What to do about a friend that copies your pregnancy?

SarahMP · June 2012

Long story:( I admit, I am writing this while I'm annoyed, so sorry if you think I'm being mean or selfish.

My friend, who I am Godmother to her first child, has always copied me. If I do or buy something, she buys or does the same thing. She had been discussing with her husband possibly having another baby, but they weren't sure when and so on.(She has health issues)

The second I told her I was pregnant, she said she had to get pregnant too so she could be pregnant at the same time as me. Sure enough, the next month she is pregnant. This bothers me because having a baby at the right time and making that decision with your husband is special and important.(especially if you are not quite ready yet) but Not because I'm pregnant and you just want to be because I am.

Now she is someone that needs attention, she is just this way. I am a super private person. I mention this because if we do anything or speak to people, it turns into about her. I'm used to her being this way and it usually bugs me a little, but we all have our little things.

I feel as if I'm being selfish, but I want to go through this myself(with my husband too of course) and experience this awesomeness and everything that comes with it by myself and for the first time. Not with someone talking over me about their first pregnancy and this and that. I know how she is and this is how it would be. Heaven forbid anyone asked how far along I am, she would take over the conversation and make it about her and how far along she is and this is her second, and blah blah blah. I know this woman well and I'm not exaggerating.

If anyone has had this happen to them, which it probably still does. How did or do you handle it? I should be very happy for her but I can not help being annoyed. She just let me know she was pregnant and I haven't spoken to her yet. I don't want to seem annoyed. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I am annoyed. I'm used to her copying other things but pregnancy is a big deal and this is something that I wish I could have on my own and not have her copy me..again. But, that is hopeless now.

sorry for the vent

AliceMM · June 2012

My first thought would be to say to distance yourself from this "friend". However it seems you two are close if you are the godmother of her child.

Honestly you cannot control other people, and spending time worrying about what she is doing or saying is only feeding into anything she does. Focus on yourself, your pregnancy, and do what you can to just tolerate her antics.

As far as the "copying" you- just take it as a form of flattery. She obviously likes you, likes what you do, and wants to emulate you.

This can be a small, funny part of your pregnancy experience. Or, if you let it fester and bother you it can ruin your experience. YOU have control over how you choose to react to this situation. I know its hard to choose to be positive and think good things, but making a firm decision to be positive about this can really make your life easier.

Good luck!

imadorable · June 2012

Umm. WHAT?

Mind you, I didn't read the whole thing. I stopped at "my friend got pregnant just because I was pregnant."

Um, were you in her brain? How do you know she got pregnant just because you are? Can no one be pregnant at the same time as you? FFS! I can't wrap my mind around this.

WordsmithMom · June 2012

SarahMP:
The second I told her I was pregnant, she said she had to get pregnant too so she could be pregnant at the same time as me. Sure enough, the next month she is pregnant. I feel as if I'm being selfish, but I want to go through this myself(with my husband too of course) and experience this awesomeness and everything that comes with it by myself and for the first time.

Um, you handle it by growing up. I've said the bolded part to friends/relatives, as well as had it said to me, in a joking manner.  No normal human being actually plans a pregnancy around someone else's. As for your second paragraph:  Newsflash, you're pregnant.  So you will be going thru this yourself.  And this just in: there are 7 billion people on this planet.  How'd we get this many?  Because millions of people are pregnant at the same time every. single. day.  Someone else's having a baby, doesn't take away from the fact that you are.  I'm hoping this is just hormones.

hmontty · June 2012

imadorable:
Umm. WHAT?
Mind you, I didn't read the whole thing. I stopped at "my friend got pregnant just because I was pregnant."
Um, were you in her brain? How do you know she got pregnant just because you are? Can no one be pregnant at the same time as you? FFS! I can't wrap my mind around this.

Maybe you should actually read the post before determining that it doesn't make sense...just sayin.'

mrs.kapow · June 2012

Appreciate having someone to go through this with you. You may think it's all fun and giggles to do it alone and have attention on you, but nothing beats having a real friend to eat ice cream with, complain about pregnancy pains and sit on the beach like a fat whale with you.

I'd get over it if I were you. You have 8 more months to do this together.

I miss having my SIL pregnant with me this time around.

imadorable · June 2012

hmontty:
imadorable:
Umm. WHAT?
Mind you, I didn't read the whole thing. I stopped at "my friend got pregnant just because I was pregnant."
Um, were you in her brain? How do you know she got pregnant just because you are? Can no one be pregnant at the same time as you? FFS! I can't wrap my mind around this.
Maybe you should actually read the post before determining that it doesn't make sense...just sayin.'

HAHA! I'm not confused at the post. I'm confused why someone can honestly think "She got pregnant JUST BECAUSE I am."

Because I highly doubt it. Is it possible? Yes. But I doubt it. And OP comes off as feeling very entitled. She's probably one of those who say "HOW DARE SOMEONE STEAL MY WEDDING LIMELIGHT!"

hmontty · June 2012

EspressoBean:
SarahMP:
The second I told her I was pregnant, she said she had to get pregnant too so she could be pregnant at the same time as me. Sure enough, the next month she is pregnant. I feel as if I'm being selfish, but I want to go through this myself(with my husband too of course) and experience this awesomeness and everything that comes with it by myself and for the first time.
Um, you handle it by growing up. I've said the bolded part to friends/relatives, as well as had it said to me, in a joking manner.  No normal human being actually plans a pregnancy around someone else's. As for your second paragraph:  Newsflash, you're pregnant.  So you will be going thru this yourself.  And this just in: there are 7 billion people on this planet.  How'd we get this many?  Because millions of people are pregnant at the same time every. single. day.  Someone else's having a baby, doesn't take away from the fact that you are.  I'm hoping this is just hormones.

So...like...maybe she's not normal?

OP, please ignore the contrarians on here -- they love to criticize people because clearly they know all the answers.

I have a friend who has always copied me, well, since college, when we met. Granted she didn't get pregnant when I did, but she had her kids in her early twenties. However, she has always mirrored my own life to the point that many other people have commented on it. I always found it annoying. Finally I just sort of dropped her, and I haven't missed her at all. I know how irritating it can be. I would just try to avoid her, honestly.

SquirrelNutkin · June 2012

You know you can't be the only pregnant person in the world, right? I think you and your friend both kinda suck.

imadorable · June 2012

hmontty:
EspressoBean:
SarahMP:
The second I told her I was pregnant, she said she had to get pregnant too so she could be pregnant at the same time as me. Sure enough, the next month she is pregnant. I feel as if I'm being selfish, but I want to go through this myself(with my husband too of course) and experience this awesomeness and everything that comes with it by myself and for the first time.
Um, you handle it by growing up. I've said the bolded part to friends/relatives, as well as had it said to me, in a joking manner.  No normal human being actually plans a pregnancy around someone else's. As for your second paragraph:  Newsflash, you're pregnant.  So you will be going thru this yourself.  And this just in: there are 7 billion people on this planet.  How'd we get this many?  Because millions of people are pregnant at the same time every. single. day.  Someone else's having a baby, doesn't take away from the fact that you are.  I'm hoping this is just hormones.   
So...like...maybe she's not normal?
OP, please ignore the contrarians on here -- they love to criticize people because clearly they know all the answers.
I have a friend who has always copied me, well, since college, when we met. Granted she didn't get pregnant when I did, but she had her kids in her early twenties. However, she has always mirrored my own life to the point that many other people have commented on it. I always found it annoying. Finally I just sort of dropped her, and I haven't missed her at all. I know how irritating it can be. I would just try to avoid her, honestly.

I do love to criticize people. You hit the nail on the head.

And I think it's hilarious that you and the OP "know the answer" that this person is getting pregnant just to copy someone, but are pointing the finger at us for saying that we doubt YOU "know the answers." LOL. You must be right, we don't know her motives. But neither do either of you.

Moschic31 · June 2012

I actually have a friend similar to the one you speak of in the way that, she is constantly turning ANY conversation with friends to a conversation about her. I get it. I actually was talking to my sister about how I was going to handle her if and when I decide to share my prenancy with her as she was one of the first out of our group of friends to have a child. Like one poster said, you have the ability to control how you feel. Don't let her ruin your experience. You can control how much you want to share with her and how much contact you'll have with her during your pregnancy. If you do feel the need to talk about what you're going through with her and she starts to turn the conversation, just let her know that you would like for her to focus on you for the moment -and don't feel bad about saying that. If she takes offense, then she isn't the kind of friend you want to share your feelings with anyway.

SarahMP · June 2012

It's not about no one else being pregnant while I'm pregnant. It has nothing to do with that. That would be ludicrous. I wouldn't be on this board asking for advice from other pregnant women.

And yes she did plan her pregnancy around mine. She bought ovulation kits, counted her days, took her temperature and planned it the best she could. She told me she was doing this. She told me she was trying to have a baby at the same time as me. This is about a specific person not all women who get pregnant.

She is not taking away my experience..obviously. You do not know the person, so I guess it is too hard to explain. Thanks for reading my post

poppyseed1017 · June 2012

I understand being annoyed, but you being annoyed is not going to make her change.

Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean you still can't go through this awesome time with your husband. I think you're focusing way too much on her pregnancy instead of your own. Who cares? If she really did get pregnant just because you did, that's her issue, not yours. And if she bothers you that much, put some distance between the two of you.

hmontty · June 2012

imadorable:
hmontty:
EspressoBean:
SarahMP:
The second I told her I was pregnant, she said she had to get pregnant too so she could be pregnant at the same time as me. Sure enough, the next month she is pregnant. I feel as if I'm being selfish, but I want to go through this myself(with my husband too of course) and experience this awesomeness and everything that comes with it by myself and for the first time.
Um, you handle it by growing up. I've said the bolded part to friends/relatives, as well as had it said to me, in a joking manner.  No normal human being actually plans a pregnancy around someone else's. As for your second paragraph:  Newsflash, you're pregnant.  So you will be going thru this yourself.  And this just in: there are 7 billion people on this planet.  How'd we get this many?  Because millions of people are pregnant at the same time every. single. day.  Someone else's having a baby, doesn't take away from the fact that you are.  I'm hoping this is just hormones.   
So...like...maybe she's not normal?
OP, please ignore the contrarians on here -- they love to criticize people because clearly they know all the answers.
I have a friend who has always copied me, well, since college, when we met. Granted she didn't get pregnant when I did, but she had her kids in her early twenties. However, she has always mirrored my own life to the point that many other people have commented on it. I always found it annoying. Finally I just sort of dropped her, and I haven't missed her at all. I know how irritating it can be. I would just try to avoid her, honestly.

I do love to criticize people. You hit the nail on the head.
And I think it's hilarious that you and the OP "know the answer" that this person is getting pregnant just to copy someone, but are pointing the finger at us for saying that we doubt YOU "know the answers." LOL. You must be right, we don't know her motives. But neither do either of you.

Wow...you're smart. I am blown away by your advanced analytical ability. Huh?

Moschic31 · June 2012

imadorable:

Umm. WHAT?

Mind you, I didn't read the whole thing. I stopped at "my friend got pregnant just because I was pregnant."

Um, were you in her brain? How do you know she got pregnant just because you are? Can no one be pregnant at the same time as you? FFS! I can't wrap my mind around this.

Read the third paragraph -her friend told her she "had to get pregnant" so she could be pregnant at the same time. I think your post would make more sense if the poster said she found out her friend was pregnant and the friend didn't make that comment in advance.

SarahMP · June 2012

Ok, there is no reason for people to say anyone sucks. And to clarify, I'm not saying while I'm pregnant no one else should be. How people come to that conclusion from reading what I wrote is interesting.

I'm just asking for advice on how to handle someone and a particular situation. I know it's hard to believe that someone would plan a pregnancy around another persons. But, she has and she has specially told me she is doing this.

Also, I don't mean that I'm doing this all by myself. I have other friends and family that have had children that I will speak to. I'm just saying that with your first pregnancy, it's nice to experience things for the first time. It's new and exciting. I don't want to be told every thing all the time. I just want to experience it.

I'm not sure if I cleared anything up, but thanks for listening and for your advice

SquirrelNutkin · June 2012

SarahMP:

Ok, there is no reason for people to say anyone sucks. And to clarify, I'm not saying while I'm pregnant no one else should be. How people come to that conclusion from reading what I wrote is interesting.

I'm just asking for advice on how to handle someone and a particular situation. I know it's hard to believe that someone would plan a pregnancy around another persons. But, she has and she has specially told me she is doing this.

Also, I don't mean that I'm doing this all by myself. I have other friends and family that have had children that I will speak to. I'm just saying that with your first pregnancy, it's nice to experience things for the first time. It's new and exciting. I don't want to be told every thing all the time. I just want to experience it.

I'm not sure if I cleared anything up, but thanks for listening and for your advice

Like I said, your friend sucks. So don't be friends anymore.

Titts McGeee · June 2012

lolyshit

cwm11985 · June 2012

Seriously?! You're 6 weeks pregnant...SIX WEEKS...if you told her that you were pregnant and then she got pregnant the next month she'd have to be like 3 minutes pregnant at this point. Plus...WHO CARES?! If it bothers you, don't be her friend. Geez.

hmontty · June 2012

SarahMP:
Ok, there is no reason for people to say anyone sucks. And to clarify, I'm not saying while I'm pregnant no one else should be. How people come to that conclusion from reading what I wrote is interesting.
I'm just asking for advice on how to handle someone and a particular situation. I know it's hard to believe that someone would plan a pregnancy around another persons. But, she has and she has specially told me she is doing this.
Also, I don't mean that I'm doing this all by myself. I have other friends and family that have had children that I will speak to. I'm just saying that with your first pregnancy, it's nice to experience things for the first time. It's new and exciting. I don't want to be told every thing all the time. I just want to experience it.
I'm not sure if I cleared anything up, but thanks for listening and for your advice

Seriously, ignore the people who obviously did not read your post or else just don't get it. No need to pander to them. Plenty of us understand or have been there.

We all know that one of the nice things about being pregnant is the glow, especially with your first one, and you have every right to enjoy it. If your friend is causing you angst, then avoid her.

HopeNotLost · June 2012

I'm just curious as to what you really want? Do you want her to not be pregnant? Not copy you in every other way? I get that you feel like she is stealing your thunder, but your family and friends with be happy for YOU, not necessarily for her. If you are so concerned about her copying issues, don't tell her anything for a long time or tell her opposite of what you are really going to do. Idk. I guess I just say do your own thing, and if she copies, so what. At least you are the original one.

SquirrelNutkin · June 2012

hmontty:
SarahMP:

Ok, there is no reason for people to say anyone sucks. And to clarify, I'm not saying while I'm pregnant no one else should be. How people come to that conclusion from reading what I wrote is interesting.

I'm just asking for advice on how to handle someone and a particular situation. I know it's hard to believe that someone would plan a pregnancy around another persons. But, she has and she has specially told me she is doing this.

Also, I don't mean that I'm doing this all by myself. I have other friends and family that have had children that I will speak to. I'm just saying that with your first pregnancy, it's nice to experience things for the first time. It's new and exciting. I don't want to be told every thing all the time. I just want to experience it.

I'm not sure if I cleared anything up, but thanks for listening and for your advice

Seriously, ignore the people who obviously did not read your post or else just don't get it. No need to pander to them. Plenty of us understand or have been there.

We all know that one of the nice things about being pregnant is the glow, especially with your first one, and you have every right to enjoy it. If your friend is causing you angst, then avoid her.

You're bossy.

SarahMP · June 2012

She just told me today that she was pregnant. I told her over a month ago. I hear you all. Like I said. I just found out and vented. Thanks for listening

JenniatONU · June 2012

SarahMP:
She just told me today that she was pregnant. I told her over a month ago. I hear you all. Like I said. I just found out and vented. Thanks for listening

Over a month ago? You mean before you conceived?

hmontty · June 2012

SquirrelNutkin:
hmontty:
SarahMP:

Ok, there is no reason for people to say anyone sucks. And to clarify, I'm not saying while I'm pregnant no one else should be. How people come to that conclusion from reading what I wrote is interesting.

I'm just asking for advice on how to handle someone and a particular situation. I know it's hard to believe that someone would plan a pregnancy around another persons. But, she has and she has specially told me she is doing this.

Also, I don't mean that I'm doing this all by myself. I have other friends and family that have had children that I will speak to. I'm just saying that with your first pregnancy, it's nice to experience things for the first time. It's new and exciting. I don't want to be told every thing all the time. I just want to experience it.

I'm not sure if I cleared anything up, but thanks for listening and for your advice

Seriously, ignore the people who obviously did not read your post or else just don't get it. No need to pander to them. Plenty of us understand or have been there.

We all know that one of the nice things about being pregnant is the glow, especially with your first one, and you have every right to enjoy it. If your friend is causing you angst, then avoid her.

You're bossy.

Big Smile

SquirrelNutkin · June 2012

hmontty:
SquirrelNutkin:
hmontty:
SarahMP:

Ok, there is no reason for people to say anyone sucks. And to clarify, I'm not saying while I'm pregnant no one else should be. How people come to that conclusion from reading what I wrote is interesting.

I'm just asking for advice on how to handle someone and a particular situation. I know it's hard to believe that someone would plan a pregnancy around another persons. But, she has and she has specially told me she is doing this.

Also, I don't mean that I'm doing this all by myself. I have other friends and family that have had children that I will speak to. I'm just saying that with your first pregnancy, it's nice to experience things for the first time. It's new and exciting. I don't want to be told every thing all the time. I just want to experience it.

I'm not sure if I cleared anything up, but thanks for listening and for your advice

Seriously, ignore the people who obviously did not read your post or else just don't get it. No need to pander to them. Plenty of us understand or have been there.

We all know that one of the nice things about being pregnant is the glow, especially with your first one, and you have every right to enjoy it. If your friend is causing you angst, then avoid her.

You're bossy.

Oh, sorry. I meant it as a slight, not a compliment.

gnomemom · June 2012

SarahMP:

It's not about no one else being pregnant while I'm pregnant. It has nothing to do with that. That would be ludicrous. I wouldn't be on this board asking for advice from other pregnant women.

And yes she did plan her pregnancy around mine. She bought ovulation kits, counted her days, took her temperature and planned it the best she could. She told me she was doing this. She told me she was trying to have a baby at the same time as me. This is about a specific person not all women who get pregnant.

She is not taking away my experience..obviously. You do not know the person, so I guess it is too hard to explain. Thanks for reading my post

I understand what you're saying. I have a "friend" like this and I have been trying to distance myself from her. It doesn't help that we work together. She craves attention and constantly copies me, as well. As soon as I got pregnant, she got "baby fever" and started talking about baby names, her future nursery, and how to get her boyfriend of 8 weeks to propose. She never asks me about my pregnancy at all...it's all about her future one. I don't need or even want her to ask me about mine (like I said, I'm trying to distance myself from her), but it is really annoying. There really are girls who decide they want to be pregnant as soon as a friend gets pregnant. It's so crazy, but it's real.

I feel for you and I would really try to stay away from her if you can. It doesn't sound like you are getting anything out of this friendship, and if that's the case, why bother continuing it?

SarahMP · June 2012

It's not that I don't want her to be pregnant. I was just writing earlier that I was bothered because at one minute she wasn't sure if she wanted another child but when I told her I was pregnant, then she wanted another kid right now, so she could be pregnant at the same time as me. I think people should get pregnant, if they have the choice, because it is right for them.

You are all correct in saying that it will not change my pregnancy. I'm already calming down. Thanks for all your advice. It really helped.

hmontty · June 2012

SquirrelNutkin:
hmontty:
SquirrelNutkin:
hmontty:
SarahMP:

Ok, there is no reason for people to say anyone sucks. And to clarify, I'm not saying while I'm pregnant no one else should be. How people come to that conclusion from reading what I wrote is interesting.

I'm just asking for advice on how to handle someone and a particular situation. I know it's hard to believe that someone would plan a pregnancy around another persons. But, she has and she has specially told me she is doing this.

Also, I don't mean that I'm doing this all by myself. I have other friends and family that have had children that I will speak to. I'm just saying that with your first pregnancy, it's nice to experience things for the first time. It's new and exciting. I don't want to be told every thing all the time. I just want to experience it.

I'm not sure if I cleared anything up, but thanks for listening and for your advice

Seriously, ignore the people who obviously did not read your post or else just don't get it. No need to pander to them. Plenty of us understand or have been there.

We all know that one of the nice things about being pregnant is the glow, especially with your first one, and you have every right to enjoy it. If your friend is causing you angst, then avoid her.

You're bossy.

Oh, sorry. I meant it as a slight, not a compliment.

Obviously. Which is why it made me smile. Big Smile

lindsey913 · June 2012

JenniatONU:

SarahMP:
She just told me today that she was pregnant. I told her over a month ago. I hear you all. Like I said. I just found out and vented. Thanks for listening

Over a month ago? You mean before you conceived?

This. I'm confused.

Allycat11 · June 2012

JenniatONU:
SarahMP:
She just told me today that she was pregnant. I told her over a month ago. I hear you all. Like I said. I just found out and vented. Thanks for listening
Over a month ago? You mean before you conceived?

Yeah, I was trying to do the math on this as well.

OP: if she bothers you that much distance yourself from her.

I think you are being a bit selfish though. Look at the positives, you have someone to discuss things with IRL and you will have children close in age. DH and I are slightly bummed that our children will not have cousins close in age and none of our friends are TTC any time soon. Also, you talk about her stealing your thunder, I assume you will not be around her 24/7. There are still times when you can discuss your pregnancy/baby with your family and other friends when she is not around and be as selfish as they allow you to be.

SarahMP · June 2012

I found out the 17th of May. Last month. sorry for the typo

ClarissaExplainsItAll · June 2012

My best friend and I were pregnant together last time around. It was so much fun, and I so wish that I was close with anyone pregnant this time. I miss being able to just call and biitch and whine to someone who knew exactly what I was going through.

I think you are completely overreacting. It also doesn't add up. It hasn't been a full month since you found out you were pregnant, so how can "the next month, sure enough she was pregnant". Maybe I misread, but it seems as though she may have already been pregnant and/or trying when you told her.

LaurelBee · June 2012

I didn't read all the responses, but I just wanted to say that her being pregnant will not take away from you being pregnant. Enjoy this time, check your hormones, and stop creating this competition in your head. Be happy for your friend or stop being friends with her!

MandaS08 · June 2012

cwm11985:
Seriously?! You're 6 weeks pregnant...SIX WEEKS...if you told her that you were pregnant and then she got pregnant the next month she'd have to be like 3 minutes pregnant at this point. Plus...WHO CARES?! If it bothers you, don't be her friend. Geez.

Thank you-that's what totally confused me. If you're only 6 weeks, then how could she be copying you and already be pregnant. But that's besides the point.

If she is annoying you, just distance yourself. You can't control how other people act, but only how you react towards them. She can only take away this pregnancy's specialness for you if you let her.

mlangs · June 2012

You want to know why things don't add up???

Because it is MUD

So haters hate on... cause there is no way this crap is real

Lferr417 · June 2012

I dont know if this woman is truely someone you want to be "friends" with if all she does is annoy you. I would make a little distance between you two and see how that goes. If she asks why- just say you need space. and you'll only end up hurting her feelings more by keeping it in.. if you two have been friends forever you need to talk to her.. and just bring up the fact that you each have seperate pregnancies and you dont want to hear all about the past or hers.. to keep it balanced.

As for her copying you with getting pregnant right after you... having a baby is a BIG deal.. its not like buying the same pair of shoes.. i'm not sure she only got pregnant because you did. (excuse my snarkyness- i dont mean it to be!)

Lferr417 · June 2012

MandJS:
Am I the only one slightly jelly of the friend who got KTFU on her first try, apparently? Because seriously - for most people, it takes a bit of time from the point they decide they want to get pregnant and the time they ACTUALLY get pregnant... isn't that why we have like, 3 or 4 boards dedicated to the TTC process?

after 1 year of TTC and having to go through IVF.. no your not the only one...

Allycat11 · June 2012

MandJS:
Am I the only one slightly jelly of the friend who got KTFU on her first try, apparently? Because seriously - for most people, it takes a bit of time from the point they decide they want to get pregnant and the time they ACTUALLY get pregnant... isn't that why we have like, 3 or 4 boards dedicated to the TTC process?

Yeah that one bothered me too. We struggled for a while to conceive #1, which didn't make it. Then spent about 7 months actively TTC #2. I accidentally clicked on June2013 a few minutes ago and saw people talking about planning their babies for that month. I really wish it was that easy.

ETA: I realize I still have it easier than other people.

Shayliz · June 2012

This post is ridiculous.

drpayne · June 2012

Shayliz:
This post is ridiculous.

This. OP, if she really, truly, 100% JUST trying to copy you, then that's super-creepy and she sounds like a weirdo. Find a new friend and don't tell her your baby name choices. As others have said, though, the math here is confusing.

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