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Baby Showers
Baby shower brainstorming!
Hi everyone!
Currently I am Due Nov. 21 and have recently started my baby registry. (Also am a newbie!)
I have just a few questions regarding my baby shower.
First off, anyone have any catering ideas? Usually in my family it's italian beef, mostacioli, and fried chicken.. but I'm aching to break from that habit. I was thinking a fajita bar?
Secondly, a good time to start inviting people? I will probably have my shower in September/Octoberish where it can still be pretty warmish.
Andddd... people to invite. Of course my relatives & family. Unfortunately most of my friends will be out of state for College. They lack jobs so probably wouldn't be able to come but I don't know if it is a courtesy to send one out anyway.
There is a couple people at work I really like, and would like to invite, however I practically like everyone and I don't want anyone to be offended if I don't invite. I.E: there's about 5 managers and I was thinking of inviting one. Same goes with some of my coworkers.
Sorry if these questions are a little silly, I just like to get other peoples input!
I greatly appreciate your time. : )
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Baby shower brainstorming!
You're going to be flamed for hosting your own shower on this board. It's not my personal opinion, but there's a fair warning.
I would advise reading a few pages of this board. Most questions are repeat and you'll get a lot of info.
Well thanks for the warning... however I don't understand why I would get flamed for asking opinions/advice.
I do lots of research before posting, and I will admit I am new to the forums and am still learning how to navigate so I apologize.
Also since I am new I wanted to communicate with other Mommy's and Mommy's to be.
There are a lot of women who think of themselves as etiquette experts. They will flame you for "being tacky." You're never suppose to throw yourself a gift giving party. I'm not saying this is my philosophy; I'm just the messenger.
I would suggest visiting your birth month board. They're usually really helpful. Best of luck.
Technically my mother is throwing me one, but she just went through some surgery relating to breast cancer and is in recovery. I'm just helping her out with my planning since she really wanted to throw it.
Right now she is incapable of writing out invitations, and etc, so it's my job and I happily take that responsibility. I don't know what kind of party it will be, etc, but I wanted food suggestions to make people happy and kind of break away from the habit.
Also, thanks for being the messenger.. but I really don't mind being flamed. If these women are really going to flame me over a forum for no reason just because they're etiquette experts, then we might as well call them internet "trolls".
Although in all honesty, I'm sure it happens, but I can't imagine someone wanting to rain down on a happy moment in someone's life. BUUUUUT, this is the internet so anyone can rain on someone's parade!
Thanks! I have visited there.
Appreciate your help!
This board needs a sign that says "enter at your own risk" There are really some nasty women on here who assume a bunch of crap and then run with it. But you have a good attitude about it, so it will be fine.
I would check out Pintrest, there are great ideas on there.
These other ladies are wrong again! In your circumstance, your mother is throwing you the party. Circumstances dictate that you help her. Thus it's perfectly acceptable.
We're not trolls. We're women who tell people when something is tacky. Some people choose not to believe it, and that's why they think we're rude. They want us to stroke their hair and tell them that whatever they want to do is fine.
How sweet of you to discern what the board's mission is! You're right...it IS an open forum for questions. So when someone asks "is a diaper raffle ok?" or "can I throw my own baby shower?", you're going to get answers with people telling you that it's tacky. If the question is being asked, then obviously that person doesn't know what's acceptable in "their group." You can whine about "how it's said" but no one gets snarky until someone says "No, it's OK! Do whatever you like!!" Or if they ask the same stupid question over and over again without checking the rest of the board first.
And, it's an unfair assessment to say that the only threads that get attention are the "tacky" threads. Yes, those become more volitile because people argue back and forth. That's how TB works...been here long?
You're going to be flamed for hosting your own shower on this board. It's not my personal opinion, but there's a fair warning.
If you have to ask if something is tacky, it probably is. If it was acceptable in your circle, you wouldn't be asking, period. I refuse to validate tackiness.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
While the OP may never return, someone always pops up in those threads saying something like: the women on this board are just biitches, you go ahead and throw your own baby shower and make sure to include a diaper raffle. You can do whatever you want, its your day, blah, blah, blah. Of course that's going to add fuel to the fire.
I have the same due date
We're having both of mine in October. Between my family and his, we NEED to have two; there are too many people to put all in one. One up north planned by his mom for his side, and one down south planned by my mom for mine.
Catering is tricky, since we have a lot of picky eaters with TOO much opinion on both sides. We may just BBQ with my family (can't ever go wrong!) and go out to dinner with his.
As for invites, I have family AND friends who would be offended if they didn't get an invite, even if they can't come.
Hope this helps a little? If nothing else, you can PM me.
A response to the OP:
Since your mother is ill, do you have a close female friend or relative who might be able to help a bit? I think it's wonderful that you are helping her, but if you want to have a large shower, it could be overwhelming to help plan that and get ready for the baby at the same time. I just had my shower at 36 weeks, and I am insanely busy getting extra projects tied up for work before the baby comes, getting the nursery done, teaching summer school, etc. In my case, I planned nothing, let everyone take the reins, and it turned out wonderfully.
I think a fajita bar sounds awesome, and you could do virgin and regular margaritas for all of the guests. But you could also just have a party for friends and family and do these things while you're pregnant without all of the "gift stuff" that goes with a shower.
I would think about mostly family and close friends for this shower, because a lot of offices do their own thing for employees, unless you're just particularly close to a few people at work. Honestly, if I were in your situation my main priority would be to make sure the shower took place at such a time when it would be easier for my mom, depending on the timing of her cancer treatments.
Food- you have lots of options- you can do a chili bar, a fajita and/or taco bar sounds yummy (if not a tad messy, but just have places where people can sit and it'll be fine). This is a good option to offer salad as well as some people love taco-type salads.
You could also do sandwiches and salad. My cousin and I did catering from Dean and Deluca for my sister's bridal shower and it was pretty tasty.
When I host a shower, I send invites 4 weeks in advance, typically.
I had a local baby shower and only invited my nearest and dearest friends to this one. You can certainly send invites to your college friends, but since they are out of state/out of work anyway, I would probably skip those.
I would leave work people out of this shower- my team always throws our own baby showers at work.
But in many instances, the OP returns in the form of an AE or trolls will enter to stir the pot. Every one of those posts has the same format. OP asks whether or not she should throw her own shower or if she should be upset that no one's offered to throw her a shower for her second child. Posters respond with their answers. When the OP doesn't receive the validation she came here for, she huffs and puffs, telling others they're being rude or that they don't know her life. At this point, she either leaves or continues trying to convince the community why she's the exception to basic etiquette. If she "leaves" the board, at least a handful of AE's that were coincidentally created on the same day the OP made her post will come to the OP's defense telling her to do whatever she wants because it's her day after all and to not listen to "these mean bishes!!?!!!". Cue 20 responses as opposed to the five when the OP asks others' opinions on which invitation to choose.
It was the same scenario when I would lurk on The Knot and someone would ask if they could kick out a bridesmaid the week before the wedding or if they could put cash only on the wedding invitations.
In response to the OP:
1. A fajita bar sounds great. We had a taco and nacho bar for DS's 1st bday and it went well.
2. I send out invites to showers about 4 weeks in advance
3. If you can invite more than just family (if space/funds allow) I would invite your closest friends from college.
4. Invite those coworkers you hang out with outside of work and leave the rest out.
As for food, a lot will depend on what time the shower is (brunch, lunch, dinner). For brunch it is easy to have quiches, fruit, salads, rolled sandwiches. Lunch can be similiar although you can have heavier foods that normally are reserved for dinner. My shower was 2-5 and we had lasagna (regular and veggie), greenbeans with almonds, fruit salad, veggies and dip, Greek salad and garlic bread. Even though it was in the middle of the day we had a lot of people that drove 3-5 hours to get there. Mmmmm...fajita bar sounds wonderful (lunch or dinner)!
I would send invites out so the guests get them 3 weeks ahead. If they are sent too early people will forget. You don't need to send to people you know will not be able to come (especially those that "lack funds" since it would put them on the spot). Invite those you are close to. If you want to give people a "heads up" as far as your shower date...once one has been established (probably the best for your mom) you could also email people with a date to keep open. As for your work friends...don't invite them unless you socialize with them outside of work. Also, keep in mind that they may actually host a shower for you at work.
It sounded like from your OP that you were hosting your own shower...which is certainly against all etiquette. I'm not an etiquette expert by any means but because it is a gift giving event people are not to host their own or it looks like they are soliciting gifts. KWIM? I understand that your mom is ill and you are doing a lot of the footwoork for her which in my opinion is fine. Just make sure the invites have her name as the hostess.
Sorry for stirring up much trouble everyone!
Anyway, thank you all for the contributing opinions and ideas! I really do appreciate all of your help. Definitely helped clear up some things and brought more ideas to the table! Also, good luck with your own baby showers!
Please do not read if you intend on posting a reply to combat/belittle my opinion! Thank you!
I am greatful for everyone's opinion, even if it differs from mine. The world would be boring if we were all the same.
No war please! We're all civil people here.
Here's my opinion.
-----
Not to stir up anymore trouble, but even if I didn't have anyone to throw me a shower, or anyone close enough, I wouldn't mind. The fact of the matter is it's for the baby and not as much for me. It may be fun and exciting, but it may as just well be even if you plan it yourself, I bet it would be just as much, and you could even feel accomplished! "Wow, I planned this big ole shower AND it was a success? Awesome!"
Anyway, I do not mind being called tacky because I do in fact believe I am so. I am lame, and I am a loser yet a winner. I have the woman balls to not care what anyone thinks. If you want to plan your shower, or if you do not have anyone to help you, and you need the baby equipment then by all means you have to do what you have to do!
If you have someone planning your shower, or prefer people to throw you a party then I'm all for it! Surprises are fun! But it's not about it being tacky if someone DOESN'T throw you a party, it's more so that that person cared enough about you to go through all of this hard work to throw you something amazing you can never forget.
Okay, sorry for my cheesiness! Now, let's all hold hands and dance and have a slumber party full of our amazing cravings.
And again, thank you everyone for the wonderful opinions and ideas. You're da bomb dot com!
You can't be that dense. If you need people to help you provide for your child, you shouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place. Nobody should have to compensate for your lack of common sense.
All of this. 100% Except I would have guessed 15 or 16 based on the slumber party comment. Seriously, you need to grow up. And get some damn manners.
The party is not for the baby. The gifts are not for the baby. Do you think the baby cares what diaper bag his mom carries? Do you think the baby cares which bib he wears or what onesie he has on? The gifts are for the MOTHER to use on the baby.
And you're the one that brought up "you do what you have to do" in reference to getting stuff. If you don't think THAT sounds tacky, well, I guess I'll chalk it up to your age.
bump burp
Of course the baby doesn't care. I never thought of a baby shower as to get cutesie wootsie swootsie stuff for the baby, more so essentials. (Baby wipes, some diapers, blankies, etcetc!) All the cutesie wootsie swootsie stuff is on hold for me to buy! :') If friends & families buy me some cutie pajamas or whatever, then so be it! They obviously wanted to because they wanted to see my baby in what they provided. I understand what you mean though, I didn't think of it quite like that.
& The baby can't use the items on themselves.
But still I kind of don't think that way. I don't use diapers on myself, or baby wipes. I can't fit in a onesie. Well, maybe the adult ones at Walmart.
I don't think we'd be good to be married, honestly, haha! This is why we are lovely though, everyone thinks differently.
Can you just go ahead and GBCB and go back to 16 and pregnant?
::snort::
But when someone gives you a box of diapers, you don't have to spend $30. Then YOU take that $30 and put it towards you next Justin Beiber concert.
So no, you aren't pooping in the diaper, but their purchase of the diaper directly benefits you. Sorry, I can't validate the whole "shower is for the baby" line.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
But if someone didn't buy those things for you, you would have to buy them. Therefore, they are actually gifts for you.
I love fajitas, and would be over-the-moon if I showed up to a party with a fajita bar
Just my 2cents...
I would suggest saving the effort/money/planning for the baby's actual birthday parties then.