Do you have a time limit on adoption?

arbutusbride · May 2012

DH and I will be doing one last round of IVF but my hopes are not too high as I have had multiple c/p and don't expect to be pregnant. (Pessimistic I know but that's just the way I think when it comes to IF.)

Anyway, if it doesn't work, we will be putting in an application to start the adoption process. I am excited to get started but am thinking about the future. I guess what I am asking is there a time limit on how long you will pursue adoption? At what point do you say enough is enough and move on with your life?

silliestbunny · May 2012

Welcome...

We did not have a time limit... which was a good thing because it took us 22 months to match and place w/our daughter #1.

FWIW...some domestic agencies have programs set up for their longer waiting couples. The one we were with (but didn't end up using) would only match their hospital placements w/APs that had been waiting for two or more years. It was their way of helping the longer waiting APs.

(Hospital placement = baby born and BM hadn't made an adoption plan but wants the agency or lawyer to place the baby in an adoptive home.)

kmkaull2 · May 2012

No, we did not have a time limit because we chose an agency where a very high percentage of couples matched within a year and almost all within 24 months. Once we started the process, we were very hopeful. Waiting is no fun, but we kept our eye on the prize and that made it bearable.

baze2 · May 2012

We do have a limit..we are about half way there. However, DH and I have begun talking about being Child Free..

Who does that make us? the fun Aunt and Uncle? the traveling couple who takes trips all the time? the couple who has some awesome hobbies? etc..

although disappointing, it is refreshing to know that we will be ok of adoption doesnt happen for us.

miss1180 · May 2012

no time limit... for us, adoptiong WAS moving on with our lives. We knew that with fertility treatments we could keep putting in a lot of time and money and still not end up with a baby. adoption was more of a "sure thing" to us.

for us, once we started the adoption process it was like "ok... FINALLY we're moving on to something that is pretty much guaranteed to make us parents . it might take a little while, but in the end we'll have a baby." We couldn't really say that about fertility treatments. so i think that made the waiting, etc more tolerable.

still now... we're adopting from Korea. Our son is 18 months old, and not home yet. We were matched with him almost 10 months ago and probably have another couple months until we can bring him home. it STINKS and i've definitely felt like giving up and saying "this is taking too long for me- i'm done!" but then i just think that we DO have a child, we ARE gonna be parents and he WILL be home soon. so its just a matter of how you look at it i guess...

potatohead · May 2012

After 3 years, we need to renew our home study, per the guidelines. If we make it to 3 years sans child, we will probably not renew the home study. Our DD will be 6 years old at that point, so for us, it would be too much of an age gap. However, we are with an agency that claims that most placements occur within a year. I hope it's true!

elissaann26 · June 2012

We are in a little different boat since we are foster parents who are not looking for adoption (at this point). But I don't think we would put a time limit on things if we moved more to the adoption route. The main reason is that I would have never thought 5 years that we would be where we are right now. So we operate under the under the mantra "whatever feels right today". This takes the pressure off of planning for next year or how to get child #2 if we end up adopting a child from foster care or what our life will look like in 10 years. It is nice to stop trying to figure out where our lives will end up and just enjoy the ride!

summergirl79 · June 2012

We didn't have a limit....when our local agency had a wait list to get in the waiting pool (they purposely kept it small), we went with a national agency- by the time we went active with them (after more paperwork to make sure our home study was compliant with all 50 states + new profile in their format), it was 2/12 months until we matched and 3 months until our son was born!

happy_un-bride · June 2012

I personally set a time limit on TTC. DH is impartial on the whole thing. He said the other day he's love to just adopt a 6 year old now. So for me, its a time limit on TTC naturally. Then we will look at adoption; we don't need a baby, so there's no time limit. I guess the longer we wait, the older we're willing to adopt.

julandjo · June 2012

We haven't put an expiration date on our efforts. We just got our homestudy renewal packet in the mail yesterday, which sucks. We'll stay in the pool and keep renewing until it doesn't feel right anymore. Our kids are 3.5 and 5.5... at some point I suspect they'll get to an age where we feel like we don't want to go through the baby stage again, and at that point we'd take ourselves out of the pool. But until then we keep hoping and praying!

jacksjerseygirl · June 2012

Nope but we also knew that IA would not be right for us because (along with many other reasons) of the time it takes.

We use American Adoptions which has, last I checked, 9-12 month wait for a white babies and 6-9 months for african American babies. From initial application to baby in arms was 5 months for us - which is a common story I hear from ppl with our agency.

Your wait varies a lot on the agency you pick, your preferences in race and financial resources (agencies like American Adoptions have lawyers on retainer in all states, large advertising, large staff with education in psychology, social services, legal home study requirements with social workers in many states on staff, health insurance experts and so forth - this army of professional provides a smooth process plus they financially back up their matches).

Do you have a time limit on adoption?

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