Ok Ferber moms, you win.

Melissa2216 · June 2012

Sleep training is destroying my marriage (or, I should say, my attempt to sleep train while my husband sabotages my efforts). My husband seems incapable of following through with anything we discuss in regards to sleep training or night wakings (example--he tried for a whopping 15 minutes last night to get N back to sleep at 4:15am and then gave him a bottle-even though N wasn't crying. And we had just talked before bed AGAIN about not feeding him in the early AM.)

I have been trying yet again with Good Night Sleep Tight and it just doesn't work for me to be in the room. So after trying for 1.5 hours again tonight, and N just got more and more awake and playful, I decided to start Ferber. DH was out at an HOA meeting but he got home while N was still screaming. He's not too happy right now, but he knows better than to criticize at this point.

Questions:

1) If LO falls asleep briefly-5 minutes or so- and then wakes up and starts crying again, do I pick up where I left off, or does the time start all over with the shortest increment?

and

2) What does Ferber say about night wake-ups? DS is sleeping peacefully after an hour of crying, but I know I can't do this again every time he wakes up.

Thanks!

Brooklyn2577 · June 2012

1. I would start over with the short increments again.

2. I'm 99% sure you treat night wake ups the same as going to bed. You wait from the initial cry.

courtneybrooke921 · June 2012

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know how hard it can be.

I agree with the above response - start over and treat night wake ups the same.

It WILL get easier. It took my LO ONE horrific night.

We've also had to re-ferbarize (or whatever it's called) after vacations and she always goes back to her ways.

Hang in there.

gymnst1013 · June 2012

I think they both fall into the same category - a night waking.

You should treat all night wakings the same way you treat the initial falling to sleep. Unfortunately that's the way this method works - doing it all over again every time he wakes. The good news is that once he learns to self soothe, you won't have to worry whether it's been 5 minutes or 5 hours of sleep. He'll be able to put himself back to sleep with no crying. The first few days are the hardest but it gets so much easier after that!

Good luck!

LollyBug18 · June 2012

I drug my feet about doing Ferber, didn't want to have to let her cry. But honestly? It was kind of like childbirth now - it's not much fun to go through but it was totally worth it and I don't remember much of the gory details now. It got DD to sleep well and that made everyone's relationships better in our house. So don't feel bad about turning to this option. As for your questions, I always started at the beginning increment after DD fell asleep for any length of time. And you are supposed to do the same thing in the middle if the night but the point of Ferber is that they will eventually learn to go right back to sleep w/o all the screaming or needing comforted. I think we had a couple nights where we were up a lot in the middle of the night and then she was self-soothing and falling back to sleep w/in seconds. It might take a little longer now with a more mobile baby but he'll get there. Oh, and once she was trained, I no longer waited the full first increment, I didn't find that to be necessary and most nights now she falls asleep on her own w/o a sound. GL momma!

CarlaAndJames · June 2012

I agree with everything gym said. I'd restart increments if he fell asleep even for just 5 minutes.

On the night wakings, those are certainly the hardest (knowing you could just feed him or get him up and he'd go back to sleep instantly is really hard to resist!) but it has no chance of working if you aren't consistent. If he thinks sometimes you'll pick him up, even the initial putdown isn't going to get any better bc he's not going to understand why you didn't pick him up THAT time. You know? The point is that they learn that they are safe alone in their crib, and that they are capable of falling back asleep on their own. It will get easier!

LowTalker23 · June 2012

I agree with what all the pp's said. Just wanted you to know we're in the process of Ferbering and it's really tough, especially with a mobile baby. But I keep telling myself if we stick with it, it will get better. Last night was night 6 and it was the best night we've had so far.

Good luck, mama. We're here to help if you need to talk through things.

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