it. I knew I wanted LO in his room eventually but he didn't sleep in his crib once until he was 7 months old. He bedshared for at least part of the night until about 11 months (until he kept biting me and I had to stop nursing). We just did what felt right for us. If it bothers you that much that you're not on the same page, you might be happier with another doctor.
This exactly. DD was in her PNP until about 4 months in our room when I finally realized that she was waking up at every little movement or sound in our room and I was in turn waking up at every little sound or movement she made because I was always preparing to have to get up for like the 13th time that night mentally. Honestly once we put her in her own crib/room it was like a night and day difference. We went from being up every 15-30 minutes to being up 1-2 times a night.
Ultimatly you have to do what is comfortable for you and your family, dont let your pedi get you down, however having been thru the hell you are going thru right now I would say give this a shot if you are willing, it may save your sanity.
lurker here - have you tried putting your LO to bed earlier? at that age my girls were going to bed at 6:30 am (not ideal...but it worked for us)
and I would be looking for a new pedi...
Lurker here. I would look into a new doctor.
If you aren't ready to move him into his room, have you thought about moving his crib into your room? My son slept in his swing in our room but started seeming uncomfortable and waking more. I wasn't ready to move him down the hall so we moved his crib into our room. We still have some off nights but overall he instantly slept better.