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Parenting
zeldadoggo121
member
Marriage advice please-I think I hate DH after 3 months of marriage.
zeldadoggo121
member
in Parenting
So DH can be a great guy, and I feel horrible but I think we are heading toward divorce. We've been together for 3 years but married for only a few months. We have lived together for most of our relationship. Since we married our relationship has just gotten rockier. He never helps me with anything. I am a stay at home mom but he should be able to put his sweaty socks in the hamper or fill out his own job applications. If I need him to watch DS, he whines about it until I give in and just take him along because when I do leave him with DS I come home to an unfed kid who's been sitting in a poopy diaper for a long time, DH claims to not notice or realize to feed to change him and somehow makes it my fault. He is very mean to me, my nickname for the longest time was 'cow' and he would moo at me. I have gained about 30 pounds since we have been together. He tells me about my fat belly area and yesterday he really blew everything else away-he accidentally put my jeans on instead of his and told me he couldn't believe my butt fills them out because of how baggy they were in his butt. He proceeded to tell me it's okay because he likes big butts like sir mix a lot. I have caught him several times through out our relationship talking to other women, he told one he would have left me without a doubt for her if I hadn't been pregnant, another he told he wants to hang out with her but is too afraid of 'doing something' with her. He's constantly bring extremely childish. We have been fighting constantly about sex and the one time we attempted I had to stop because I felt disgusting. I have lupus and during flares my drive isn't quite there. He whines and pleads for it like a child and thinks he will get somewhere 'but it's been a weeeeek!' does not turn me on not does grabbing my boobs and trying to grope me. I was sexually abused from ages 2 until 15 when I moved out of my parents house. Grabbing me like that turns my stomach and makes me sick, I have explained this to him but he is not understanding at all. He gets offended because he is my husband and should have some right to do such. He insists on watching me changed so he can say 'oooh' and stare at my breasts while he licks his lips. It's disgusting me and I am started to really hate him.
He was once romantic and sweet and I have high expectations for him. I want my Marriage to make it, but he puts forth no effort. I have been trying to communicate to him how I feel, but he gets butt hurt and wont talk about it. He knows what my problems with him are, but he mustn't care because he continues right along. I suggested counseling even before we were maried because we were fighting all the time. I regret marrying him. I can't leave either because I have no job Nd no car and no friends within 3000 miles because he moved me across the country to be closer to his mom.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Marriage advice please-I think I hate DH after 3 months of marriage.
I was really trying to think of something super nice and supportive to say but
Why the Fuckityfuckingfucks did you marry him?
This isn't short term stuff that suddenly appeared 3 months ago.
my honest opinion is leave.
BFP #2 11/30/09 EDD 08/12/10- Sophia Grace born 8/1/10
BFP #3 11/16/10 EDD 08/04/11- Samuel Richard born 7/28/11
BFP #4 01/04/12 EDD 09/19/12- Simon Nathaniel born 9/6/12
BFP #5 03/27/13 EDD 11/25/13- Savannah Lee born 11/18/13
For real.
(Kinda.)
Seriously, Doll.
You are worth more than he values you to be, and he doesn't deserve you.
Do yourself and your son a favor and leave.
But you're not leaving after 3 months. Your leaving after years. Just because your married doesn't start the relationship over again.
First steps in leaving. Have resources.
I know being a SAHM means your limited but there are shelters and groups that will help you if your family cannot.
Talk to a lawyer some will do it free or others on a sliding scale for your income.
I'm honestly not sure counseling will work since its been going on for forever.
BFP #2 11/30/09 EDD 08/12/10- Sophia Grace born 8/1/10
BFP #3 11/16/10 EDD 08/04/11- Samuel Richard born 7/28/11
BFP #4 01/04/12 EDD 09/19/12- Simon Nathaniel born 9/6/12
BFP #5 03/27/13 EDD 11/25/13- Savannah Lee born 11/18/13
This!
Counseling for yourself and for you two together as a couple. If that doesn't work or he's not interested, I wouldn't stay with him.
I would leave. I wouldn't want my children seeing me get verbally abused. I am sorry you have to deal with this.
I don't know where you are. I do some non-profit fundraising work for a company connected to these people: https://www.stvrainfamilycenter.org/
Maybe you could call them and ask them if they know of a center in your area. There are places that help women through leaving a spouse. Are you a perosn who attends church? Were you? If so, find a church and connect with them. They will have resources and support.
I'm sorry.
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My honest opinion?
I would leave, even if it meant going to a shelter. I know homeless shelters can be scary and off putting, but I would bet there's a domestic violence shelter in your area. You DO NOT have to be a victim of physical abuse to live there. The things he is doing are emotional abuse.
Please get yourself and your son out of there and seek happiness. You deserve it.
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Excellent advice. OP--you need to look out for yourself first, especially since he doesn't seem to care. Best wishes.
None of what this man is doing and saying to you is okay. It sounds like you need to at least take a break. Let him know you are very serious about changes that need to happen or you're out.
You deserve a kind, nurturing relationship-bottom line.
Keep us posted.
All of this. Skip the couples counseling and start preparing to leave.
glanced at date account was created
SN is suspicious
and tl:dr
wait a second.
I went back and speed read thru the OP's post.
I think I know who this AE is....didn't we all give our advice last week?
Account was created a over year ago. This is 2012. I would google the posts before I came on saying tl dr. That's kind of a douche move Tuna.
Not to mention IF this is an AE this is still a problem that numerous women (myself included) have dealt with. Don't be a diick when somebody posts something like this regardless if it is fake or not. Somebody else looking for help might find the advice helpful.
This.
I always assume that these stories are true, know they might not be, but answer as if they are.
I also assume new SNs posting this are oldies who want privacy.
BFP #2 11/30/09 EDD 08/12/10- Sophia Grace born 8/1/10
BFP #3 11/16/10 EDD 08/04/11- Samuel Richard born 7/28/11
BFP #4 01/04/12 EDD 09/19/12- Simon Nathaniel born 9/6/12
BFP #5 03/27/13 EDD 11/25/13- Savannah Lee born 11/18/13
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Pull up a chair. Here's my advice.
Leave him. But get a game plan first. Find a women's help line - they help ladies in your situation all the time.
Seriously. I have a sister who's married to the same kind of guy. These kind of stories really piss me off. So, reading your post struck a chord with me. It's not your fault. I'm also PMSing (just figured that out today when I almost lost my shittt with a coworker).
I'm sorry you are in this situation. But you do have options. Please do something for yourself and your LO. Your DH isn't going to leave. I've watched my sister put up with this for years. Her DH is all nice, then an a$shat. Then nice when she threatens to leave. Then an a$shat....it's a vicious cycle.
Sorry you are going through this, OP. I agree with everyone else, you need to leave.
I remember someone posting on TB before about taking extra cash back when going to the grocery to stash money. If you take an extra $10-20 each time you go, your H may not notice. This way you can have a little extra cash in case you need it and your H won't be suspicious.
Nora Judith 7/2/06 Miles Chauncey 4/20/09 born with Trisomy 21 - Down syndrome
I couldn't agree more. Who cares if it's an AE....this topic needs to addressed on a consistent basis for ladies who are in relationships like this one and are afraid to speak up.
You should not be feeling horrible that you're heading for a divorce. You should be rejoicing about it and running toward one.
This is a really recent link to show you you're not alone and to see what advice came out of it.
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/66083598.aspx
As for this part: I can't leave either because I have no job Nd no car and no friends within 3000 miles because he moved me across the country to be closer to his mom.
Yes, you can. If need be, find a women's shelter. Google your county or neighboring counties with + women's shelter. Their websites typically have a pop-up that will ask you if you need the website to have never shown up on your computer. If you're not ready for such a drastic step, start with a job, even if part-time, and please swallow your pride and call any family or friends you have back home.
As I said in the above link, I moved my best friend out of her house after a decade of living like you do. She was also a SAHM. She got a really sweet deal doing gold parties (where your client / friend has a party, people bring old gold to sell, hostess and gold rep get commission / bonus from the party). She made 8K between Christmas and March doing just that.
Good luck.
You can always modify your behavior, but personality is constant. I am surprised this wasn't dealt with before the marriage. I would have major hesitation about marrying someone with these issues, regardless of whether or not things were filled with sparkle and puppies in the months prior to the marriage.
Regardless, I don't think it matters now.
Remember that carseat-on-the-cart article? That woman didn't need a lecture on the idiocy of putting a carseat on the cart, she needed triage care from a non-judgmental, empathetic person.
This poster needs the same. Whether we believe her marriage was smart or not, she seems to be asking for help.
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Girls please get off being hung up on why she married him. Nobody goes into a marriage hoping their husband is an abuser. If you've never had any experience in domestic violence or verbal abuse then I know this doesn't seem logical. When a bad situation becomes your "normal" life when things gets slightly better you think there is hope and remember this is the person that you think "loves" you. Especially when you've been abused as a child, because you current situation doesn't seem as bad as the prior abuse. She doesn't deserve this, she didn't ask for it and it IS NOT her fault because she married him.
Pleas educate yourself and the dynamics of an abusive relationship.
I officially give you a grammar pass.
Because, dude. It had to be said.
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