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January 2013 Moms
hohmanam
member
Husband having an issue with male doctor
hohmanam
member
My husband and I have been struggling over the past few weeks since finding out we were having a baby. I looked at all the doctors on our hospitals website and listened to their narratives before coming to a decision. I picked a male doctor. He also delivered my brother and my nephew (on DH's side.) They both said that he was wonderful, and my mom said she wished she would of had him through the whole pregnancy. He is funny, and appears very caring.
At our first appointment with our maternity counselor we were asked if we had picked a doctor. I had indicated that I heard many good things about the midwives, but didn't want to see someone different every appointment. My DH was really pushing for the midwives. My view is, my body, my decision.
Today we are going to hear the heartbeat. He texted me and stated, "I found out today that I am not weird or jealous. Every guy here told their wives or girlfriends that they didn't want them to have a man doctor either. When I told them, their like, 'your ok with a man doctor.'"
This subject is truly just stressing me out. My mom, grandma, and coworkers have all told me different ways to calm him down, but he is truly upset.
Should I consider switching doctors after this appointment? I don't want this to cause a rift in our relationship especially during pregnancy, but I'm also frusturated. I feel like this is more my decision. He has indicated that he does not want me going to any appointment with the doctor unless he is there. I'm trying to validate his feelings, but at the same time, I think he is being a little overreactive.
Any tips or experience with this problem?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Husband having an issue with male doctor
This.
Baby Boy born on 1/14/13
Sorry, but I would tell your DH that he is being ridiculous.
If you did the research and have picked this doctor then your husband should respect your decision and you should base your decision off of his medical reputation and knowledge...not whether or not he has a penis.
This. Your DH can't see any female docs, right, either? And, I don't want to hear the excuse that it's 'awkward' to have a guy doing an exam on a guy, either. Lol.
It sounds to me like your husband's friends are just giving him a hard time, and now they've convinced him that you shouldn't be "allowed" to see a male doctor.
So, no, don't switch doctors for a reason like this.
I don't have any experience with this but my advice would be to sit down with your husband when you're both calm and ask him what his concerns are. Some things I'd make sure to go over with him are:
* Obstetrics and gynecology is this man's profession, there is nothing sexual about an exam to a doctor. (If that's one of his concerns)
* Your husband is welcome to come to as many appointments as he'd like if he wants to see what the doctor/patient dynamic is like.
It sounds like he is overreacting, but maybe if he meets the doctor and sees how professional he is he will feel better. I wouldn't despair yet.
26 years old, married since June 2009, DS born 1/19/13
Dear Baby Pacheco...
When DH and I first started dating, I had a male OB - and he thought it was weird that I'd see one. I told him it's not his choice, it's mine. However, I ended up moving. I have a female doctor and he is about 50/50 comfortable with her - just because he needs to know ALL information and she doesn't always provide that, and I'm fine with it. He's asked me to switch from her -- because he doesn't like her -- and I told him to pretty much F off because it's my choice, it's personal to have someone checking junk out and I trust her. I actually prefer male OB's over female (I find women to be a little more rough) but I'll keep this one until she retires and then probably find a male.
My doctor is male, and my H loves him. He came to one of my appointments with me before we even started TTC, just to meet him.
While I think it's absolutely ridiculous to be jealous of you going to see a male doctor, I think you need to have a doctor that you both feel comfortable with. Has he met this doctor yet? Google to see if there are reviews of the doctor and show them to him. Try to make him understand WHY you feel that this doctor is the best for you and your baby.
This is a doctor who has obviously been doing this a long time and is very good at it. Everything he does is routine and not sexual in anyway. I would be more worried about my DH and our relationship if he felt the way yours does about me having a male doctor. I have a male OBGYN and absolutely LOVE him. He is very professional and is amazing at what he does - which is the point of going to him. Your DH and his so called friends who are feeding him lines need to grow up. If you have a girl will you not be allowed to have a male pediatrician and visa versa? What happens if during delivery one of your nurses is male? Will your DH make you get rid of him too? Do see how ridiculous this sounds?
""No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside."
"On the night you were born, the moon smiled with such wonder that the stars peeked in to see you and the night wind whispered "Life will never be the same." Because there had never been anyone like you... ever in the world." ~ Nancy Tillman
Absolutely this.
BFP #2 5/6/12 EDD 1/16/13 DD born on her EDD 1/16/13
BFP #3 1/26/14 EDD 10/9/14
I have a male OB/GYN and there isnt another choice because he's the only one in the area who specializes in PCOS and also in fertility. DH met him before starting treatments and been to several appointments since we got our BFP. He has no problem with the dr being a man.
All of the doctors (even the female ones) in the practice have to have someone else present when doing an exam or vaginal u/s. I think its standard practice. Maybe talking about this with him will help?
It is the 21st century. Does YH realize how selfish, ignorant, and insecure he sounds?
He is asking you to switch a DOCTOR for midwives (aka nurses - who did not go to medical school) because he's what....insecure about you being examined by a man?
This is really ridiculous and I am shocked guys like this exist. Am I missing something here - like is he orthodox in some sort of conservative religion?
I would put your foot down on this - otherwise YH may start asking for even more unreasonable demands.
3 IUIs to get BFP w/baby #2
Lost baby #2 at nearly 12 weeks (D&C on 9/19/14)
Baby Boy born on 1/14/13
Dx MTHFR (C677T & A1298C, Compound Heterozygous)
Sorry, I think this is a very ignorant statement to make. Midwives are just as capable of safely bringing a child into this world as a doctor... sometimes even more so. To imply that seeing a midwife is somehow "inferior" to seeing a doctor isn't right.
You know, I think I have a pretty liberal view when it comes to the dad having an opinion on things. For example, if he wants you to stop eating something I don't think you should HAVE to do so just because he says so, but I certainly think his opinion should be heard and discussed and taken into consideration, etc. However, with something like this, he's way off base. There's no reason that he should feel uncomfortable and if this is the doctor you feel comfortable with it's time for him to change his opinion. I would absolutely not switch doctors, but I would have a talk with MH about why he was feeling that way. IMO it's a pretty childish opinion to have.
FWIW, last time my OB was a male. I had been seeing him since I was a teenager. I went to a practice where I saw multiple OBs and CNMs over the course of my pregnancy, but there were 2 males in the practice and the rest are women. I think a doctor is a doctor. I understand that some women might not be comfortable with seeing a male OB (I don't identify with that feeling, but I can see it), but I don't see why your H should have an opinion on this really.
*My Blog*
10/50 Read
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I think midwives are great at MANY things, particularly during birth/delivery. However, the bottom line is that they did not go to medical school and are not trained as much as a doctor.
3 IUIs to get BFP w/baby #2
Lost baby #2 at nearly 12 weeks (D&C on 9/19/14)
Depending on the midwife and their training they may be MORE qualified to attend a normal labor than a highly skilled doctor who has been trained to see things medically and perform surgery. Would I want a midwife performing a C/S? No. I'd want a doctor for that. Would I want a midwife overseeing my normal labor and delivery? Absolutely. I think they're good for two different things. I think that further education can actually be a hindrance for doctors at times.
*My Blog*
10/50 Read
my read shelf:
Unfortunately, we still live in a very male dominated world. I wish I could find a female OB who is not part of a practice so I could be assured that she would be my doctor throughout my pregnancy. Alas, that is not the case. There are only 2 female OBs around my area and there is only 1 in each local practice. It's crazy, but true.
The important thing isn't the gender of the doctor/midwife, but his/her skill level at taking care of patients throughout pregnancy and delivery. A good bedside manner is icing on the cake to me.
Completely agreed.
Also agree with your previous post.
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
Actually her statement is not incorrect as midwives do not go through the same type of medical training as a doctor does.
Anyway---I think its ridiculous that he feels this way and honestly I find it odd that he discussed it with his buddies. This is one topic that my husband and his friends would never discuss. But what matters is that you go with who you feel comfortable with. Their hand is not going to be on his private parts! My DH actually suggested I get a male doctor this time when I switched OBs because he felt like they would listen more since had never been in the situation themselves. I thought his reasoning was a little silly and more comfortable with a female myself so I went with another female.
This exactly. Your DH needs to get over it. It's childish for him to create a huge ordeal - would he rather you have a great experience with what sounds like a wonderful doctor or have you upset that you're seeing different midwives (as you indicated). The doctor is a professional and has seen probably thousands of vag's over his experience - not to mention he delievered your nephew! It sounds like your husband needs to get over it and move on. It's about you and your baby's health - thats all that should matter. He should probaly talk to his nephews parents about their experience with the dr. Maybe after meeting with him and talking to the Dr he'll be better...
I never said it was incorrect regarding levels of education. I said that she is implying that seeing a midwife means you're getting inferior care, and that isn't right.
I just would like to say this - we classify with a rather conservative religion - and that has no determination on the sex of a doctor I see. What a ridiculous statement. A Dr is a Dr.
Midwives are wonderful for regular pregnancies - however more high risk pregnancies and pregnanices with multiples I don't think I would want a midwife. It's personal decision - OP was asking for opinions on switching due to the gender of the person overseeing her care. Not for opinions on midwives vs doctors.
My Cousin had a similar problem and finally told her husband that "Its not as if (her husband) was the FIRST man to see her junk, and if he keeps throwing fits he will CERTAINLY not be the last."
I would like to say "switch to avoid an argument" but I believe that if you switch to avoid confrontation he will later ask you to give in to OTHER unreasonable request.
My apologies beforehand.... but, he sounds very childish and I would not give in.