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Blended Families
New! (long)
Hey, all. I didn't realize there was a board for blended families until today! I have a four-year-old son, and I'm seven months pregnant with another boy. I've been married to my best friend for eight months!
DH is not DS's biological father, although to be honest I wish he was, and he may as well be. DS's dad is 26 and lives in a one bedroom apartment with his older brother. He has no car. He works, but I'm not sure where (most likely a fast-food restaurant).
Last year we made a deal that he could have him all day, one day a week, and that he would pay $100/month. He was doing really well, until he lost his job...at MCDONALD'S. Then moved half an hour away and didn't contact me to see DS for four months.
He finally got a hold of me and asked to see DS on Memorial Day. I said sure. He is ALWAYS fighting me about having him spend the night. Really? You haven't seen him in four months, and you think it would okay? And--where the hell would he sleep?
And since Ex has been so inconsistent, DS started referring to DH (whom he calls Dede) as his dad. Naturally, Ex has a big problem with that. Even though I have already explained to DS that he has two dads, Ex tells him No--DH is DS's stepdad, and Ex is DS's real dad. Well, I have a problem with that. DS has done WAY more for DS in the past three years than Ex has. I feel like DS will understand when he gets older, and right now just telling him that he has two dads is fine.
I know I should take this to court and have child support/visitation set in stone so he can't fight me on it anymore. But there's a small part of me that's afraid he'll get his way. Even though I feel like I'm not asking for much.
How much is decided by a judge?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: New! (long)
His way is letting him spend the night. Like I said--he lives in a one-bedroom apartment with his brother. He probably sleeps on the couch. Where would DS sleep?
And while I know that DH is not his biological father, I also know that trying to explain that to him now is just confusing him. (Also, when he gets older, I plan on explaining it to him.) He lives with DH and me. DH helps give him baths, brush his teeth, and read to him. DH was the one who helped me potty train. He helps buy him food and cook for him. He helps me keep a roof over his head. He has been there every day consistently for three years. Ex, on the other hand, is there when he wants to be. Ex doesn't even have a car, he lives half an hour away, and can usually keep a job for maybe four to five months at a time. We never told DS that DH was his dad--he assumed it...and all we did was add that 'Dada' (Ex) is also his dad.
I feel like I should clarify that DS doesn't call my husband dad, but he does say that he's his dad. He calls him Dede, because that's what came out when he tried to pronounce his name when they met (he was a year and a half).
But--I do think you're right. I'm going to stop fighting Ex about the dad thing. I know that either way DS will know who has actually been there.
"How much is decided by a judge?"
Whatever issue isn't agreed on. At least in my experiences. But it seems the judge will favor you or at least decide on what is fair.
in order for DS to spend the night with BF, there needs to be a place for him to sleep, weather its a bed set up in the kitchen it doesn't matter. no he doesn't need his own bedroom, but he cannot just camp out on the living room floor. I think a judge will rule in your favor to exclude overnights until XH can provide a space for DS.
Most states have child support calculators online. they are based on a certain percentage of XH's paychecks, which he would have to provide to the court.
I don't think a judge will grant your XH joint custody by any means (at least based on what you have provided) but I think a standard every other weekend (overnights based on what I said above) is what would be given in this situation.