Dinnertime..are we being too indulgent...

brewcitybride · June 2012

DD was a great eater from the start. Adventurous and had a wide palate, as my DH and I both do. A typical dinner for her at age 2 was salmon, rice and veggies!

Now she's 3.5 and she definitely is in a picky stage. Most meals and snacks are still pretty good and healthy and she will eat what I give her. The problem is specifically dinnertime. I don't want to be a short order cook, and I don't want to make my children food that is the same every night just because they ask for it.

However, is this just a phase? She's usually not too hungry at dinnertime, which our pediatrician said is pretty normal, she's probably getting most of her calories before 6 p.m. She wants yogurt or fruit, or a peanut butter sandwich or cereal. And mac 'n cheese is huge right now, too, which I make homemade and try to throw in some veggies in there too.

I offer her what her dad and I are eating and ask her to at least try it to see if she likes it. But she just isn't into it and usually pushes it away, and I don't want her to go to bed hungry. I could push and push and battle over this, but am not sure if it's worth it. So I do often give her the bowl of cereal and the fruit, etc.

WWYD?

smilejenn · June 2012

When my oldest son was 2 years old he would eat anything we put in front of him. Now at 4 years old, he is a very picky eater. I don't push him other than asking him to try one small bite, since you can't force a child to eat something that they don't want to.

The picky stage can last for awhile. You probably don't want to hear this, but I was a notoriously pick eater for my entire childhood and through my teenage years.

jlw2505 · June 2012

In my house, the rule is and always has been that eat what is made - we don't special order food. The only exceptions to the rule are foods that we know the girls don't like and even then, we ask them to try again (for example, one of my kids doesn't care for salmon so when we make it, we make her shrimp but she has tried salmon about a hundred times over the years). The girls can only get something else to eat after they have eaten half of what is on their plate (and we don't pile the food on). If they are not hungry to eat the meal, then they are not hungry to eat a yogurt or cheese or anything else for that matter. They need to show us that they are hungry and willing to eat the meal - the meal is the meal period.

KatFCo · June 2012

My 5-y-old had a picky stage, and there are still things (like bell peppers) that she won't touch. I understand this, as everyone has things they dislike. I always ask that she take a few bites, but don't force her or withhold food. Instead, she is allowed to either eat what I make or eat Chex or Cheerios (the only non sugary cereals we have), with a fruit or veggie.

This way, she still has a taste of the food but has the freedom to choose--and the choices are under my control. She also knows if there are any treats to be had after dinner, she does not get them unless she eats what I made for dinner. It's made dinner time a much more peaceful time and I know she's still getting nutritious food.

brewcitybride · June 2012

I make her take a few bites, too, but I guess that is my overall question. If she takes a few bites, and doesn't want anymore and I give her something else, am I doing something that in the end will hurt us and I'll have to work really hard to correct, by then giving in and giving her a bowl of cereal, or is pretty normal and she'll start to eat more adult-type dinners as she gets older? We had a newborn, so a few rules went out the window, but now we are back to dinnertime at the table, TV off, candle lit, we talk about our day. I want dinnertime to be relaxing, and I know for a lot of people it's the most stressful part of the day with young children!

KathrynMD · June 2012

I normally serve DD whatever we're having and she will eat it most of the time. If its something I think she'll be leery of - roasted brocolli - I'll put a few pieces of that on there and then put some carrots or grapes next to it. She normally skips the "weird" food, but at least its there and she can see it. I don't make a big deal about it either way. If she doesn't like what's on her plate, that's that, I don't take special requests. She doesn't have to eat it, but that's the only dinner. On a handful of occassions, she's told me shortly afterward she's hungry and I'll give her something filing and semi-healthy - pretzels and cheese w/ water. That's a quick easy thing for her to eat and reliable.

Sawyerplus1 · June 2012

I would say you should encourage her to eat what you are eating, and not give in to her requests. For DH and I dinner time as a family is important and we serve only one meal for everyone. I do, of course, try to consider the LOs preferences when making meals, and don't force them to eat everything I've made if they're not hungry or dont want it. For example, DD (2.5) is going through a phase of not eating much supper at all, so she can eat as much or as little as she wants, but if she doesn't eat much, then she risks going to bed hungry. And DS (4) hates almost every kind of meat and will not eat it. If it's a meal with some meat in it, I always include a little bit on his plate (hidden, if I can) and encourage him to try it. But if he doesn't want to he doesn't have to. The LOs get more meal choices earlier in the day when they can pick what kind of cereal they want for breakfast or sandwich they want for lunch, etc. Some good ways to encourage kids to eat include: letting them help pick what's for supper, letting them help prepare supper in whatever way they can, and letting them pick exactly what goes on their plate instead of just serving them. If kids are involved, they tend to take more interest.

lite-bright · June 2012

My DD1 goes through phases of wanting dinner or not wanting dinner.

I would continue to offer her something that the rest of you are eating. Often, for us, DD1 might eat just her fruit and veggies and leave the main dish. We let that go. If I really feel like she hasn't eaten enough, I sometimes give her a cereal bar or yogurt after dinner. I don't cook something different for her.

For us, not eating enough food for dinner often results in DD1 having nightmares and waking up upset and hungry in the MOTN. Not fun for any of us, so I do try to make sure she's not going to bed on an empty stomach. I've also been emphasizing to her that if she wants to avoid bad dreams, it's a really good idea to eat some dinner.

jessicap70486 · June 2012

DD (3.5) is going thru a phase where she doesn't want to eat anything for dinner except salads. I am not a short order cook, and do serve her whatever I make for dinner. She will either eat it, or not, but lately I have kept stuff on hand for her to have a salad for dinner, and try to hide whatever meat DH and I are eating in it. However, I will not make her something else like if I've made stuffed chicken, I wont make her spaghetti. I figure giving in her to wants of salad can only do her good anyway, so I do let it go.

RnMom2Be · June 2012

DS has always been picky. I ask him to try what we are eating, but I don't make an issue out of food....it becomes a way for him to control his life. He has a one month old sister right now so I've been super easy-going when it comes to eating (i.e. he has been eating Tyson Chicken Nuggest five times a week.) I choose to pick my battles....

Nygirl76 · June 2012

Seems like you have gotten lots of good advice here. Just to add a reading selection, I have found this book helpful for feeding my daughter who is almost 4.

https://www.ellynsatter.com/physical-products-books-child-of-mine-feeding-with-love-and-good-sense-p-786.html

jk43008 · June 2012

The rule in our house is that you must try everything and you must completely eat 2 things on your plate. so for instance, if we have a meat, vegetable and grain- you can choose 2 of those things. My kids do not like potatoes, so some days they just take a small bite of mashed potatoes and then eat all of the green beans and chicken. Tonight we are having brussel sprouts. They will eat the sausage and bread that will go with it since they don't like brussel sprouts...but I still put one or 2 on their plate so they get exposed to what a healthy plate looks like. I am also trying to work with them on instead of saying "I don't like this" that they should just say "no thank you". It must be starting to sink in because they started saying it to my mom during lunch.

ridesbuttons · June 2012

I'd continue to serve family dinners (try to have one thing on the plate you think she'll eat) and let her eat or not eat. The meal that my kids eat the least of is dinner too.

Don't worry about her going to bed hungry. If she's eating breakfast and lunch and snacks, picking over one meal won't do harm.

For sure I wouldn't make separate meals.

I read something a while ago that stuck with me. Parents decide what and when to eat, kids decide how much.

KathrynMD · June 2012

ridesbuttons:

I'd continue to serve family dinners (try to have one thing on the plate you think she'll eat) and let her eat or not eat. The meal that my kids eat the least of is dinner too.

Don't worry about her going to bed hungry. If she's eating breakfast and lunch and snacks, picking over one meal won't do harm.

For sure I wouldn't make separate meals.

I read something a while ago that stuck with me. Parents decide what and when to eat, kids decide how much.

That's good advice. I think the less anxiety and stress we can create around food/mealtimes, the healthier our kids will be in the long run and hopefully less obestity and related issues.

sharrow · June 2012

ridesbuttons:

I'd continue to serve family dinners (try to have one thing on the plate you think she'll eat) and let her eat or not eat. The meal that my kids eat the least of is dinner too.

Don't worry about her going to bed hungry. If she's eating breakfast and lunch and snacks, picking over one meal won't do harm.

For sure I wouldn't make separate meals.

I read something a while ago that stuck with me. Parents decide what and when to eat, kids decide how much.

This is our house. We decide what, and DS decides how much.

DS goes through picky periods. Especially after we have had a few days of crazy schedules and less than ideal meals (tator tots as a starch for a 3rd day in a row kind of weeks). However, I never back down with what is being served for dinner. I just make sure to offer DS something that he will eat, that is part of the meal.

mulkyann · June 2012

jlw2505:
In my house, the rule is and always has been that eat what is made - we don't special order food. The only exceptions to the rule are foods that we know the girls don't like and even then, we ask them to try again (for example, one of my kids doesn't care for salmon so when we make it, we make her shrimp but she has tried salmon about a hundred times over the years). The girls can only get something else to eat after they have eaten half of what is on their plate (and we don't pile the food on). If they are not hungry to eat the meal, then they are not hungry to eat a yogurt or cheese or anything else for that matter. They need to show us that they are hungry and willing to eat the meal - the meal is the meal period.

This is our rule as well. It has made for some battles, but it is worth it in th end.

jw87 · June 2012

To be honest, I have no idea how I got such a good eater... he loves almost any veggie you put in front of him.

My rule has always been, everything I cooked is going on your plate... one day they made decide to pick it up and try it and decide he/she likes it! Which has worked for DS. I don't push him to eat all his food, but normally he finishes most of it because I make sure he is hungry at meals. Occasionally he'll have an off night and tell me later he's hungry, and I will make him a PB&J just so he'll sleep good that night, I'd hate to go to bed hungry. Maybe I'm a big softy. He's usually a good eater though.

Also, I have a fruit bowl out that is full of bananas, apples, etc. that is clean and readily available to DS for a snack almost any time of the day. He has to ask first, but normally he can climb up and help himself. He kid sometimes eats healthier than me I swear!

stdldb29 · June 2012

We do not offer anything else but what I have made. If I make something I know one of the kids doesn't like, I make sure we have at least a side or something that they will eat a lot of.

My almost four year always tells my 2 year old "you get what you get, don't throw a fit". She has left the table on more than one occasion when she didn't eat. She won't starve herself so we don't really care that much.

mavs_girl07 · June 2012

For those of you who have rules around dinnertime and go with the "you get what I make" train of thought, at what age did you start enforcing this? Has it always been this way, or did you start it as your LO got older?

DD used to be very picky, but has gotten much better as she's gotten older. Up until the age of 2 we were flexible and basically fixed her whatever we knew she'd eat. At age 2 we got a little more strict and slowly started moving her to only getting what we cook. Now for the most part she gets whatever we make and has to at least TRY a bite of everything on her plate. If she doesn't want it fine, but she has to at least try it. If she makes a "happy plate" (3/4 of her plate eaten) then she can have a dessert after dinner. I guess I'm just curious because my 18mo DS has become extremely picky and won't eat much of anything these days. He used to be an awesome eater and would try just about anything. Now everything gets thrown on the floor or across the table. I swore I wouldn't repeat the path we went on with DD (making seperate meals) but I'm almost to that point with DS because he's not eating anything it seems. Should I continue being strict and only giving him what we eat (plus he and DD get a side of fruit) or should I cave until he's a little older and more able to understand/reason with? Don't mean to hijack the post, just looking for advice from those who have been there done that!

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