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1st Trimester
MRSVELA07
member
Did your Mother/Mother-in-Law go to your 1st appt?
MRSVELA07
member
My Fellow Bumpies,
The moment where my husband and I see our raspberry sized baby is approaching, Monday to be exact. After telling my Mother-in-Law that we were expecting the next question she asked was "When is your first appointment?" I informed her that it's on Monday, June 25. She invites herself to our first appointment by saying "I wanna go!" I look at my husband like WTH!!! From what I've learned from my doctor this appointment will consist of blood taking, urine tests, questions and the best of all... a vaginal ultrasound!!! First and foremost this is our first child and I personally feel this moment should be shared between the parents and secondly my own mother said she would not be interested in going to this appointment and she's not sure why my mother-in-law would be. My mother-in-law sends me a text message yesterday asking "When is your first appointment?" I reply saying "My first appointment is on Monday but I just found out they'll be taking blood and urine for tests, asking questions and doing a vaginal ultrasound. I'll ask my doctor when she'll conduct a topical ultrasound both you and my mom can attend." No response yet but I'm trying to be cordial. What was your experience like?
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Re: Did your Mother/Mother-in-Law go to your 1st appt?
What you told her was fine. You could also say that your OB only allows one person in the room, which is true for my OB's office.
I think your MIL is bat-***-crazy for wanting to go...JMO. My own mother wouldn't want to go to the first, so why should my MIL? I guess I wouldn't be cool with it.
I think your response is fine. She has no reason to really be there and if she'd like to come sometime, she should be invited by you, not inviting herself.
This. I invited the grandparents to come to the anatomy scan, though. DH and I started the scan alone, and then when it was time to announce the sex the grandparents came into the exam room. It was a horrible idea in hindsight and I wish it was just a moment between DH and I.
I think you approached that great. If she continues to push, I would talk to your husband and let him talk with her. My mother n law is going to flip with joy when we tell her next week and I sure I will be dealing with same crap. I am a very private person and I do believe this baby stuff is private and personal and between a husband and wife, so hopefully my mother in law will get that lol
Good luck!
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LOL!!! My MIL is from Ecuador...
My Mom nor my MIL (who I LOVE!) have never asked to go to my appointments. I would only take one of them if my husband couldn't make it and that would be my choice...not theirs. Actually my Mom did go with me for my first appointment because my H couldn't go...I didn't think I'd have an u/s so early otherwise I would have insisted he go.
Your H needs to have a conversation with her. And I can't help think this is a brief introduction to your life with your MIL and your children...
Henry Cavill...You're welcome!
BFP #3: EDD 1/10/13 **DS born 12/30/12!!!**
BFP #2: MC 7/2/11 @ 12 weeks
**Missing our February '12 LoveBug**
BFP #1: MMC discovered on 12/6/10
Ecuadorian moms raise great sons
But seriously... last time we were pregnant, my in-laws were allllll up in my business when we brought them here for the wedding. "Are you sure you should be eating that?" "Are you sure you should be exercising?" Or, my personal favorite, "You can tell the sex of the baby by the shade of your nipples." HOLY CRAP! I was very happy when it was just me and my husband again. My mom gives unsolicited advice, but she didn't judge every move I made.
My mom and MIL have never been to any appointments with me and never will. A lot of offices only allow 1extra person in the room anyway. Even the anatomy scan is an experience I will just be sharing with DH and the tech.
Just a head's up, you may want to start thinking about who you want to be in the room when you deliver and find out how many people your hospital will allow. If she is already trying to come to appointments, she will probably insist on being there for the delivery.
1/12/13 DD was born
4/9/16 DS was born
9/17 CP
6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
I agree! For any upcoming appointments that my husband is not able to attend my mother with be the first an only person asked to attend. I'm my moms only daughter therefore I will make sue she is included. As far as the future with my MIL and the children, I know how to set boundaries and limitations and I have no problem enforcing them when I see fit. It's going to be a situation where she MUST understand. When her daughter/my sister-in-law gets older, married and starts having children that will be her time with her daughter.
Good luck I hope she understands!!
We invited my mom in for the anatomy scan as well. We found out he was a boy by ourselves and then DS went and got my mom after for a bit. She was only in there for a few minutes. In our case it was fine because we had our moment and then she was there for a bit of it as well.
This time around I don't think anyone will be included in any appointment, but we will see.
Make a pregnancy ticker
I do not bring guests to my doctor appointments.
I'm all grown up now, so neither my mother nor my MILgoes to doc appointments with me. I think a simple, "I appreciate your enthusiasm, and I will update you after our appointment." should suffice.
1/1 Spotting, 1/3 beta 36,000, 1/5 u/s empty sac measuring 7w (9w5d), 1/6 d&c
You will always be loved & missed our sweet angel.
I went to my first appt alone because there was no ultrasound or anything "fun." Just peed in a cup, had blood drawn, was weighed, and talked to a nurse.
DH will be with me for the NT scan on Tuesday, and my sister will be there too b/c she's coming from out of town and has never been to a u/s before. I think it will be special, and I asked her to go. I would have been offended if anyone had invited themselves.
I think setting boundaries early is very important. Having a MIL from hell myself...not that yours is from hell, but I have one from hell. Setting boundaries early is a must or she will continue to push her way into doing things that you will not like.
It's your family and a very special experience between you and your Hubs. My husband and I were totally emotional when we had our first ultrasound and it would not have been the same if anyone else was in the room with us. Continue to be nice and sweet and hopefully she will respect your wishes. Good luck
Make a pregnancy ticker
this is our first, but this is how I feel... guess i'm lucky mom and MIL are both OOT.... although my mom already said she only wanted to be in the labor room if I wanted her there(I'm sure if it takes forever and DH needs a break if she's in town that's the only time when she'll be there)
BFP 11/09 - DD 7/10 - BFP 8/11 - M/C 9/11 - BFP 6/12 - DD - 2/13
Absolutely not. Your text was perfect- if she asks again tell her firmly that it is something you and your H want to experience together. Keep repeating yourself until she stops asking.
I agree with PP. Set boundries now!! My ILs have major boundry issues that we had to deal with and a lot of annoyances . (Like Fil walking into my L&D room like a boss even though we said no male family members. or like my Mil was baby sitting for us and she woke Ds up at 1030 and keeping him up til midnight bc she wanted to play with him. Or my Fil giving Ds hard peppermint candy after I said no.) Just to name a few. Honey, kindly, but firmly put her in her place. Being nice about it will only delay the inevitable- and give you a headache in the process! GL and enjoy your first US!!
My mother, sister, brother, and husband went to my first appt. My doc said they would do a regular ultrasound and vaginal, so they all stayed for the regular one and my husband stayed for the other one. This is the first child and everyone is really excited.
I was comfortable with this happening, but you may not be. Its what YOU are comfortable with.
You can't see all that much early on and since they'll be getting all up in your lady business I think you'd be in the right askin her to not come. Our families live really far from us but DH will likely not be able to go to my 20 week appointment and since my mom will be visiting that week for a different occasion I will probably ask if she wants to tag along. DH won't be able to make it to a lOt of appointments so I'll be going alone to most of them.
(It posted before I was done and wouldn't let me edit my original response!)