- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Attachment Parenting
Anyone with a high needs baby as described by dr sears?
Anyone have a high needs baby that can never be put down, is super alert and ahead of milestones, but has to be held for every nap and for two hours at bedtime before transitioning to co-sleeper? I lovd my 3 mo old dearly but he only ever wants me and trying to get out of the house to get groceries or do anything takes lots of planning or there will be lots of tears and sleepless nights. I have an ergo for the home but he gets to hot in it where we live if we try to go out or shopping. He also requires silence or white noise to sleep as well as to be rocked so it is hard to even visit family forget that he hates his carseat and only lasts in there 20 minutes tops and only when I am able to sit next to him in the backseat. Going anywhere alone is a no go. Plus I bf and he likes to eat A Lot just for comfort. Just wondering if anyone else has one of these spirited child and if it gets easier. I am so tired of everyone I know giving me advice on how he is this way because I am spoiling him. No this is just how he is and I parent according to his needs. I also wanted a couple more kids but if I have another hon baby I don't know how I could do it. Sorry guess I just was curious to know I am not alone. I know these babies often turn into bright, happy, empathetic children. My son is very happy and smiles all day as long as he is with me.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Anyone with a high needs baby as described by dr sears?
Alexis is still very much a high needs baby. She will be a year old on Sunday. I went through he ll trying to adjust to her. The only way I survived was carrying her and ignore the ppl who would blame it on me spoiling her. Trying to keep 4 teenagers quiet is not easy, but they are trying. Being able to nurse her is still my only salvation, we co sleep also.
As for the car seat she started at 6 months doing this thing in it very loudly she would do an AHHHHHH sound till she passes out. She also had reflux seems she has out grown that so far.
To get her to sleep I actually used to turn on the music loud before I started nursing. She would actually fall asleep that way and I would be able to clean up after I put her in her swing. It would drown out every other noise so she slept well that way. For naps she is still a light sleeper so I either still play music or kill the teens if they make noise. She still sleeps in the seat for her swing, its not in the sing itself anymore.
She does walk around to play but she still likes to stick near me, she loves our dog and that buys my time also since she plays with her. They play really well together.
yes!
LO is now almost 2, and it has gotten a lot better. But, we had to hold her all.the.time when she was younger, she was crappy napper and hard to get to sleep at night, required music and white noise, and any sound would wake her. She hated the swing, bouncy, car seat, jumper and any other imaginable thing you could set her down in except for our arms. And nursed every hour or 2 hours for the first - oh - year.
It does get better. For my LO, it got a ton better when she could roll over and crawl. She always wanted to be on the move, even in our arms (DH would often walk her in the ergo for naps, and if he stopped she woke up.) So once she could crawl (5.5 months) she actually enjoyed time on the floor.
She also outgrew her hatred of the car seat around 6 months and then loved to nap on car rides. We would actually take her on drives to nap. This was a huge change from her screaming in the carseat.
It does get better, and it's hard to remember everything is a stage, especially when you see people who can set their babies down anyplace anytime.
I would keep trying different things. Even if they didn't work before, they might work now - swaddling worked early on, then stopped working, then worked again after she started to roll over. That sorf of thing.
Alos - have you tried a wrap instead of the ergo?
DD was like this.
The good news is that my now-four-year-old daughter is AWESOME. She is really go with the flow about so many things that other kids her age have absolute fits about. She is so creative, it kills me. Just tonight, she was sitting at the table painting when her mouse ears headband fell off into her watercolor water. I tried to wash the paint off and told her they had to dry and she said, "noooo! I have to put them back on or else people won't know a MOUSE painted these pictures and not a little girl!"
Who the heck comes up with something like that? My kid.
Seriously, she really makes a much better child than a baby. She goes out with us for pretty much any kind of food we can think of and happily chows down on almost anything and behaves like a mini-adult whereas when she was a baby, I couldn't even eat in a restaurant while wearing her in a sling. She would scream her head off at 3 or 6 months. I think I'd rather stay away from restaurants for the first year or so of life than have to avoid them for several years after because my 3 or 4 or 5 year-old can't deal with being out past a certain time or is a picky eater (things that are all common and that I am thankful as anything are not the case with DD).
Yes! DS is 16 months old and was just as you described. I was constantly being told I was just creating a spoiled baby but like you I was just attending to his needs. I personally just waited until DH or my mom could watch DS so I could run my errands. Early on DH made a lot of grocery stops because it was just easier that way. I do agree 100% with PP that as he got mobile he relaxed and enjoyed some independent floor time and we could head out of the house for longer stretches.
As far as the car seat DS hated it until he was turned forward facing. I've got cousins whose kids will fall asleep as soon as they get moving or eventually just started tolerating the seat. But DS would just scream until he choked and threw up. I started timing my outings for his nap times b/c if it was nap time he would fall asleep. Otherwise we just stayed home and I waited to do my errands or had people visit me instead of us going somewhere.
Hang in there! It does get better and ignore those saying you are spoiling him
I eventually just started saying...yup, spoiling him with love...how awful lol! HTH!
Yes, my DD is a high needs baby. I will say that around 7 months, I started being able to lay her down in our bed (we bedshare) for naps, nurse her, then she takes a nap there by herself. That has been HUGE b/c I get a few hours to myself during the day. Nursing also has spaced out quite a bit during the day, not so much at night, and she can now eat in 5-10 minutes. Her being able to walk also made her much less needy b/c she can go do the things she wants to do on her own now.
We also recently discovered that she loves to go hiking in an Osprey external frame pack. This is a girl who hates the car, hates the stroller most of the time, but will happily sit in the pack for 5 miles of hiking. So we're hiking a lot on the weekends!
Ignore advice from people. I've gotten so much useless advice from people who don't know my child.
Ds was high needs as a baby but by the time he was 15 months or so became a super independent toddler. i kind of miss how much he used to want holding.
a few comments...
. at 3 months your lo is probably having another growth spurt. hang in there i know it is rough.
. anyone who tells you that you are spoiling your baby is wrong. it is perfectly natural for a baby to want to be held by its mother. biologically speaking if you were in the wild and left your baby alone it would starve or get eaten ny something. also some babies hit separation anxiety earlier than others. some kids have it from 9 to 18 months... my ds had it from 4 months to 12 months. it doesnt mean anything is wrong it just means your lo hit this developmental milestone early. i swear it will pass.
.in these early days it it hard to get out for errands etc but it will get easier. try to knock them out when it is a good time for your los temperment. for us it was in the morning.
.the carseat will get better. our ds hated the bucket seat but did better when we transitioned to our britax advocate at 4 months. he was close to the height limit on the bucket. it your lo is mobile he may just be getting close to the developmental stage where he doesnt like to be strapped down. toys books singing and other distractions help a little but it may not get much better until he is old enough to be entertained by watching the traffic go by. at 19 months and still rearfacing my ds is happy telling us when he sees a van bus or truck go by.
.you mention that your ds is superalert and ahead on milestones. ours was too. he crawled by 5 months and walked by 7 months. it is really hard on parents. i found it really helped to read the advice websites from pediatricians on development and milestones for much older kids to help be prepared. no one judges a 10 month old for separation anxiety but most people think you have caused it and done irreparable harm if your kid is only 6 months etc. i love my ds dearly. he has always been superalert and superhappy but there were definitely days in that first year that i was exhausted. if you ever have questions or just need someone to bounce ideas off of please feel free to pm me.
as i said my formerly superhappy superalert and superclingy baby is now a superhappy chatty superactive and independent toddler. we are having a lot of fun. hang in there. it may seem hard now but you will get through it and realize how fleeting those days really are. when he is a teenager you will really wish you could make everything better just by picking him up and carrying him around with you.
sorry about my formatting in the above post. the smartphone just does not cooperate.
i also echo what other s have said about advice. all kids are different. you just have to take what feels right for you and your family and ignore negative and judgmental comments from others. if your lo is happy and healthy you know in your heart that you are making the right choices. good luck.
Wow! It literally sound like your post is about my son! I love him to death and it's really nice to know I'm not alone....sometimes I start to feel like something's wrong with me because he's 3 months old and I still can't manage to run errands, clean the house, or sometimes even take a shower without having someone else around to take care of him. I know I'm not supposed to compare with other babies, but when I see friends with babies who seem to effortlessly shop, clean, cook, and go about their hobbies, I start to wonder what I'm doing wrong.
Here's a run-down of my high-need little man:
- Wants to be held almost all the time
- Wants whoever is holding him to be standing up and usually walking around
- Doesn't calm down when rocked
- Hates the carseat, and it's totally impossible unless I'm back there with him
- Doesn't take a paci or settle himself with his thumb...so the only option to console him is the breast which isn't always the most convenient while running errands!
- Requires white noise to sleep
- Wakes up to the smallest sounds
I'm also tired of hearing that I'm spoiling him. That's ridiculous. I've had people tell me "I would just refuse to stand up and carry him around all day." Really?!? Because with my son the only other option is leaving him to cry all day and that's definitely NOT an option for me.
I just really wish I could find a solution for naps. Sometimes I can put him in a swing or on our bed (where he sleeps at night) after he falls asleep but he never sleeps nearly as long as he would if I just held him...and if he doesn't get his nap, then my usually alert and playful baby is not a happy camper. So I usually just hold him, which means I can't ever get anything done. He will finally sleep in my ring sling (he hated any carrier I tried up until a couple of weeks ago), but he wakes up so easily that I'm afraid to try to do anything while he's in it so I usually just do computer stuff or read...not usually the top things on the priority list
.
I do have faith that it will get easier, though. He is already happier for longer periods of floor play (with me right there, of course) than he used to be. And from about 2-8 weeks he was a CONSTANT eater - this has now gotten much better too. I know I just need to do what works right now and grow along with him. I also try to remember how much I'll miss holding my little infant once he's too big for it
.
Since our kids are roughly the same age and very similar in temperament, feel free to message me anytime you want to chat! I could use an understanding "ear" from time to time as well!
You're not alone!! This is how my older DD is/was. She would scream and cry if anyone but DH or I tried to hold her, and forget about leaving her with someone else--it was a disaster. She still needs white noise to sleep, but she stopped hating the car somewhere around 6 months. Things got easier once she was mobile, and even easier after she turned one. However, she does have some sensory issues that can be challenging (she's four now). She was super-super attached until around age two when she stared being okay with having babysitters. I started her at preschool when she was almost 2.5, and she did really well. She is still a very intense child, but she's also very independent, outgoing, and creative.
My younger DD is the most easy-going baby ever. She has been a completely different experience, and the two of them get along really well.