if your H's job takes precedence over yours... (re interviewing)

Re: if your H's job takes precedence over yours... (re interviewing)

• duchess0727

  June 2012

  It's not just if your H's job takes precedence.  My job pays a lot more and I still make these considerations, in part because I would never tell him he can't see clients at night because my job is more important and in part because I just don't want to be away from the kids that much.  We love our center too - and the kids really benefit from the socialization and the educational activities - so I wouldn't consider a nanny either.  We have a sitter who can drive the kids home if we really needed her and my in-laws can help out as well. And if my husband can do it, he does.  Also, the companies I've worked for have been very good about letting me work from home if I have things I can't finish before I pick up my kids.  I wouldn't rule out a job just because your husband works a lot - if it's something you really want to do.  But yes, it is a little sad when you have to make career choices based on your kids schedule - the only bright side I see is that if I don't make a choice based on my kids, I will end up somewhere that I don't get to see them as much - so it all works out.

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• groovygrl member

  June 2012

  Thanks... I don't think I'd consider a job that was always long hours & tons of travel b/c I also don't want to be away from the kids all the time (in fact one of the interviews turned out to be way too many hours for me & I will turn it down if offered) but the travel thing is like maybe 4 times a year so to me that is not a ton and the really busy weeks are probably 3-4 times a year also (both would be known about well in advance), I think I'm just nervous about his reaction to that, as he has never had to be in charge of them on his own for more than a day other than 1 time when I went to a conference for 3 nights and once a weekend w/ girlfriends for 2 nights, and both times were the weekend not the weekdays, and I always had the super flexible job where I could stay home & take them to the dr and all of that... we'll see I guess.
  

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• jlaOK member

  June 2012

  I wouldn't rule the job out either. DH's job "takes precedence" since it requires more travel and since I work PT, but there are times that I have to travel and I just give DH as much advance notice as possible that way he knows how to schedule things at work.

  

                                                

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• jf198400 member

  June 2012

  I think you could make it work.  My SIL and her DH have 1 child who is in daycare.  The dad works FT and is in grad school so has classes and homework as well.  The mom works FT and was asked to take on a roll that required a good deal of travel to London for a week at a time.  They used Care.com to find a PT nanny.  The nanny is a middle-school teacher, so she is able to pick their LO up from daycare, bring him home, make dinner, and watch him until the dad gets home from his night class in time for bed.  It seems to be working out really well for them. 

  I think you should do your best to get a job that will make you happy, and you and your DH can find a way to make it work for both of you.

  
  
  
  
  

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• groovygrl member

  June 2012

  jf198400:

  I think you could make it work.  My SIL and her DH have 1 child who is in daycare.  The dad works FT and is in grad school so has classes and homework as well.  The mom works FT and was asked to take on a roll that required a good deal of travel to London for a week at a time.  They used Care.com to find a PT nanny.  The nanny is a middle-school teacher, so she is able to pick their LO up from daycare, bring him home, make dinner, and watch him until the dad gets home from his night class in time for bed.  It seems to be working out really well for them. 

  I think you should do your best to get a job that will make you happy, and you and your DH can find a way to make it work for both of you.

  A teacher, what a good idea.

  I guess I'm just sitting here at home thinking about the whole thing and I really just need to talk to him. I also mapped out the dates that I'm aware of for the coming year and there are only 2 travel related things I can see (I might not know about others) and about 6 crazy weeks. That isn't so bad. I think the hard thing is that my old job was SO SO SO flexible w/ easy working from home if needed, scheduling appts (mine & theirs) at easy times without ahving t worry about sick/PTO etc... it is an adjustment for us. I am exploring an opportunity similar to that also but part of me wants to try something different since I was doing that role for the last 6 yrs...
  

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• DaisyJanie member

  June 2012

  I'm not in quite the same situation, as my husband & I make the same and work about the same number of hours, but I have had to travel a couple times this year, and both times required some extra caregivers. My husband was teaching a late class, so when I went out of town we had to get babysitters from 6-9:30. I don't think 4 times a year is a dealbreaker.

  I actually think those times were really helpful for us, I tend to automatically do most of the baby-related stuff, so it was an opportunity for us both to realize that he was perfectly capable of doing it too.
  

  
  

  
  

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• daisy662 member

  June 2012

  I am really nervous as to how we are going to handle things once my baby is born. I earn a lot more than my husband and am the one that travels. I travel 2-3 weeks out of the month. We are going to figure it out though, because me quitting or finding another job is just not in the cards right now. We are starting to look into child care options now. A few week long trips a year is really no big deal. You can make that work.

  Good luck!

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• groovygrl member

  June 2012

  Thanks all...he was less concerned about the potential for travel than for the flexibility factor, which I will assess more about further down the road, with regard to being able to take the kids to appts or work from home for part of a day or a day if needed if they're sick, etc.  They seem like an environment open to that as long as it isn't during the really crazy times (plus female dominated which tends to help)... guess we'll see. Glad to hear about the experiences of others.
  

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• SunAndRain member

  June 2012

  My DH makes more than me BUT I still earn a good income and my career is important too.  We both travel, though thankfully not as much as he used to.  Both need to make concessions.  We agreed that sine I have more early morning meetings and he tends to work later that it makes sense for him to drop off at daycare and me to pick up.  If this means he has to wake up earlier or can't work out before work now then so be it.

  His job is very demanding.  Fine.  But that doesn't free him from all daddy duties.  I don't understand why the moms are expected to be the only ones to juggle parenting with career while dads get to prioritize career and moms are expected to pick up the parenting slack. I'd be pretty quick to tell DH that I need him to pull his weight, otherwise I will quit my job and we can dramatically reduce our living expenses.  I'm not about to drive myself insane trying to do it all while DH pulls the "but I earn more" card.  Not saying that this is your DH's attitude.  Only that there needs to be some balance in parenting responsibilities that is unrelated to income levels.

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• groovygrl member

  June 2012

  I do agree to an extent about everyone's parenting contributions but everyone's situation is different...I am in a very lucky position to not 'have' to work and MH makes significantly more than I do, not just a little more (my job basically gives me some discretionary money & the rest goes into savings, his job pays all our bills and also our investments & some more savings), and his latest job has very little flexibility so his part of the parenting just can't be during the work day frequently- if needed it can be worked out but it can't be very often, it is not the culture of his office or industry. In return he is ok paying for certain things, cleaning, sitters, etc if necessary so that can work out (we just moved though & need to find some good ppl!).  We talked last night and he seems on board with figuring some things out b/c he could tell I was excited about this possibility.  He was less concerned about the few weeks of travel b/c those are weeks I think he could just say to work- she is out of town, I NEED to do xyz if kids are sick or something, but more concerned about some weeks that might be longer days when things are busier and how that would work & whether I'd have some flexibility to work from home or shift hours to deal w/ kids' appts and potential illness, etc.  Unfortunately I don't know that any of his close coworkers' wives work so that doesnt help.

  I will ask more questions about that further in the interview process I think.
  

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• duchess0727

  June 2012

  With respect to the busier times,  I work in a very deadline based environment and we are very busy each quarter for about 3-4 weeks.  I took the job and didn't place any restrictions when I accepted (knowing full well that I can't work late in the office all of this time but not wanting to lose the job) and then as long as I would get my work done, I would pick my kids up, put them to bed and then finish working at home (making sure that I'm emailing people so they know that I'm working).  I've been doing it for 2.5 years and no one has said a word (and I've been promoted twice).  Don't let it scare you - or your husband.  With a new job, you do have to tread lightly on the flexibility at first, but I think as long as you are producing results, people tend to care less about your time in the office.  Good luck!

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