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wwyd- alcohol addiction issues

2moms2twins2moms2twins
in LGBT Parenting

so FIL is back in rehab again.  Had some MAJOR SERIOUS scare (hopefully)

and the cardiologist told him point blank - ALCOHOL IS KILLING YOU. 

So he has agreed to go in to a new different program and he says he likes it and that the episodes and issues have scared him - he realizes that even one sip could be detrimental.

 Ok so - having that background we are thinking about taking a trip to SO CAL and DW wants to go visit him the facility encourage family visits but I am apprehensive about bring S and L.  They will be 11 months but I feel like its is not a place for kids and tho its supposedly a nice gorgeous facility on the beach practically I am not so down with bringing them.  DW  kind of seemed bothered by this .. and we have a few things going on with the 2nd parent adoption and my opening up and letting her know I did not want to share the 2nd parent adoption thing anyhow....

what do you think .... am i over reacting  I am so feeling like I am in the doghouse with everything lately.

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Re: wwyd- alcohol addiction issues

  • JazibelJazibel member

    Hmmm - I would say if you're comfortable traveling with the babies then yes bring them.  Perhaps call the facility for more information about the appropriateness of bringing kids, safety - etc. And to determine the environment and length of the visit with your FIL.  If you're planning on being in SoCal a while and visiting multiple times maybe the babies can make 1 or possibly 2 appearances but otherwise your DW could go back solo?

    It's a hard decision to make but if it makes your wife happy (and restores harmony/balance), and you're not otherwise opposed to travel with the babies I'd probably do it.  (And of course most importantly - if the babies will not be in any danger/discomfort from the trip/visit).  It sounds like this place is well monitored and controlled so it shouldn't pose a problem - but I'd probably still want to check it out.

    Good luck (maybe this is your "white flag")  :-)   

     

     

     

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  • ctbride08ctbride08 member

    I've got a lot of exprience with this since a close family member has been in and out of rehabs and hospitals multiple times over the past year. 

    Here are my thoughts:

    1) if the place allows kids, its probably very safe and only has the least risk patients.  so far none of the places my family member has been in have allowed children, even though, imo, it probably would have been fine to bring the kids for a short visit.

    2) is FIL allowed outside?  If so, that would be an easy yes for me.  that would really limit the girls' exposure to the other patients and the (often depressing) environment of the rehab.

    3) children bring joy and heal wounds and I think seeing the babies would be a wonderful gift for FIL.  Alcoholism is an illness...would you bring the babies to cheer up a family member in the hospital because of cancer?  Then I'd encourage you to look at this the same way.

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  • 2brides2brides member
    Ditto CT.
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  • tdmklmtdmklm member
    imagethemommymonster:

    I agree with CT and 2brides.

     

    I agree with TMM, CT, and 2brides. Smile 

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  • tdmklmtdmklm member
    imagethemommymonster:

    I agree with CT and 2brides.

     

    I agree with TMM, CT, and 2brides. Smile 

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  • 2moms2twins2moms2twins
    imagectbride08:

    I've got a lot of exprience with this since a close family member has been in and out of rehabs and hospitals multiple times over the past year. 

    Here are my thoughts:

    1) if the place allows kids, its probably very safe and only has the least risk patients.  so far none of the places my family member has been in have allowed children, even though, imo, it probably would have been fine to bring the kids for a short visit.

    2) is FIL allowed outside?  If so, that would be an easy yes for me.  that would really limit the girls' exposure to the other patients and the (often depressing) environment of the rehab.

    3) children bring joy and heal wounds and I think seeing the babies would be a wonderful gift for FIL.  Alcoholism is an illness...would you bring the babies to cheer up a family member in the hospital because of cancer?  Then I'd encourage you to look at this the same way.

     

    Thank you for enlightening me .., I did get info on the place and it is apparently and literally a mansion and yes very clean and low rish .. and I WOULD BRING MY KIDS to cheer up and visit and help in a hospital- and I really want my FIL to beat this  because I do want my girls to have a grandpa ...

    Thanks again ... and yes perhaps this may be my white  flag.

      

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  • hlkehlke member

    FWIW, I agree with everyone else, but I also understand feeling a little daunted by the prospect of bringing the kiddos.  Rehab and psych hospital visits can be scary if you don't know what to expect.  But it sounds like they allow kids to visit, which means it is a safe and controlled environment.

    I really hope your FIL is successful with sobriety this time, and I am sure he'll appreciate knowing he has you and Mel behind him and two grandbabies who he will want to be around to see grow up.  I remember there have been issues with his wife supporting him, so I hope this has scared her enough that she'll figure out how to be supportive.

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  • 2moms2twins2moms2twins
    imagehlke:

    FWIW, I agree with everyone else, but I also understand feeling a little daunted by the prospect of bringing the kiddos.  Rehab and psych hospital visits can be scary if you don't know what to expect.  But it sounds like they allow kids to visit, which means it is a safe and controlled environment.

    I really hope your FIL is successful with sobriety this time, and I am sure he'll appreciate knowing he has you and Mel behind him and two grandbabies who he will want to be around to see grow up.  I remember there have been issues with his wife supporting him, so I hope this has scared her enough that she'll figure out how to be supportive.

    no she is not as supportive as we wish she could be - mainly because she has an drinking problem as well.

    Sadly it has kind of come down to use holding the grand-kids over their head and that feels horrible and I am not happy about doing it.

     

     

     

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