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October 2012 Moms
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What to do about MIL?

nomaderica22nomaderica22 member
in October 2012 Moms

Long sorry 

So my MIL blew up when she found out she is not going to be in the delivery room and my mother is.  Like seriously, sending emails to me about how pissed she was, then proceeding to send an email to my DH complaining about me and how I always force him into things he doesn't want (I don't she just doesn't want to think he could side with me over her), and how she's mad we have a cross in our house (DH's family is Jewish, mine is Catholic, we are both agnostic).  So after all of this I sent her an e-mail firmly, but politely explaining how these things hurt me and were not true and how this is our baby and she needs to respect our decision, and it came from both DH and me not just from me.  She hasn't said anything back yet, and responded to a separate e-mail about Father's Day but hasn't acknowledged that I basically told her my feelings and whatnot and I feel like DH should ask her if she got it (I know she did) because I don't feel like I can just move on, she really owes both of us an apology but I don't know what step to make, or should I just act like nothing has happened? (They are supposed to be coming to our house Sunday for Father's Day)

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Re: What to do about MIL?

  • Mrs.G123Mrs.G123 member
    How old is this woman? Your DH needs to step in and tell her you aren't comfortable with her looking at your vag in the DR.
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  • jessican08jessican08 member
    I wouldn't push the issue with her - let it go. You did the right thing by explaining how her behavior was inappropriate. She probably hasn't responded because she doesn't have a leg to stand on. She needs to grow up!
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  • hboo2011hboo2011
    If my MIL ever thought she'd be coming into the DR during labor, I'd have to smack her upside the head. PP is right. Let your DH handle this situation. You, and only you, get to decide who gets to see your vag. Even if my DH tried to tell me his mom was coming in, which he wouldn't anyway, I would tell him he's nuts as well. My mom wouldn't be in the room if he was getting...ummm...penis surgery??? I can't think of an equivalent. Because there is none.
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  • nomaderica22nomaderica22 member
    Oh he did tell her and in a very descriptive way too lol!  But she just pushed and guilt trips us and then brings up completely unrelated things!  He is totally on my side and tells her, we also had issues with our name not being a family name, but I feel like if she doesn't even acknowledge it I will be resentful and holding bad feelings...
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  • DottyBlueDottyBlue

    The fact that she hasn't said anything since your email makes me think that she'll drop it and knows she's not going to get anywhere.

    I would just make sure you are ready to pull out the "this is not up for discussion" comment on Sunday and quickly change the subject.  How frustrating!

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  • amberthehobbitamberthehobbit member
    Tell her she can be in the delivery room if you can go to her next pap with her.
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  • dixneufdixneuf

    sounds like you said your peace and she needs to drop it.

    Good for you. The delivery room thing is NUTS. 

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  • MrschicaMrschica member

    Ive honestly never understood why MILs think they have the same rights as our own mothers when it comes to the DR. I love my MIL, but I wouldn't let her in there either, the bond between a mother and daughter is completely different, it's not about the grandparent seeing the baby be born, it's about us having our mother's support...

    Anyways, I say don't worry about her... Whether she read it or not, she's gonna have to let it go. If she wants to throw a fit to feel better, she can go ahead! Good for you and your DH standing your ground! 


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  • AOBtahoeAOBtahoe member

    imageamberthehobbit:
    Tell her she can be in the delivery room if you can go to her next pap with her.

    LOL! What an annoying scenario. It's childish of her to not respect your wishes and to not respond to your email, but I'd try to let it go. She knows your stance and it's her own fault for harping on it. 

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  • julieklujulieklu
    She's probably just jealous that your mom is going and she can't. I wouldn't have a problem if my MIL was in there with me but she's not crazy and would never force her way in anyhow. I think its a personal preference and fyi by the time you're pushing and in pain, I doubt you will care how many people or who is looking at your vag. I personally am not having anyone except the staff in the delivery room except my hubby, and even then I don't want him to look down there bc it may scar him forever!! 
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  • ChrisG83ChrisG83 member

    imageamberthehobbit:
    Tell her she can be in the delivery room if you can go to her next pap with her.

    This is awesome, if she wants to see it so bad tell her this. Also I just don't get where people think they get to come in for that. She wasn't there when the baby was conceived so why should it be any different for this?! ugh 

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  • RochellRochell

    Let it go - she probably got the message and has nothing to say about the email. Be cordial ...at the end of the day, she's still family

     If she acts up with this sh*t again then have DH lay down the law

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  • Lacey2shoesLacey2shoes
    I agree with PPs and also, what I find works best for my mil, who NEVER lets anything go, is just to say "we've told you our decision and we aren't going to talk about it anymore". We had to do this 6 months before our wedding and 3 months before DS was born regarding visiting time. Luckily, where I live the hospitals only allow husbands in the room with delivering moms. My mom wanted to ask for special permission and got her feelings hurt when I told her no, but it's really only up to you. GL!
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  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    Honestly, if your husband is part of the decision, I would ignore her and let him be the one to communicate about it. 
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  • nomaderica22nomaderica22 member
    Thanks! I've decided just to be cordial but to distance myself from them for awhile (they are only 30 minutes away) for my own sanity, and to let her know there are consequences for her actions (since I have told her 3 times now that some of the things she said were hurtful to me without any apology or even acknowledgement) which means we will be cancelling our beach trip with them next weekend, but I feel my LO does not need me to be extra-stressed and she matters most now!
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